#sun tag

[2deadkat]

My awesome sona. Guys I think I have a proper name for them. His name is Sun.

[abyssblooded]

█ |✧ ROYALTYWEAVE.

A term for when you feel like Royalty is weaved into your identity.

PT: Royaltyweave. A term for when you feel like royalty is weaved into your identity. /END PT

█ |✧ NOTES:

Identiweave by @identiweave

A little Self-Indulgent. I realised a Royalty AU of a media I loved years ago influenced me deeply.

█ |✧ TAGS:

@radiomogai

[laufire]

mia dearden for the nsfw hc ask game! <3

Initially, I was going to insert here some jokes about Heteroooo Mia; comment on why I see her this way, and on certain fanon trends that go against this and why.

This got long, and I have a few more nsfw headcanons I wanted to share. Luckily, I got another ask about Mia, so I’ll be dividing this and posting the second part in a moment (ETA: here it is!). Also, given the character and the topic, warning for mentions of csa and child trafficking.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about fandom’s approach to sexuality, about “queer headcanons”; about how I’ve personally moved further away from said approaches, if I ever followed it anything more than half-heartedly in the first place. And Mia happens to be a good case study to illustrate my points.

Fandoms are built largely on shipping. That’s just a fact, and it’s not something I particularly object to. I understand why it’s bothersome when that’s all there is, especially if you run countercourse, and especially in fandoms where everything is reduced to one pair of characters (or a trio involved in a ship war) to the detriment of everything else. But I can’t say I haven’t had my fun in the eternal game of smashing dolls together in various combinations. Dynamics and interactions between various characters happens to be one of the main things I’ll pay attention to in any given story; I enjoy a well-written romance, and I love to ask myself “what if…”, in any shape of form. My main fandom, all my previous main fandoms, are built on large, expansive casts, where there are several characters and countless relationships that hold my attention, and in those I’d be called a multishipper, even if usually, when I walk away, all but the few dynamics that retained most of my enthusiasm fade away in my memory.

So this is not an indictment against shipping, by any means. But there are approaches to shipping that I find less and less fitting to my own way of reading texts.

One is the “queer (most often bi) until proven otherwise” approach. Not because I think us queers are these freaks of nature, these aliens that don’t fit with the rest of the human experience. But because the vast majority of characters in the fandoms we move in, like it or not, have been written, with varying levels of awareness, with the intent of portraying heterosexual characters, and that has shaped them.

Some of them, taking a Watsonian approach in mind, wouldn’t change much, if they suddenly were queer, be it thanks to their particular personality or circumstances, or thanks to the context of the universe they live in. Such is life. But in many cases, likely more than I think fandom likes to acknowledge, this would be a more than significant alteration. And, instead, because it’s often filtered through shipping and which dolls we want to smush together to the detriment, and not alongside character exploration, a lot of m/m and f/f fandom content comes across as two straight people who just happen to fuck people of their same gender. And “fuck” might be a strong word, because sometimes any inkling of raw desire feels utterly absent.

Going back to Mia: I read her as heterosexual because that’s what’s in the text. This is a woman (a girl, when she starts) that likes men.

That is attracted to them, that gets passing crushes on them, that develops stronger feelings for them. Her interest in men over women isn’t limited to the romantic territory: her stronger bonds are with men. Ollie and Connor, of course. Dinah is her closest female bond, and that one is built largely off-panel and clearly not on the same level as the other two. She admires Roy and wants to take his mantle, follow in his steps (not just as Speedy II, but also on Roy’s activism and advocacy, by sharing her own personal stories, as he did). On the Teen Titans, the characters she has the most significant interactions with are Victor Stone and Tim Drake. It’s been a while since I read this, but I remember little to no bonding with the female Titans, barring a couple jokes to Rose on her very last appearance. We see one female friend of hers at school, very briefly.

I think it’s fair to say that Mia has an easier time interacting with men. And I can think of why easily. Yes, men are the people who hurt her most. They’re also who she was most used to. And I can see how her past as a trafficking victim, engaging in survival sex works while living on the streets, wouldn’t have been conducting to building solid friendships with other girls and women. Those bonds can be beautiful, but I can picture the kind of competitiveness she was facing in that environment, especially at 15 and younger. She tells Oliver that she took drugs to stay awake, a practice they all did to prevent assaults or robberies -the latter, at least in part, likely from each other. Because you can’t trust anyone 100%, because no one is trustworthy. Not even Mia, in such a dog eats dog world.

At one point, Mia brazenly references a sexual act she did involving other girls… and it was in the context of male clients paying for titillation. There’s absolutely no hint of Mia thinking of it beyond that. And a key detail here, is that this moment, not to mention the bulk of Mia’s character, especially pertaining her relationship with sex, was written by Judd Winick. An author who has never once been subtle about queer subtext (and, when allowed to, text). He even has a character of his own creation, Grace Choi, with a similar background to Mia as a trafficked child, a queer woman who only dates women. And yet, with Mia… nothing. Not even an inkling that she is remotely interested in anything but men.

Queer!Mia, and especially lesbian!Mia, aren’t readings that are accomodated by the text. They are, if not going actively against the text, at least way beyond its boundaries.

And that’s perfectly fine. But it means that you have to build them up, apart from the text.

I find that more and more, I prefer some kind of stronger foundation to built upon for these things, be it subtext (intentional or not, death of the author and all that) or, yes, shipping. Because seeing how a given characters interacts by members of their own gender vis a vis the other is something to build upon. There’s preciously little (nearly nothing, really) of that with Mia, and not seeing anything there to go from means I am not interested in that process, but that’s a matter of personal preference, if anyone else is, go ahead.

Go ahead with the awareness that a queer Mia, and especially a lesbian Mia (and, especially, as I’ve seen before, an amab Mia), is a different character. That these are non-canon readings. Ask yourself, how could this change her reactions to her trauma? Her relationships with Ollie? With Dinah, if she had latched on a safe, older woman to explore her feelings? With her diagnosis? With the Titans, maybe with her heroism? With the world?

Sadly, this isn’t what I see when I spy a lesbian!Mia headcanon in the wild. It’s either lip service, betrays a deep discomfort with the way this csa victim expresses interest in men, or *checks notes* becomes a rhetorical weapon against us ten Jason/Mia shippers.

And fuck, if that isn't boring. Not to mention quite offensive, as a lesbian, ngl.

[garland-on-thy-brow]

Prompted by the conversation with @pomp-quio who pointed out that Pompeius Strabo lost the consular elections of 88 to Sulla. What if Sulla on that occasion told him - "More people worship the rising than the setting sun"? And then Strabo's son repeated these words to Sulla's face? What then?!

[lamonnaie]

📓

ooh ty for playing anon 🫶

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about!

recently been thinking about what saintshin would do if the other died, which led me to plan out a whole our skyy-esque 2-ep special based around it (it's not what you think it is ahskdfjk, don't hate me until you've read til the END ty <3):

Ep 1

Set 3 to 4 years post-canon, ep 1 starts with saintshin in university, they're properly living together, they finally got their shit together and are dating now, and overall everything is going great and they're just really happy.

It'll be set towards the end of their uni days, so maybe they started off sharing a dorm but they've moved into an apartment together now. It's small, barely enough room for all their things, but it's enough for them, to have a place of their own, a shared closet, matching mugs, a bed they bought together (one of their first purchases)

Of course they still have issues in their lives, maybe Shin's struggling with his soccer career, maybe Saint's trying to balance work and uni now that he has the motivation to actually put effort into his studies, but they go through everything together, and the ep just gives us an insight into the domestic lives of saintshin <3

That is until saint gets into an accident, maybe while he's on the way to pick up Shin after training. Half an hour passes and Shin's a little annoyed that Saint's late without warning him, and then an hour ticks by, then two, and Shin's getting more and more panicked, calling up everyone he knows, trying to figure out where the hell saint is.

And then in the last couple minutes, Shin picks up a call, we don't hear much of it (neither does Shin), but we do hear something along the lines of "Khun Thamnitit Nitiroj was in a fatal accident earlier tonight. We're sorry to say that he didn't make it." (yes shin is his emergency contact)

The ep ends with Shin dropping the phone, tears already streaming down his face, looking absolutely devastated. (you already know nani would eat in this scene)

Ep 2

Ep 2 is set 4 to 5 years after ep 1 ends, Shin's given up soccer (what's the point when Saint isn't there to cheer him on), and now he's doing a job with the degree that was only ever supposed to be a backup

He's going about as well as you would expect, basically a shell of his former self, just going through the motions. He puts up a facade, and to an outsider, he would seem normal enough, maybe a little stoic (but nothing too out of the ordinary for others, for the people who didn't know him before, didn't know him with Saint)

On Saint's death anniversary, Shin's friends bring him to hang out (they truly just want to help, make sure he's alright), but one of them (he's new to the group, a friend of a friend, Shin thinks) lets slip a random comment about moving on and trying to live normally.

Shin's angry about it no doubt, a million things he could say, but in the end he doesn't blow up, instead just resigns himself to their ignorance, knowing they'd never understand

Something something Shin had lost the fight in him when he had lost Saint

He goes home that night to have dinner with his mum, who's remarried now (he's kind and treats her well, Shin's happy she's found someone)

Shin's mum understands why Shin is the way he is now, and she doesn't try to tell him to move on, but he's heard the hushed conversations she's had with his step-dad.

His mum tells him to stay the night, Shin declines, wanting to spend the night in his and Saint's apartment (it doesn't matter how long it's been, it'll always be their apartment). He works now, and he could afford a much nicer place than what their uni budgets could afford back then, but he refuses to move out, all the memories of Saint still occupying the rooms.

And really, despite how he makes a decent amount now, he seldom spends it on himself. (what's the point if Saint's not there to share it with him?) He's paid off Saint's dad's debt, sponsored all of Chingching's schooling, he'll buy his friends things, he sends his mum money as well to make sure she's always comfortable. What little he keeps for himself, he spends on the bare necessities.

Once he heads out, hugging his mum goodbye, he goes to visit Saint's dad, who might be the one other person who understands even a little bit what he feels like.

Saint's dad had fallen off the deep end for a bit after Saint had passed, but Shin had made sure to visit everyday, one of the many promises he and Saint had made to each other, that they would take care of their parents. Slowly, he'd gotten himself back, for the sake of Saint, who was gone, for the sake of Shin, who was here.

He had expanded the noodle cart into an actual stall, a small place near the river, and things were going better for him too (Still, he never could bring himself to give up the alcohol)

So he and Shin sit there wincing through cans of cheap beer (neither of them liked it that much, but it had been Saint's favourite back on their uni budget, which meant they both always had a fridge stocked with it), reminiscing on memories, all the little moments through the years that neither of them wanted to forget

(If they were both crying by the end of it, well, no one else would know)

Shin would head out a bit after, not before hugging Saint's dad tight, telling him to stay strong, to keep going, for Saint (everything he did was for Saint anyway)

As Shin's walking back to the apartment (he chooses to walk, even though it's over an hour's walk, but he needs to clear his head), he calls Chingching, who's studying abroad - she sounds happy, tells him about how good things are going for her.

(Chingching knows what day it is, of course she does, and she misses her P'Saint so so much as well, that was her brother goddamnit. But she sees Shin's red eyes, and the dried tear tracks, and decides not to make things worse for him. She ends the call telling Shin how much she loves him, which finally brings a smile to Shin's face as he returns the sentiment.)

As he gets back to the apartment, the rooms dark the way he had left them, he can't help but feel a little suffocated. He blindly grabs for Saint's shirt (he's memorised exactly where in the apartment he's stashed various Saint memorabilia) and heads out again.

This time, his feet guide him on a familiar path back to the Siamwit campus. Kru Jan had kept teaching after them, and was now the principal herself. Of course, she had been devastated herself when she heard the news about Saint, and had been more than welcoming to Shin when he had periodically come back to the campus in the years after, wanting to just remember the familiar places he'd spent so much with Saint.

So maybe he was betraying that trust a little by coming here so late at night, the years he'd spent here having ingrained into his brain all the ways to sneak in and out.

He finds himself back on the rooftop, the place he and Saint had spent so many hours, fighting and reconciling and fighting again in those first few months after they'd reunited. After that, it had become like their own hidden place, so many classes skipped and afternoons spent sat here, side by side.

Shin sits down on the edge of the rooftop himself, reminiscing on all their memories there, and then everywhere. He finds himself talking aloud about it, glimpses of Saint coming and going as if he's imagining him there.

It starts off quite light, Shin's laughing as he remembers all the times they were goofing around, but it doesn't take long until he's outright sobbing, gripping onto the shirt as if it's the only thing holding him together, the threads already coming apart, worn away by the years that had passed (just like him).

And then - "I love you, I miss you."

And he jumps.

EXCEPT, just as he jumps, Saint's voice comes through "Shin! Shin!"

And we're back to real life, Saintshin are uni students, they're laying side by side in bed, in their apartment.

It had started as an innocent enough question, the two of them cuddling in bed after a long day, exchanging hushed whispers about anything and everything, when Saint had randomly asked, "what would you do if i died?"

And the whole 2 eps (except for the first part of them being happy and domestic in uni) were essentially Shin narrating his answer, and ultimately getting kind of carried away, the tears in his eyes clear evidence of it.

But now, Saint is also tearing up from hearing it, refusing to accept that Shin would end his life just like that, insisting that Shin needs to live.

"How can I live without you there?" Shin says, so heartbreakingly earnest. He wasn't often like this, so loud with his words, but the late night, the quiet atmosphere with just the two of them, the too-vivid images of Saint being gone still fresh in his mind, were enough for this side of him to come out.

Shin explains how he'd have a duty to make sure his mum and sister are comfortable, to make sure Saint's dad is going well, so he would stay around just long enough to make sure that's the case. But any more than that, he's not sure how he would cope.

Saint still can't accept it.

So Shin counters with, "Well then, what would you do if i died?"

Saint doesn't even pause, "I'd die with you." "Huh?" "I don't have anything else to live for without you."

And if Shin wasn't already crying before, he certainly would have been now.

"Idiot," he says through teary eyes. "Saying that I can't kill myself, but you can?" And despite everything, that makes Saint laugh a little as it dawns on him. "Let's just promise each other that we'll try our hardest to stay alive, okay?" "Okay." And they fall asleep like that, intertwined in each other's arms, dried tear tracks on both their cheeks, but soft smiles still on their faces as they remembered their promise <3

BYEE this got so long ahjskdjf, basically the whole fic right here 😭😭 i'll probably never write it tho because i'm not the best with longer fics, but i have spent a lot of time thinking about it ahskdjfk, my ideal hsf special eps :))

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about!

[basicallyicarus]

In Silver Nitrate, Silvia Moreno-Garcia was like "does anyone wanna see two bisexual disasters fight off magical Nazis" and then didn't wait for an answer

[kieumy-archive]

hl moments 1/?: video diary week 3 edition

[faverecord]

not to be in love with life, but there’s something about standing in the sun for a couple of minutes when you’re freezing and feeling it just slowly warm you up