Apr 14
I miss the way you use to write
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I miss the way you use to write
the longer fics instead of just drabbles and stuff
(in response to this ask) I'm gonna be honest - I wasn't even gonna respond to this, but what the hell, I have a few minutes (I won't be replying after this though)
First of all - read my username again. It's literally what I started posting when I joined tumblr. I didn't start posting longer fics until I did Hot Bucky Summer, and ya know what? It drained me.
It was a lot of fucking fun and I love what I was able to create, but it wasn't something I could maintain. It was SUMMER. My kid was on break. I didn't have any health flare-ups. I worked from home a lot. I just fucking had more free time.
I'm actually in a much better place today than I was back then, and I still have no plans to go back to posting longer fics on a regular basis. They take a lot of effort and time and energy that I simply do not have.
That's not to say I'll never post a longer fic again (Rewrite the Narrative was literally just posted a couple weeks ago btw - and I posted the 2k mob!Bucky on Saturday lol), but they're not my main focus (even if I do have like 10 WIP's - in addition to my other 50 idea drafts).
When the inspiration hits me, and I'm able to sit in my front of my computer, I write whatever the fuck I want to. Whatever makes ME feel good. Because when I'm writing shit that makes me happy, then I end up being able to write longer fics that I can immerse myself in for more than an hour or two.
Which is what I want. I love creating stories and figuring out where I think it's going and then have the characters take me somewhere completely different. But I can't do that if it's the only time I'm writing - I'm gonna lose my love for creating again that way. So writing drabbles helps.
You know what doesn't help? Messages like this.
It's a strange realisation - the more human interaction I have, the less human I seem to become.
Awake at Night
Sleeping schedule so bad I never see the sunlight in person. The sun now burns my eyes. I'm a hermit in disguise. I sleep all day and am awake at night. Even if I try, going to sleep is a losing fight.
"A vampire" they call me, for my pale skin and golden eyes, as well as avoidance of the sunlight. My sleeping pattern only supporting their claim. I don't even wake up whenever it rains. I'm a terrible human being, insatiable, with an unquenchable thirst, a nonexistent hunger that persists through the worst.
My body fails me all the time, from asthma to insomnia to aging like wine. I seem older than I really am, barely 20, yet feeling like a century's old dam, bearing the weight of a thousand tons, any second now ready to collapse into ruins.
I know I'm not normal, I never have been, but I wish some day I'll see the sunlight for what it really is
My girlfriend made a bong out of an apple out of pure procrastination.
Fully enjoying teaching myself Russian right now. I don't know why, I just had this idea stuck in my head all week that I needed to speak Russian, so now that's happening.
my sister's friend-with-benefits is having dinner at our house help i don't know what to do there is a strange human in our house rEPEAT THERE IS A STRANGE HUMAN IN MY HOUSE HELP