Hello, lovelies! Tonight I'll be uploading a new chapter of the Mankiller series fic, starring Dr. Frederick Chilton and my OC, Sylvia. Anyone else excited? I know I am!
If anyone wants to be added to a tag list for any of my fics, let me know! Also working on a super exciting part two for a certain one shot fic which was very popular and had a lot of requests for more. Once again, I want to apologize for how much dead air has been on my blog in recent months. I've been going through a bit of a tough time personally, but now I am back and looking forward to writing some awesome new content! ❤
chaptered fic; only a heartbeat away 08 (don’t be afraid of tomorrow)
fandom: law & order svu
pairing: rafael barba/olivia benson
word count: 5004 words
note: a bodyguard-ish AU inspired by a tweet liked by Mariska and the #BarbaForPrez hashtag. Title of fic and chapter titles taken/adapted from Vixens’ Only a Heartbeat Away.
Link to chapter: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8095795/chapters/25174635
Yeap, the story is not dead, folks, and neither am I.
I know I have seemingly disappeared from the face of tumblr-earth...but real life has been all kinds of difficult, and it has taken all of energy in trying to handle and deal with everything. It’s still not very okay, but it’s settling and that’s all I could ask for.
On another note, I am still in Malaysia. My contract has been extended due to the necessity of work and the possibility of upcoming elections...so yes, still doing the long distance thing with my husband. Until September 2017. And after that, I absolutely refused to be extended any longer.
After all that blather...hope y’all enjoyed the latest! And do throw Barson ficcage at me...haven’t read any fanfiction for weeks (like wtf right)
And you felt your heart drop when you saw who it was.
Rafael Barba.
There he was standing with wide eyes as he made eye contact with you.
Everyone else had turned their attention towards him as they waited, the silence only seeming to make time go slower.
You silently prayed it was some kind of joke and he would burst out laughing and everything would be okay.
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
He looked like a deer in headlights. In any other situation, you would have laughed and taken a picture to show him later but right now you needed him to snap out of it.
You didn't even realize you were in front of him until you heard yourself ask, "Raf?"
"I-uh-I," he stammered unable to get any proper words out.
"Maybe you two should talk in the other room?" Aaron had appeared next to you out of nowhere.
You nodded before he gave you a reassuring smile and you all but dragged Rafael to a small room.
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"You want to tell me what's wrong?" you say demandingly.
"I-un don't know?" he said nervously avoiding your gaze.
Oh no, he doesn't, not this time.
"What do you mean I DON"T FREAKING KNOW? I WAS THREE SECONDS AWAY FROM BEING THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON EARTH AND THEN YOU FREAKING OBJECT LIKE AS IF-"
But you didn't get to finish that thought because someone was kissing you.
Not just anyone.
Rafael Freaking Barba
You immediately pushed him away in complete shock.
You were very surprised when you tried to speak and it came out as a whisper.
"What the heck was that."
He looked at you searching your eyes for something that you couldn't figure out.
"I love you."
The world had officially lost its mind.
"You lo-what?" you asked already overwhelmed.
"I always have. At first, I thought it must be a silly crush or that it was because we spent so much time together and I would grow out of it. But I didn't. In fact, I only loved you more. Day after day I told myself I would tell you but I was scared. I thought it would ruin our friendship. And I didn't want that. But as time passed I knew I couldn't live like this so I made a promise to myself to tell you. And I almost did. The day I graduated you were so happy and proud of me and I swore to myself I would tell you that day. But then-"
"I met Aaron," you said softly.
He gave you a sad smile.
"Yes. I saw the way you two hit it off and I knew I had lost my chance."
The two of you stood there in silence but your mind was anything but.
It all made sense now.
The extra affection, the comments about Aaron, the behavior from this morning.
He loved you.
You felt your eyes water.
Because the truth was that there had been a point in your life that you had fallen in love with him. You would have been more than happy to marry him. To start a family with him. To grow old with him.
But time had past and you had grown and he didn't need to know that right now.
You didn't know you were sobbing until you felt him hug you and whisper, "I'm so sorry," into your ear.
"You should have told me," you sobbed into his shoulder.
"I know I'm sorry."
The both of you just stood there and cried for a while.
"I thought about leaving."
Your eyes went wide as you pulled away from him.
"What?"
He took a deep breath, "It hurt. To see the two of you together. You were so happy. And it hurt. It hurt to see you every day knowing I would never be in his place. I wanted to be far away from you but I knew I couldn't leave you. And I knew you would hunt me down."
You gave a small laugh.
"Damn right I would have."
He chuckled.
He brushed his hand along your cheek and you shivered at the feeling.
"I know you don't feel the same way and for some strange reason, I'm okay with that. It just felt nice to get it off my chest."
This day just got weirder and weirder.
"And you just chose today right now out of all other times?" you said pretending to be upset but you really weren't.
He gave a huge grin before bursting in a fit of laughter and you laughed too.
"You always complain your life is boring. I'm just adding some action to it bonita."
You rolled your eyes and pushed him playfully.
"We should get back then."
He looked at you before grinning.
"You know that you're the prettiest woman ever but the makeup is making you look like La Llorona."
You laughed.
"Go get my bridesmaids. They'll make me look good as new."
Before he went he gave you a tight hug.
And you hugged him back just as tightly.
"You'll be okay?" you asked with a bit of worry.
You can't just make a confession like that and then just be okay.
He pulled away from you and kissed your forehead.
"I'll be okay," he paused, "but I hope your wedding will be okay. Aaron probably thinks I kidnapped you and all the guests probably hate me."
"Impossible."
He appreciated the sentiment but gave you the "you really want to bet?" look.
You laughed.
"Hurry up I would like to get married before the end of the day guapo," you said playfully.
"Okay okay. Your wish is my command bonita," he said as he rushed to get your bridesmaid.
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"Alright! You may kiss the bride!" the minister exclaimed as you kissed Aaron.
When you had come back the guests were confused but relieved that the ceremony would continue. Aaron had looked at you questionably but you only smiled and gave him the best "I'll tell you later" look you could. It would be an interesting conversation but all you wanted was to get married.
And here you were.
Aaron was beaming as he leaned in for another kiss before taking your hand and running down the aisle and everyone through petals in the air. As you ran you spotted Rafael and gave him a wide grin before throwing your bouquet at him. He caught it confused and you giggled before blowing a kiss and ran faster as he registered what it meant.
Today was full of surprises but you were happy that everything had turned out okay.
Taglist: @wittysunflower
I'm writing an epilogue for this because whyyyyyy nooooot. Also fun fact I had to rewrite this because I accidentally deleted a big part of it but I am happier with this version. Also, a friendly reminder that requests are open!Hope you enjoyed!
Barba didn't know what to do. After his fight with you, he just needed to get away from all of this. As he walked down the street he thought of you. He wasn't sure why he thought of you. Lately, everything he thought was about you. Maybe it was your smile. Or maybe it was the way you laughed. Or the way you had confidence in every case. Your stubbornness in getting what you thought was best. The way you seemed to stand five feet taller when you were serious. It may even be your e/c eyes that said everything without you having to talk. The way they sparkled and glowed when you were happy. He smiled at himself thinking of you. You were beautiful. Barba shook his head. "I don't deserve her," He thought, "And after tonight she'll probably never come back". Sighing at his thoughts he kept walking down 63rd street until he suddenly stopped in front of a bar. He knew he shouldn't go in but something inside him urged him to go in. Finally, he opened the door and let himself in.
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"Bullseye!" Barba exclaimed as he took another swig from his scotch. He was playing darts with the men there betting on who would win and the loser would have to pay their stub.
"Impossible! That's the 3rd one in a row!" One of the men, Bill said.
Barba smiled proudly before saying, "Pay up".
Bill, mad that he had lost, reluctantly gave Barba the cash to pay his drinks.
As Barba got up to get another drink he saw it was no longer light outside. He looked at his watch but was too drunk to tell the time so instead pulled out his phone to look at the time. It was 12:30 pm. He had been at the bar for 6 hours. He needed to get home before he ended up spending the night there. He went towards the counter and called over the bartender.
"Here's my pay," He said tiredly. The bartender took the money and went on his way. Barba knew he should take a cab but it would be a bit hard to find at wee hours of the morning. "Y/n", he thought as he pulled out his phone and called you.
"Hullo?" A tired voice asked.
"Hey, could you come and pick me up at that one bar on 63rd street?" He asked her.
"Barba? What the heck are you...," your voice trailed off for a moment before you said," I'll be there in five minutes," And then hung up. Rafael knew you would get mad at him but that didn't concern him at the time. He sat outside the bar on a bench waiting for you to come. Soon enough after about 5 minutes, a silver Nissan Rogue pulled up in front of him. You saw Barba sitting at the bench and helped him walk to the car. He could hardly stand on his own let alone walk. He was more wasted than anything else in the world. As you both continued your walk to the car Barba all of a sudden put a hand over his mouth. You stepped away from him as he vomited over the street. You both then tied again to walk to the car. Once he was in the car you asked him," Where do you live so I can drop you off?"
Barba stared at you for a moment trying to remember this one simple thing but it was useless trying when he was drunk.
"I don't remember," He said with a hiccup," take me with you". You find Barba's comment amusing and laugh."Very funny Barba but you're drunk"
Rafael was quiet for a moment before saying," I really don't remember Y/n".
You, seeing he wasn't lying, sighed before starting the car and drove towards your apartment on Central Boulevard.
When they got there you helped the still dazed but in better conditions Rafael Barba up to the apartment room. After you opened the door Barba "walked" himself to the couch falling on it heavily while you took off your jacket and shoes. Then you joined him on the couch.
"Rafael I know it may not be the time to discuss this with you but..." Your voice trailed off.
"What is it?" Barba asked knowing you only used his first name if it was something serious.
"After you left, the Chicago DA's office contacted me and offered me a job offer."
Barba all of a sudden becoming somewhat sober enough, asked, "To which you said no right?"
You sighed, "Rafael it's a good offer to me I'd be closer to home."
"But you do fine here and giving up your job here in Manhattan and it wouldn't be a wise decision."
"I know but lately we haven't been getting along and I just don't think it healthy for us to be by each other." You stated quietly.
"You know I didn't mean what I said earlier Y/n? I'm sorry I didn't think about what I was saying" Barba said regretting for the 50th time everything he said to you but this time with more desperation.
You nodded,"I know, but I just think this is a good opportunity that might never come back again."
Rafael looked at you analyzing the possibility of you being anywhere that wasn't with him in the Manhattan DA's office. He didn't want you to go. He wanted you to stay. But not because you was one heck of a good ADA but because he felt something towards you that you needed to know more than ever. Rafael Barba was in love with you F/n L/n. He realized it was a now or never moment and he wasn't going to let you go. You made him get up every morning and go to the office. You were the reason he gave all his effort into every case. You were the person who made him smile and forget about anything else in the world. It was all you. He put his hands on your waist and said quietly, “No Y/n you can’t go because I love you” before pressing his lips on yours. The kiss was soft and gentle. Even though Barba was drunk he knew exactly what he was doing. You pulled away looking away from him. He turned you back to face him. Your lips were trembling but it wasn't because you were scared. It was because you loved him. You loved him so much it was taking every ounce of energy not to leave and instead stay with him forever.
“Barba you should go to sleep it’s getting late,” you say your voice breaking halfway.
“Y/n” he said.
“Rafael” she said quietly.
“Please don't go. I love you more than I have loved anyone else and I will do whatever it takes to make you stay,” he said as he brought you in for another kiss. When they pulled away he saw sadness in you eyes but before he could say or do anything you got up and went to a different room and shut the door behind you. Barba’s mind felt fuzzy and light as he layed down on the couch trying to get comfortable knowing that he needed to get some sleep. But each time he tried to drift his mind went to how sad you looked when you kissed.
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“Barba,” you said shaking him awake,” Barba! Wake up!”
“Hm?” he asks sounding tired.
“Get up it’s almost ten o'clock!” you exclaimed.
Barba sat up and stretched. “It’s Saturday.”
You looked at him for what seemed forever before he laughed at you. Your cheeks turned cherry red as you walked to the kitchen embarrassed on the matter of fact that you didn’t know what day you were living in. He followed you into the kitchen.
“It happens to everyone,” he tells you and tries to wrap his arms around from behind you but you don't let him.
“Of course it does,” you responded as you reached for the container of coffee.
“Coffee?” she asked him.
“Sure.”
“Dark or light?”
“Dark” Barba said pausing for a moment,” Are you still going to quit?”
“I um..don't know yet,” you told him dropping some off the coffee on the counter. Both you and he reached for the napkins at the same time causing your hands to brush against each other. He took your hand and look straight into your eyes using his other hand to caress your cheek.
“I love you,” he told you with so much sincerity and gentleness. You looked everywhere but at him. But you knew you loved him. He ran his hand from your cheek to your chin.
“Y/n?” he asked you. You finally looked at him knowing that you simply couldn't fight it off anymore.
"I promise I won't hurt you”, he said quietly. Both of you stared at each other’s eyes for a brief moment before he pulled you towards him and kissed you. It was amazing how one simple thing could cause so many emotions to flood. It was full of love and promise. You both kept kissing each other before Rafael lifted you up and looked at you for what seemed like forever before lightly kissing you on the top of your forehead.
“I’m in love with you F/n M/n L/n and I will do anything to keep you even if it means telling the whole office that I love you at the top of my lungs,” he told you.
You giggled at him. “ I love you too Rafael Barba and I will stay because I love you,” you said before pulling his tie making him jerk forward and placing a kiss on his lips then pushed him away. He laughed at you. You yawned showing how tired you were. You moved your head slightly so that you were facing his chest and snuggled against him. He also yawned so he made his way to your bedroom and saw that you were fast asleep in his arms. He lightly placed you on the bed careful not to wake you. Right when he was about to leave the room he heard a delicate voice from behind him
“Raf,” you said quietly, "Stay”.
He smiled at you, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah hurry up before I change my mind,” you said playfully. Rafael chuckled as he made his way to the bed and you scooted over making space for him to lay next to her. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you snuggled beside him. “I don't deserve her or having her with me now,” he thought as both of your breathings steadied at the same pace. He kissed the top of your forehead before falling into a deep sleep.
