#tankycinna

[astragatwo]

(Disgruntled sigh)

[ilya-roza]

Hey bestie I just had a thought that's a little small and insignificant but its consumed my brain and its because I'm looking at those icons you just reblogged. But you know, I'm looking at Marc and Steven's jackets, and they look really similar. I know they aren't the same jacket, but like... there are similarities.

Anyway, Marc's jacket get ruined and he seems upset about it when he's changing clothes in the car with Layla, albeit briefly. But, that made me wonder if Steven's ever fronted in the mornings before he knew about Marc to find that his favorite shirt was now gone, or stained, or covered in odd holes that look like they could've been made by knives or bullets (but that's loony talk, innit?) I wonder if he's ever wandered into the museum without his nametag because the jacket it was attached to disappeared in the middle of the night. I wonder how many times he's had to get it replaced. I wonder if Steven ever fronted in the midst of a shift at work and looked at himself in the reflections of the display cases, thinking, "Huh... that's odd."

I wonder how often he checked the laundry and found these weird shirts, pants, jackets, etc. that he definitely doesn't remember owning. I wonder if he ever tried them on and felt a little silly because obviously, this wasn't something he would've bought for himself. I wonder what he did with them after the fact. Did he shove them in a drawer and forest about them, his skin crawling like there were eyes watching him from somewhere unseen? Or maybe he just closed his eyes, and just as suddenly as they appeared, they were gone again.

I wonder how much attention Marc (and even Jake) had to pay to Steven's wardrobe in order to mask as him in public. I wonder how many times Marc ruined something of Steven's on accident, and how many times he beat himself about it after the fact. I wonder how often he mixed up his clothes with Steven's and scrambled to fix it before Steven would catch on.

I wonder how many times that fish died and Steven never noticed.

Just thoughts. I don't know.

Bestie, in retaliation I am here to tell you that this is very much not a small thing, because I am constantly thinking about the lengths to which Marc had to go to maintain Steven's life, when he put next to no effort in maintaining his own.

Also I just finished writing a scene about Marc and Steven sharing clothes, are you hiding away in a pocket of my brain somewhere actually.

I can imagine Marc sort of panicking a little the moment he's ruined one of Steven's novelty button up shirts. Like he rolls his eyes some every time he picks one out, and he tries not to be caught dead in any of them but sometimes Khonshu's nagging is insistent and he doesn't always get the chance to wear what he likes, in the moment. So when he takes a knife to the gut, or a bullet to the shoulder, yeah it hurts for a second, but the pain isn't at the forefront of his mind every time, it's.. fuck, how am I supposed to find another one of these? My sewing skills are shit, it's not like I can just. Fix it.

And I don't think he was necessarily perfect every time. I'm sure there were nights that he stumbled into the flat, too exhausted to stand, where he'd just fall into bed not considering the way Steven might wake up. But Steven had a hand in it too, where his mind would play tricks on him and fill in the gaps so he didn't look too closely. Must've tripped and caught on something, that's why there's a tear here, a loose thread there. Bugger, I loved that shirt. And he'd toss it in a huff, none the wiser.

I think Marc must've been much better about not keeping his things in Steven's flat, but he'd definitely have some of Steven's things in the storage locker. Maybe he'd buy extra of something and keep it away in a different wardrobe, changing there after a mission so that he wouldn't draw attention when he headed home. Feeling that familiar itch of, this isn't me, I'm leaving me behind as he got closer and closer to the flat. But the times he made mistakes, the times he'd leave things.. he'd scramble to the front, stuffing shirts under floorboards, pants under the mattress. The things that did bring him some comfort, that actually made him feel like himself, hidden away like everything else.

I think about Steven, grabbing one of his jackets in a sleep deprived haze and looking in the mirror in confusion. And Marc watching in silence, a small, sad smile on his face.

Looks good, buddy.

[peridotite]

ruby from su belong to u

ruby only???????????????

[ilya-roza]

OKAY SO YOUR TAGS ABOUT STEVEN BEING “SHY” SO TRUE BESTIE I HATE THAT SHIT

He’s so not shy at all, he’s very open to talking to people, and very expressive about his feelings in the moment. No issue being sassy or confronting people head on, hell he fucking looks a cult leader in the eye and goes “Eyo kinda fucked up of you to kill children dontcha think.” Like if he were shy he would not have done that, nor would he approach a child and lightly chastise them for littering, nor would he have a conversation with a lady he’s never met in an elevator, nor would he tell his boss to fuck off for a minute.

He’s not SHY he is just awkward, socially a little off! And you know why? He’s fucking autistic. Autism is not shyness I’m going to bite claw scratch kill grrr. He’s not great at navigating social situations, and that’s what makes him come off a little shy or soft spoken or awkward, it’s the god damn tism and I’m tired of people writing him as a shy little uwu baby. He is surprisingly confident and straightforward about his feelings if people would just think a bit more critically.

GONNA JUST CLIMB THIS HILL AND DIE ON IT.

Steven talks to everyone, that's his whole thing, he loves people. I love what you said about how expressive he is because he's just so genuinely unapologetic about showing his emotions on his face, whether that's fear, fascination, or even pure joy. He doesn't care if people see it. It really just.. over simplifies him in a way, when people interpret him as being shy because it boils down to his interactions being just a little different than everyone else's. And that's okay.

Because yeah, Steven's a little awkward, a little anxious. But he knows exactly what he wants to say, how and when he wants to say it. And maybe his emotions can be a bit overwhelming at times, but he can still confidently assert himself and demands over and over to be heard by the people he spends time around.

Just slkdjgslkjg I wish people would stop cutting him down to the bare minimum character trope because that's not who he is at all???

[ilya-roza]

You know you mentioned the gun in the gif set where he says yes to Khonshu and I actually have a thought about the gun. It’s not a super serious thought or a very meta-y one though.

He’s like. Planning to kill himself right? And then he hears a loud voice, implied to be coming from the statue and not his mind. While his finger is on the trigger. Idk, I feel like if that happened for real he would’ve pulled the trigger out of like. Shock from hearing a loud, deep voice out of nowhere. Idk that scene seemed odd to me because of that. His reaction to Khonshu’s seems odd.

But that’s just meeee

The most prominent emotion I get from him in that scene isn't his sadness or complete despair (although those are there too), but his fear. He doesn't want to die, not deep down, but he loaths everything that he is and has done to the point that he thinks it's his only option.

The thing is, because he's so afraid, he wants an out. Even if that's buried underneath all the rest of it, he's willing to take whatever reason he can to put the gun down, so the minute Khonshu starts speaking, he finds his reason.

[ilya-roza]

Anyway before I pass out, I offer you this little thought I had:

I think Jake would collect little toy cars. Not like Hot Wheels, I mean like high quality ones, maybe some antiques. And he leaves them all over Steven’s flat once he gets more comfortable fronting and being open around Marc and Steven. Marc and Steven start finding little lines of cars around the flat. Sometimes one of them fronts and sees a car with a little note under it that says something like, “This model reminds me of you.” Steven is fascinated by the little cars and encourages it. Marc is a little confused and wary at first but eventually he starts smiling whenever he notices a new one. Happy that Jake is feeling more comfortable.

I am.. almost always thinking about him working with his hands.

I don't necessarily believe that Jake is as deeply horrified by his capacity for violence as Marc is, he's lived a different kind of life with a conflicting perspective. But that doesn't mean I don't think he's been affected by what he's done. He still carries that with him, but he doesn't let it consume him in the same way that Marc does. I think it would be more.. restrained with Jake. Maybe there are times he notices he has too much nervous energy, like there's something crawling under his skin. Maybe occasionally, his hands would shake.

The tiny models would take up a lot of his concentration, and they'd be easy to hide, if he needed to. He could sit in the front seat of the car, the engine idling as he waits, fingers fiddling around, trying to fit the pieces together. There'd be a few times something breaks, and he considers smashing the whole thing against the dash and throwing it out the window. But he never does. He drives to the store and buys replacement parts, or glue, or he takes a piece of the blue tape in Steven's flat to make do.

Eventually, there'd be too many, and he doesn't want to make it suspicious so he starts to leave them places. On a park bench. The side of a sandbox for a child to find. Seated precariously on a tree branch overlooking the sidewalk. Hidden, sure, but not well. (He knows how to hide, and he'd do it better if he actually cared to.) The fun was in the discovery, Jake parked a few feet away with the windows down, enjoying the breeze and (although he wouldn't dare admit it), the looks on passing faces.

Someday, he'd like to leave one for Marc or Steven. He wonders what their face would look like.

[ilya-roza]

@tankycinna I present to you: moon knight

OKAY BUT IS THIS A DOG TOY BECAUSE LIKE-

[ilya-roza]

Hey you’re my favorite MK meta poster just thought you should know 💕

HI I JUST WOKE UP AND THIS MADE ME LOOK LIKE THIS.