#support loved ones

[personallifegoals]

Good morning, everyone! It's stay sober to get necessary tasks done Thursday! That one isn't as catchy as other things I've come up with. Gotta stay sober for my dog this morning, and to show love and support to my loved ones and to be in the best condition to receive their love and support in return. Gonna wait to get high as long as possible.

Coolest win condition I can imagine for today:

No weed all day, I go to sleep tonight having stayed sober the whole day. (Unlikely but shoot for the moon, etc.)

Laugh with my sister

Make my brother laugh, smile, or give me a non-sarcastic thumbs up.

Think about niece and art

Tell Eliot he's a good boy.

Promote PBS

This morning I'm watching the Pressroom, Presented by azpm (my local PBS!). They're talking about a new Data Center going in near Tucson? Not gonna lie, it's dry as hell and my tiktok and YouTube shorts rotted attention span is having such a hard fucking time staying on the TV, keeps slipping back round tithe tablet.

The tablet is this is me typing this out. I think my autocorrect is trying to commit very sneaky sabotage one me. That or I'm an even worse writer than I thought I was lol. I look back on what I've written and it's nearly nonsense. I'm trying really hard, ya'll. I'm doing my best.

I'm spiraling the smallest bit now, just watch PBS.

Have a great day. Accept exactly as much new information from new perspectives as you can today, be kind and curious toward your neighbors. Ask for help and remember to say thank you as many times as you can, just watch PBS.

[personallifegoals]

Morning has been off. Woke up to a mess I had to take care of immediately, threw everything off for starting the day. Even though I was exhausted last night, I had trouble finding sleep. I think I need to put more effort into making an attempt at journaling even when I'm exhausted in that terrible soul and body way. More of a draw the poison out before passing out type ritual.

I have managed to get the mess completely taken care of. I ate something (frozen burritos? Yeah, frozen burritos), had my morning pills and some tea. I'm way behind on water for the day (especially considering donating yesterday) and decided to wake and bake to make the mess more tolerable, a bad and irresponsible mix for mental state. Water water water, try to get significant protein from somewhere.

For all that I'm feeling like the fall out from yesterday, I still feel like yesterday was a mostly good day. Dad's about as good as he ever is, so miserable, but he only had nice things to say about staff, and he was happy and excited to introduce us to the CNA who took his vitals. We don't visit him enough. Sometimes, I feel like I fucked it up back at the beginning when he was in the very first rehab center. I just should've stayed there and been with him. He's so lonely, he's so bad at reaching out for help and I should've just been there and been hands on in taking care of him. I have a lot of Dad shaped problems I've been ignoring, I'm not gonna conquer all of them here and now. These ideas are moving to the paper journals might delete later.

[personallifegoals]

I am tired. Being out all day, seeing Dad, standing as long as I did in the room, donating plasma, and then sweating in that room for an two hours straight only to go out side and walk around out side a bit and vape for some fresh air (in the city, in August in the early afternoon before the clouds rolled in!), all while dealing with all my Dad feelings and doing my best to just be in the moments to just allow myself to enjoy seeing my family, of being in the same spaces together sort of took it out of me.

Was a mixed success today, mostly good, definite disappointments, but nothing that felt like a big deal. Everyone got less money than they thought they would, checking out the swap meet was a bust (it definitely wasn't what we remembered from when we were kids, there was like, no one there), which sucks, yeah, but Dad seemed to be in good spirits. No one got snippy with each other, no one got sick, Dave and I came up with a plan for operation Dad's Computer, I had a nice time hanging out with my siblings, I can't complain about that.

Meds, teeth, then sleep

Goodnight