#surface area man

[newsbear]

Onion Beef roundup.

http://www.theonion.com/article/work-friend-accidentally-becomes-real-friend-17504

http://www.theonion.com/article/overeager-simpleton-destroys-which-he-loves-most-56197

http://www.theonion.com/article/report-750000-americans-die-each-year-during-first-52848

http://www.theonion.com/article/disgusted-researchers-cant-even-bring-themselves-f-56445

http://www.theonion.com/article/nike-introduces-new-line-sauce-wicking-competitive-56443

http://www.theonion.com/article/rec-sports-league-organizer-needs-cool-it-emails-56577

http://www.theonion.com/article/report-rise-global-temperatures-likely-increase-nu-56600

http://www.theonion.com/article/man-who-jumped-motorcycle-hijacked-bullet-train-ne-56592