It'll Never Be Real - Robin Buckley
WARNINGS: Food, internalised homophobia, angsty-ish, swearing, kissing.
SUMMARY: You've been avoiding Robin for a while now, ever since the last week of school when she confessed something you weren't ready for.
CHARACTERS: Robin Buckley, Nancy Wheeler, Steve Harrington, mention of Billy Hargrove & Mike Wheeler.
A/N: Just to give you a bit of a timeline, this is happening way before the events of season three. Steve doesn't know Robin is gay yet. I wanted to write it like he already knew, but obviously the mall "burnt" down after season three so it wouldn't make sense if they worked at scoops. I'll try to write one where he knows using the family video store which they work at in season four :)
Your POV:
On a hot summer's day like today, the only thing better than going for a swim in Hawkins' community pool, would be getting some ice cream. You and Nancy had planned to go swimming at the pool, but that plan was quickly shut down once you found out Billy Hargrove got a job there as a lifeguard. You had nothing against Billy other than his rough exterior, his harsh words and his overwhelming urge to look so damn punchable. So actually, you had a lot against him. But to be fair he was a pain in the ass.
Now that your pool plans had been ruined, the best option you had was the mall. It had opened at the beginning of summer causing chaos. Everyone wanted to be there. Hawkins was a small town and the new mall was the biggest thing to happen there since Nancy's younger brother's friend went missing and your friend, Barb, too. You still shudder at the thought of it.
Pushing past the unwelcome thoughts your mind always seemed to wander to, you forced your lips into a smile as you stepped out of Nancy's car. Though, it didn't take long before your fake smile turned into a real one. You loved the mall. You had gone almost every day of the summer since it opened. You and Nancy walked together through the mall, basking in its colourful glory.
"What should we do first?" Nancy asked, her smile growing bigger the more she looked around. You pointed to one of the stores, lit up with bright fancy lights that showcased all the colourful shoes it offered.
"That one!" You squealed, grabbing a hold of Nancy's hand and dragging her into the shoe store.
In just an hour and a half, the two of you had already covered multiple stores and were now carrying a heap of bags. Both of your eyes lit up after noticing the bright blue and red lights of the sign that read, 'Scoops A'Hoy.'
"Ice cream!" You squealed, turning to look at Nancy who carried the same expression as you.
"Uh, hell yeah!" She replied. She grabbed a hold of your hand and began pulling you through the crowd of people, aiming directly for the ice cream parlour ahead. Just as the two of you were about to reach the entrance, Nancy stopped. She gasped before quickly pulling on your hand, dragging you to the side and out of sight from the employees, and moving you away from your promised destination.
"Nancy!" You whined, unsure of why she pulled you away.
"Shhh!" She hushed. "It's Steve! I didn't know he worked here!" She peeped her head around the corner, looking at the brunette at the counter once more, before moving to look at you again.
"Huh?" You said, turning and following her eye-sight into the store. Your eyes locked on Steve Harrington, Nancy's ex.
"Yikes, Nance," You started, wincing at the sight. "Maybe we should go somewhere else."
"No, no. It's fine." She said. She brushed out her dress and fiddled with her hair, trying to gather herself.
"Nance?" You questioned, raising a brow.
"What?" She said blankly, looking back at you. "Oh, come on, I'm just trying to look presentable."
"Presentable?"
"I don't want to look like I need him, you know?"
"You don't need him." You corrected, folding your arms.
"Yeah, but, he tends to see whatever he wants to see." She replied, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. You shrugged before you both slowly made your way inside the parlour. Nancy wore a straight face, pretending as if she was not affected by Steve's presence. You couldn't help but smile while looking at the ship-themed decor, the blue and white painted walls and the delicious desserts that filled the display cases. By the time you reached the counter, you were practically drooling.
"Ahoy ladies!" Steve yelled happily, not looking up from the counter. "What can I get yo-" He paused once he noticed Nancy. "Nancy, Uh- Hey." He quickly pulled his hat off of his head. She smiled sheepishly at him. The two of them stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before you decided to break the tension. You cleared your throat.
"Um, can we get one vanilla and one strawberry, please?" You said smiling. Steve's eyes broke away from Nancy's and quickly met yours.
"Oh, yeah, sure thing." He said. He tapped a few buttons on the cash register as you handed him some money. He turned to face the back window and peaked his head in slightly, "Hey, Robin, little help?" You flinched at the name that fell off of his tongue.
Robin? No. Please don't be Robin Buckley. Please. You thought. You had been desperately trying to avoid Robin Buckley ever since the end of the school year. She had built up the courage to admit that she liked you. You were shocked. Obviously. You had been told all your life that girls weren't supposed to like other girls, and you had always tried to ignore the part of you that did. You did like girls. But over time you had convinced yourself that you liked one thing more. Other people's validation.
[FLASHBACK]
"I don't know how to say this," She said, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "But, Um-" Her voice shook as she spoke. You bit your lip slightly, afraid of what she was about to say. "I like you." Your eyes shut tight as you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You knew this was coming. "Like a lot, I really like you." Robin's eyes glanced over your face, trying desperately to get a read on whatever you were thinking.
"Robin, I–"
"Oh." She interrupted, sadness flooding her voice as it cracked and broke through her words. "I'm sorry, this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have-"
"No, no, Robin–"
"Look, I get it, you don't like me." She said, wiping away a tear that fell down her cheek, trying her best to cover up her feelings. "You like guys."
"Robin–"
"It's okay, it's fine, really,"
"Robin, look," You started. "It's complicated, okay?" You caught a glance of some of your other friends in the corner of your eye and your head immediately turned to face them. Robin followed your eyes, locking hers with the group of girls that laughed and giggled just a few steps away.
"It's not about me, is it?" She asked, her eyes pooling with tears once more. You turned back to her, not able to find any words to respond with. "It's not about liking guys, is it?" Another tear slid down her face as she bit her lip to stop it from trembling. "It's about you wanting to be little miss perfect for all of your stupid little friends." Her eyelashes blinked rapidly in an attempt to stop any more tears from escaping. She had already been vulnerable with you enough today, she didn't need to show any more of herself.
"Robin," You spoke softly.
"Just forget I said anything." She interrupted, grabbing her things and standing up. "Y/N, you may try to be perfect, but," she bit her lip and shook her head, letting out a small huff. "It's not real. It'll never be real because you're not yourself." And just like that, she turned and walked away.
You blinked rapidly, trying to hold in your tears, as you watched her walk further and further away from you. Your lips parted as you turned, now just looking at the blank space. As her words replayed over and over again in your mind, you gulped, trying to take them all in.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Your whole life you had done whatever you could to get people to like you. You tried your hardest to be kind, to follow trends, and basically do whatever anyone asked of you. If you didn't meet their expectations, they would throw you out. You craved their validation. You needed them to like you.
As much as you wished that people would just accept you for you, you understood that it probably wasn't going to happen. It was unfair, you knew that. It was always going to be unfair.
"No thanks!" A voice called. As soon as you heard the voice responding to Steve, you knew it was her. You darted behind Nancy in an attempt to hide yourself from her. When you peeked over her shoulder, she was nowhere to be found.
"What? Robin?" Steve repeated. Suddenly, the window slammed shut, blocking Steve's view into the back room. He paused for a moment before slowly turning and making his way over to the ice cream canister. You and Nancy looked at each other, unsure of what just happened. You moved to stand next to her again. Steve slid open the freezer and scooped one scoop of vanilla before placing it into the cone. He handed it to you.
"Thank you." You replied, passing it over to Nancy. He turned back to the freezer before scooping another scoop, this time of strawberry, and placing it into a cone. He handed it to you with a smile bigger than before.
"So, Y/N, uh– how's it going?" He asked, resting one of his arms on the counter. You took a lick of your ice cream as you looked at him, not really sure what he was trying to do. Nancy stood beside you awkwardly. "You busy tonight?" As much as you felt bad for Steve, there was no way in hell you were going to play along with his little game to annoy Nancy. You had known Steve for ages and even became good friends with him, but Nancy was always going to be your priority.
"Yeah, um–" You stopped. "I have plans."
"Oh? Doing what?" He asked, raising a brow. You looked around, searching for any sort of excuse. Before you could get too ahead of yourself and answer with something crazy, Nancy interrupted you.
"Girls night!" She said, smiling awkwardly. She quickly pulled on your arm, dragging you out of the parlour and away from whatever awkward situation had just happened. The two of you giggled, arm-in-arm, as you talked about it.
Steve pressed his lips together and sighed. He really knew how to make a fool out of himself. He ran a hand through his hair as he pushed the door to the back room. Robin, his co-worker, was sitting in the corner nervously.
"Are they gone?" She peeped.
"Yep. They're gone." Steve breathed, flopping into one of the seats with a loud sigh. His browns suddenly furrowed as he flung his head up to look at Robin. "Wait– What just happened before?"
"Huh?"
"With you not doing your job? and slamming the window shut on my face?" He asked, annoyance lingering in his voice.
"What- I- Well- You know!" She stuttered, unable to get the right words out.
"No, actually, I don't know."
"Well! It's just–" She stopped herself, almost as if she were fighting with her own mind on what to say. "Never mind." Steve rolled his eyes before leaning back in his chair and letting out an annoyed groan.
"What is it? Just tell me!" He whined, growing more frustrated.
"Well, I don't know," She started, biting her lip. "A friend of mine really likes Y/N, like a lot," Steve turned to her and raised a brow. "And sh- He told her that he liked her." Her voice began to crack as she spoke. "And um, she didn't like him back." She looked down at the floor, "Or she was afraid to like him back."
"So?" Steve interrupted, breaking the emotional moment. Robin looked at him. "What does that have to do with you?"
"Nothing! It's just–" She paused, resting her head against the wall with a sigh. "It's just awkward because she knows I'm friends with him." She looked down, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "She knows I know."
"Right, so it's awkward? So what?" Steve said, shrugging his shoulders. "Did you not see what just happened?" He added, referring to whatever had just happened at the counter before. Robin's frown quickly turned to a smile as she let out a small laugh.
"Yeah, that was pretty bad." She replied, smiling back at the boy. The two laughed for a moment before they were interrupted by loud teenagers giggling and the sound of the shop bell ringing repeatedly. They both groaned simultaneously.
"It's your turn." Steve said, leaning back in his chair.
The moment you and Nancy had left the store, she was quick to jump to her many questions.
"What was that?" She asked, looking toward you.
"Steve? Yeah, I know right." You laughed.
"No. I was talking about how you hid behind me."
"Huh? What? No, I didn't." You lied, trying to cover for yourself.
"Uh, yeah you did." She corrected. Your mouth opened as your mind searched for the right words to say, or the right excuse, but nothing came out. Just as you reached the parking lot, she stopped and turned to face you, grabbing your arms to keep you from moving. "Just tell me, do you like Steve?"
"What?" You gasped loudly, quickly looking around to see if anyone heard what she had just accused you of. "Steve? No!"
"Then why were you being weird?"
"I wasn't being weird!" You protested, jerking your head back quickly in shock.
"You froze when he asked you out."
"Yeah because I didn't know what to say!"
"Because you wanted to say yes, but you couldn't because I was there."
"No! Wait- what? No!" You argued back. You paused and took a step back, trying to ease the tension the two of you had created. "Look, okay, it wasn't Steve I was nervous around."
"What?"
"He mentioned Robin." You said quickly before forcing your mouth closed in an attempt to stop yourself from saying something else you'd regret later.
"Huh? Who?" She questioned, raising a brow. You took a deep breath before finally giving up on your attempts to conceal what really happened.
"Robin Buckley. She works there." You replied softly, looking down at the floor. "He said her name, and I heard her voice, she was there."
"Um, okay? I don't understand."
"I've just been avoiding her, okay?" You snapped, wanting nothing more than to just move on from the subject.
"Are you going to tell me why?" She asked. You stared at her for a moment. Nancy was your best friend. You had known each other for years. She loved you and you loved her. But still, a part of you wasn't sure how she'd react to the truth.
"Just– something happened."
"What happened?" You had always loved Nancy's curiousness, it was a part of who she was. But now it was just making the fighting in your head worse. Should you tell her? Could you tell her? You were constantly at war with yourself, never truly understanding your own feelings and never truly being able to express them. You wished it didn't have to be this difficult. You wished that the panicked anxiety that tore through your stomach daily, forcing you to keep silent, would for once just go away.
"I can't." You said softly, almost like a whisper. Your voice cracked slightly as tears pooled in your eyes. Nancy noticed how fast your defences fell. She noticed how quickly you put up that wall and shut her out, just like you always did. But to be fair, it really wasn't your fault. It was the worlds.
She didn't say anything after that. Instead, she sighed and headed towards the car. You followed slowly behind her. When you both reached the car, you got inside and sat in silence for a moment. Suddenly, Nancy shifted in her seat to face you.
"Y/N," She said gently. You turned, looking at her, and realised the concern she now carried in her eyes. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you." Her brows furrowed softly as she nodded, gulping down the lump that grew in her throat. "You're my best friend, and you can tell me anything," She continued. She looked away quickly as she bit the inside of her cheek. Your lip began to tremble as tears flooded your eyes. You tried your hardest to hold them in. "Just know, I'm always going to love you no matter what."
Silence filled the car once more. She slowly looked up again and turned back to face you. Now she could see all of the emotion held up in your eyes and she could almost feel how heavy your heart sat behind them. She quickly wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in for a hug. A tear slid down your cheek as you held each other.
What you didn't know, was that Nancy knew. She had always known. And she loved you regardless. It didn't matter to her whether you liked girls or guys or anyone. People were people. People loved people. Nancy understood that. Little did you know, a lot of people understood that.
By the end of the week, you had built up the courage to go see Robin. You had been arguing with yourself back and forth ever since the day she confessed. You knew how hard it would've been for Robin to tell you, and even worse, you knew how hard it would've been to let that memory swim through her mind over and over again, tormenting her.
As you drove through the streets of the small town you lived in, small droplets of rain began to patter against the roof of your car. You didn't notice it at first. But when the light tapping turned to a much louder batting against the car, you worried that maybe it was a sign. A sign for you to turn the car around and go back home.
As you reached the familiar house and pulled over, you raced with the rain to get to the front door. Thankfully, the struggles of running through the rain gave you no chance to worry if this was the right decision. You instinctively knocked your hand against the door, wanting to get away from the rain. A few moments later, the door swung open revealing Robin's mother.
"Oh Y/N, it's so lovely to see you again!" She said, smiling. She looked at your slightly wet hair and the light droplets of water that fell from your shoulders. Thankfully, you hadn't gotten too wet. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Uh, is Robin home?"
"Oh, right, yes!" She replied, turning to glance around the room. "She should be here somewhere, probably her room," She moved aside, signalling for you to come in. You walked through the door and headed towards Robin's room. You paused at the closed door. Was this a bad idea? You thought. Before you got the chance to further argue with your own thoughts, your hand lifted itself to the door and knocked.
"What?" Robin called out from behind the door. Your mouth opened but no words escaped. "What is it?" She said louder, annoyance lingering in her voice.
"Uh, it's me." You managed to choke out. There was no response. Instead, your ears were met with the sounds of Robin ruffling and running towards the door. You gulped as you watched the knob turn and the door fall back.
"Y/N?" She said softly. She looked you up and down, unsure if it was really you.
"Hey, uh–" You paused to clear your throat, sucking up the courage to actually talk to her. "Can we talk?" She stared at you for a moment before moving aside, allowing you into her room. She shut the door behind you. "Look, um, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." You said. Your leg bounced up and down as you avoided eye contact. "I'm sorry for how I reacted and I'm sorry for avoiding you and–" You stopped yourself. You knew what your mind wanted to say but you weren't sure if you'd ever be able to find the right words to say it. A part of you didn't want to say it at all, but you forced yourself to ignore the part of you that told you to hide.
"Y/N," She whispered. Your name fell off her lips so gently that it was almost like she never said it at all. You looked up at her eyes, watching as they filled with tears. Say it. Just say it. You thought. But you couldn't. And you wondered if you'd ever be able to say it.
The brief moment of silence between the two of you gave you your chance. You opened your mouth, begging for the right words to spill out, but instead, it closed. Instead, your eyes lingered down to her lips and before you knew it, you collided. You pressed your lips against hers. She fell back a little, shocked at the sudden movement, before kissing you back. You both pulled away and stared at each other.
"I–" You started. You licked your lips as you looked down. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I–" Your mind began to fill with millions of unwanted thoughts that tore through your mind repeatedly, yelling at you that you had done something wrong. Before you could dig the hole deeper, you rushed out of her room. You could hear the faint sounds of her calling your name but you ignored them. You hurried through her house and out the door, running straight into the pouring rain.
You gasped as you felt someone grab your wrist and swing you back around. Your lips met with Robin's once more as she pulled you into her. You froze for a moment before wrapping your arms around her neck, allowing yourself to deepen the kiss. Her hand slid up to your cheek, gently holding it as her other grabbed onto your waist. She held you close to her, not breaking the kiss. The rain hissed as it fell down on the two of you, drenching your hair and clothes.
You blinked rapidly as you pulled apart, looking back into Robin's eyes. You stared at each other for a moment, still holding each other, but unable to talk. Your chest heaved as you looked at her blue eyes through the rain, watching as they sparkled. Suddenly, her hand moved from your face as she broke the silence.
"Y/N–"
"I like you." You interrupted. Your teeth instinctively bit your lip, telling you to shut up, but you didn't. "I like you a lot." Your breathing slowed as the tension in your body fell. It was scary, sure, but it sure felt good to say it. "Like a lot, a lot."
"A lot, a lot?" She mimicked, tilting her head with a smile.
"A lot, a lot." You repeated, your smiles turning to soft giggles. She grabbed your face gently, stroking your cheek with her thumb and looking at you lovingly. "I don't want to hide anymore," You said. Her eyes moved to your lips and then back to your eyes. She pulled you into her, attaching her lips to yours once more. Your arms tightened around her neck, trying to bring her closer as you laughed and kissed in the rain.
Little did you know, that in a few weeks time, you'd be sucked into a supernatural mess filled with secret Russian operations and otherworld dimensions. And even worse, Steve Harrington.
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