The reason why I identify as aporagender and not as xenic/xenogender
First of all, I wanna say that I respect everyone who identifies as xenogender.
I think it's amazing that you've found something you can link your gender to, and that you've found peace in the gender you experience. I think it's important that anyone can identify however they want, as long as they feel comfortable with who they are.
That being said, it is hard for me to find myself in any of the xenogender terms. I don't feel like I can relate to it, from my personal experience of my gender.
For example, I don't feel like my gender is connected to plants, animals, colours, herbs or any of the sort. I don't feel like it's connected to space and I also don't feel like my gender belongs to outerspace.
This is why I do not identify as otherkin or non-human.
Xenogenders do fall under the umbrella term of aporagender, but aporagender can also be a gender identity on its own. This last definition is how I identify.
The reason why I'm aporagender is because I experience a gender that does quite obviously not feel like a male or female experience. It also doesn't feel like in between those genders, or as a lack of gender.
While I do identify as demiboy, this part of my gender can not relate to that feeling of being male.
It's a demiaporagender that stands apart from my demiboy experience.
But it does feel like a very strong gender experience. This is why my gender fits the aporagender definition.
To zoom in even more, my gender defies the gender binary. It cannot be defined by it and will not conform to it.
There are several terms that describe this experience, such as anarchogender, contrabinary and gender disobedient.
I relate to all of these terms currently because I can't seem to find out what the exact difference is. I think several people have been trying to describe this experience, and came up with several words to do so.
My gender doesn't only feel non-binary, it feels very much abinary and exobinary too, since it cannot relate to the gender binary experience in any way.
If I'd have to give my gender a colour, it would be yellow, like the colours of the abinary flag.
If I would have been xenogender, I could have linked my gender to this colour or to elements or objects for example. Unfortunately, this doesn't feel right for me.
The only thing I most definitely feel, is a rebellion against the gender binary and the current gender ideals of society.
I feel like this rebelism is the centre of my gender, in an anarchistic way.
This is why I identify as subversigender, which is an antigender that is subversive, anarchistic and anti-establishment.
It is a form of rebellion against traditional gender ideals. A subversigender individual feels like they will never conform to a “normal” or “expected” gender, and they prefer to present as shocking as possible. They may view their own gender(s) and gender in general with anger, disgust and contempt.
-The only thing I cannot relate to is preferring to present as shocking as possible. I like to live a peaceful life and present both masculine and non-binary, in my own way. I do not feel the need to turn heads with my appearance.
But overall, this feels like the gender I can relate to most and I'm really glad I finally found a gender term I can relate to!
Lastly I'd like to add that I don't identify as transgender, but as non-binary, absgender and isogender.
I made a separate post about this, which you can find here.
Thank you so much for reading and remember: Spread love, not hate!
