“You have been mine before,
How long ago I may not know...” - Sudden Light (D.G. Rossetti)
We went out for a movie today. Tonight, well. It was cold when we came out. Pulled sleeves of our jackets and hands in the pockets we were walking towards home. I bought a cup of coffee from a shop. And as we were walking, for some reason I thought about him. I thought about how the cold air of the night seemed warm in the denim jacket that I was wearing. I thought how it would have been if we went to a movie, here in this city, in Delhi.
The coffee was strong according to my taste (I don’t really like strong coffee) but still when it went down my food pipe, it left a good taste in my mouth. My tongue savoured the taste of the caffeinated drink. It might have been the effect of the night, you know thinking about him and stuff. But anyways, unlike many other times, I let those thoughts surround me. I did not push them away. I liked to imagine how it would have been - walking through the midnight roads of this city, sipping our favourite hot beverages (I mean I don’t know if he liked coffee), talking about the universe, chasing the stars, discussing our favourite things. I told myself again, maybe this was just the effect of the night, wishful thinking, you know.
The sky here at night is always very gloomy and dull. You can never see a star shining up there. The sky takes out its frustration and exhaustion in forms of clouds of smoke and fumes at night which covers its layers, hiding away the twinkling little beings. But that’s about it. “The fault, dear Brutus is not in our stars. But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” We are, aren’t we?
I was crazy and you were trouble. But maybe, maybe we could’ve overcome both of our faults and discover our stars. It wouldn’t have mattered if we were underlings, then.
And then I thought, maybe we could have shared our going-ons,
Your pressure, my suffering,
Maybe we could’ve. But we don’t know now. We never would.
A friend once told me, humans can be addictive too. You know, like how they say in those romantic poems and songs about making homes in people. I don’t think I could or I can take more addictions now.
The coffee and this night is enough for me.
But then again, all of this could be just an ‘effect’ of the night.
