I watched more Bojack Horseman today. Been a good while since I did. Left me absolutely stunned (i was on season 4) and definitely did make me feel even more depressed than my episodes recently. But you know what I learned? The only way out is through. Time's arrow doesn't stop or go back, it just keeps marching forward. And that hit hard with me. After sobbing for 30 minutes by a highway, (there's one right by my backyard, I hobbled) it really clicked and made me think back to a poem I wrote.
Because maybe it's fine.
Fine to feel this way.
Fine to wash out, fine to not know.
Watching the show before, I always thought back to that. But today it had me thinking hard. My life is definitely crumbling around me and only a handful are helping to pick up the pieces with me. Others are set on tearing me down all over again even if they have this complex where they say they want me to get better and convince themselves they're doing the right thing, but it's just a lie they feed themselves to make THEM feel good. I'm sick and tired of it.