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if our new headcount is correct then we have downsized from 90+ to UNDER 50
thats how fucking healing it is to be in a state that doesn't want you dead, and how incredibly important it is to have a fucking support system that actually cares
Trying my hand at system comics !
Though we strive for functional multiplicity, fusing is part of that for us. We were the first two to discover our system, we've spent years together, I felt like his older brother, like family. We fused recently and though I view myself differently, I don't feel any different.
I know it's healing, but a part of me grieves the loss still.
nothing is better than watching individual headmates heal and recover and improve as people
How our system has changed since leaving school (An incredibly stressful, borderline traumatic place for us)
A lot less discovery/splitting of alters. I'm still not certain which alters from that time are actually real alters, it's hard for us to tell if some have split, went dormant, were actually another alter all along or straight up didn't exist in the first place. But yeah we'd used to be constantly find new alters and now there'll be a good couple of months between discovering new parts.
A lot less switches and triggers. We'd use to switch around five times a day and now on an ordinary day we may switch once or twice but there's plenty of days where we won't switch at all.
The switches themselves are different, before almost every switch included very heavy long lasting dissociation and would often yank the previous alters out of front they'd be unbearable. Now they're a lot quicker and harder to notice and are either gradual instead of completely kicking the alter out of front or will only result in co-consciousness
A lot of it has been positive changes but there's been some downsides too such as:
Less communication. We have two journals that we'd bring to school and would write in throughout the day. One was for talking to eachover and the other was more of a traditional diary where we'd be able to write whatever we felt like including vents, poetry, tips and advice for other alters etc. We still have those journals but never really use them anymore I'm not completely sure why. But yeah that was our main form of communication and now we barely communicate at all.
Alters have more freedom, sounds like a good thing and it definitely can be not being stuck in lessons and being forced to do work can definitely be great. But without a proper routine, and not being stuck in a place where you can't just walk off or do whatever you want well uh some alters will do just that. Alters will sometimes just wander off or do risky, impulsive things that the rest of the syste might not agree with. This happened before too but it occurs a lot more often now we're not stuck in places where we have to mask all day.
There's probably quite a lot more that I've either forgotten about or haven't even noticed but yeah just a small list of changes in our system since leaving that environment.