The time will pass anyways
I finished the first year of my Bachelor’s degree. Now I’m at the second year of my studies, so this is the right time to post this picture because this is gonna take three years and this inspires me not to give up. The time will pass anyways and in this case I can decide how I spend these three years.
I always wanted to get that degree. And I knew that if I don’t start now, it will be more difficult for me in the future to start it and no matter how difficult it is now in three years I will or at least I might finish the studies.
It turned out I couldn’t even imagine how difficult it would be to work and to study at the same time and to commute every day to the university then to communicate with people at work and to stay relatively sane. My expectations were not even close to the reality.
I skip important classes just because I have to prepare for other important classes. I have to decide what subjects are more important for me and thank God some teachers understand how difficult it is to be an adult and to get yourself into this.
Quite often I don’t do my homework just because I don’t have time for it. I don’t have time to even clean the house or to iron my clothes and when I wake up in the middle of my cluttered room, I understand that that’s not OK. I can’t spend three years like this.
And on the other hand I can’t lose this chance, I can’t just stop because I have put so much into these studies already and I really want to get that profession and I should have done it in the first place.
I can’t say that I have any motivation left, but it’s just my stubbornness that keeps me going. I just wanted to say this because I need to or it will just bubble up and burst one day.
For me studying has always been a privilege. I love studying. The saddest thing is that I don’t like the things I do for my studies. I do not enjoy them, I do not have fun. Should I? Maybe even not, but I don’t LOVE them. That’s the problem. Right now I am not able to love things that used to bring me joy and used to make me happy.
So this is my heart-cry into the universe. I know that it might get worse and it surely will. I’m trying to do my best in the circumstances that I have, I don’t know what the future holds, and I’m really I’m really so tired.
