her mind was speeding as fast as light, her heart pounding so heavy in her chest that a simple breath couldn’t even seem to make it down into her lungs. it was never supposed to be like this. she shouldn’t be standing up here, giving this speech. not yet. she had been so angry ever since that night. the night eva called her histerical on the phone. all she saw was red, at first she felt numb, and ever since simply angry. but now, standing here in front of all of their family, and friends, the tears were blurring her vision, and she needed everything she had to keep herself simply upright. “ i ⏤ ” her voice was trembling, already off to a bad start. “ i don’t know why they chose me for this. things like this aren’t really my forte, but ⏤ ” her eyes had been scanning the room, but they finally settled on matty. the strongest light in the room, and in her life. he was smiling at her, and she wished so badly in that moment that she could be a kid again with him. to smile instead of everything else she was feeling. “ ollie was the best man i ever knew, and truthfully probably the best man i ever will know. by blood we were cousins, but by love he was my dad. ” the tears she’d been fighting back were tumbling down her cheeks now, and her face turned towards the cascat.“ i’m so sorry i never told you that ollie. ” her voice broke, and she cleared her throat, and used the sleeve of her shirt to dry her eyes. “ oliver kept us all together. he loved everyone without any limits. he always gave us the best of him, and i know every single one of us has shared so many memories with him. memories that will literally last a lifetime. ”she exhaled slowly, a small sorry being whispered under her breath. “ we shouldn’t be here right now. none of this is right. but we can’t fall now. we have to honor olivers memory. and in order to that we have to stay together. oliver was the glue that held all of us together, and in his absense we have to find away to keep that glue alive. because its what he would have wanted, and more then ever now, its what we need. ”her heart felt no lighter, but she had many nights to cry, for now she needed to be the rock that oliver always was. even if she felt more like a pile of down pillows, far too soft, and if you hit her just hard enough, she may burst.
