#suicidenotes

[wanderlustt-stardustt]

-Suicide Notes-

“How do you really know if anyone loves you?” When I didn’t answer, she looked at me. “Really, how do you know?” I thought about it for a minute. “I guess you just assume they do until they tell you they don’t,” I said. Sadie shook her head. “You need a better system than that.” “Maybe you ask,” I suggested. “If you have to ask, the answer is probably no. Do you think your parents love you?” I nodded. “Yeah,” I answered. “I do. They may be a little whacked, but they love me.” “Do they tell you they do?” “Sometimes,” I said. “My mom more than my dad, but I think that’s usually how it goes.” Sadie looked at me for a long time. “You’re lucky,” she said finally. I’ve been thinking about that ever since. Am I lucky? Am I lucky that I didn’t die? Am I lucky that, compared to the other kids here, my life doesn’t seem so bad? Maybe I am, but I have to say, I don’t feel lucky. For one thing, I’m stuck in this pit. And just because your life isn’t as awful as someone else’s, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. You can’t compare how you feel to the way other people feel. It just doesn’t work. What might look like the perfect life – or even an okay life – to you might not be so okay for the person living it. 

Suicide Notes by Michel Thomas Ford Chapter 7; Page 54-55. 

[idkilikebooks]

Book Review:

Suicide Notes, by Micheal Thomas Ford

(I'm going to avoid Spoilers)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide, depression, sexual assault, heavy topics and feelings. If you are struggling I advise saving this book for when you feel you are in a good headspace.

Suicide notes is a beautifully written testament to common struggles and feelings shared by many young adults. Of course liberties were taken as this is a work of fiction, but none the less I felt I could relate very well to what Jeff was going through. It is about Jeff, a fifteen year old kid who attempts suicide on New Years. As a consequence Jeff spends 45 days in a psychiatric ward with a revolving door for "crazy people". The story follows Jeff and his healing process and how he begins to pick apart and understand his feelings and why he did what he did.

When I saw this book on the shelf I had to pick it up. Something about it drew me in and I find its one of my favorite books. Now don't misunderstand me, it isn't perfect. The author absolutely takes liberties, especially on life in a psychiatric ward. However, the author does acknowledge this and to me, that more or less makes up for the inconsistency. I absolutely recommend this book, however I advise that you are in a good headspace before reading it.

Now this isn't a sad book. Sure, it deals with heavy and sad topic, but the storytelling in and of itself is not sad so don't expect to cry. Or at least I didn't. I did find that certain encounters with Jeff and Rankin were not favorable nor would they have been allowed to happen in a psych ward. But I think they were necessary for the plot and Jeff's coming to an essential conclusion about himself. I don't think Jeff attempted because of said conclusion however, I think he did it because the only people he felt himself around left him alone and spiraling. When you're in a tailspin similar to Jeff's you don't think rationally and you do what you're going to do, regardless of reason or consequence. And those feelings are valid, just not all of us get the help we need, especially those of us who identify along with Jeff.

10/10 would recommend

The author left discussion questions and I'm highly debating posing some answers here?

[manic-m]

The Suicide Notes - Michael Thomas Ford

I’ve always thought about what drives people to suicide. What’s the final draw, the ‘this is it’ moment, and what must be going through their mind when they’re at the edge, about to step into the abyss? What must’ve lead them up to that point---was it other people? Their own thoughts? Both? Was it an impulsive move or a well-planned decision?

Suicide Notes is an insightful, raw, honest dive into topics like suicide and the struggles of coming out. Jeff, a 15 year old, is sure he’s not crazy, even though he’s in a psychiatric ward because he tried to kill himself. But no, he’s not crazy; everyone else is, for insisting that he has a problem, especially his therapist, Cat Poop (okay, that’s not his real name). But as therapy ensues, and Jeff meets new patients with interesting, albeit a little crazy stories, of their own, we break through Jeff’s many defenses and get to the root of why he wanted to disappear one fine day. 

I like how the book spoke about depression and sexuality and suicide without sugar-coating it with tacky metaphors or romanticized descriptions. Everything in this book is as real as it can get. Teenagers are weird, they are complicated, and the book does not downplay that fact. Instead, it brings to light the complex workings of a teenage mind, navigating through hurdles that adults somehow forget. It’s a constant battle with yourself, everyone around you, and the world itself. But even on the worst days, we need to remember that we’re not alone. Jeff realizes that when he meets people who change his perspective, even if the methods are rather unconventional. Everyone deserves that support system, a friend or a parent or a mentor who you can talk to about what’s on your mind---even if it does not make sense to you at that moment. 

However, I do feel like the book could’ve explored the ‘being gay’ angle a little bit more. The ending felt a little inconclusive. I would like to know how Jeff manages a whole new world outside the ward after all the breakthroughs he makes about himself.

Rating: 4.5/5 Peaches

[bysual]

No me importa las veces que me dijiste me amabas, ni los muchos besos que me dabas, se tenia previsto que si te hablaba otro esto se acababa.

Apariencias Escritas

[messedhippie]

― Nina LaCour, Hold Still

“There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We'd be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think 'it will be okay if it can just be like this forever' but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever.”

[bysual]

Eres la mentira que mas me creí.

púdrete.

[greenrocks]

I just finished reading Michael Thomas Ford's When The Star Falls and then proceeded to CRY hugging that book TO MY CHEST you guys DON'T UNDERSTAND the grip it has on my heart as a young queer teen who recently discovered he's polyamorous (and cried sad tears because of it too many times)

I NEED more book recs like that or I will DIE in agony. Please.

It's 2am and I simultaneously feel like a part of my soul was ripped out the moment I finished that book and like it filled in a hole that nothing was able to fill before

[fadedgraceblog]

i love how i can turn suicide notes into love letters; i hate how i can write it in reverse just as much.

—an excerpt from the eulogy I'd probably write for myself.

—h.n.

Photo from: nebula-of-sempitermal-dreams