#062 Being the Chosen One
Some heroes don’t have the luxury of deciding they want to be a hero. They just want to work in their garage or finish high school without dying or *looks at notes* live under a stair case? Why would anybody want to do that? But fate or destiny or an older time traveling version of themselves won’t let that happen. They’re the heroes whose calling is so grandiose and important that what they actually want is never taken into consideration, not even once. They’re the heroes with a duty, a special mission, a high-grossing popular multi-film franchise, they… are the chosen ones.
Chosen ones often begin their lives as aggressively normal individuals. They have middling-to-poor grades, looks, relationships with their parents, they’re just boring. And they’re also usually bored. Sometimes they feel or hope or pray that there’s something bigger out there for them, sometimes they’re simply content with what they have. Regardless of whether they’re happy with their lot in life or not though, somebody is going to come for them and change their entire perception of themselves and the world around them. It’s all very zero to hero.
The person who comes for them might be an old wizard or a ghost or the hero’s grandparent. Sometimes it’s a talking car (once it was a fully intact dinosaur skeleton but honestly that was completely bizarre and unprecedented and the person it happened to turned out to be a complete nerd. So I guess, if this happens to you, you can hit up Professor Paleontologist for advice). At first the chosen one will almost definitely dismiss whoever has come for them as being a crazy person (or they’ll think that they themselves are crazy because talking cars are obviously not real). Or they might take the words of these heralds of adventure at face value but reject them anyway because they have no interest in fighting off an evil space wizard and also it’s a school night.
Eventually though, all chosen ones come around. They kind of have to. Destiny’s not just about to let its chosen champion not uproot their entire lives in order to fulfill some seemingly trivial quest (like burn jewelry or find treasure or stop an evil wizard from returning to power so he can murder everybody who doesn’t do magic). Like seriously, there’s no escaping destiny. The universe will go to extreme lengths just to get one person to do one thing that they really don’t want to do. To the point of excessiveness. Like hey universe, maybe try choosing a different person. Or maybe there should be a chosen two or three or just a whole bunch of people who can get the job done. Like there are almost 8 billion people in the world, you’re telling me only one of them properly decode this riddle or go on this godly scavenger hunt?
Another thing you’re going to have to deal with if you’re a chosen one is prophecies. There’s always some sort of prophecy. And honestly, a lot of the time these prophecies are super vague and it’s up to someone to just arbitrarily pick someone that seems to check all the boxes. Let us look to the classic example of a chosen one, Skavenger (pronounced like avenger), the supposedly reincarnated Sumerian warlord. See it starts with the prophecy, a series of couplets that were found carved into the side of a mountain.
A boy tall and fair
With stark black wavy hair
Who on bated breath
Escaped Certain death
Shall unite for war
The Seven the Two and the Four
See, that prophecy, if I’m interpreting this correctly, could refer to literally any male with black hair who one time almost died but then didn’t. But somebody decided that this Skavenger fella (obviously his name wasn’t Skavenger at the time but I’m not about to just publish somebody’s secret identity on here) must be the person the prophecy was talking about (also I don’t know his real name). So now this high schooler has to go reunite the 13 intergalactic Sumerian space colonies (which history has, for whatever reason, tried to erase) so that they can fulfill their destiny and fight the dark force Karalaxus before it consumes the very notion of life itself and honestly if this dude had just done the proper edgy thing and dyed his hair purple he wouldn’t be in this situation.
But being the chosen one isn’t all bad. I mean, you have a built in mentor, that’s pretty cool. Some superheroes never find someone who’s willing to help them find their place in the superheroing world. But if you’re the chosen one that usually means the old wizard or talking car from before will help guide you on your path to fulfilling your destiny. Another neat perk is that due to the nature of certain prophecies, you can’t die until you do what you’ve been chosen to do. So if you’re a trained and talented procrastinator you could potentially live forever.
There’s also a very high chance that, unbeknownst to you, you have an army of devoted followers who will fight to protect you. They’re the people whose ancestors were given the prophecy and who have been charged with making sure it is properly carried out. These people can act as your super-team or your support-squad or even just your pals whom you get coffee with. But there’s also a high risk that there will be some resentment. Especially from younger members of this cult fan-club. See they’ve grown up their whole lives hearing your prophecy and imaging some great and noble hero. Most chosen ones (chosens one?) are very much not that. They’re usually pretty lame at first. Even if you’re not a total lameborg 3000 (that’s a sick new insult for you to try out kids!) there’s almost no way you’re going to stack up the expectations of these people. So they might totally hate you. They might hate you so much for not being the glorious hero they envisioned and also for just being a general outsider that they’ll actively fight you. So being a chosen one also comes with built in enemies (not to mention some uber existential threat that you were chosen to fight).
The most important thing to remember if you discover that you’re a chosen one is that you’re still in control of your life. No matter what destiny or fate says you need to do you can always just go “nah son” and just go on living your life. Sure destiny might keep trying to push you in the chosen direction but that just means you’ve got to plant your feet. It might get tiring but I believe in you guys. You can for sures outlast destiny in this pissing contest. Or you can lean into it, save the world and be beloved by all. But again, it’s your call.
(Female chosens one please note: Some jerks are going to call you a Mary Sue simply for being chosen and being female but they’re jerkwads and you’re allowed to punch them so have with that at least!)
