My Two Cents on a Recent Synastry Experience
‼️‼️TW: narcissistic behavior, coercive control, gaslighting‼️‼️
Well call him N (short for narc-like behavior):
Side note that I do not have his birth time
Also side note that I’m obviously NOT a professional therapist and cannot diagnose but my actual therapist has agreed this person has narc-like tendencies and that I was absolutely valid in leaving
(something he intentionally would not offer and just a small forebodance for the dismissiveness to follow)
12th house overlay (his Saturn in Gemini, my 12th)
6th house overlay (his Jupiter in Sagg, my 6th)
Venus conjunct Venus (in Cancer) 3 degree orb
Moon square Saturn (his Saturn, my Moon) 0 degree orb/exact
Moon-Mars conjunction (his Moon, my Mars— Taurus) degree unknown since no birth time
Moon-Mars square (my Moon, his Mars) 10 degree orb
Mercury-Mars conjunction (his Sun, my Mercury) 4 degree orb
Mercury conjunct Sun (double whammy) 3,10 degree orbs
North Node conjunction (his NN and my Saturn in Capricorn) 3 degree orb
I think it’s important to note/know the “pain points” in your own individual chart because these will be activated by other people, especially romantic partners. Also being honest about where you’re currently at vibrationally without shame. I was not at my best here in a lot of ways and I believe this probably attracted the connection I experienced and had a major influence in what fed it (good and bad). None of us are perfect and never will be. Nor will we ever be fully healed. I’m sharing my experience with these aspects and being upfront about where I was at.
Ex) I have Venus conjunct Chiron opposing Saturn in my chart. This essentially has lead to feeling as if I’m not good enough my entire life, settling for much less than I deserved in romantic relationships. I thought I had healed this but then I met this guy and my world turned upside down. Also worth noting there was an immense power imbalance here with “N” but also something that does frequently occur for me. I think Saturn in the seventh is only half of it.
My whole point beingggg that I always thought Venus conjunct Venus would be amazing!! But I did not realize it would also activate that painful Venus-Saturn opposition in my chart (until now). I feel as if others that do not have compromised Venus’s (opposition and/ or squares to Saturn and Mars) will probably experience this aspect differently and much more positively!! (I’m curious if house placement could actually also play a role, as some houses are more positive than others.🧐)
So now that that’s out of the way… I think the other two things that didn’t work (for me personally, everyone else’s mileage will vary here) were that 12th and 6th house overlay. I have read 6th house overlays can be sweet and fun doing everyday things together (while also reading there’s always this sense of duty or like this constant feeling like you “owe” the other person). I absolutely experienced that here.
My sixth house is ruled by Jupiter which is also conjunct Venus and thus in connection with the Saturn opposition so I think that is why I experienced the shadow side of that 6th house overlay where I always felt as if I “owed” them. Again, this could just be the power imbalance too I mentioned above since this is sort of exactly what feeds the imbalance in the first place.
I’m pretty sure another ex of mine had Saturn falling in my 12th house too and the dynamic was similar— they were the “provider” but it came with the price of emotional starvation to me. Both of them were very financially stable and successful in their careers, and they were more than willing to provide and pay for meals, accommodations, gifts, etc. but it was never anything luxurious or over the top, almost bare minimum? I never felt emotionally understood by them either and I really don’t think either even cared or wanted to know me like that because I was more of just a convenience and/or comfort to them— a living object for them to “own” and make them feel emotionally regulated or “good”.
The physical attraction here was definitely strong, almost chemical because I really did not find him that attractive at first glance. I saw a picture and thought “ummm, he’s not very cute”. I’m really not someone who cares that much about appearances and actually actively dislike conventionally attractive men. As we met for lunch the first time, though, there was this just this sacral yearning for him in a way that does not happen that often for me. I believe this was likely that Mars-Moon conjunction as well as that Mercury-Mars action!
That side of the equation was spicy 🌶️ but not necessarily fully fulfilling but the comfort we had with each other and all the fun + laughs we shared totally made up for it. That was more important to me than anything. He was like my best friend. I was almost crying I was laughing so hard. And the quickness for how close we got with each other was kind of insane. Zero to a hundred, real quick. Like just so comfortable! Doing silly accents and joking around, laughing our arses off. We genuinely had a blast.
Until we didn’t. 💀 Until I was crying for real and it would outweigh the laughing cries. He loooooved having power over me and hiding that he knew things only so that he could use them against me later. Everything intimate and sensitive that I ever shared with him during our initial “bonding” phase (*cough, cough* trauma bond) was later used against me. I felt like I should have been read my Miranda rights prior to entering the relationship. 👮🏻♀️“Anything you say can and will be used against you…” 🚔
I believe this was my first Venus conjunct Venus experience and because it’s in Cancer, there was this way he had of being incredibly accommodating and nurturing, almost too much to where it didn’t even seem necessary or practical? He would always have to be touching me too, like right next to me at all times— holding my hand, his hand on my thigh— he was clingy af but I kind of liked it. It also got grating after awhile tbh like damn do we have to sit right next to each other in the booth at lunch?? When we’re already never apart?? Then when he wanted to “punish” me, he would go silent and withdraw all previous affection. He would refuse to acknowledge it too, which was absolutely maddening and pretty sure met the criteria for gaslighting. So this shadow side of overly nurturing but then coldly and intentionally withdrawing it. (Lovebombing, anyone?) 💣⛑️
I knew within the first week that he was bad news. I blocked him after we got into an argument when I stood up for myself after he tried to displace anger and mistrust onto me from a past partner’s infidelity. He got extremely angry and bitter very quickly, and it was honestly uncalled for. He also showed himself by using something I had shared about myself against me as an excuse to misplace this anger and mistrust. I do believe this was him testing what he could get away with. How well I would be an emotional punching bag for him.
I had hung up because I was angry and felt unfairly treated, then felt bad for doing so, not wanting to end the conversation that way so I called him back and he ignored it. That was when I blocked him. And you know what he did? He showed up at my place with a gift that he made sure to tell me he had to drive out of his way to get. When I told him I felt disrespected from the phone interaction, he did not apologize. I mean, right there in hindsight are two absolute RED FLAGS to cut this dude off for good. But he looked really good on paper and like I said, I was attracted to him an a cellular level.
I took him back. Then in literally less than 48 hours, we had gotten into ANOTHER argument where he completely dismissed my valid feelings and I got to experience that first silent treatment. He placed the blame entirely on me. I was literally done after this. I don’t think we talked for like ten days. He was blocked. It did not stop him from coming to my place though, which was a huge red flag and I did not answer.
There was this opportunity coming up, an invitation from him and I ended up talking to him again like 12 hours before the deadline, lol, because he sounded legit sad in the voicemail. I went away with him which ended up being a massive, massive mistake. I wanted to do this thing though, it sounded amazing. “All expenses paid vacation.” Which ended up having a massive financial and emotional price tag— because I actually have self respect and refuse to be treated the way he thought he could treat me due to the power imbalance.
I learned what “retroactive punishment” was on this vacation in that he set a rule only after I broke it. It was vacation, I was hours from home, and dependent on him. He decided that he didn’t like what I was doing so broke up with me, when he never even told me that was a “rule” I needed to follow which essentially stranded me. He refused to help me because he said it was all my fault. There’s even more but I won’t go into it. Suffice to say, he is not a nice person and he did not respect or have my best interest at heart.
I’m just going to be honest: I liked the attention, the stopping by my place after being blocked, the gifts, I wanted what he was offering materially, and yeah the sacral had a role in this too. It’s like part of me knew it was a bad decision but then another part just wanted to be reckless and “just see what happens”. I genuinely thought that maybe we just had a rough start instead of seeing it for what it actually was: him wanting complete control and offering the bare minimum to maintain it. Complete access. There was a toxic part of me that was absolutely exposed here— the ego part that liked all the toxic attention and wanted all the gifts. Luckily, the soul part and my own self respect and survival instincts kicked in quick enough to get out. Overall, there was maybe one full week of “good” days followed by mostly arguments.
I do think that, for me personally, Saturn had a majorrrr role in this massive sh*tshow while (mercifully) Mars’ influence ensured it started as quickly as it began. He was everything I thought I wanted (including the brown eyes) but then got, and realized I don’t actually want that. I had to acknowledge my own shortcomings that made me easy prey for someone like him, as well as credit for not selling out and continuing to stand up for myself (no matter what it cost). I had to trust myself and my own instincts here because even those close to me abandoned me, siding with him. (He’s incredibly charismatic and only showed that nasty side— that couldn’t actually be proven beyond “feelings”— to me.)
I know I didn’t really go into each specific aspect but I don’t believe that’s something that can be easily quantified because we all have our own unique charts and life experiences, including those we interact with but the synastry aspects I listed are how I personally experienced these with a romantic partner.
I share this with the intention of validating others with similar experiences, whether it’s maybe making them feel a little less alone or maybe even being able to get out of a similar dynamic even sooner than I did. <3