Batfamily Comm Lines pt. 2
Tim: Where are Hood and Robin?
Dick: B’s on bedrest per Agent A’s orders, so Robin’s over in Crime Alley with Hood. They’re tracking down information on a big shipment of drugs Black Mask is trying to move.
Tim: *snorts* And B actually listened to Agent A?
Dick: Absolutely not. He tried escaping a dozen times before his bad knee gave out and he tumbled down the stairs. I was trying to take a power nap when I heard him go, “AAaaGhhh.”
Tim: *lets out a loud cackle* You’d think B would be better at sneaking out.
Dick: You’d also think the old man would retire… but here we fucking are.
(The comm pings. Giggling from Damian fills the line—eerie, unsettling—and Jason cusses loudly.)
Dick: Uh… hello???
Jason: Of a Bitch—I should have left you alone with the League, but noooo. Talia wanted me to escort you to Gotham. Have you be a normal kid. Get to know Bruce, and this is how you REPAY ME?
Damian: You are being dramatic, Akhi. You asked me a simple question, to which I provided a simple answer, and now you feign offense?
Tim: What are we talking about?
Jason: What did we tell you about eavesdropping, Timmy?
Tim: Hello? You’re the one that joined our com line.
Dick: What are you guys arguing about?
Jason: Damian said I wouldn’t survive a zombie apocalypse, which is stupid because I am immortal—
Damian: Immortality and immunity are not the same thing, you imbecile—
(A smack is heard over the com line. Damian yelps.)
Jason: You gotta be older than twelve to talk. Shut up. Anyways, I’m immortal, so I’d obviously survive a zombie fucking apocalypse.
Tim: Sorry to break it to you, but Damian’s right. Immortal means you can’t die from old age; immune means you can’t be infected.
Dick: Yeah but Jason was dunked in the Lazarus Pit and that has crazy effects. Right, Damian?
Damian: Yes. Your point?
Dick: My point is that what if when he had his little swim in the Pit, he was able to obtain some super immunity to shit? That's not entirely impossible.
Jason: See? See, Damian. Someone agrees with me.
Damian: Idiocy does indeed love company...
Tim: *laughs*
Jason: Tim, you're the type of jackass who would get bitten in a zombie apocalypse and not tell anyone.
*Dick giggling*: He'll keep it a secret until the last minute and be like ' wait guys please. I meant to tell you."
Tim: What? If that's how it is, I'd quietly leave the group.
Damian: Tim is the individual who would trip over a tree branch and very melodramatically announce " Go on without me."
Tim: Hell no. I'm making a fucking scene if no one's helping me.
Jason: How are you gonna make a scene in a fucking zombie apocalypse if noise attracts them, dumbass?
Tim: GOOD. YOU BETTER HELP MY ASS THEN.
Dick: I'm going to be so honest...you're on your own.
Damian: I am walking away.
Tim: I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and they're getting you too.
Dick: No because do you remember last week on patrol? I accidentally stepped on your ankle and you threw me off the Batburger roof.
Damian: *laughs* Is that why you hobbled into the Cave looking miserable? You would not speak of what happened.
Dick: Yeah cause Tim tried to murder me-
Tim: That isn't what happened! That hurt though.
Dick: You know what else hurt? My feelings when you shoved me.
Tim: Good.
Dick: I'm stepping on the other ankle.
Tim: I'm pushing you harder.
