“You usually do me the courtesy of knocking, Supergirl,” the youngest Luthor stares glassy-eyed, over the rim of her tumbler.
“You usually have a door.”
Lena shrugs noncommittally as the Girl of Steel picks over the carpet, strewn with chunks of concrete and exposed rebar. She nudges what looks like an arm, small and cracked, though intact up to the shoulder, no doubt the remnants of some statue shattered in pieces somewhere. The image sends a shiver up her spine as she toes it gently with her boot before crossing to stand before the woman of the hour.
“Shouldn’t you be celebrating? You’ve managed to save this city, this planet. Again.” Kara touches her fists to her hips, hoping the stalwart pose will drum up the courage and confidence she is lacking at the moment. Lena deserves a proper thank you, her own sadness, her own loss, can wait. “We’re grateful.”
“Why?” Kara almost staggers back at the chill in Lena’s voice. She watches as the woman tips the contents of the glass back, draining it in one burning gulp.
“Why? You saved everyone. You – you – defeated Rhea, you made it impossible for the Daxamites to conquer the Earth, to ever even think of coming back.” The blonde turns, her cape swinging slightly with the abrupt motion, and she crosses to the steel box, wired and whirring, still. “You took something terrible, something created for the sole purpose of killing me and my cousin, something born of hatred, and you used it to save the entire planet, Lena.”
The Luthor leans forward, picks up the carafe and pours another two fingers of whiskey into the waiting highball. Kara crosses and gently lifts the glass from Lena’s lithe fingers, setting it on the crowded desk before the woman can protest.
“Tell me, Supergirl,” the words have an unfamiliar bite and Kara almost flinches at their sting, “had it not been for me – had I not been so eager to trust Rhea, so hungry for her validation and support – would any of this have happened in the first place? I built the portal, I brought them here, I trusted the wrong person.”
“And you saved us all.”
“But at what cost?” Lena’s voice rings high, forced through a filter of anger and guilt. “People died at Daxamite hands. By allowing her to help, my mother might have earned back the cities trust, which has the potential to be far more dangerous than any of us realize,” the words are spilling, wet and toxic from the Luthor’s mouth, “and I have most likely ruined one of the most important relationships in my life to set things right. If Kara never speaks to me again, I wouldn’t blame her.”
“Lena,” in a flash of crimson and blue, Kara is sitting beside the Luthor heir, lightly holding her shoulder while the woman wrings herself out. “If anyone understands everything you’ve been through over the last few days, it’s Kara Danvers. How could you ever think she would be anything but proud?”
“Proud? Of what? I’ve ruined her relationship with Mike, Mon-El, that Daxamite boy.” Lena turns slightly into the Kryptonian, tangling her fingers in the loose edges of Kara’s cape. “He can’t survive here now and he can’t ever come back.”
“She’ll understand, Lena.” Kara’s heart is breaking, over and over, breaking for the love she’s lost to the stars and the one fighting so desperately against her own nature, condemning herself to solitude and guilt. The blonde, fighting back her own pain, sacrificing it for the greater good, shifts, drawing face to face with the Luthor heiress. “She knows you would never purposefully cause her pain, and she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself like this. Put your blame where it belongs: Rhea.
“She took advantage of you, of your drive, your brilliance, and your good heart. I know you, Lena Luthor; you saw only the potential for good in what she presented She gave you validation, yes, but you wanted to build that portal as a gift to humanity and Rhea corrupted that gift. She is responsible for its misuse, not you.”
Kara drags a slow thumb across the apple of Lena’s cheek, taking tears with it. The blonde allows her arm to settle around the Luthor’s shoulder and the Lena catches her wrist, pulling her closer. It feels intimate, familiar somehow, the two of them pressed together against a backdrop of loss and latent guilt, settling into one another.
“But Kara won’t, I mean... I’m the one who flooded the atmosphere with lead.”
“You managed to repurpose the diffusion device – which was absolutely brilliant, by the way,” the Kryptonian pulls back the curtain of Lena’s hair and tucks it behind one ear as she speaks, “but never forget, Lena, I was the one who pressed the button. I made that choice. I knew exactly what would happen, what it would mean to Kara, to trigger the device and I made the decision. You created something amazing and then trusted me with the choice to use it or not, I will never forget that. And Kara Danvers will forgive that.”
“I hope so,” Lena settles her head against the sway of the Kryptonian’s shoulder, still weaving the cape through her fingers. “I’m not sure I could survive another loss.”
“You won’t lose her, Lena. Trust me.” Sirens ring in the distance and Kara shifts slightly. “She didn’t send me up to that spaceship in the middle of a war on a whim. She loves you. Trust her to stay. She did promise, after all.”
The siren grows louder now, close enough that Lena has picked up it’s panicked cry.
“You can’t, though, other people need you far more than I do, of course.” The Luthor draws back pushing any lingering tears from her cheeks with hasty palms as Kara rises from the couch, “Supergirl? If you see Kara, tell her... tell her I’m sorry.”
“She knows, Lena.” Kara crosses to the blown out windows leading to the balcony and pauses a moment. “She knows. And she’s not going anywhere.”
And with that, Supergirl launches from the littered balcony, cape snapping in the updraft. She’s almost a mile away when the sound of Lena’s heartbeat finally starts to fade from her ears and she can’t be sure, but she swears she hears the ghost of an echo leaving the Luthor’s lips as she soars.
Okay so guys... I’ve been crying over this one-shot for more than a week now, so here it is!
You can read it here as well (comments and kudos are greatly appreciated)
I really hope you guys like it
Lena and Kara grow up together, grow apart together. But can a Super and a Luthor really stay away from each other?
or
The 'A Super and a Luthor growing up together AU' no one asked for
Under the stars (give yourself to harmony)
Kara Zor-El has always been special. Even before she landed here, on this strange new world her cousin calls home.
Her cousin, no longer that tiny being she has taken care of so many times before, but a grown man, an alien on this planet – this Earth as they call it – turning into a superhero because this world desperately needs one.
Her cousin, whom she is supposed to be taking care of, to raise in this new world, doesn’t need her help anymore. Instead, Kal-El – Clark as he calls himself – tells her he is going to help her, the same twelve-year-old girl who has just lost her entire world, even though it has been decades.
How can anyone help her? How can anyone erase that memory of her parents putting her in that pod and saving her by making her carry the burden of an entire lost world on her frail shoulders?
Because sometimes, Kara feels like she is carrying that entire burden all alone. Her cousin always refuses to talk about Krypton, he says there’s no point in talking about something that’s forgotten. In his case, it has never really existed, but for Kara, it is entirely different. Kara knows she will never forget. She would never forget her mother’s tears as the pod launched. She would never forget her father’s hollow eyes as he made the choice to send his daughter away, with the mission to protect her cousin.
Now that Kara is here and that her cousin doesn’t need her protection, what is she supposed to do?
“You have to seem ordinary, just like everyone else,” Kal-El says. “The Danvers will help you with that. They will be your family now. They will make you happy.”
Kara has a family. Kal-El is all that is left of that family, and it feels like he’s saying goodbye too.
She must admit he is right about some things. The Danvers are great. They try to make her feel safe, make her feel home. But Kara is very far away from her home, a home that doesn’t even exist anymore, and they want to make her believe she can have a place in this world?
But then there is Alex. At first, she doesn’t seem to like her much the more time Kara spends with her. And yet, two months at Midvale, and Kara cannot imagine a world without Alex anymore, and her adoptive sister doesn’t seem to think she’s a burden to carry anymore.
Yet Kara feels exactly like that. A burden. All the time.
She can’t use her powers. She can’t do anything she so desperately wants to do.
Her powers. She has struggled with them at first. Hearing everything is too overwhelming. When she first gets to school, she gets terrible grades because she can’t focus on the teacher in the room, instead focusing on the class at the other end of the school, often Alex’s class. She has learned to cover her ears right before the bell rings, and squints her eyes shut when too many people are around, in the school’s yard or the cafeteria, because she can’t stand to see their bones anymore.
She’s seen as the weirdo, and that doesn’t really help her fit in.
Jeremiah makes her glasses when he sees her struggles. She tries to call her cousin, to ask Kal-El how he does it, with the superhearing and everything else, how he doesn’t crush people with just a hug or a simple handshake.
At first Kal-El – Clark as he reminds her all the time – does not answer. Then he finally does, but Kara has to admit he is not very helpful, and she feels more alone than ever.
Three months on this Earth, and she gets her first panic attack. She does not know what is happening to her. She is suffocating. Is it because she is an alien? Clark has never told her about that. Is she dying? Would she see her mother and father again? Her aunt?
Alex is the one to find her, alone, in their room. She seems to know what’s happening to her, to know what to do.
Kara can barely feel it, but she sees Alex’s hands on her shoulders. Alex is speaking but she can’t quite make out the words. Then she finally hears her.
“Focus on my voice, Kara.”
Her adoptive sister continues to talk Kara through it, and Kara tries as hard as she can to steady her breathing, because Alex tells her to breathe, in, then out, and Kara realizes she forgot about that part, the out.
An hour later, Kara is fast asleep on Alex’s lap. It’s the first night she has nightmares about Krypton, about her family.
She hasn’t gone through a single night without nightmares since.
Alex never lets go, she promises to always be there for her.
Kara believes her. She doesn’t quite know what it is about Alex that makes her believe her every word, but she does.
This panic attack won’t be the last, Kara knows that. She knows this feeling in her chest will never go away.
She thinks it’s unfair. It’s unfair that she had to lose her entire world. The people she loved most. She even lost herself too. It’s so unfair and Kara wants to scream and destroy everything around her. She feels that emptiness, that void, and she has no idea what to do with it.
(She has to fill that void. One way or another, she has to. Or it will swallow her whole.)
There is that voice in her head.
Don’t let it swallow you. Don’t let it win. You have to fight, Kara. You were always a fighter. So keep fighting.
It’s awfully similar to her mother’s voice, and Kara wants nothing more than to feel her arms around her. The arms in which she would always feel safe, protected against everything.
You’re a Kryptonian, Kara. Stand proud. Hold your head high.
She does exactly that. Kara stands. Her head proud. Her smile so bright it can outshine the sun itself.
(But it doesn’t. She can feel it. Her smile rarely ever reaches her eyes.)
Kara Zor-El has always been special.
//
Lena Luthor is a special girl.
That’s what Lena keeps hearing every day at least.
She’s not sure people mean that as a compliment. In fact, she’s quite sure they don’t.
Her last name grants her favors from everyone. She gets free passes for everything. Outside her home.
Because in her home, there’s no free pass, only mistakes. No matter what she does, to Lillian Luthor, Lena always does it wrong. So at some point – she’s not sure when exactly – Lena stops trying.
She works for herself, gets the bests of grades, is the archetype of the perfect student, and she keeps a low profile in every other aspect of her life, at school or at home.
That’s why when her father tells her that night they’re moving to Midvale, she doesn’t understand why he’s trying to punish her.
“I like my school here. Why do we have to leave Metropolis?”
It’s a lie, Lena hates her school. Full of mean students, and the adults are even worse. They think no one notices anything, but Lena is alone most of the time, so she watches, and more often than not, she doesn’t like what she sees.
It doesn’t mean she wants to leave though. It’s what she’s used to now, it’s familiar.
“I want to give Lex the opportunity to find out what it means to be the CEO of a company such as Luthor-Corp. I’m going to give him the reins of our Midvale industry. It’s still small, but very challenging. I want him to learn, and there’s no better way for that than to dive deep into the unknown.”
Of course, Lex.
As much as Lena loves her brother, everything has always revolved around him and his bright future. What Lena wants and needs never really matters in this family.
Lex doesn’t fully realize this, so Lena doesn’t blame him. Maybe she should, but she just doesn’t. She loves her brother, and he always makes her feel better about everything.
So yes, Lena realizes she has no choice. She nods to her father and realizes that once again, her parents hadn’t meant to punish Lena, but they still do in a way, by sidelining her as if she doesn’t really matter.
Maybe she doesn’t, but she is a special girl.
//
When Lena gets to Midvale during the summer and spends her first days there, she hates it. It’s small and she doesn’t see how she can escape her mother in such a small city.
Then she finds out there are plenty of empty places around the city. Places people never go to because they think they’re not anything special, but they feel so special to Lena.
She starts going to an empty beach every day, just for a couple of hours before she has to return home, to her mother.
At some point, another girl starts showing up every day, and Lena stops going, because it’s her place to be alone, so this girl is an annoyance.
The girl never sees her, Lena always retreats before she has a chance to.
She guesses she has to find another spot.
Too bad, she really likes that spot.
//
Lena can’t really explain it, but one day she decides to go back to the empty – or almost empty – beach.
The girl is here again, but this time, Lena doesn’t flee.
She hears the waves, and she swears she hears the girl’s sadness in the waves.
Lena knows what being sad looks like. She sees it in the mirror every day.
She chooses to stay, and even more, she wants to speak to this girl.
//
“You alright? You look like you’re something other than alright.”
The question surprises Kara, because nobody outside her family ever asks if she is alright.
Kara tells herself that it’s on her, that she’s the one hiding it all behind a radiant smile. Still, it’s nice but also terrifying to have a perfect stranger asking if she’s alright.
When she doesn’t answer right away, the raven-haired girl must think she said something wrong because she backtracks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be nosey. I just thought you might want to talk, that’s all.”
The girl makes a move to leave but Kara stops her. “No!” She takes a deep breath to speak in a softer voice. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just lost in my thoughts.”
Kara shakes her head and meets the girl’s eyes with a smile. That’s when she really looks at her. Green eyes and chubby cheeks. Raven hair that seem to never end. That girl is the definition of beautiful.
Kara invites the girl to sit with her on the sand. She loves that spot in Midvale. It might be her favorite, and she hasn’t even explored it all yet. She likes Midvale.
She knows everyone in the city though, and she has never seen that girl, now sitting next to her.
Kara frowns when she realizes the girl chose to sit really far from her, as if proximity makes her uncomfortable. She shrugs and doesn’t question it, instead looking down at her own feet in the sand.
“Are you new here?”
The girl looks at her with shy eyes and Kara knows she feels anxious. The fidgeting of her fingers in the sand, those fleeing eyes never quite fixed on anything. Kara is pretty sure she knows how anxious the girl feels right now. She tries to divert her attention, like Alex does with her sometimes.
“Hey, do you see this?”
Kara points to a shiny little thing far away in the distance. She knows it’s a city they can barely see from their side of the water, but if the girl is new here, she doesn’t know that.
The girl weakly nods and Kara smiles.
“This, is the safest place in the world. You just have to look at it, and it instantly gives you the protection you need. You can feel it around you. Try and focus on it.”
The girl seems skeptical and yet she does as Kara says. She focuses on the tiny shiny spot and they remain quiet for a long time.
Kara doesn’t mind. Just having someone sitting next to her is enough for her to feel a bit better, she doesn’t mind not talking. The silence can be soothing when shared.
Kara is surprised when she hears the girl talk.
“I’m from Metropolis, but my parents moved here a week ago. They say it’s just for the summer, but I think they want to stay longer than that.”
Kara doesn’t ask anymore questions, she thinks the girl doesn’t really like being questioned. But she did make the first step by talking to Kara, so Kara thinks she should take a step forward too.
“I’m Kara. Kara Danvers. I… moved here a few months ago. I can show you around if you’d like.”
Kara smiles and the girl returns it. It’s still shy, but Kara thinks it’s already a big step.
“Sure, I’d like that.”
//
Kara later finds out the girl’s name is Lena Luthor, and when she mentions her at dinner that night with the Danvers, they all frown, even Alex.
“They just moved here you say?” Jeremiah Danvers asks, and Kara nods.
He turns to her wife with a knowing look on his face, and Kara feels lost again. Can someone explain to an alien why they all seem so worried?
She turns to Alex, giving her a puzzled look.
Alex sighs. “The Luthors are a rich family of… entrepeuneurs. They own this big company, Luthor-Corp. It’s just weird they moved here in a small city like Midvale. It can only be bad news for the city.”
Kara frowns and she still doesn’t understand. “Why? Lena seems really nice. Why would it be bad news that her family is here?”
Eliza steps in. “It’s always about business with the Luthors. It’s just weird they would try and expand their business here.”
Kara just nods, as if that should make sense even though it doesn’t, and she eats in silence, not listening to the rest of the conversation.
She thinks back to Lena’s shy smile from earlier that day. That shy smile couldn’t be bad news. Kara can’t explain it, but she knows Lena has lost a lot.
Just like me.
Kara really hopes she will see that smile again, and make it grow bigger, just like she tries to make her own smile grow bigger everyday.
//
Kara does see Lena again. Two days later, when she goes back to her favorite spot, Lena is there, seated in the exact same spot she was when Kara was there too.
Kara silently sits a bit closer than they had the last time they were here. Lena doesn’t turn her head, she keeps her eyes on the shiny spot Kara showed her the other day. She is aware Kara is here though, because she extends her hand on the sand, and Kara takes it without any hesitation.
They just sit in silence that day. The comfort of the other’s hand being worth a thousand words.
//
Without even knowing how it happens, Kara and Lena make it their favorite spot. Kara offers to show Lena the city again, but Lena always has an excuse, and she never stays long on the beach either. It’s like she always has somewhere else to be.
Kara knows not to question it, but she still feels sad whenever she watches Lena leave.
One day, The Danvers’ words pop up in Kara’s head, and she has to ask.
“Lena?”
Lena’s eyes rest on their intertwined fingers. “Mmh?”
“When I told the Danvers about your family moving here, they said it was bad news.”
Lena removes her hand in a blink, as if Kara’s touch is suddenly burning her, and Kara instantly regrets asking.
“They’re wrong obviously! You’re the best thing that happened to me this summer. But I just wanted to know why they would say such a thing.”
Lena looks up and meets Kara’s eyes. She looks on the verge of tears, but she doesn’t seem sad and hurt like before. She takes Kara’s hand again.
“My family has… a bit of a bad reputation. You have never heard of us?”
Kara shakes her head and she feels Lena squeezing her fingers.
“That’s probably for the best,” Lena simply answers with a wry smile and she rests her head on Kara’s shoulder.
“I think Midvale is very lucky to have you,” Kara states in an earnest tone. “I’m very lucky to have you.”
She pretends she doesn’t feel the wetness on her shoulder. She pretends Lena isn’t crying, because if Lena wanted to talk about it, Kara knows she would talk to her. So instead, Kara wraps an arm around Lena’s waist and holds her tightly.
//
The summer goes by in a flash, and soon Kara has to go back to school.
Lena’s family has decided to stay, just as the girl thought they would.
“Will you be there tomorrow?”
Lena tilts her head and asks, “Where?”
“At school.”
Lena smiles and nods. “I’ll be there.”
Kara grins and takes Lena’s hand, bouncing around her happily. “Yes! I can introduce you to Alex, and show you around school!”
Lena breathes in, and Kara knows she’s trying to keep her anxiety in check at the idea of meeting so many people the next day.
Kara stops bouncing and just lays her head on Lena’s shoulder, squeezing her hand. “I promise you’ll love tomorrow.”
//
Lena is one grade below Kara, two below Alex.
Kara keeps her promise. Lena loves her first day at school, and the days after that as well.
Not because of the teachers making it clear they’re at her beck and call because she’s a Luthor, but because Kara is there whenever she can.
Lena doesn’t know how she does it, but she’s always waiting for her at the end of her classes, even though she knows Kara’s classes are on the other side of the building.
Lena isn’t about to question it, because she loves knowing that when the bell rings, Kara is there, on the other side of the door.
Lena is always the first out of the classroom, and the last one to enter.
She becomes worried Kara is going to get in trouble for always being late, but by some miracle, Kara is never late to her own classes.
There are a lot of strange things happening when Kara is around. Lena has stopped trying to think of an explanation, because none of what Lena can think of makes any sense, so she just lets it go.
It’s easier that way. She has a friend (Kara is her only friend), and she knows no matter what Kara is hiding from her, it doesn’t change their friendship.
It never will, Lena promises herself.
//
“Hey!” Kara comes in Lena’s classroom all excited and she’s almost bouncing. She does that whenever she is truly happy and Lena grins. She loves seeing Kara happy. “Look at what the Danvers got me!”
She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a brand-new cellphone, blue, just like Kara’s eyes and Lena smiles even brighter.
“Kara that’s amazing! Now we can talk all the time!”
Lena’s smile fades a bit. She hasn’t meant to sound so eager. She gathers her stuff but stops when she feels a hand on her arm.
“I know, Lena. That’s the first thing I thought when Eliza told me. I can talk to you and Alex whenever I want now.”
Kara’s smile brings back Lena’s.
Lena’s had a cellphone since she was eight. Her mother has always said a Luthor should be reached at any time of the day, so she had bought her eight-year-old daughter a cellphone; which has remained empty of any numbers except for her parents’ and brother’s.
Until now, Lena thinks.
//
Kara texts Lena that night, and she never stops texting her since.
//
It’s been six months since Kara and Lena became the best of friends. The teachers call them the wonder twins, and Lena isn’t sure she’s so happy about that. It feels like Kara’s light is shining on her too, making the people around her hate her a bit less. But not because she doesn’t deserve the hate or wariness, just because she’s friend with the right person.
Lena definitely doesn’t like that.
Not that she blames Kara for it. The girl has nothing to do with this. But still, Lena sometimes wants to scream and yell at people to see her, Lena, not just her last name.
They’re sitting at their favorite spot now. It’s barely half an hour after school, but Lena knows she has to go home soon or her mother will be on her back again. Her family doesn’t know about Kara, or anything really, and Lena wants it to stay that way.
Kara notices Lena’s lost in her thoughts again, and she knows it’s never a good thing. So Kara does what she always does in those moments, she creates a distraction.
Lena smiles just as Kara opens her mouth.
“Hey, you know what the Danvers told me last night?”
Lena looks at her friend fondly and tilts her head to the side.
“No. What?”
“They said that since your family wants to spend the summer in Metropolis, maybe you could stay with us. If you want to, and if your mother agrees, of course.”
Kara looks at her sheepishly, she rarely ever looks that shy. Lena knows she’s been anxious to tell her about this.
Lena smiles a bright smile, even though she knows her mother will never agree to this, her being away for an entire summer. She tugs on a strand of Kara’s blond hair while the girl adjusts her glasses. She always does that. Lena finds it endearing.
“I’ll ask my dad about it, we’ll see about my mom.”
Kara is so happy at the possibility of spending her summer with Lena, the girl doesn’t want to take that away from her. It’s not technically a lie, she will ask her dad about it.
A thought occurs to Lena. Or rather, it’s always been on her mind, but right now it’s at the forefront. She’s never dared to ask. That day, Lena feels bold enough to do so.
“You always refer to them as the Danvers. Why is that?”
Kara smiles, but this time it’s bitter, crooked.
Lena takes her hand and rubs her thumb over Kara’s palm without thinking about it.
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay.”
Kara turns to face her and Lena sits up straighter, as if bracing herself for what’s next.
“You’re my friend, Lena. My best friend. You deserve to know.”
Those words. Best friend. Lena doesn’t think she will ever be tired of hearing them.
“I told you I moved here almost a year ago right?”
Lena nods.
“Right. Well I wasn’t with the Danvers before. They adopted me when… when I lost my parents.”
Kara’s voice cracks at the last words and Lena throws her arms around the girl’s neck just as the first sob escapes her throat.
“Kara, we don’t have to talk about it. I’m sorry I asked.”
“No.”
Kara unclenches her fists and lets go of Lena’s shirt to look her in the eye.
“I need to talk about it. I don’t talk about it with anyone, not even Alex. I don’t think it would be fair of me to talk to her about it.”
“Why do you say that?” Lena asks as she softly dries the tears from her friend’s cheeks.
“Because they were kind enough to take me in. Alex has become a true sister to me. She already helps me through so much. I don’t want her to know about how hard it is, even if she tries to be here. I don’t want her to know how alone I’ve been feeling.”
Another sob.
Lena hugs her again, and suddenly, she thinks maybe Kara is less alone than she thinks.
“Kara, can I tell you something?”
Lena pulls away and takes Kara’s hands in her own softly.
“I was adopted when I was four. I barely remember my biological mother, but still, I have enough memories to know I’m not truly a Luthor, and mother never fails to remind me of that. As if I could ever forget.”
She feels Kara’s pressure on her hands, and Lena hates herself for letting a tear escape her eye.
“What I’m trying to say here, Kara, is that I know what loneliness feels like. I know all about feeling like you don’t belong here, like you don’t have any place in this world. But ever since I met you, Kara, I know these feelings are wrong.”
Kara’s tears intensify but Lena knows that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. She lets the girl cry and she tries to steady her own breathing.
“You showed me I am more than what people say I am. You showed me I could do great things when I grow up. Let me show you that you belong here, even if your family isn’t here to show you. You’re not alone, Kara.”
Kara cries for an hour after that. With every sob, it feels like it’s getting worse. Lena lets her cry.
They’re not touching. Lena knows Kara wants some space, so Lena just sits next to her, not too close, not too far either. She waits, patiently. She cries a bit too, silently. She looks to the shiny spot in front of them. It doesn’t seem so shiny with the clouds above their heads.
Lena knows she will get in trouble with Lillian, but she doesn’t care. Her friend needs her here. Kara needs her here. So Lena stays.
After what seems like forever – and yet, Lena is sure an eternity couldn’t be enough to make Kara’s pain go away – Kara stops sobbing. She gets up, dries the stray of tears that are left on her cheeks. She holds a hand to Lena and helps her up.
Kara has this little smile Lena sometimes sees when Kara thinks she’s not looking.
(But Lena’s always looking. That’s what she does. She pays attention.)
Only this time, this smile is directed at her.
It’s genuine and bright enough to make Lena smile as well.
They don’t say anything, until Kara takes her hand and lays their forehead together.
“You’re my family, Lena. I’ll always have your back.”
Lena lets a single tear roll down her cheeks, but this time she doesn’t hate it. This time, this tear is a happy one, and Lena smiles even brighter because she knows Kara tells the truth. She knows Kara will always be there.
//
Lena gets there as soon as she hears the news. Alex is the one to tell her. Jeremiah Danvers died.
She finds the girl running away from the Danvers’ household, and Lena runs after her.
Kara doesn’t stop until she reaches their beach, and Lena stays behind her, not knowing what to say.
The girl has lost both of her parents – and much more, Lena knows – and now she has to lose her adoptive father too. What could she possibly say to make it go away?
Lena decides she doesn’t have to say anything, and she just wraps her arms around the other girl’s neck.
(Kara has always been taller than her, but in that moment, she feels so small against Lena’s chest.)
Lena hates the universe for taking everything from the girl who deserves nothing but light.
Lena lets Kara cry, and an hour passes before Kara knows she has to get back. For Alex. For Eliza.
Lena looks at the not so shiny spot across the water. She wonders where its protection went.
//
They’re teenagers now. Lena is sixteen, Kara is turning eighteen next month. Soon, she’ll go to college in National City, and Lena will go back to Metropolis.
They remain closer than ever, even if the innocent touches of their childhood are now only a memory.
They don’t hold hands like they used to. They don’t snuggle up on Kara’s couch like they used to. But their connection never fades away, even if it changes, which Lena hopes is for the better.
Lena has come out to Kara about a year ago, and Kara told her she already knew. She had joked about that one time Lena and Kara had watched ‘Imagine Me & You’ and how Lena had grown very quiet, blushing for about two hours before she finally left Kara’s house at full speed.
“No way you were straight, Lena.”
Lena smiles at the memory. Kara’s laughter echoing in her ears, the light red of her cheeks, the blue of her eyes engraved on her eyeslids.
Her favorite part had been Kara’s next words.
“You know, I didn’t get it at first. Not because you’re a lesbian. Just because I didn’t see why people made it a big deal. Back on… back where I lived, sexuality wasn’t a big deal. Gender wasn’t either. We didn’t have all these labels and boxes to sort people into.”
Lena had wanted to joke about how she wanted to live there and never come back, but she knew it would hurt Kara, so she hadn’t. Lena can’t explain why, but she’s always had a feeling that the place Kara sometimes talked about, the place she comes from doesn’t exist anymore, as if it has been… blown away and forgotten by everyone but Kara.
One night, Lena joins Kara on the rooftop of the Danvers house. She isn’t supposed to be there, neither is Kara, but Lena has the feeling Kara needs to be there, watching the stars.
Then Kara gets closer to the edge, looking down on the ground way below them. (It’s not that high, Lena knows, but she’s always been a bit afraid of heights.)
Lena’s first thought is to be afraid, because what if Kara wants to jump?
Fear. Because Lena knows Kara has been through hell, and she’s still trying to come back from it, in spite of every smile she throws at the world, as if everything is perfectly fine, as if the world isn’t all messed up.
Fear. Because what if Kara is choosing to give up? Because what if it’s all too much for her? What if instead of getting used to the pain, she wants everything to stop?
Fear. Because Lena is willing to give Kara anything she needs, anything she wants. But what if none of that is enough? What if Alex, Lena, Eliza, what if none of them are enough to make it easier for Kara to breathe?
Then, Lena takes a deep breath. This is Kara, strong, and brave Kara. Kara never gives up. And Lena knows, she remembers, even if Kara jumps, she will be safe. Once again, Lena can’t explain why. She just has this unfathomable feeling in her chest, the feeling that she’s had every piece of the puzzle that is Kara Danvers displayed right in front of her, but she’s been maybe too afraid to put them together.
Lena trusts Kara. That is worth everything to the both of them.
She gets closer to the edge, stands close to Kara, even though she’s afraid of heights and she might slip and fall.
Kara will catch me. She has my back. She always will.
Kara will catch her anytime she needs. Lena isn’t afraid to jump with Kara.
They remain quiet as Kara looks back up to the stars in the dark sky.
Lena isn’t afraid that night. She puts the pieces of Kara’s mystery together.
“So you come from the stars?”
Kara turns to face her with the brightest smile Lena has ever seen, and she has to remind herself that it’s night time, but it feels like Kara is lighting the whole city up.
Kara explains things Lena is not sure she completely understands, and yet, it makes more sense than ever. She talks and talks and Lena thinks they might be here the whole night because Lena never stops listening.
Kara tells her about Krypton, a planet now lost to the stars. She tells her about who she is, what has forged her into the almost woman she now is.
After she’s done talking, she simply looks at Lena, and waits for a reaction, any reaction.
Lena swallows hard, takes it all in. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, Kara is still looking at her expectantly, anxiously.
“That explains a lot.”
Lena starts laughing and Kara joins in too, even though they’re not sure why they’re both laughing this hard.
Lena takes Kara’s hand, and she takes a deep breath as she realizes how much she’s missed the feeling of Kara’s hand in her own.
I fell for my best friend. Hard.
“I always knew you were special, Kara Danvers,” Lena says with a smile.
Kara pulls her closer to her and hugs her tightly.
(But Lena now knows that Kara is always restrained. She can’t hold onto something as hard as she can without breaking it, and Lena fully realizes what a burden that must be for the… alien, the Kryptonian.)
Kara lets go, and she harbors that devilish smile, the one she has whenever she’s had an ‘amazing idea’ that will put them both in a lot of troubles.
She jumps, and Lena has to remind herself not to scream.
The Luthor gasps and watches Kara taking off into the night.
She can’t stop smiling. Lena feels like she’s truly seeing her best friend for the first time. She’s seeing all of her, because Kara trusts her enough to show her, and that is worth more than Lena can ever imagine.
Then, the alien lands right next to Lena, softly, carefully, and Lena wonders when was the last time Kara had done this.
(She guesses it’s been a long time, from the way Kara grins and bounces all around, as if she’s letting go of every restrain she’s ever had.)
Kara wants to take her flying.
“Are you crazy?”
Lena is scared, so scared. And yet, with Kara by her side, even her most rational thoughts tell her that she will be safe. So she takes the plunge with her, her arm around the Kryptonian’s neck, Kara’s arm around her waist, holding her, holding them together.
//
That night with Lena, Kara knows she has been wrong. It has never been about erasing painful memories. It is about creating new, happy ones, making the rest of her life less painful, less smothering.
(She never stops telling Lena about Krypton.)
Kara lands with Lena in a field, a bit outside the city, where Jeremiah used to take her whenever she missed her parents too much.
“It feels good,” she says to Lena, breathing with ease and feeling like this huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. “To be flying again.”
She lays on the grass, and Lena joins her. Kara takes her hand and intertwines their fingers together.
She turns her head to look at Lena. Her best friend. Who is much more than words could ever explain.
Kara props herself up with one elbow and scoots closer to Lena, letting her hand rest on Lena’s cheek. She’s looking for a sign that Lena doesn’t want this. She finds none.
She leans in, grazing her best friend’s lips.
This feels just like flying, she thinks.
Kara kisses Lena that night. It’s tender, soft, so soft Kara later thinks it was just a dream. But she knows it’s not, she knows that that night, she has finally gathered enough courage to kiss the girl she loves.
They share their first kiss, and they never speak of it (not for a long while, at least).
Maybe Kara has been wrong. Maybe Lena never had any feelings for her, but she didn’t want to let her down too harshly, so she granted Kara this first – and last – kiss.
Yet, Kara knows in her heart that she hasn’t imagined it all. She knows Lena has feelings for her too.
So she waits, and waits.
Nothing ever comes on Lena’s part.
Kara thinks it’s okay, she’s happy to be her best friend. But this feels like a missed opportunity, and Kara doesn’t know why.
//
They both go to college. They never lose touch. Lena is the first person Kara texts in the morning, and the last person she calls before going to sleep.
Alex often visits, and Kara loves to go back to Midvale to see Eliza.
Lena never comes back to Midvale though. She always stays in Metropolis, but Kara still manages to see her quite often.
Of course Kara misses seeing her everyday, she misses the slight touches, the reassuring green of her eyes, but hearing her voice is good enough for now.
They never talk about that kiss, and Kara thinks she’s made her peace with it. Lena maybe doesn’t want to date an alien, or maybe she just doesn’t want to date her best friend. Maybe she doesn’t want to date Kara at all. Either way, Kara is happy being there for Lena every time she needs it, as a friend.
Kara’s phone rings late in the night, and the Kryptonian growls because she hates being woken up so rudely.
She fumbles for her phone on the bedside table, her eyes still closed, and she lets a sigh escape her lips when she hears the loud crunch of her alarm clock breaking. She’ll have to buy another one – the fourth just this month.
She finally reaches her phone and looks at the caller ID. Lena.
Kara immediately soothes and she answers with a sleepy voice, running a hand through her messy hair. “Hey, Lee. Everything okay?”
She hears Lena taking in a deep breath. She hears sniffling, and she wonders if Lena’s been crying.
“Yeah.”
A long pause. Kara gives Lena the time to gather her thoughts – or empty them.
“Yeah, everything’s okay. I just really missed your voice.”
Kara tries to joke, “We’ve talked just before you went to sleep.”
Lena manages a light chuckle, but it doesn’t feel genuine. It’s not Lena’s carefree laugh that Kara loves so much.
(Okay, so maybe Kara still has romantic feelings for her best friend. Who could blame her though?)
“I… um… I never went to sleep, actually,” Lena confesses and Kara tenses up.
“Wanna talk about it?” Kara knows not to rush Lena, but she also wants to make sure the girl is going to be okay.
“My… my mother called.”
“Oh,” is all Kara can say.
She knows that Lillian calling is always bad news. Lena tries to stay as far away from her as possible, but sometimes it feels like the girl can’t escape her family.
“Yeah.”
A long sigh on the other end. More sniffling. She’s now sure Lena’s been crying, and that breaks Kara’s heart.
“She said she’d like the three of us to be reunited for Christmas. I told her I already had plans.”
Lena hasn’t celebrated a single Christmas with the Luthors ever since Lionel Luthor passed away four years ago. She’s been celebrating with the Danvers instead, a family – not her own – that has made her feel more welcome in this world than any Luthor ever has, including her own brother – whom, Kara knows, Lena still loves with all her heart.
“What did she say to that?”
Another long pause. A gulp. Kara knows Lena is trying to hold back her tears.
“She didn’t say much. She just said she shouldn’t be surprised I’m letting her down once again, and she wished me happy holidays.”
“Hey, Lee, listen to me.”
More sniffling. Kara imagines Lena curled up on her couch, in her empty apartment, and her heart breaks a little more.
“She’s trying… she’s getting in your head, hoping you feel guilty enough to spend Christmas with her. But you made your choice, Lee. You made the choice that is the safest for you and your well-being. Because you deserve to have happy holidays, Lena. You deserve happiness and good things in life. And you’re not letting anyone down. You know how happy I am that you’re spending the holidays with us. You know Eliza and Alex love you, and they love to have you home with us.”
Kara knows Lena is still crying, but she swears she can almost hear a little smile on the other end.
“I love you, Lee.”
She hears Lena choking out a weak, “I love you too, Kara.”
Kara decides she’s flying to Metropolis right away.
//
Lena receives a text from Kara ten minutes after she hangs up the phone.
From Kara – Open your door.
Lena smiles as she gets up from her couch.
Kara rarely ever flies to her apartment. They’re both so incredibly busy with college and everything else going on. But Lena is always happy when she does. Having an alien best friend has many perks.
Lena opens the door and grins as she sees Kara’s sleepy hair and she realizes the girl has not even bothered to change, she’s still in her PJs.
Lena takes Kara’s hand and pulls her inside firmly – even if she knows that with Kara’s strength, her firmness doesn’t mean much.
“You didn’t have to come here.”
“Correct,” Kara replies with a smug smile and Lena rolls her eyes. “I wanted to. So here I am.”
Kara opens her arms in a dramatic way and Lena chuckles, trying to dry what is left of her tears.
“Don’t you have morning classes tomorrow?”
Kara seems to remember that yes, indeed, she has morning classes, and her eyes widen. Then, she just shrugs and decides, “I can always skip.”
“You never skip,” Lena teases as she sits on the couch, legs propped up underneath her.
“You’re one to talk,” Kara reminds her with a smile as she plops down on the couch, almost knocking them over. “Sorry,” she apologizes with a blush.
Lena doesn’t want her to apologize. “No, don’t. I love how you just let yourself be around me.”
She sees Kara’s blush and she thinks it must be matching her own.
“Thank you,” Lena says, barely above a whisper, but she knows Kara catches it.
“For what?” Her best friend asks, tilting her head to the side, and Lena smiles at this cute dork.
“For always being here when I need you. For making me this happy.”
“I’ll always have your back, Lena.”
//
Kara is now a reporter at Catco, struggling between pleasing her new boss Snapper Carr and saving the day as Supergirl.
Because yes, Kara is done hiding herself to the world.
The world is a messed up place, and two superheroes aren’t too much to try and bring a little light to this darkness.
She’s still trying to figure out how to keep up with everything, still trying to figure out her place in the world, really.
Alex helps a lot, even though at first, she disagreed about Kara being a superhero.
And Lena… Well Kara hasn’t seen Lena in a few days actually. Kara thinks she’s been distant ever since she came out as Supergirl, and she’d like to know why. Maybe she’s overthinking it.
That day she figures she should drop by during lunch – she knows Lena always forget to eat lunch.
Kara lands on Lena’s balcony at the L-Corp building, her hands full of takeout food. Thai, Lena’s favorite.
She’s dressed as Kara Danvers, she figures she should be more careful, but she thinks Kara Danvers having lunch with Lena Luthor makes more sense than Supergirl having lunch with her, since they technically don’t know each other (even though a Super and a Luthor will always have a connection, after what happened with Lex and Superman).
“Your cousin almost killed my brother.”
“I know,” is all Kara can say, tears filling her eyes, throat clogging up, almost choking her. What could she possibly say that could make any of this better?
Kara doesn’t know why but she steps closer to Lena, in an attempt to hold her and keep her whole.
(She knows Lena feels as broken as she looks, and Kara can’t help but think it’s all her fault, even though it’s really not, and she hates herself for letting her best friend be hurting this much.)
Then, the unexpected happens and Lena throws her arms around Kara’s neck, clutching her fists around the fabric of Kara’s shirt, almost tearing it apart, but Kara doesn’t care. She wraps her arms around Lena’s waist and holds onto her as tightly as she can without hurting her.
“Take me flying. Anywhere but here.”
The words are barely whispered and Kara is thankful for her superhearing.
She takes off to that field outside of Midvale, not daring to go back to the town itself, to the beach, to their spot. She figures if anyone needs the stars right now, it’s Lena.
As soon as Kara lands, Lena crumbles to the floor. Kara kneels before her and holds her as sobs and cries and pain shake off Lena’s world.
“I’m sorry. Lena, I’m so sorry.”
It feels like Lena will never stop crying, that she will be swallowed whole by all of this suffering, and Kara feels helpless.
“How could he do this? How could Lex do this?”
“Kara?”
Kara is startled by Lena’s voice on the balcony and she drops the food. Thanks to her superspeed, she catches it before it falls on the floor. Kara will never let food go to waste so tragically.
“Lena!”
“She said with surprise in her voice for some reason.” Lena arches a brow and gives Kara a puzzled look. “Kara, in case you haven’t noticed, you landed on my balcony.”
“Oh! Right!” Kara adjust her glasses embarrassedly. “Have you eaten yet?”
When Lena shakes her head, Kara smiles and follows the newly nominated CEO of L-Corp inside her office. When Lena had told her she was planning on moving the headquarters of Luthor-Corp – now rebranded L-Corp – to National City, Kara had been thrilled to say the least.
Kara’s gaze falls on the couch on one side of the office and she’s glad to see it seems to be where Lena is headed.
Kara thinks it’s weird Lena still hasn’t said anything about the Supergirl thing. No texts, no calls, and now she’s not saying a single word.
“So?” Kara starts awkwardly and she’s not sure what it is she wants to say exactly.
“So what?” Lena’s tone is stern, it’s the same tone she uses to speak to her employees or her ‘partners’ during board meetings.
“So… I don’t know. Don’t you think we should talk?” Kara tries and she thinks it’s worse than she thought.
“About what?”
“I don’t know, Lena! Maybe about me being Supergirl?” She snaps and instantly regrets it when she sees Lena’s gaze drop to her fidgeting hands. “Look,” she tries again, in a softer voice this time. “Lena, I know I said I wouldn’t use my powers but… I finally feel good. Like I can finally embrace what I came here, on Earth, to do.”
“Which is what exactly?” Lena’s head snaps up and Kara is once again taken aback by her harsh tone.
“To protect it, and everyone on this planet.”
“So you want to play God like your cousin does?”
Kara opens her mouth but finds she has nothing to say. She’s choking on air and her shoulders become painfully heavy.
“Is this really what you think I’m doing?”
Lena’s approval matters just as much as Alex’s approval. Kara feels like the ground has just been whisked away underneath her feet and she’s falling endlessly, and she shouldn’t even know what it feels like, because she can fly for Rao’s sake, and yet, here she is, feeling like she’s spiraling down and no one is there to catch her.
“I don’t know, Kara. You tell me.”
“I…” Kara removes her glasses and she tries to swap away the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
Lena looks at her with steeled eyes, and Kara feels like she’s burning, her, the Girl of Steel. Kara wants to grasp onto something, anything to not feel like she’s drowning in her own pain.
“I think you should leave.”
Kara looks at her for a good minute, as if she’s waiting for Lena to tell her it was just some twisted joke, and she supports her. Lena remains awfully silent, and it’s deafening.
(That is saying a lot, considering she’s always looking for some peace and quiet to ease her tired ears. Right now, she wishes she could be overwhelmed with loud noises and cars driving away, anything but this awful silence she’s faced with.)
She gets up, feeling numb, as if life has just been sucked out of her and for a minute, she’s not sure she is even going to be able to fly.
//
Lena has never felt this guilty in her entire life. And she’s has to deal with a lot of guilt, dealing with her mother’s manipulations and then, later on, with her brother’s.
She’s never thought she’d feel guilty with Kara. Everything is always so easy with her. But then she’s made the choice to reveal herself to the world, as Supergirl, and Lena has flipped a switch inside of her. She likes to tell herself that when she flips that switch, she stops caring, but that’s not true. When she flips that switch, she pretends it doesn’t affect her anymore and she tries to move on with her life. She never thought she’d have to flip that switch and move on from Kara.
Kara’s laughter echoes in her ears like a long lost melody. It hasn’t even been a week and Lena feels empty as if she’s lost her soul.
Lena reaches for her phone and she looks at her screen for what seems like an eternity. Her lockscreen is a picture Lena took of Kara and her, when they spent their sixth Christmas together. Kara is kissing her cheek and Lena is laughing wholeheartedly.
Lena remembers her conversation with Kara’s mom, Eliza, that day.
“Lena, angel, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Of course,” Lena says, getting up from the couch where she, Kara and Alex are sitting on, catching up with everything that has been going since they were all reunited.
Eliza leads her to the kitchen and Lena wonders what the woman wants to talk to her about.
Eliza turns around and faces her, obviously uneasy.
Lena is afraid of what’s coming next and her chest starts burning as she starts clenching her fists.
“Lena, you know you’re a part of this family, right?”
Lena unclenches her fists and instead of burning, her chest warms up her whole body. She nods, not trusting her voice just yet.
“I have to ask you this question. Are you and my daughter dating?”
Lena chokes on nothing and she opens her mouth incredulously. “What?”
“You’ve always been close, you and her. But I see the way you look at her, Lena, and I’m pretty sure she looks at you the same way. I know my daughter.”
Lena doesn’t know how to reply. Obviously, Eliza is wrong and doesn’t know Kara as well as she’d like to think. Kara sees her as a friend. She has to, right?
“Mrs. Danvers-“
“Eliza. Come on, Lena, we’ve been through this before. Call me Eliza.”
“Eliza, with all due respect, Kara and I are just friends. Best of friends. I love your daughter very much, and I’ll always be there for her, as a friend.”
Eliza doesn’t seem to buy it, but Lena can’t very well tell her she’s had feelings for her daughters ever since they were teenagers. Right?
Lena’s phone buzzes and she swaps the text away, not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone right now.
Her eyes fall on the picture once again.
For the first time, Lena realizes that on that picture, it does look like she and Kara are dating.
Maybe Eliza was right after all.
Lena shakes her head, as if trying to make that stupid idea go away.
They’re friends. Best of friends.
Well… not right now. Not since Kara became Supergirl, everyone else be damned.
There’s a knock on her door, and Lena doesn’t bother answering.
She doesn’t care who it is, she can’t deal with it.
She can’t deal with anything knowing her best friend hates her.
Another knock.
No, she won’t answer.
“Go away!” She shouts to the door, almost desperate, but so, so angry.
A loud thud comes from her balcony.
Lena closes her eyes.
Kara.
“I won’t go away. Not this time. Not until you tell me why.”
Lena opens her eyes again and gets up to face Kara.
The tears in Kara’s eyes, the bags under her beautiful blue eyes throw her off. She sees drowning in her eyes, the same drowning she’s experienced since she last saw her. Lena never thought she’d witness the ocean drowning.
“What do you wanna hear, Kara?”
“Why my best friend suddenly acts like she hates me!”
Lena holds back a sob and she has to squeeze her eyes shut, hoping she’s going to disappear forever, or that all of this will turn out to just be a bad dream.
“I don’t hate you, Kara. But I am a Luthor, and you chose to be a Super.”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
“Oh really? You’re throwing this at me?”
Lena opens her eyes and faces Kara again.
“It’s the truth, Kara, whether you’re ready to admit it or not.”
“So you’re saying everyone was right? A Luthor and a Super can never be friends?”
Lena grows quiet. Is this really what she’s saying? She realizes it is. She snaps. “That’s not why!”
“Then why would you give up on me?”
“Kara…”
“Tell me why.”
She will never give up on Kara. She can’t. But she’s so scared.
“Tell my why, Lena, after years of friendship, after every hug, every panic attack, every look we ever shared, tell me why you’re willing to throw all of this away in a heartbeat because I chose to finally embrace who I am.”
Lena doesn’t need to look at Kara to know she’s crying, and she can’t stop her own tears from rolling down her cheeks.
“You’ve been my rock since I got here, Lena. You’ve always supported me in my decisions, you’ve always had my back. So tell me what’s changed. Look at me, Lena, and tell me why you’re breaking your promi-“
“I’ve already lost way too much in this life, Kara! I can’t lose you too!” She hasn’t meant to yell. She hasn’t meant to be the cause of Kara’s pain. All she ever wanted was to protect her (and she realizes how absurd that sounds because how could a simple human like her protect an all mighty Kryptonian?). “Kara, I just can’t. I can’t take it.”
Kara’s next to her in a heartbeat but Lena pushes her away. She’s crying and she’s drowning, but she somehow finds the strength to speak. “Every time I turned on the news this week, I would see you in that blue and red suit and I couldn’t breathe, Kara. I couldn’t breathe because now it’s like you have that constant threat on your life hovering above your head and I can’t do anything about it because you’re willingly throwing yourself in the face of danger! You might be bulletproof, Kara, but you’re not invincible. What happens when someone finds your weaknesses? I’m not sure I could ever survive losing you.”
Lena chokes on the last words and she finally accepts Kara’s embrace, falling apart in her arms.
Kara stays silent for a long while, and Lena cries, she cries so much, and Kara remains right by her side, holding her in her strong arms the entire time.
She’s so scared Kara is going to get hurt or worse that she thought she should let the woman go to avoid getting hurt, without realizing swapping Kara out of her life is like sucking all the light out of her darkness.
She realizes she’s made a huge mistake, and she’s so incredibly grateful because Kara is still here, right here, holding her together even though she feels so broken she’s not sure how she’s even still alive.
Kara’s voice is soft in her ears, and she feels her warm breath against her neck, the Kryptonian’s hand stroking her cheek.
“You won’t lose me, Lena. I made you a promise. I’ll always have your back. I’m not leaving you, ever. You’re stuck with me, like it or not.”
Lena chuckles and she chokes because it’s all too overwhelming and she thinks she’s going to faint.
Kara must realize the powerful CEO can’t stand and she lifts them up ever so slightly, floating to Lena’s bed, but Lena barely even registers what’s happening as she feels the softness of the pillows against her cheek.
Kara’s face is fading away and Lena is afraid she might leave her. She reaches out and her hand is only met by her bedside table until she feels Kara’s fingers finding her own.
“Stay,” Lena whispers, almost begging.
“Of course. I told you, I’m not leaving.”
Lena feels the crease of her mattress and with her eyes closed, she scoots closer to the other woman, trying to take in a bit of her warmth.
She doesn’t even have to ask, Kara’s arms are wrapped around her body in an instant, and for the first time that week, Lena genuinely smiles, and maybe, just maybe, she can fall asleep peacefully.
“I love you, Kara Zor-El.”
“I love you too, Lee.”
“No I mean, I’m in love with you.”
Lena barely hears Kara’s soft reply before drifting off to sleep.
“I’m in love with you too. I have been for as long as I can remember.”
//
Lena wakes up the next morning, feeling fully rested for the first time in… she can’t even remember in how long. She instantly squeezes the hands on her stomach that are not her own.
She smiles.
Kara is still here.
I’m not leaving.
Kara is so strong. Lena realizes she’s been foolish to even think for a minute she wouldn’t be able to handle herself.
It doesn’t mean Lena won’t do everything in her power to protect her, though. She knows Alex and her not so secret governmental agency is going to do the same.
She remembers confessing her feelings to her best friend the previous night, and she can’t really explain it, but she’s not freaking out like she usually would be. She feels so calm, so quiet, and she knows Kara will be here no matter what.
Lena turns around and tries not to wake the other girl up.
(She fails, but she’s not sorry because she’s greeted by the most beautiful sleepy smile she’s ever seen.)
“Hey,” Kara’s raspy morning voice greets her.
“Hi,” Lena replies with a smile, playing with Kara’s fingers.
Kara frees one of her hands to trace her finger over Lena’s jawline, making the CEO blush a bright red.
“Hi,” Kara breathes out.
Lena laughs. “I believe you already said that.”
Kara’s cheeks turn the cutest shade of pink.
Lena thinks back to the previous night and grins. She was afraid she’d lose her best friend, and yet, here they are, in each other’s arms, enjoying the peace and quiet of a Saturday morning.
Lena’s face falters when she thinks back to their first kiss years ago, when they were just teenagers, and she feels angry at herself for all the time they’ve waisted trying to shut off their feelings for one another.
“What’s on your mind?” Kara asks.
Of course Kara noticed. Kara notices everything.
(Lena used to be anxious that she couldn’t hide anything from her, but quickly, she found that there was nothing she wanted to hide from her.)
Kara’s looking at her as if Lena is her sun, but Lena’s never been one to be the light in people’s lives.
“You kissed me, once,” Lena states matter-of-factly.
Kara simply nods. “Mmh.”
“Then you… we both pretended it never happened.”
Kara’s finger stills on her face, and the Kryptonian props herself up on her elbow, looking a bit stunned in Lena’s direction. Lena thinks she wasn’t expecting that, to be honest, Lena wasn’t either.
“Because I thought that was what you wanted.”
Lena frowns.
“You kissed me. I kissed you back. But when you didn’t mention it at all, I thought you felt it was a mistake, so you just pretended it never happened.”
“No,” Kara explains softly, dropping a kiss on Lena’s shoulder. “I was actually waiting for you to make a move, or bring it up, but you never did.”
“Oh.” Lena chuckles and looks at Kara fondly. “Sounds like you and I need to talk about this more often then,” she says with a crooked smile. “Us.”
“Us,” Kara repeats with a grin, as if testing the way the word rolls off her tongue. She leans in to graze Lena’s lips. “I like the sound of that.”
Lena shares her second kiss with her no-longer-best-friend that morning, and Kara’s lips are just as soft as she remembers.
When they break apart, Kara looks like she’s about to tell her this life changing secret (and Lena would know, how Kara looks when she’s about to do that).
“I love you, Lena Luthor.”
Lena shakes her head, as if she doesn’t want to believe it (and maybe she doesn’t, not fully, not just yet). After Lex’s betrayal, she knows no one has said those words and meant them. But this is Kara, of course she means them. How could she not? After everything they’ve been through together, Kara could never lie to her. Still, Lena can’t quite let go of that anguish inside of her, like a slight pang in her chest telling her to wait and see.
But Lena is done waiting. She’d been waiting after their first kiss, and that had been one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
Lena thinks she might have been lost in her thoughts for too long, because when she finally looks up, Kara is giving her this sad yet hopeful look and she takes Lena’s hand in her own.
“You’re my yellow sun, Lena. You give me strength. You’ve always pushed me to be the better version of myself. You’ve always been by my side. I need you, Lena Luthor. I love you. Now and forever.”
“I love you too, Kara.”
Yes, Lena is done waiting.
//
“Lee! We’re gonna be late!”
“Kara, you’re the one who insisted we shower together to ‘save us some time and spare some water’.”
Lena hears Kara muttering under her breath and she smiles fondly.
Her girlfriend finally comes out of the kitchen, a pancake still in her mouth.
“Kara,” Lena scolds, but her half smile betrays her. “We’re literally going to eat all day at your mom’s house.”
“Hey, I am an alien after all.”
Kara flashes her this goofy smile of hers and Lena laughs as she kisses her.
“Mmh, who would have thought? A Super and a Luthor being in love.”
TheGayDanvers: sometimes, she still cries when her girlfriend kisses her. She pretends we can’t see it #thingsmysisterstilldoes
TheBiDanvers: @TheGayDanvers ALEX!!!!!!
LexLuthor: @TheGayDanvers My sister still pines over Kara even though they’ve been together for five months #thingsmysisterstilldoes
GeekiestLuthor: @LexLuthor LEX
**
LexLuthor: Lena just locked me out because Kara is there. @TheGayDanvers and @CaptainLane Can I crash at yours?
CaptainLane: @LexLuthor no
TheGayDanvers: @LexLuthor I’ll keep the door unlocked
**
DimplesSawyer: six months in and @TheBiDanvers tripped on her own feet when she saw Lena in a bikini @TheGayDanvers why don’t you do nice things for me?
TheGayDanvers: @DimplesSawyer because I’m not a gay mess
TheBiDanvers: @TheGayDanvers I’m bi!
LexLuthor: @DimplesSawyer Are we really not talking about how Lena dropped her phone on the pool when @TheBiDanvers smiled at her?
TheBiDanvers: @LexLuthor I’m getting a new phone and you’ll be blocked from everything – Lena
DimplesSawyer: @TheGayDanvers, see? You should ask some tips on how to treat a girl to your sister
**
CaptainLane: I think it’s official @LexLuthor is now homeless
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane Not homeless, just temporarily without a permanent place
CaptainLane: @LexLuthor Homeless, noun (used with a plural verb). 2. Person who lack permanent housing
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane Okay, maybe, but as long as I have your couch it’s okay
TheGayDanvers: oh no @LexLuthor, you’ve been crashing here for the past ten days
LexLuthor: @TheGayDanvers It’s not my fault your sister’s been staying over every damn night
DimplesSawyer: @TheGayDanvers come on, babe, it’s not his fault they wanna bang everyday
TheGayDanvers: @DimplesSawyer what did we agree on talking about my sister’s sex life?
DimplesSawyer: @TheGayDanvers only when she’s around so she can get embarrassed in person
LexLuthor: @TheGayDanvers @DimplesSawyer Guys, I still need a place to live
TheGayDanvers: @LexLuthor if she’s so inclined on helping you, go live with @DimplesSawyer
DimplesSawyer: @TheGayDanvers I basically live with you and Lucy
CaptainLane: see, @LexLuthor? House’s full. Which brings me to another topic @TheGayDanvers when are you moving out?
CaptainLane: because I can no longer sleep with my headphones on
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane If @TheGayDanvers moves out can I get her room?
CaptainLane: @LexLuthor do you pay rent?
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane Yes
CaptainLane: @LexLuthor then be my guest, you’re already better than @TheDanversSisters
DimplesSawyer: @TheGayDanvers, see? All set up
TheGayDanvers: @DimplesSawyer wait, what?
CaptainLane: @TheGayDanvers you’re moving in with Maggie. Lex is moving in with me. And Kara and Lena will keep doing whatever they’re doing
DimplesSawyer: @CaptainLane each other
TheGayDanvers: @DimplesSawyer Maggieeeee
**
GeekiestLuthor: contrary to my idiotic brother’s beliefs, @TheBiDanvers and I aren’t moving in together
GeekiestLuthor: neither are @DimplesSawyer and @TheGayDanvers
CaptainLane: @GeekiestLuthor bummer, I really wanted him as a roommate. @LexLuthor, I think we’ll have to wait another month or so
**
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane How do you clean your furniture with Maggie and Alex around?
CaptainLane: @LexLuthor I burn it
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane You’re kidding right?
CaptainLane: @LexLuthor tell that to my last two couches
**
Kara stopped with the headphones just around her head. She looked at Lena and sighed.
“Lena, promise me you won’t put hardcore.” Lena smiled and pecked her lips.
“I promise you I won’t put hardcore.”
With a nod, Kara put them on. It took a second, in which Lena pressed play on her phone and a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, but Kara snatched them off with a loud squeal.
“Lena!”
“Don’t be mad, please.”
“You promised!”
“Well, technically I put metal, not hardcore.”
“Big difference.”
“There is.” Kara pouted nevertheless, which prompted Lena to scoot closer to her girlfriend, hands cupping Kara’s face as she leaned in. “I’m sorry.” She kissed her again. “Better?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Lena whispered in Kara’s ear, and Kara smiled as her face and neck became redder.
“Okay, I’m better.”
**
They were sitting on Lena’s living room floor, side by side and facing the camera. Kara had one hand on Lena’s thigh and eyes fixed on her shoulder.
Lena, on the other hand, had both hands busy on her phone and it wasn’t until her girlfriend bumped her nose against her neck that she looked up.
“What?” She followed Kara’s gaze until her exposed shoulder, where her tattoo ended, and smiled. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever told you that I love this one.”
“I thought you liked the one in my thigh?” Lena asked.
Kara’s hand closed tighter around Lena, her thumb brushing against the material of her shorts.
“That’s the one with meaning. But, aesthetically? Shoulder, definitely shoulder.”
“I’ve never told you the story behind it, did I?”
“Well, ‘Will I Heal Inside?’ doesn’t leave much scope for interpretation.”
“Kara, I was sixteen, recently outed, Lex wasn’t around to help and mother wasn’t very fond of the idea. I was sad and needed someone to tell me it would be okay. I decided I should be that person.”
“Why is it phrased as a question then?”
“Because I answered it. I’m okay.” Lena pressed their foreheads together, before continuing. “This got personal really fast, uh?”
“Do you want to record the video?”
“Please.” Kara left a kiss in her temple.
**
“Hey guys!” Lena started with a wave of her hand and a grin on her face. “So, today Kara and I are doing ‘The Whisper Challenge’, I mean, it took me two and a half years to do one, I guess you’re all already familiar with it.”
“Anyways, as I’m taking Lena on a date later,”
“I’m getting tired of your beautiful face interrupting me.” Kara only stuck her tongue out.
“we’re only doing three sentences each. But, the nice part is, we’re saying things we hate about each other.”
“Believe me, after almost eight months with Kara I do have lots of things I hate about her.”
“Do not!”
“Okay, so, we’re doing this. Four times each sentence?” Lena asked and when Kara didn’t opposed she clapped her hands together. “Real late ’Whisper Challenge’, three things we hate about each other and date night. I’m just really happy I can say those things to your face.”
“You already do.”
“But you know I don’t mean them.”
“And you’ll mean them this time?” Kara raised an eyebrow, Lena shrugged. “You wanna go first?”
“Nah, I really wanna see your face.”
“Okay.”
**
“Kara, pay attention!” Lena screamed, but Kara was too busy bobbing her head to the song. She snapped her fingers in front of Kara’s face and their eyes finally met. “Ready?”
“I have no idea what you said!” Kara shouted.
“Lower.”
“Nothing!”
They sat facing each other, the side of their faces to the camera. Lena made a gesture with her hand and realization hit Kara.
“Was I screaming?” She asked in a normal voice. Lena nodded. “Sorry.”
“Okay, let’s do this.” Lena breathed in and faced Kara completely. “You are effortlessly beautiful in the morning.”
“Was I supposed to know what you said? Again.”
“You are effortlessly beautiful in the morning.”
“Dodge something, another something in the mourning. It makes no sense, Lena. Again, slower.”
“You are effortlessly beautiful in the morning.”
“You are, why did you have to use those words, in the mourning. Lena, I’m never guessing this. Can I take them off?” Lena nodded. “That’s hard, how do people do that? What did you say?”
“You look effortlessly beautiful in the morning.”
“Really? I’ll take that as a compliment, but really? Did you have to use difficult words?” Lena laughed at Kara’s pout. “Do you really hate that?”
“No. But how do you not have bed hair?”
“Good genes.” Kara smiled at her own answer and kissed the tip of Lena’s nose.
“The best.”
**
“You eat an entire taco in two bites.”
Kara laughed.
“Who made you realize you were bi? You. That’s not something you’re supposed to hate.”
“No. Not that.” Lena looked over at Kara. “You eat an entire taco in to bites.”
“Who”
“Not who, you.”
“Oh, you. Slower okay?” Lena nodded.
“You eat an entire taco in two bites.”
“You eat empire tall into bis.”
“Entire taco.”
“You eat an entire taco in two bites. That I do, but Lena, you always look amused.”
Lena turned to look at the camera, serious expression on her face.
“It’s disgusting.”
**
“Last one, ready, Kara?”
“I still can’t hear you, Lena.”
“You work out shirtless around the house.”
“I’m just going to assume the first word you said was you.”
“You work out shirtless around the house.”
“Say it again, I was distracted looking at your eyes.” Lena giggled but complied. Kara only smiled at her girlfriend. “Don’t act like it bothers you.”
“It does!”
“Lena,” Kara takes off the headphones “you love when I work out.”
“Not when I have essays to write.”
“But I walk around shirtless and you already told everyone how much you love my abs?”
“I have college to pass, Kara. I can’t keep getting distracted.”
“You love it.” Kara passed the headphones to Lena who was smiling.
“I do.”
**
“You forget our date nights.”
Lena shook her head, giggling.
“Nothing, really.”
“You forget our date nights.”
“You forge own day rights?”
“No.” Kara laughed. “You forget our date nights.”
“Date nights?” Lena asked, Kara nodded. “Ah, I forget our date nights, that’s true. Sorry. We always go out to dinner together on Thursdays but sometimes I forget it’s Thursday, it was the reason for our first fight. Kara is the best girlfriend for keeping up with me.” She shrugged.
“You’re not as bad as I am on this, next one?”
Lena leaned in to kiss Kara.
“I didn’t get a word you said but I can’t look at your lips for so long without kissing you.”
Kara bit her lip before whispering something.
“Let’s do this.”
**
“Didn’t get that. My favorite song is playing, I was distracted.”
“You talk in your sleep.”
“I talk in my sleep.”
“How do you do this?” Kara groaned and looked up, before looking back at Lena with a defeated expression.
“What did you just say?” Kara dismissed her with a hand gesture, but Lena was already too busy absorbed in the song. It took her another thirty seconds or so to look back at her girlfriend. “Oh, right, you said it was cute.”
Kara just denied with her head.
**
“Lena, you have to look at my lips to do this.”
But Lena had her eyes closed, head swinging to the beat and mouth following the words.
Kara held Lena’s hand, that made Lena snap her gaze to Kara with a smile. She mouthed a “sorry” and nodded for Kara to proceed.
“It’s easy. Ready?” Another nod. “I love you.”
“No. Again.”
“I love you.” Kara repeated with a serious expression.
“It’s I something.”
“I love you.”
“I love you!” Lena shouted, huge grin on her face.
And Kara watched as it slowly disappeared, the words sinking in. Lena took the headphones off, Kara’s smile getting bigger.
“You love me?”
Kara shrugged.
“I thought it was pretty obvious already, but I just wanted to make sure you knew.”
With a fistful of Kara’s shirt on her hand, Lena pulled Kara towards herself, their kiss nothing but a press of smiles.
“Date night be damned. I love you too.”
“I know.” Lena leaned back, raised an eyebrow. “You talk in your sleep.”
“When did I say it?” Kara just bit her lip at the panic on Lena’s face.
**
LexLuthor: @CaptainLane Thanks for the tip all those weeks ago. I have to burn down my apartment.
also read here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10414389
.
noc·turne
noun
a short composition of a romantic or dreamy character suggestive of night, typically for piano.
a picture of a night scene.
.
They raise their glasses in unison and a million shiny golden lights are thrown across the room. Kara finds her between bare arms and cuffed wrists, her red lipstick a feral color against her black dress. Here, Kara thinks she looks like a wolf, triumphant and calculating and calm all at once.
Kara swallows the thought down with champagne as applause erupts in her eardrums and Lena smiles, smiles, smiles.
.
The bathroom is the only source of light in her apartment. Lena stands under it, dusty yellow spotlighting her black hair and turning it a soft shade of brown. Kara watches her drag a wipe down her skin and the make-up smears. Black runs into whites and purples and when the wipe reaches her lips, the red looks like more like a stain and less like a statement.
When she is finished, Kara kisses her neck, her cheeks, her nose, her eyes, and whispers home, home, home.
.
In the dark of their box seats, Kara can only make out the outline of her profile. Ghostly light covers her from the tip of her nose to the plump folds of her lips, illuminates some odd flyaway hairs, too. They sit in shadow as the orchestra crescendos and Kara has the silent pleasure of watching a moment unfold before her eyes:
Lena, in the safety of black and grey, lets the faintest of breaths tumble from her mouth right as the final note rings in the hall, timpanis boasting and strings soaring.
The applause shakes their seats. The conductor turns, bows.
Lena stands and Kara follows. Lena’s running a careful finger beneath each eye where wetness has gathered.
Kara’s about to turn, about to allow Lena this moment, this privacy, but Lena bumps their shoulders, leans in.
“Is it running?” she asks, her voice clear to only Kara’s ears above the roar of the crowd.
Lena’s make-up never runs. Kara knows this, knows that Lena knows this. She checks, anyways.
Lena’s eyeliner is perfect, there’s barely a stitch. But it’s her eyes that are the giveaway, something sad and bittersweet hanging around the edges. Kara’s heart yearns.
“No,” Kara tells her. “You’re good.”
Lena swipes under her eye one last time. “Okay.”
Kara intertwines their hands and presses a kiss to her temple.
“Okay.”
.
“Opia.”
“Hmm?”
Kara nuzzles closer in their cocoon of blankets. She speaks into lena’s hair, “it’s a word I just remembered.”
“What does it mean?”
“When you look into someone’s eyes and feel vulnerable and invasive all at once.”
Lena’s side rises and falls. Her heartbeat is steady.
“Opia,” she tries, lets the word roll off of her tongue. “Opia…”
She wriggles around so that they can face each other. Lena catches her gaze and she searches. Kara lets her, welcomes her, and she searches, too.
After some time, Lena’s eyes crinkle with soft humor.
“What did you find?” she asks.
Kara hears the last note of the symphony echo throughout her head. Lena’s looking at her with a curious tilt, and there’s nothing cynical about the woman laying across from her.
“I don’t know,” Kara starts. “But I could look forever.”
Lena blinks and it’s like watching a butterfly land. She traces a finger over Kara’s face, memorizing, immortalizing.
“Me too,” she whispers. “Me too.”
.
What Kara really wanted to do, above all else, was to strip out of her supersuit, find her girlfriend, and then convince said girlfriend to take a long, hot, meandering bath with her. A simple request, a totally doable request.
Kara ends up twisting halfway out of her suit before crashing facedown on the bed, sleep hitting her like the cement blocks that had flown her way an hour before.
She doesn't know if she passes out for an hour or for a year, but it’s a low, murmuring voice that pulls her out of her slumber, nimble fingers combing through her mess of curls that bring her back to the surface.
“Kara, darling.”
Kara must mumble something, she doesn’t really know, can’t really comprehend anything at this point in her life, because Lena’s chuckling fondling somewhere above her. Lena’s fingers feel really good though, the shift and slide of her fingers in Kara’s hair will forever be high on her list of senses. She focuses on that and lets out a low groan.
Lena’s fingers trail out of her curls and travel lightly down Kara’s neck. Kara shivers.
“Wake up, sleepy head.”
Kara answers by burrowing further into her pillow. Lena’s response is splaying her hand across Kara’s back. between her shoulder blades, Kara feels the heat of Lena’s hand blossom against her skin.
“You’re warm,” it comes out scratchy and muffled into her pillow.
“So are you.”
“I’m an eternal flame.” Kara pulls herself out of the last bit of her haze to properly look at her. Slowly, Lena comes into focus and Kara’s eyes widen.
Lena’s dressed to the nines, hair and makeup devastatingly flawless, her lips dark and forbidding. Her dress is black and perfect and makes her neck look especially tempting. Kara swallows.
“Woah,” she says, wipes a hand across her eyes. She hears more than sees Lena’s quiet delight. When she gets over her initial gaping, her eyebrows furrow. Lena’s dressed up, which means she’s definitely not going to join Kara for a post-nap nap.
“Did I miss something?” She frowns, looks to the clock on the nightstand.
“No, but I do have to leave soon.” Lena begins to rub small circles into Kara’s back. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”
Kara turns onto her back to look up at Lena as she wills her mind to un-cloud itself, her sleepy brain trying to piece together the parts she can’t seem to find.
Lena’s fingers smooth the lines across Kara’s forehead. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s not a big function, anyways.”
Something clicks with her words and realization slowly dawns on Kara’s face.
“Oh my god, the mayor’s birthday. Crap, Lena, that’s - that’s totally a big function.” Kara groans. She sits up and Lena’s hands fall to the sheets. Kara feels heat rise to her cheeks, the guilt and shame ready to jump off of her tongue in apologies. Lena’s quicker, her touch returning, this time to Kara’s arm in a reassuring grip.
“It’s okay, Kara. You don’t have to go.”
“Yes I do. I promised you,” Kara protests. “I didn’t mean to forget about it, just between Snapper and Supergirl it just kind of…” Kara gestures to the twist of sheets and covers around her and her shoulders slump. “I’m sorry,” she finishes.
Lena only leans forward to press a kiss to the top of Kara’s head. “Don’t be. Even heroes need to rest.”
“Yeah, but I also need to be there for you.” Kara doesn’t mean to pout but she definitely pouts.
Lena turns a shade of pretty pink, just a shade from bashful. She takes Kara’s face gently with both hands, her thumbs smoothing across her cheeks. “In so many ways, you already are.”
Kara melts between Lena’s hands and Lena’s eyes, her face, her gravity, are the only things keeping her together - keeping her awake. She opens her mouth to say something else when a yawn slips out instead. Lena laughs quietly at that, quips “better for you to stay home, dear,” and Kara can only nod, because the bed is warm and her super suit is still stupidly wrapped around her lower half, trapping her.
“All I wanted to do tonight was to take a bath with you but now I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Kara says. Lena laughs and it makes her eyes crinkle wonderfully. She brings them together for a quick kiss before pulling away from Kara entirely. Kara mourns the loss of heat and keeps their hands intertwined as Lena stands at the side of the bed.
“As appealing as that sounds, I have to leave you,” Lena says, and she does honestly sound sad about it.
“I’m gonna make it up to you.”
“Don’t sweat it. I’m sure the mayor will have many other birthdays.”
Kara laughs at that, because Lena’s so good, so understanding and patient and Kara thanks her stars everyday that she’s able to call this woman hers. She pulls her closer, wraps her arms around her middle and their foreheads rest against each other.
“You can be mad that I forgot. I won’t be offended.” Kara can smell her perfume, a hint of toothpaste and soap and everything so unmistakably her . It muddles her, makes her want to pull her girlfriend under the covers with her and ask her to be selfish.
“But I’m not mad.” Lena’s breath is close too, and Kara can feel her self control slipping. “Contrary to what you think, I know what it’s like to need sleep.”
“You’re the best.” Kara kisses her hand and Lena sighs.
“If I hadn’t rsvp’d months ago I would just climb in bed with you.”
Kara grins. “You can still do that.” Lena rolls her eyes. Before Kara can try anything, Lena’s slipped out of her embrace and is standing two feet away from her as if she’d be swallowed by the warmth. Kara’s in full pout mode now and Lena sends a wink over her shoulder.
Kara watches as she readjusts her dress and hair in the mirror by the bedroom door.
“You’re pretty,” Kara whispers. And Lena is, with the yellow light from the hallway painting her in moody, auburn colors. Lena laughs softly, her smile shy as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Thank you. You are, too.”
“Baby I know.” It comes with a smug grin, teasing, and Lena pretends to scoff at her.
It’s moments like these where she’s somebody else entirely. Kara thinks she’s seeing Lena in these moments.
“I won’t be long.” She strides back to Kara to kiss her one last time. She gives a small wave before exiting into the yellow light of the hallway and the door closes softly behind her.
Kara falls back into the mattress, smiling into her pillow.
.
Kara Danvers had agreed to accompany Lena Luthor to the mayor’s birthday party. Supergirl, on the other hand, is an unexpected visitor.
It’s a bit awkward at first because she has to have a wait staff open the balcony windows for her, and it continues when the mayor is so starstruck he forgets to shake her hand so she’s just kind of left hanging. He’s a nice man though, and his wife does most of the talking while her husband recovers from the initial shock (“best birthday surprise ever!” he excitedly tells her later on).
She mingles with a few of the elite, some she recognizes from being a reporter and others from her runs as Supergirl. There are some higher department heads from the police station and she’s briefly distracted looking for Maggie’s head.
All in all, it’s a nice gathering and she’s glad she decided to come. She reminds herself to ask Lena about her definition of a “small function” because the mayor’s party is anything but.
It doesn’t take long for Lena to find her.
“Supergirl, what a surprise.”
Kara turns and her smile grows. “Miss Luthor.”
Lena looks happy to see her but there’s a question to the tilt of her mouth. Kara decides to answer it for her. She takes a small step forward, careful to mind the space between them.
“I thought I should stop by,” she says, her hands on her hips. “To see a friend.”
Lena smirks. “A friend?”
“Yes.” Kara’s cheeks redden. “A good friend.”
“Just a good friend?”
“A very, very good friend.”
“The mayor is a lucky man.” Lena’s smirk blooms into a full smile when Kara rolls her eyes.
“It was important for me to come. I made a promise.” Kara locks eyes with her. Lena softens, her body looking to move into Kara’s space before she remembers herself. She raises her chin ever so regally and an understanding passes between them.
The smile they share is a secret one.
.
Later, when they’re on the rooftop under stars and Lena’s taken off her heels and Kara’s put away her cape, Lena leans into her side.
“Thank you,” she whispers and places a lingering kiss on her cheek. “For being so thoughtful.”
Kara laces their fingers together. “Well,” she says with a grin. “I am Supergirl, after all.”
Lena kisses her again. “Super, that you are.”
.
no·vo·caine
noun
another term for procaine.
crystalline hydrochloride used as a local anesthetic
.
In high school, Kara’s lab partner was covered with hickeys.
She would hide them with scarves and high collars and long hair and make-up. Then there were the days where she didn’t bother and would instead let her neck bare all, a silent proudness in the curve of her spine and glint of her eyes.
Kara inspects her own neck in the mirror and wishes for a bruise.
Her closet is overflowing with scarves and high collars and she’s got long hair and make-up. She’s prepared, so really this whole impenetrable-skin situation is just unfortunate.
Lena goes to work with sharp skirts and pricey blouses that hide secrets; bites that bloom and then descend past the point of no return. Kara makes them, sees them, envies them. On those mornings, Lena leaves with a smirk on her lips and a glint in her eyes.
Kara digs her nail at her neck hard, hard enough for her to feel the pressure in her windpipe. For a blinding second, a sliver of a half-moon appears before it’s inevitable disappearance.
She pouts at her reflection and there’s no one around to blame.
.
Lena’s entire weight is on top of her and Kara thinks that if this is how she goes, then it has been a great and wonderful life.
Lena’s hands are in her hair and she pulls, and Kara can’t feel it, not at first. Lena pulls harder then, tugs her closer, closer still, lips crashing and mouth wet. Lena’s mouth opens, latches, closes, and the bite is something that Kara does not see coming.
She sees stars and that’s better.
She nips at Lena’s collarbone and Lena squirms, her fingers digging into Kara’s scalp. Kara tests the waters, bites again, harder this time, and then soothes it with a flick of tongue.
The noise she gets out of Lena is better than music.
Pride swells in Kara and then there’s nothing to stop her from trying again, and again, and again, the pressure increased each time and Lena becomes a writhing mess with every passing second.
Kara feels her self control slip, can sense the tilt, but Lena’s so perfect like this, her skin so hot and voice breathy, and Kara can’t get marked, can’t parade around this adornment, can’t feel anything -
“Wait,”
Kara rears back, eyes wide. Lena pushes a curtain of hair out of her face.
“What’s wrong?” Kara’s face pinches in immediate worry. She messed up, she hurt her, oh god, Lena’s never gonna let Kara touch her again -
“Nothing,” Lena breathes out. “It’s just, I feel like,” she looks suddenly looks bashful, “like maybe you’re holding back?”
Kara blinks back her surprise. “Really?” she asks, voice lilting in amazement.
Lena giggles. Giggles . “I really appreciate that you’re trying to be careful, but it’s okay to, you know…”
Kara beams and leans up to capture her in a messy kiss, more smiles and bumps than anything else.
The next morning, Lena borrows a turtleneck and wears her hair down. They dress together and Kara smiles at her like they’ve got a secret.
Lena presses a quick kiss to Kara’s cheek on her way out the door and for a fleeting second Kara forgets to be jealous about the purple and red that’s hidden underneath her layers of clothes.
.
They settle on red lipstick. It isn’t the same as a bruise but its function is pretty close.
Kara runs her finger across the red streaks that mark her body head to thigh. In the mirror, she’s a canvas covered in shades of ruby and the whole image just screams lust.
Kara is wanted .
They’re not bruises but Kara will take what she can get.
.
Lena Luthor is a tease.
Kara wants this known, wants this information published, because Lena Luthor is a tease and that’s so not fair . It’s an injustice, and isn’t Kara’s whole thing to fight against injustice?
For example:
Lena leaves the house with bites between her legs that only Kara knows about and then on her lunchbreak, Lena will tell Kara about how she hasn’t really been sitting comfortably all morning and Ms. Danvers, isn’t that odd? She’ll throw Kara these knowing looks and all Kara can do is shrug and squirm, because Jess is usually an earshot away and the last thing that Lena needs is a corporate scandal.
Lena has a closet full of beautiful clothes perfect for ballrooms and business rooms. Her style is impeccable and, Kara thinks secretly, could rival Cat Grant. It’s what’s underneath those dresses and pantsuits that are the real show, though.
Kara is the only one who knows what Lena puts on underneath her dresses, is the only one that knows what Lena Luthor looks like while getting ready for a gala, is the only one that is blessed enough to be the one who takes off Lena’s dress at the end of the night. Kara didn’t know that torture could taste so sweet, that waiting could burn so pleasantly.
Every small brush, every whiff of perfume and slight of skin, is pure torture. Kara finds herself balancing the merits of societal decency whenever Lena so much as looks her way, expression dark and mouth inviting, eyes dancing brightly like she knows exactly what she’s doing.
She hates it, really.
She hates the waiting. She hates watching Lena move around the room, her laughter echoing in her ears and Kara has to remind herself to breathe when she thinks of turning that laugh into something else, something deeper.
She hates sitting an arm’s length apart on the cab rides over, knowing that if she were any closer they would never make their destination in time, or at all. She hates waiting for the night to end so that she can start on what she wants.
Somewhere on her left, Lena lets out that stupid, throaty laugh and Kara finds herself turning towards the sound before she can stop, her glass midway to her lips and the conversation she was having reverting to background noise.
She looks just in time to see Lena throwing a headful of dark hair over her shoulder, her neck rising attractively as she bends her head back to laugh again.
Kara really, really hates this.
Lena’s gaze slides over to kara’s momentarily and her girlfriend, her wonderful, brilliant, totally wicked girlfriend, winks at her.
Kara manages a smile and drains her glass. It’s going to be a really, really, really long night.
.
Not that she actually hates her girlfriend.
Lena explains it perfectly well when she’s pressed against the elevator walls, dress obscenely rucked up and lipstick smeared on Kara’s neck.
“You have a thing for pretty women in dresses at fancy parties,” she breathes into Kara’s mouth.
“Mm,” Kara moves down her neck, nipping along the way. The elevator dings. “I have a thing for you in pretty dresses at fancy parties.” She finds that special spot on Lena’s collarbone and Lena’s head thumps against the wall.
“That is true,” Lena squeaks. “But,” she says, all breath and low and Kara’s heart spins. Lena places her hands firmly on Kara’s shoulders and pushes with enough force that Kara’s momentarily off-balance. “So do I.”
Kara squeals, her back hits the adjacent wall, and Lena presses the length of her body up against hers. Kara groans at the feel of her, lets herself drown in the scent, the touch, the will of Lena. The elevator dings again.
They don’t always wait for the night to end. Kara threads her fingers through dark locks of hair and smiles into her kisses until she can’t smile any longer.
Lena Luthor is a tease but Kara Danvers is a willing participant, and Kara would gladly go whenever, wherever Lena may.
.
Kara’s sprawled facedown on top of the sheets, limbs heavy and unresponsive. She turns her head and breathes deeply.
Above her, the moon is high in the sky and pools liquid light into their bedroom. She hears a faint gasp behind her, something so small that only her ears could pick up.
“Mhmm?” she says.
She feels the mattress shift as Lena sits up towards the foot of the bed. Next comes the light, phantom brushes of fingers against her cooling skin. She breathes deeply through her nose.
“You look,” Lena’s voice is throaty, a different type of timbre from before. “Devastatingly beautiful.” Kara doesn’t miss the note of awe in her voice. Without moving her body, she turns her head towards Lena.
Lena’s mouth is parted slightly. Her hair washes down her shoulders in waves and Kara can just make out the faintest beginnings of red that start between her breasts and then dip lower, lower until it disappears between her legs and then reappears down the sides of her thighs. She looks like a painting.
Lena’s hand follows the contours of Kara’s back, the dips and muscles that shiver in their oversensitive state.
“I understand now,” she says, quiet.
“Understand what?”
Lena smiles, secret and sure. “I just understand.”
Kara laughs and her hair flutters around her breath. She feels untethered. “I think I do too.” She reaches out a hand and Lena takes it.
Together, they lay side by side underneath the moonlight.
.
no·va
noun
a star showing a sudden large increase in brightness and then slowly returning to its original state over a few months.
.
Kara isn’t the only one that has to leave at unexpected times.
Lena’s called to Vienna for work and Kara doesn’t really know how to occupy her time.
“It’s only a week, Kara,” Lena reminds her when she sees her pout.
“That’s like, a hundred-sixty-eight hours without you.” Kara doesn’t mean to whine. But she whines.
“You’ll be fine,” Lena soothes. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
Lena doesn’t stay one week, she stays three. It’s something about corporate politics and company merging and Kara’s smart enough to understand it but she doesn’t really focus on any of it because all she gets out of the call is that her girlfriend will be gone for five-hundred-and-four hours, and those are five hundred hours too many.
“I miss you,” she says one night three days in. Lena’s laugh warms Kara from her toes up.
“I miss you, too.” Kara picks up sounds of a street, muffled in the back of Lena’s voice. She smiles, pictures her laying down on the bed with the phone in her hand like a teenage girl, the city bustling outside of her hotel window.
“It hasn’t been that long,” Lena says.
“Seventy-four hours and twelve minutes,” Kara corrects.
“Nerd.”
“Says the nerd.”
Lena laughs again. Kara can hear the undertones of fatigue, no doubt the result of a long day’s work. She rests her head on her hand and looks out into sunny National City and thinks of Vienna at night.
“Big day?”
An exasperated sigh. “You wouldn’t believe.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“How about you?”
“Pretty good, as far as DEO shenanigans go. Snapper, not so much.”
“He can stick it.”
“Yeah.”
A beat of companionable silence. Kara aches for Lena at her side.
“I never realized how much you’ve affected my life.” It comes out without Kara filtering it and she holds her breath and prays she hasn’t accidentally spoken too soon, which, she might have.
Lena’s quiet for a few moments before speaking. “Yeah, yeah, no, I understand.” She pauses and Kara pictures her biting her lip, maybe threading a finger through her hair like she does when she’s choosing her words carefully. “I knew I was whipped but now I know that I'm super whipped.”
Kara chokes. “Was that a pun?”
“Maybe.”
Kara shakes her head. “Wow.”
“You liked it,” Lena tuts. Kara can see her eyebrow raising in jest and her heart yearns once more, and yeah, this woman’s got her wrapped around her pinky.
“Whatever. Super whipped, me too, I guess.”
They share a laugh and it eases Kara, makes her miss Lena even more. Three days. Seventy-four hours and fifteen minutes. She’s done for.
“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” Lena says. “To be super whipped with.”
Kara’s got her dopey grin on.
“Me too.”
.
Kara gives in at the end of the week and flies out to Vienna.
She’s never been before and is immediately taken to the city and its charms. The air is clean and the people move differently, the language fast and direct.
On her first night, they go for dinner and a walk.
“It’s a regal city,” Lena says as they walk arm and arm down a white cobblestone backroad.
Kara takes in the buildings and the smells, notes the way the architecture juts out just so. “I can see that,” she agrees.
“I saw the Schönbrunn Palace with my father the last time I was here.”
Kara nods. She waits, listens. Lena rarely shares about her father.
“The gardens stretch on forever.” Lena smiles, gets caught in a memory. “You don’t really have a concept of how large it is until you’re walking up the hill and turn and see how small the palace is from how far away you are. At least that’s what it felt like.”
They turn a corner by a church. A group of boys and girls pass them.
“I tried to race my father up the path to the Glorietta,” Lena chuckles. “I made it in a breeze but he opted to walk the way, so I guess it wasn’t much of a race.”
“How old were you?” Kara asks.
“Twelve,” she says.
“We should go.”
“To the Glorietta?”
“To the gardens, the palace, everything.” Kara smiles, bright and sure. She wants this, wants to see what made Lena.
Lena slides her hand down so they can swing their arms as they walk.
“I’d like that.”
They lean into each other as they round another corner.
“I’ll warn you though,” she says and Lena turns to her. “If you ask me to race you, I just might win.”
Lena raises her chin. “Is that a challenge?”
“Maybe.”
Lena raises up on her tiptoes then and pecks Kara’s cheek.
“Challenge accepted.”
.
Kara wins the race but it’s Lena who gets the last laugh because Kara accidentally almost runs into a family of four on her way up.
The palace itself is gorgeous. Kara doesn’t feel the slightest bit guilty that she’s taking an impromptu vacation from her responsibilities the moment she steps foot into the gardens.
Lena’s perception hadn’t warped. The gardens were indeed huge. Each terrace came with new flowers of bold yellows and reds, royal purples and soft blues. The statues bowed and the trees bent in the wind, the roses sweet and the sun forgiving.
Lena holds her hand and excitedly tells Kara all she knows about the gardens and the history of the palace and Kara hangs onto her every word.
They’re leaning against the pillars of the Glorietta as the sun starts to dip into the sky. Vienna is cast in a hue of gold. Beyond the palace, the city rises above, red rooftops shining in the late sun, the altitude making everything seem just out of their reach.
“Is it how you remembered?” Kara asks her.
Lena hums, rests her head against Kara’s shoulder.
“It’s better,” she says.
.
Kara’s getaway has to end that night. She doesn't want to leave the city and her girlfriend, but Lena gently pushes at her shoulders.
“Only four-hundred-and-twenty-two hours left,” she says and Kara laughs into her neck.
When she gets back to their apartment in National City she empties her bag. In her pocket she pulls out a napkin with a perfectly applied lipstick mark and a note scratched on the bottom in Lena’s loopy script, written in German:
till we’re together again
Kara sets the napkin on the nightstand next to her glasses. She dreams of city lights, old buildings, yellow roses, and Lena. Always, always Lena.
.
de novo
adjective and adverb
in general usage, de novo (literally "of new") is latin expression meaning from the beginning.
.
Kara’s just about to dig into her lunch that she’s brought for the two of them when Jess sticks her head into Lena’s office.
“Sorry Miss Luthor,” Jess begins. “There’s a reporter from Diva Pop here for a quote and,” Jess lowers her voice, “I can’t get rid of her.”
Lena frowns. “Diva Pop?”
Jess doesn’t explicitly do it but Kara can practically sense her urge to roll her eyes.
Lena shrugs. “Send her in.” She shoots Kara an apologetic look before straightening in her seat and pushing her lunch aside. Kara wordlessly migrates with her lunch in tow to the couch and settles in to watch the show. If CatCo is considered puff piece central in snobby journalists’ eyes, then Diva Pop is the sugar and spice and nothing nice.
The reporter is sunny and chipper, her hair up in such a tight ponytail that Kara’s head tingles just from looking at it. Her dress is pink and pressed and her lipstick is cherry-berry red. Lena’s eyebrows raise slightly when she enters the room.
“Miss Luthor!” the reporter exclaims. She’s shaking Lena’s hand before Lena has the chance to stand and greet her. “A pleasure. Shirley Smith from Diva Pop. I’m here on a special mission.”
“Nice to meet you, Shirley. How can I help?”
“Well, first we can start with the basics. What’s it like being in a polyamorous relationship with the Girl Of Steel and Cat Grant’s ex-assistant?”
From her seat on the couch, Kara chokes on her BLT.
.
Lena shuts down the rumors before they start.
“I don’t mind gossip,” she tells Kara once a dejected Shirley Smith leaves the office. “But if I’m gonna be honest, that whole spiel just seemed like too much work to keep up with.”
Kara chews her bite slowly and swallows. “Thanks for doing that. I don’t think I would’ve handled it as well as you did.”
Lena smiles. “That was nothing compared to the meeting I’m having later today.”
“You’ve got a knack for this kind of stuff.”
Lena pokes at her salad. Then, “a polyamorous relationship.”
Kara looks up. “With Supergirl and Cat Grant’s ex-assistant.”
Their eyes meet for a moment. Lena breaks first, giggles spilling out of the corner of her mouth and Kara goes soon after. They burst into a fit of laughter that has Kara clutching the side of her stomach and Lena throwing a hand over her eyes.
“People are crazy,” Kara wheezes. Both of them are leaning back on the couch, the laughter making their bones sated and lungs light.
“Yep.” Lena pops the ‘p’ with her lips.
“It’s creative though, I have to give them that.”
Lena hums. “I’m all for loving who you want but I don’t think we’re cut out to be the pioneers of the polyamory scene.” She pats Kara’s shoulder. “Sorry, babe.”
Kara sighs. “I’ll tell Supergirl.”
They fall into another pit of giggles. Lena props her arm up against the couch.
“I’m pretty lucky,” she says. There’s a glint in her eye.
Kara carefully unwraps the rest of her sandwich. “Oh?”
“Somehow I got the world’s most powerful woman and the world’s most charming reporter. Double jackpot.”
Kara scrunches her nose. “You let it get to your head.”
“Can you blame me?” Lena waggles an eyebrow. Kara waves her sandwich at her.
“Stop before you start.”
“Do you think they’d pit us against each other? Like down the line?”
“Oh my god.”
“They’d totally give us Twilight-esque scenarios. ‘Team Kara or Team Supergirl?’” Lena lowers her voice for the last part and gives Kara a silly wink.
“And what would you choose?” Kara asks, chin defiant.
Lena doesn’t miss a beat. “Team us, of course.” She leans over to kiss her. Kara laughs into her mouth.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Yeah, but you’re still dating me.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
.
Kara cleans up the last of the bottles from the living room. Another successful game night, another deep cleaning. She likes cleaning up after game nights without her powers. It kinda caps off a night of comfort, of being reminded that she has a family who sees and accepts her as she is, powers or not.
Lena’s packing up the leftover food in the kitchen as the radio plays softly through the speakers.
Kara discards the bottles and affectionately bumps their shoulders as she comes up next to her girlfriend. She starts with packing away the pizza but by the second container she’s switched to eating it instead.
Lena doesn’t say anything, only silently slides the rest of the tupperware towards Kara and moves around her to grab two beers out of the fridge. She opens them, gives one to Kara, and they toast.
The smile they share is a secret one.
.
The Wizard of Oz comes to the Los Angeles Theatre and Kara bends over backward to grab tickets.
She can barely contain her excitement during the coming weeks till the show. Alex has to cap her ‘Oz’ references to three per day.
Half an hour before showtime, her, Lena, Alex, and Maggie all settle into their seats. Kara’s buzzing with energy. Lena holds her hand the entire time, a small, delighted smile tugging on the edge of her face.
The show runs smoothly and Kara happily mouths along with the actors on stage.
The show is perfect. Absolutely, positively perfect.
It’s not until they’re outside waiting for their ride when the emotions hit her. She doesn’t really process that she’s going to cry until she just is. Somewhere between watching Alex and Maggie banter about Broadway trivia and Lena tucking a stray hair behind her ear she finds herself shedding silent tears that run swiftly down her cheeks and pool at the tip of her chin.
Lena keeps her alarm at bay, only rests her hand on Kara’s arm carefully. She gives Kara a moment to herself and allows her to turn away from the street and into the dark awning.
“Kara?”
Kara sniffles and breathes through her mouth.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she admits. She lets out a watery laugh.
“You don’t have to explain.” It’s whispered. The turn of Lena’s mouth is forgiving, understanding, and looks familiar. Kara’s seen it reflected on her own face.
Kara nods, The tears are falling faster now and without warning. Lena gathers Kara in her arms and holds her under the awning of the theatre as the city stumbles around them.
Alex has noticed the shift in Kara by now and is walking over to their side. Kara hears her footsteps, steady and sure, before she feels a gentle, warm hand on her back.
“Hey, everything okay?” Kara looks at her sister. Her brown eyes are wide and concerned and sweet , and Kara feels another splurge of tears coming and everything is just moving a little too fast for her tastes right now.
She swallows, finds the will in her to nod. “Yeah,” she says, mostly because it’s true and also because she wants to be done with this impromptu crying fest. “Yeah, just, I’m really glad I got to see the show.”
Even if they don’t believe her, the three of them take her word for it.
Lena wraps an arm around Kara’s middle. Alex nods and touches Kara’s shoulder comfortingly.
“Okay,” she says.
“It was a helluva production,” Maggie quips and it breaks the emotional wall. They all laugh and Kara enjoys the sweet contrast to the salt on her tongue.
“It was,” Kara agrees. Lena’s arm tightens. “It really was.”
.
Later, in the quiet of their apartment, Kara pulls Lena in for a bone crushing hug.
“Hey,” Lena whispers.
“Hey.”
They stand like that, leaning their weight into each other.
“Did my makeup run? Back there…?”
Lena huffs a laugh into the crook of Kara’s neck. “No, it did not.”
“Okay.”
“You used my makeup anyways, so you’re good.” It’s Kara’s turn to laugh. She holds Lena as tight as she possibly can without hurting her.
Lena wiggles so she can look Kara in the eye. Her hands drop to her neck and pull Kara in.
“Let’s go to bed,” she says.
Kara nods and takes Lena’s hand in hers and together, they walk down the hallway, shoulders bumping the entire way.
.
“I’m home,” Kara whispers into the dark. Lena shuffles sleepily, pulls at Kara to come closer.
“You are,” she says and pushes Kara’s hair away from her face.
Kara watches Lena in the pale moonlight and knows that Lena’s watching her with just as much care, with just as much tenderness.
Lena scoots closer still and kisses Kara’s forehead, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks, whispers, “you’re home, you’re home, you’re home,” and Kara melts.
An understanding passes between them, a silent exchange, a secret for only their eyes and lips and ears.
Lena holds her until she falls asleep, the gentle rhythm of her heart the last thing she hears before drifting off into a dreamland of colors; of yellows and reds and greens, and Lena, always Lena.
.
As the evening sun slips out of the sky, Kara Danvers, CatCo reporter, walks into Lena Luthor’s office with two bags of take-out and Supergirl’s suit rolled up at the bottom of her purse.
After a night of working late Lena Luthor is abducted by two CADMUS agents and subjected to a very experimental method of hurting Supergirl. The plan devised by none other than her own Mother, Lillian Luthor has finally found a way to combine Supergirl’s two greatest weaknesses.
She had taken the day. The people of National city were flooding into the streets, cheering, screaming, hugging loved ones and popping what champagne hadn’t been destroyed in the chaos and destruction let in the wake of fleeing Daxamite troops.
And she was alone.
Winn had gone to find whomever he cared about, a girlfriend, a best friend, she assumed. Her mother had floated down on haughty airs, monopolizing whatever news feed she could, touting her victory, clipped tone and no minced words: Lillian Luthor had saved the earth.
And Lena was alone.
She took a last swig of the scotch, swirling it in her glass for good measure before tossing it back, without ceremony. Why stand on ceremony when there was no one there who might care enough to watch. Nothing but rubble and ruin. Loss and lacking.
She almost dropped the highball as a sharp rap shattered her concentration, or, more accurately her spiral into self-pity. She raised her chin and, before she was even consciously aware, her face split into a wide grin.
“Kara!” She stood and rushed the blonde, squeezing her in a fit of warmth and concern. “You’re alright.”
The girl was stiff and unyielding to the offered affection, rigid in her arms. lena drew back and took in the stoic resolve painted across the other woman’s face.
“Kara,” the woman gave no indication of having heard Lena call her name, “Kara, are you alright?”
She watched as Kara blinked once, twice, her eyes growing glassy under the sheen of unshed tears. The blue of her eyes shone like sapphire, alive though unwell.
“I am so far from alright.” Her voice was small, far from the jovial laughter they so often shared. So far, too, from the strong and strident tone of the Girl of Steel. This was a broken voice, belonging to a likewise broken woman. Lena took her elbow and walked Kara over to the couch, lightly dusted in rubble, sitting where they had previously shared so many confidences.
The Luthor heiress placed a comforting hand on Kara’s shoulder and noticed the slight tremor as it raked and rattled under her touch.
“I’m so, so tired, Lena.” Kara brought her eyes up to meet the icy green of Lena’s own, truly acknowledging her for the first time since entering the room. “I’m so tired of losing. I lost my home, my family. I lost my planet.” Kara paused as a solitary tear cut a well-worn path down her cheek.
She was breaking her own rule, talking to Lena in this way, acknowledging their unspoken secret, their unspoken truth. Revealing herself casually to Lena in a such a way as to give all due respect to the Luthor’s intelligence. How could she not know her best friend was the Kryptonian savior of National City? Lena seemed to take it all in stride, still stroking Kara’s shoulder gently, holding her unflinching gaze.
“I finally let myself be happy. Finally let myself have something, someone. And they’re lost too.” Kara dropped her face into her hands and wept openly. Lena drew a shaky breath and continued her attentions, sliding closer to push small circles into Kara’s back as if she were drawing the tension from the woman’s shoulders with her very palms.
“The only thing I can think of to say to you is the one thing that’s ever truly helped me when I thought all was lost.” Lena hummed softly and looped her arm around the woman beside her, settling in quietly, so as not to upset their positions. “I know it feels terrible right now; you made an impossible decision and your heart feels rent in two. You can’t see fit to connect or to love anyone again; what’s the point of loving someone if you’re simply going to lose them?
“Kara, you don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Lena pressed a quiet kiss to the woman’s forehead and together they sat in silence as twilight faded, dwindling into to a black night punctuated by what seemed like a purposeful scatter of stars.
When you can’t seem to figure out your current chapter, draw it out. Literally.
So, here’s my writer’s block drawing of Lena Luthor from the current chapter of my Supercorp fic, How to Succeed in Business, proving that you can be intimidating, even in socks.
