#stressed about work

[iirulancorrino]

aaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

[ididntchoosethebeardlife]

i ummmmm dont like being stressed. i think its bad. for me.

[lost---focus]

last year, at the end of july (literally the 31st), i broke my hand at work--fourth metacarpal in my left hand. this year, at work (or...from work/because of work), i contracted covid--found out i was positive at 11pm july 14th (my birthday is july 15th). this year at work i sprained my knee and pulled my MCL.  i’ve been out of work, going to PT for my knee, since i’ve been out with covid--having started PT in august. tomorrow is my first day back and i am dreading it. i’ve got this tightness in my chest that’s been around for the past three weeks, but intensified to the nth degree today.  i put this insane pressure on myself to do the absolute best, and i work at a behavioral health “hospital.” the bosses are complete assholes and i just know how they talk to each other when shit hits the fan and there’s a code situation--quick to point fingers, but never pull weight and help. that’s a very generalized statement, they’re not all like that, but still. 

(quick anecdote: i’m outside right now, and this couple is walking a dog and talking about, who i am assuming is, a kid who is crying. the woman asked ‘what he was crying about,’ and the man with her answers ‘john belushi’s death.’ ‘what? he died like 20 years ago...’, and he answered that ‘he saw a trailer about his life and death and cried’--nothing has ever been more relevant to me than a kid crying because of a documentary trailer.)

regardless. feeling a lot of things right now, and i’m writing this into the void instead of working on anatomy and microbiology, so...

[kris-side]

I know that its only gonna be an extra 3 hours but I feel like im gonna be So Hecking Tired Saturday

[lies-n-slander]

I'm suddenly feeling really overwhelmed. I'm trying to figure out and plan to many things with no solutions or real ability to plan. Plus i'm starting to feel real alone even though I still have my family and a few people around...

[shuckydarm]

I got a job last week. The first day of training, I cried. I get so nervous that I forget what to do or I get nervous that I won't remember. Having social anxiety is literally the worse thing. I have training again tomorrow. I'm so scared. I know I have to do it. I know I'll get over it someday. I'm still so nervous and stressed about it.