Feb 27, 2024
Ruby: Whoa! Look at all this stuff! Candy bars-
Yang: Dibs on the candy bars!
Ruby: Potato chips!
Yang: Dibs on the chips!
Ruby: Canned fruit!
Yang: ...
Ruby: Even soda pop-
Yang: DIBS ON THE SODA!
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Czechia
seen from China
seen from Russia
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Romania
seen from Australia
seen from Romania
Ruby: Whoa! Look at all this stuff! Candy bars-
Yang: Dibs on the candy bars!
Ruby: Potato chips!
Yang: Dibs on the chips!
Ruby: Canned fruit!
Yang: ...
Ruby: Even soda pop-
Yang: DIBS ON THE SODA!
Rex tries fight Vulkan but is no match for the strength of the Primarch’s spine breaking hugs of affection.
To be honest, this is probably the first time, if not in a long time, that I've ever been asked to write something that ISN'T RWBY. And with a franchise I'm only just barely getting into. Well, with that said, here's a Warhammer 40k shitpost about the galaxy's biggest cinnamon roll and an overly enthusiastic T-Rex.
------------------------------------
Rex: FIGHT ME!
Vulkan: How amusing! A salamander who speaks!
Vulkan, father and primarch of the Salamanders Legion of the Imperium of Mankind, approached the large reptile with open arms. Taking the creature in his embrace, he felt the beast thrash against him. This strange creature, who walked on two legs and not four, continued to shout in low Gothic for the perpetual primarch to engage him in combat. Perhaps this was another test of his father's?
Rex: FIGHT ME!
Vulkan: Gladly!
Vulkan lifted the beast into the air, then threw it into the ground. The beast screamed like a human, yet fought unlike any beast he'd ever encountered. Taking hold of it's jaw, he pulled back, earning yet another scream until the telltale sound of snapping bone caused him to let go. A large beast, like a Salamander, but not quite as sturdy.
Vulkan: How sad it is that the one fascinating creature in this universe, and it is too brittle for me.
Rex: FIGHT ME!
Vulkan red eyes shined with delight. The beast yet lived! Even with his jaw ripped open, he'd managed to return with himself wholly intact! Vulkan held the beast tight and let out a bellowing laugh!
Vulkan: Such a wonderful gift my father has brought me! Such a sturdy beast requires a sturdy name!
Rex: REX HAS NAME!
Vulkan: Rex! King! Ha ha! A fitting name for a Salamander unlike any other!
Rex is Sienna Khan's Bodyguard, and he's the best at what he does.
Ghira: I... see you have a new bodyguard.
Sienna: Yes, and unlike some people, he's actually loyal to our cause.
Rex: REX FIGHTS FOR EQUAL RIGHTS!
Ghira: Uh... huh... Um, not to sound hypocritical, but is he a Faunus?
Rex: REX IS FURNACE!
Ghira: ...
Sienna: ...You have to admit, at least he's more bearable than Adam.
While the gang goes for the the staff to save penny and mantle they Send Rex to distract Ironwood with his sick roller skating skills.
Ironwood: ...Is this some kind of joke?
Rex: (Skating) REX IS GOOD DISTRACTION!
Ironwood: (Aims Due Process) No, you're not. (Fires)
Rex: (Flies forward, Screaming)
Rex: YOU HURT REX'S FEELINGS! APOLOGIZE TO REX!
Ironwood: I refuse.
Rex: THEN FIGHT ME, BABY MAN!
Ironwood: ...
Ironwood: (Shoots Rex again)
Rex: (Explodes, Screams)
Rex vs Adam, Rex wins by calling him a Poor man’s Vergil.
Rex: FIGHT ME!
Adam: Tch... I don't see any point in wasting my time on your childish banter.
Rex: YOU ARE POOR MAN'S VERGIL!
Adam: Is that supposed to insult me?
Rex: DMC VERGIL BETTER MAN THAN YOU!
Adam: I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STA-
Rex: (Fires cannon out of his mouth)
Rex: REX IS VICTORIOUS!
Rex is part of the Branwen tribe, nobody knows how and why
Vernal: Ma'am, if I may ask..?
Raven: Proceed.
Vernal: Regarding our, er, latest recruit.
Raven: Mm?
Rex: FIGHT ME!
Shay: NO!
Vernal: Why... Just why? N-Not to question your methods, but-
Raven: Put simply; I lost a bet.
Vernal: Huh?
Weiss Decides she and her team should have a Tea party, and of course Rex shows up in a tiara so he can be a pretty princess.
Weiss: What... the hell... are you doing?
Rex: REX IS PRINCESS!
Yang: ...Respect.
Weiss: This isn't a child's make-believe tea party, this is a real, high-class social gathering for-
Ruby: Zzz...
Rex: REX AGREES WITH TINY STRAWBERRY!
Nora: Where's the leaf-water already?!
Weiss: No one is getting tea until this overgrown iguana is removed at once!
Pyrrha: Um, Weiss, I don't really think he's going to be much of an issue.
Weiss: Oh, yes, he is, because if we let him in, then that means we'll have to let Jaune in, and I REFUSE to let that buffoon anywhere near my fragile tea-party set!
Blake: I mean, I can kind of see where-
Rex: REX IS NOT MOVING!
Weiss: ...Very well then. (Snaps fingers) Yang.
Yang: (Sighs) Sorry, Rex.
Rex: (Screams as he's tossed out window)
Ren: (Looks up at Rex) You too, huh?
SXR123's Rex Keeps Pestering Cinder to Fight him
Cinder: ...Who are you?
Rex: Rex is Rex, and Rex has come to fight Cinderella!
Cinder: I don't know what kind of prank this is, but it's not a very good one.
Rex: Fight me!
Cinder: And why would I waste my time on a weakling like you?
Rex: Rex has Maiden!
Cinder: ...Excuse me?
Rex: Rex has many Maidens for Cinderella!
Cinder: So, you're telling me you have Maiden powers, and that if I want them, then I need to fight you. Is that what you're saying?
Rex: FIGHT ME-
Cinder: ...Hm. No Maiden power. I should have known. Still, this was therapeutic, in it's own way.