My town begins where the sidewalk ends
and fields begin, and folks are friends,
and birds do sing, and dogs do bark,
and all the kids play in the park.
But if you look beneath the joy
displayed by every girl and boy,
at night, you’ll hear their horrid screams
for everything’s not what it seems.
For vampires sleep within the cellars,
in sewers lurk subterranean dwellers,
each attic holds an angry ghost,
and the oldest houses hold the most.
Werewolves hunt the local woods,
and bloodstains blot the neighborhood,
dark necromancers cast their spells,
and in the swamp, a monster dwells.
The graveyard’s filled with hungry ghouls,
and kids go missing from their schools,
and parents wonder all day long
what horrid thing might next go wrong.
But since the gas and booze is cheap,
and rental prices aren’t too steep,
and property tax is incredibly low,
no one finds a need to go.
And so the folks just go on living,
ignoring all their dark misgivings;
for, as they say, since cash is king,
you can get used to anything.