Debuting my RichPhil comic, QUOD AMES (Something You May Love) at Manga Ichiba at Fanime Con this Sunday! Have a little 6 page preview. It's a story about the contradictions (or not..?) between purity and power, especially in a peculiar social position and time with no concept of equality between men and the men they pledge themselves to. It is also about how having a crush on an older guy can get REALLY weird when reciprocated...
Specs: The comic is 36 pages, black and white, with cardstock color covers, at a half-letter (US) size. It is a "Part One" of a 2 part story I have in mind. It is 18+ only, and Content warnings and other info can be seen on my site.
Q: Do I need to know historical context?
A: It certainly enriches it (those who know, know...) but I did try to make it understandable on its own. I hope you all enjoy...
I'll be busy selling this upcoming week, but my fellow angevinyaoierz can preorder here :3
I'll also be sending out emails to those on the interest check & notification form as well when I can--For those who can't make it to the fest, you can still fill out the form if you want to be notified of the digital zine or other updates.
Butch and Aiden knew each other shortly before Project Freelancer. It was only natural for them to hang out together.
A/N: I’m deeply in love with these two. I love the ship and both characters, so please notice that headcanons are here in this fic. enjoy.
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Butch did never quite grasp the concept of love.
In theory, it made perfect sense: one felt attraction, then let those feelings develop, until they fell in love.
As far as Butch knew, love wasn't about sex. He's had plenty of sex in his life, and he couldn't say he didn't care about the people in his life, but love them?
He wasn't sure that was the right word.
The only step of that whole process that he truly understood was the attraction, the beautiful, dangerous dance of meeting a complete stranger and seducing them.
That was exactly why he decided to approach Aiden in the first place.
He could tell by the way he moved and talked that Aiden had something special within himself, cleverly hidden by the controlled exterior he had carefully crafted in order to blend in.
Perhaps their coping mechanism were different (maybe the opposite, some would argue), but deep down Butch knew they were the same.
So they had decided to hang out, more specifically to visit the zoo. Butch had discovered that Aiden felt a deep fascination toward birds, and he himself was interested in whatever form life could take.
They chatted for a bit throughout the first few cages, doing some small talk to catch up with their lives. Butch was still unemployed, Aiden would mention a few facts about his patients (making sure not to disclose any personal information, of course). They talked about Reginald, Aiden mumbled something about his ex, then froze as they suddenly ran into the peacocks' habitat.
He seemed to morph completely in front of Butch's eyes, and although it was subtle, he could see excitement shake through his whole body.
Eyes widening, his lip turning into a slight smile, his body language becoming just a little less collected than his usual perfect self.
It took just a second, though, before Aiden was reminded of Butch's looming figure.
"They're beautiful" he said quietly, deciding to move closer to the fence.
"They are" Butch agreed, stopping a little bit closer than what he would've usually done.
It was nice to see Aiden like this, especially his eyes. The way they lit up was in clear contrast with how he was trying to hold his own excitement back, how he would lightly bounce his leg to dissipate the energy that was so clearly starting to build up.
Butch decided to brush his hand, earning a gulp followed by a soft gasp.
"Did you know that peacocks aren't born with their feathers?"
Aiden asked, bringing his hand closer to himself.
"No, I didn't"
"Male and female peachicks look the same when they're born. It's pretty hard to tell them apart until they start to develop their trains" he explained.
"I think that's poetic, in a way. Like someone who becomes their beautiful, true self once they grow up," he paused.
"Don't you agree?"
"I think that some people are born with their feathers, others never get their own" Butch chuckled.
"And in which category of people do you think you fall?" Aiden turned to look at him, and it was hard, for Butch, not to mind about the sparkle in his eyes. They usually looked so empty, maybe even dead, but it took just a fancy bird to make him all happy and excited again.
"I think I had to earn mine" he replied, "but I was meant to grow my train, eventually. It simply took some time"
"I see" Aiden turned back to look at the peacocks.
Butch wanted to ask about Aiden's own metaphorical feathers, but he looked so invested in those birds that he didn't want to distract him. Yet he still wanted to talk, but judging fron Aiden's awed expression he wasn't going to say anything without being prompted to.
"Do you think they can fly?" Butch asked.
"They can. They're one of the largest flying birds in existence, if not the biggest"
"How would you know that?"
"I used to watch documentaries about nature, as a child. I also happen to have a good memory".
Butch hummed, pondering what to ask next.
"Were you planning to become a therapist, growing up?"
"Oh? No, I... I actually didn't make any plans".
He seemed to retreat shyly back in his shell, and Butch bit his tongue.
"Well, I read plenty of books about human anatomy when I was a kid. I wanted to be a doctor" he said, "so maybe... I thought you wanted to become a scientist" he shrugged.
"Do you regret not becoming one?"
"Maybe" Butch laid his eyes on a peacock strutting its way behind a tree.
"I can't say I didn't like my job in the military. It's been rough ever since I've got the sack".
He felt a tiny hand being placed on his shoulder, and couldn't help but smile."It was a good job indeed. It's normal to feel discouraged after losing it".
"You're supposed to be off the clock now" he chuckled, but didn't brush Aiden's hand off. Instead, he took a little step closer.
"All I'm saying is that it's healthy to express your negative feelings".
There was a long moment were they simply stared at each other. Butch's gaze wondered over him, his eyes, his lips. They were so distracting, so soft, and Butch just wished he could swallow him whole.
Yet his eyes had lost that sparkle once again, and although he was doing it really well, he was faking his concern.
He decided to place a soft kiss on his forehead, hoping for the unexpected action to throw him off.
"I hate to pour cold water on you, but I really don't want to think about it right now. I just want to enjoy this afternoon"
With that, Butch decided to move on to the next habitat.
"What I'm trying to say", Aiden followed him, "Is that I may have found a good job opportunity through one of my patients".
"I doubt they'll need someone like me" he sneered.
"On the contrary. He's looking for highly skilled individuals," he said, "I believe that someone with your background is exactly what he's looking for".
"Aiden, I deeply trust your judgment" Butch said, "But-"
"I'm sure recreational drug use will be allowed, if that's your concern".
Butch's smile shifted into a frown for a quick second. That stung, and he hated to admit it, and the way Aiden fluttered his eyelashes was too innocent for having just metaphorically punched him in the guts.
"What I was trying to say," Butch resumed at smiling, "is that you should allow yourself to relax".
He grabbed Aiden's arm, gently dragging him toward the tigers' area.
"Look, they're feeding the panthers" he pointed out, taking that as an excuse to change topic, and Aiden seemed to buy it. The sparkle in his eyes was back, and Butch could swear he'd seem him licking his lips at the sight of the animals mawing at the raw meat.
Butch was impressed, too. It was quite a powerful sight, and he couldn't help but imagine what must've been like to fight a beast like that.
"It's fascinating" he commented.
Aiden gave an hesitant nod, starting to fidget with his hand. Butch decided to grab it, and was met with a firm squeeze.
"See, isn't this much nicer?"
"It is" he admitted. Butch's smile widened as they watched one of the panthers walk closer to them.
"It kinda looks like you" Butch said.
"Because it's black?"
"Oh, no. I was talking about the eyes".
As if he had asked for that, Aiden turned around, eyes wide open to let Butch study them.
His smile twitched upward imperceptibly as he turned to stare back at the panther.
"It's majestic, isn't it?"
"You think I'm majestic?" Aiden's voice had moved closer to Butch.
"I think you're..." he looked at the panther, then sucked on his own tongue before making it click.
"Dangerous".
"Mh" Aiden hummed, now wrapping his arms around Butch's own.
"how so?"
Butch pictured Aiden in his head. He was small, tiny, attractive in his own way. So easy to break, and yet...
"You're dangerous in the way a venus flytrap is" he said, "You'd never hunt down your pray. You wait it to come to you by its own".
He turned to look at Aiden again. He too had been staring at the panthers lazily walking around, perhaps looking for more food.
"Do you find me tempting?"
Butch's breath hitched as he looked up at him fluttering his eyelashes. For a moment it felt like time had slowed down, and Butch found himself staring at him hungrily. That adoring look, his flawless skin, his soft cheeks...
Before he could realize it, his mouth was watering.
"I do" he admitted.
"I can see that"
Aiden's voice felt distant, and for a moment all Butch could think of was to sink his teeth into his neck. He brought a hand up to stroke it, letting out a soft hum.
"Butch..."
He leaned down, his nails scratching lightly over his pulse, and feeling the smaller man quivering underneath his hands.
The urge of tightening his grip was strong, but he managed to hold himself back, deciding to leave a gentle nibble below Aiden's ear.
You haven't shown your face to anyone since you were a kid?
No, I was happy that they took me in...my parents were killed
and the Mandalorians took care of me.
I'm sorry.
This is the way.
