one of my sister has another serious event within two days of my birthday?
I get to spend my birthday in a car with my family that I hate half asleep listening to my music trying to block out their words because my opinion isn’t worth shit to them?
I get to eat at some shitty restaurant I actually don’t like at all that has zero vegetarian meals while my family says “It’s your birthday??? Just order a stake or something???”
I get to sit there again while they tell me I’m being a selfish bitch for not wanting to celebrate my sisters thing instead of hanging out with my friends and people I actually like and who respect me and my opinons?
Oh yeah, no don’t worry. I’m totally fine with this happening AGAIN
Like it does almost every single fucking year
It’s just that on my birthday from the age of 3-8 they had an orchestra concert that we had to be at by five to get good seats and we weren’t allowed to leave until 10.
It’s just that on my 7th birthday, my dog had a seizure in the middle of a park and you still made me go to my cello lesson even though I was a worried, sobbing, scared reck, and then you still made me go to the fucking concert.
It’s just that on my 9th birthday it was my sisters graduation and I wasn’t allowed to go to my best friends house or invite them over because you wanted “good seats” so we got there by 12 and didn’t leave until 10 when I was so exhausted that I didn’t even want to go out. But you still made me. Not to celebrate the fact that I was 9, no to congratulate my fucking sister for graduating and then whispering happy birthday as you lowered me to sleep at 12:56 the next day.
And then my other sisters orchestra and drama camps until I finally thought I was free of it all this year.
And then my oldest sister’s third graduation.
I get it, I’m fucking selfish. I’m selfish for being mad that my sisters got to celebrate and I didn’t.
I get that it’s only my sixteenth birthday and I’ll probably get dozens more.
But it’s my sixteenth birthday. And I’ll only get one of those.
I had plans. I had ideas. And none of them involved sitting in a car all day listening to shitty music while my family argues or watching my mom to refuse to even get out of the car when we get to a shitty restaurant I hate because she’s pissed off at my dad. Or getting home at 3 AM the morning of my birthday, being to exhausted to enjoy it at all, and then my parents getting me meaningless presents and asking me if I had fun at 6 o’clock and me saying yes because if I don’t they’ll just get offended and call me selfish and hurtful and I’m to fucking exhausted to argue right now.
My sisters are important. I get that. I get that I’m selfish and ungrateful, but I am turning sixteen, half my birthdays have been without my dad, and I can only remember two where I didn’t have to spend hours doing something I hate.
So when the hell do I get to celebrate? When the hell will it be my turn?
