#tagging conversations

[alloaroworlds]

Since I’ve gained fifty-odd followers in the last few days and some folks aren’t allo-aro, I thought I’d mention my tagging policy.

I don’t tag. I tag my own original posts to some extent, and I usually tag very explicit content or GIF-leaden stimboards, but that’s about it. The only way I can run this blog and @aroworlds / @aroflagarchive, where I do tag, is by cutting down the workload.

(I have chronic hand, thumb, wrist and shoulder pain on both arms, largely provoked by repetitive movement. It’ll be my ten year anniversary of pain-related disability in October ... not something I really want to think about!)

Additionally, I absolutely do not and will not warning tag for non-explicit and casual sex mentions. Nor will I ever I warning tag for mentions of sexual attraction and related experiences. I’ve written about the pressure I feel to constantly warn/advise for my existence in general/shared aro/a-spec spaces, so it’s important to me to have an online space where I don’t have to attach that metaphorical sign to content expressing my identity.

Even my aro creative content Tumblr doesn’t offer me that freedom. (I am acutely aware of what it means to warning tag for a story describing othering associated with adding said tags for terms and experiences associated with my shape of aro!) So I need a space where I get to avoid doing so, and this account is that wonderful space.

If you need content tagged, I absolutely encourage you to check out the allo-aro community page to find an allo-aro blogger who can accommodate your needs. I am entirely on board you doing what you need to keep yourself safe while also learning from and supporting allo-aros! That person just isn’t me.

(So, to those who folks who must leave: farewell and good luck!)

On an unrelated topic, I have gotten several lovely anons expressing feelings related to the FYA situation. As much as I appreciate your support, encouragement and kindness, and the time you took to send them to me, I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t post them. I don’t want to create a situation where we’re constantly rehashing this event or repeatedly discussing how bad that post was. I think enough has been said, now, that we can give FYA a space to learn, consider and respond with an approach for the future and acknowledgement of what they need to do to shape their relationship with the aromantic and allo-aro communities (as folks sharing the broader a-spec space).

(FYA has a lot to do to earn my trust, but I’d like to give them the chance to do so.)

I hope you understand that I do take those asks as a gift for me, that I am so very glad you sent them, and I really do want to express my gratitude for the support sent from other allo-aros and a-spec allies to allo-aros. Given that my inbox often serves as a mechanism for people to question, delegitimise and police allo-aro identity, it’s been truly wonderful to see the opposite this week!

I hope we can turn the conversation less towards one account’s behaviours and more towards identifying and halting community-wide habits of allo-aro erasure, supporting allo-aros in our feelings and experiences, making shared aro/a-spec spaces more welcoming and inclusive of allo-aros, and joyfully celebrating and encouraging the expression of allo-aro identity, pride and creativity.

Thank you so much for reading, followers old and new!

- K. A.

[alloaroworlds]

The aro-spec community has been talking about the problem of asexual-only content in aromantic tags since I made my @aroworlds blog a year ago--March 2018. I’ve got posts about it on both my aro-spec blogs. Nor was it a new conversation when I started talking about it.

Yet now that allo-aros and non-asexual aro-specs are starting to have some sense of community presence and connection, it’s earning outright antagonism or dismissal from some of our aro-spec kin--either a complete rejection of the idea that this is any kind of problem or a requirement that we get over it because of course tags collect non-relevant posts.

I think it’s worth framing this way: we’re not really talking about solely asexual content in aromantic tags. We’re talking about solely non-aromantic content in aromantic tags. It just so happens that the biggest offenders for placing non-romantic content in aromantic tags are the creators of asexual content, both from asexuals and allosexual-alloromantic LGBTQIA+ allies. It’s not disconnected from the way the aro-spec community evolved from the asexual one, the way asexuality is regarded as a essential quality all aro-specs are expected to connect to and/or possess, and the way everything under the a-spec umbrella is held to be an asexual-centering space by both many asexuals and many otherwise LGBTQIA+ allo-allos. But the core of the problem is this: aromantics are asking that aromantic tags don’t include solely non-aromantic content.

(Again, because I am required to state this for my activism to be taken seriously: I am not asking aro-aces to not tag aro-ace content as “aromantic”, but I am asking that you also tag it as “aroace”. Just like allo-aros, generally, tag our posts both “aromantic” and “alloaro”.)

The reason we’re asking this isn’t because we’re allo-aros, non-SAM-aros and/or non-asexual-aro-specs alienated from conversations about asexuality, even though many of us are. We’re asking because it’s hampering our ability to fully interact with our own community--and it even more adversely impacts disabled, neurodiverse, time-limited and poor aro-specs.

What do I mean? Well, any given aro-spec has an upper limit for how long they are able to scroll through a tag. This upper limit is shaped by free time, ability, access to devices and access to internet. To use myself as an example, I’m a physically-disabled aro with chronic wrist, hand, thumb and shoulder pain, and I’m not able to use a mouse to scroll for more than a couple of minutes. I can scroll a bit longer on my iPad, but I still have a limit for how much content I can see before my pain flares. If I’m looking for content to reblog, there is absolutely an uppermost limit as to how many posts I can view before I have to stop looking.

People who lack time, who have to use their data judiciously or have difficulty with concentration and focus will also have difficulty if they want to check aromantic tags for rebloggable content or just more conversations about being aro-spec. All aro-specs will have a limit on how many posts they can scroll through, but for aro-specs like me, that limit is much lower.

When that tag space just features aromantic content, it’s only my disability that limits how much I see, and that’s nobody’s fault. It’s frustrating for me, as I can’t keep up with all the posts and conversations I wish to, but it’s not a problem anyone else caused.

When that tag space is dominated by non-aromantic content, the number of posts I am able to scroll through doesn’t change, but I see far fewer posts relevant to my needs. I am forced to spend my limited energies on scrolling past content, in my own space, that is non-aromantic. I see far fewer posts that are relevant to the reasons I’m in that tag in the first place. I am denied my baseline access to community conversations relevant to my experiences as an aromantic.

Non-aromantic content in aromantic tags--and there’s quite a few that are impacted this way--shouldn’t be seen as a situation where allo-aros are just complaining about spam. It’s a discussion about equitable access in a world where the requirement that we have to scroll past so many non-aromantic, non-relevant posts in our own online home is an unreasonable and ableist one.

When I see people talking like this isn’t a meaningful issue, all I hear is a willingness to throw disabled allo-aros like myself under a damn road train. No, I know this isn’t what you mean to provoke, because you don’t understand how my disability and my allo-aro identity intersects, but that’s how I feel. Hurt. Disregarded. Ignored. My ability to have and expect a baseline level of interaction with my own community isn’t seen as an important issue, and that’s a hard thing to bear.

When I add to this that a lot of general aro-spec tags include far more aro-ace content than allo-aro content, which is nobody’s fault but a general state of the community at present, allo-aros and non-asexual aro-specs have no reason to feel welcome or included in one of the major ways the aro-spec community communicates amongst ourselves--our tagging system. I don’t expect aro-aces to stop talking about being aro-ace in aromantic spaces, but the concerted effort as the aro-spec community to educate our fellow a-specs and otherwise LGBTQIA+ allies about not placing non-aromantic content in aromantic tags would go a long way to change what is right now a state of inequitable access for non-asexual aro-specs in general aromantic community spaces.

The halting of the proliferation of non-aromantic content in aromantic spaces is about enabling as much access to the community as possible for as many aro-specs as possible.

I’d like to see fewer conversations focusing on asexuality and more conversations focusing on allo-aro/non-asexual aro-spec access, because that is the real problem when non-aromantic content clutters up our tags.