When it’s all over – Jeff Atkins x Reader
Summary: This one shot was inspired by two aspects: I saw the 7x16 chapter of The vampire diaries and I took inspiration from the last scene, (I won’t say spoilers just in case) and then, I was sitting in my bed listening to music when this song appeared, I listened carefully, more than once and I said "this is perfect for what I have in mind" and here it is. I must admit I was crying when I finished writing this one shot. I put my heart and the pain I felt when I saw the scene of Jeff's death in the serie. I hope you like it.
I heard this song while I was writing.
Words: 3408
Reader’s point of view.
Enjoy it!
Your name: submit What is this? document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); }); function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; } } function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v; }
"No more supplies"
One of the boys approached our circle. Our laughter was cut but happiness didn’t go away. Undoubtedly, Jessica had been excellent with the organization of this party, what a good way to start the new course. I was having a great time, I couldn’t stop laughing with Zach, Montgomery and Jeff; Great idea of the latter to insist that i attend, right now i would be at home in the armchair watching knowing what series on Netflix, but certainly boring.
"That's my sign," my boyfriend said after taking a sip of his soda. "I'm the only one sober of you, it's my turn, idiots." They all laughed and raised their glasses in Jeff's direction.
"I'm coming with you"
"Are you sure? I won’t be long"
"I go with you" I insisted with a smile "This way I make sure the provisions arrive complete." He let out a laugh.
"Y/N Y/N!"
The boys started chanting to me, and my boyfriend shook his head; But soon they changed the name and now called Clay, to join our gathering outside of Jessica's house. I had a lot better when the social circle was small, but I liked Clay. He wasn’t like the others.
Jeff was the only one who approached him to talk, while the others made sure to tell me what kind of beer they wanted, they made me feel like a alcohol dealer considering that none of us were legal age to drink, but what's more, I wasn’t going to against the wishes attributed by a party and the adolescent hormones swarming in the air. I said goodbye to the boys and walked to where my friend and his best friend were.
"You drive?" I heard Clay say.
"It's coca cola, my friend. Two beers two hours ago, I'm good"
I rested my arm on Jeff's shoulder and nodded in agreement.
"It‘s true. He's the most sober guy you'll ever meet in the whole party." Clay smiled and shrugged. I looked at my boyfriend. "I'll wait for you in the car. Come with us, Clay"
I walked to where I knew his car. Of the two, tonight was he to be the driver, not that I drank too much, but if it got to the point of getting dizzy. Usually we took the time to take the other home safely after a party, it was a fair deal. I was grateful that this incredible party wasn’t my turn to drive. I leaned against the passenger's door and looked at my fingernails while I waited, even in the distance, the music was still listening as if my ear was taped to one of the speakers, I was still surprised that the neighbors didn’t call the police yet, If they were going to do it, I'd wait outside while Jeff and I were out, didn’t intend to spend the rest of the night in the police station for having brought beers. I imagined myself returning to it with arms full of bottles, then my body against the hood of the patrol; I felt crazy when I started laughing at that idea.
A few minutes later I saw my boyfriend walk towards me. I got out of the car to meet him with a smile, I ran my hands down his neck and gave him a short kiss on the lips. I was almost sure that he wouldn’t come alone but I was wrong.
"And Clay?"
"He went home." He shrugged before giving me another kiss.
"He's a weird guy." I chuckled.
"Yes but also a good guy." He let go and I did the same reluctantly. I loved to always be close to him, to feel his body under my hands and to know that I wasn’t dreaming of having someone as great as Jeff Atkins "We better go, there are beginning to notice the alcohol drought"
I laughed and nodded. I watched as my boyfriend opened the door and went to his. When I turned to get up, I felt a pressure in the chest that made me fall back; I took a hand to this and I stayed still. My heart began to accelerate, my hands felt sweaty. Jeff stopped in front of his door.
"Are you okay?" He questioned me.
I shook my head.
"I have a bad feeling" I looked at my boyfriend "Maybe we shouldn’t go" I whispered.
"Everything is fine, Y/N, I'm really sober"
I shook my head. Why do I begin to feel restless? Why a bad feeling right now?
"That's not why" I murmured feeling the anxiety hugging me from the ankles to my hair, I could feel it moving through my veins. “Jeff, please, stay"
He circled his car again to stand in front of me and take me by the shoulders gently, he smiled at me and, although that sometimes calmed me, this time wasn’t the case. Even though I was still very restless, little by little I would begin to lack oxygen. I thought that staying here was a better idea and that was another, we would find someone sober, we could stay and keep laughing with the boys.
"Stay calm, my love. We'll be back in ten minutes." His hands went up to my cheeks. I looked into his eyes. "Would you rather stay?"
Stay alone? I looked at his car and shuddered. The point was that the two of us would stay here, safe from a presentiment that couldn’t know what it was.
"Maybe the store is already closed, we're just going to waste time, Jeff."
"You're getting very pale, you better stay, I won’t be long"
Jeff gave me a kiss on the forehead and released me, when he did, I felt another pang in the chest. No, I couldn’t let him go alone. Without saying anything and even with the restlessness, I got into the car and put on my belt with mechanical movements. When he did the same, he looked at me worriedly, his frightened gaze returned, now i was worse after not convincing him to stay.
"I'll slow down if you prefer. We'll be fine, okay?"
My throat was dry so I just nodded.
To buy the supplies, I left him alone while I stayed in the car trying to calm down. We had arrived well, there were almost no people in the street and much less other cars, nothing could happen to us in that case, right? We were both going to make it to the party. We wouldn’t leave until the next morning, being able to drive in daylight would be best, even if I had to do it myself and break our agreement.
While I waited I made sure to look in the rearview mirror, every few minutes a single car passed, we would find almost none on our return. I took a deep breath, the restlessness wouldn’t leave, I would do it when I stepped on Jessica's house, with an arm full of bottles and my free hand fixed on Jeff's. I’m not going to let go of him at any time.
"Are you calmer?" His voice startled me as I opened my door and left the beers at my feet. I helped him adjust the bottles.
"Yes" I lied. I knew he was worried. He already had the worry of managing as slow as he could to not disturb me, now adding my status, it wasn’t appropriate that just now he was aware of how I was and/or my reactions "I think they are wanting to start killing for the lack of alcohol" I said a joke to ease the tension, especially in myself. Jeff smiled and nodded.
On the way back, my eyes fixed on the dashboard clock, we had been out for at least eleven minutes, mostly because of the slow speed my boyfriend was driving. I rolled my eyes to his profile, concentrated a hundred percent in the street, I had always liked to see him drive, never told him that he looked three times as handsome when he did. I smiled and ran my hand down the back of his neck. He smiled too.
"Can you increase the speed a bit?" I asked, so we would get there faster and my anxiety would fade.
"Are you sure?" Jeff raised his eyebrows and looked at me for a few seconds.
"Yeah" I nodded.
The speedometer went up a little more than it seemed crazy. After a while, he and I were talking about the start of the course and the requests we had sent to the university that afternoon. We both had the perfect plan this fall to attend it; our requests were sent together, to the same sites. Our plans together went beyond four years and to be honest, I could no longer see myself with anyone but him. I had never spoken of my feelings aloud, Jeff was content with what I showed him, for to express it in words was always a difficulty for me; But the love i felt for him was too much to believe. I never thought that a person could come to love someone so much the way I did with him. I would literally feel breathless if I went my way without his company. His way of being, his smile, his smell, his voice, his metaphors using baseball words, even his clutches of feet and the way I felt protected when he hugged me. I even loved the friendship he had with others, but especially with Clay Jensen, they were so different but they complemented each other in an astonishing way, as did the opposing poles. No doubt i could shout to the four winds that i was totally happy with him.
"We're coming," he announced.
I nodded and smiled. The anxiety and bad feeling left me slowly, now I could feel breathing more easily. The first thing we would do when arriving at the party, would be to join a game of drinking, I needed it urgently.
Then it was only a few seconds.
I removed my eyes from him and stared at his window. Lights became big in seconds ... straight to us.
"Watch out!"
I shouted, before it was a deafening noise, pain, squeaks of tires and then ... silence and darkness.
I complained. My body ached, my arms burned and my head stung. I tried to open my mouth to scream, to ask for help, for someone to take away anything that caused me such pain. My nostrils filled with the smell of smoke, I wrinkled my nose causing discomfort all over my face. I wanted to move but there was a force that pressed against the seat. If I opened my eyes, which scene would I find? Everything outside of me seemed to be in an apparent calm, except for the frightful scent I perceived.
"Y/N!"
His voice. The faint sound of his voice alerted me. I opened my eyes quickly, in front of me was the broken windshield. I lowered my eyes to my arms, wanting to discover the ardor in them: small pieces of glass were embedded in my skin, I tried to ignore the blood that emanated from these before I got worse. Then I looked at Jeff. All of it was blood, even on his face, his eyes were muffled, his chest slowly rising every time he inhaled. He looked at me apologetically, in fear ... I shook my head but let out a gasp. There was nothing to apprehend my body, it was simply the pain that had been inflicted upon me after the impact. Through the window I saw the other car, but I couldn’t distinguish the driver, my vision began to blur. Even breathing was beginning to burn. I didn’t want to close my eyes, if these would be my last seconds I wouldn’t go on wasting it on details that would no longer be worth it, so I looked at Jeff, though I didn’t want to see him that way one last time. I refused even to blink. What good would it do? I began to lose the senses of my body and little by little the consciousness was leaving me, the corners of my vision began to darken ... I could feel it, as I gradually faded into absolute nothingness.
"No" Jeff whispered again. I savored his voice and even the effort he made to raise his hand and reach mine "No ... don’t ... let ...you… go" He asked me.
"It hurts a lot" I murmured and made a face, why continue to endure so much pain?
"I should ... I should have listen ... to you" I felt a slight squeeze.
I couldn’t anymore and I started to cry. I wanted to let go but at the same time fight a little more. We would both come out of this, if I surrendered, he would, I couldn’t imagine a life without him, he didn’t have to die, not tonight, not so soon, our lives were just beginning. I nodded. I wasn’t going to leave this world.
Jeff smiled, but that gesture barely lasted for a second. He grimaced, in a way that distorted his face. I clutched at his hand as I began to feel his grip loosen and not at will.
"Jeff" I sat, still with all the pain in the world and I squeezed his hand between mine "No ... don’t give up" I wanted to absorb his pain, that everything would happen to me, even if I ended up dead, I didn’t care but he didn’t have to die. Not him. He deserves to be happy "Don’t close your eyes" I screamed as he began to lower his eyelids "Look at me, Jeff, we'll be fine. Don’t give up"
He smiled at me.
"Forgive me." I shook my head.
"Please. Don’t leave me." I begged as I brought his hand to my lips. He couldn’t leave me in this miserable world alone. I couldn’t go on without him.
"I love you, Y/N"
"My love…"
Then he turned his face to the window. I was a spectator of the last time his chest went up and then went down so that it wouldn’t rise again. I screamed with all my might as I pounced on him. I punched him in the face as I called his name, begged him to wake up, begged him to come back to me ... or to take me. Finally the pain made me fall back into my seat, I would wait here for my death, I would have to go somehow, I had to feel the unconsciousness again, but, as a punishment, that didn’t happen, I felt more alive than ever. He was gone without me.
"Jeff ... hold on ... Jeff ... hold on!"
I didn’t realize that someone had come to meet us until I turned and I spotted Clay Jensen trying desperately to open my boyfriend's door. I sobbed and his eyes fixed on mine, maybe he didn’t think i was alive.
"Resist, Y/N, I'm going to call the ambulance"
I shook my head, I didn’t want to wait for anyone, I didn’t want anyone to save me. I only wanted to die right now.
I closed my eyes.
Where had i ended? How had i gotten here? I looked at my arms, without any mark or stain of blood. My clothes, a short white dress covered me, perfectly white, as if it had just been put in a shop window. I looked up, the illumination from wherever I was, was too much to almost blind me. Did this mean that i was dead? How long did i take me to get here? I walked forward, on my feet, I felt like stepped on grass, even if i couldn’t see it. I kept walking, I felt an atmosphere of peace surround me, there was no danger, there was no pain and much less misfortunes. I was very comfortable here. I never thought about the "What will there be after death?" Did I end up in paradise? What a pleasant place!
But I wasn’t alone and I realized when a figure came out of nowhere. The first thing I noticed was his white clothes, with a light brown vest, then his face and the smile he received me. My heart shrank as I ran to him, straight into the heat and the protection I always found in his arms. But this time, the touch was cold and there was no protection in them, in fact, I could hardly feel it. I looked at him frightened, we were dead ... but together ... I didn’t let him leave me.
Jeff took my face and smiled at me the way he always did. I couldn’t return the gesture. This was a place of peace but I no longer felt it, what more did I want? I was dead but next to Jeff.
"You'll be fine" he told me.
"Where are we?" I refused to look away from him.
"You, in a hospital bed" He looked down for a few seconds "Doctors say you'll get fine ... but you need to wake up, babe"
I shook my head off his grasp, but quickly my hands gripped his. I wasn’t going to let him go.
"Am I not dead?"
He shook his head and smiled. For the first time i hated his smile. I cringed and started to cry, no, I wasn’t going to wake up.
"And you?" I said through tears.
"I have to go, I didn’t say goodbye properly" I tightened his hands.
"Don’t. Please, don’t leave me" I raised my hands up his arms, he was cold, too, barely and I could feel it and that mortified me "I can’t go on without you"
"You have to do it, Y/N, you have to live for both"
"I can‘t" I knelt in front of him without letting go, I had no strength "You have to take me with you, I won’t wake up, Jeff"
"Your parents are having a bad time, my love." He rose to me and stroked my cheek.
"Why did you leave me? Why?"
"I wasn’t as strong as you. I love you, always remember it, and I leave in peace knowing that you are alive"
"I don’t want to live!"
We stood up. He kissed me on the forehead and went away until I extended my arms, I couldn’t more and ended up letting him go.
"Please" I pleaded as I watched him disappear into a white haze.
When I opened my eyes, I saw everything blurred for a few minutes until my vision cleared and I ran into the lights of the hospital room I was in. The sounds began to come to me, the sound of an infernal machine that was possibly connected to my heartbeat, I hated that sound so much. And the burning in my nose was due to the oxygen they were infringing on, I hated it too. And to all those who came to save me.
"My dear" I heard Mom's voice and turned my face slowly toward her. Her face was emaciated, I wondered how long I'd been unconscious, but I didn’t need to know anyway. "We were very worried"
I didn’t answer and I looked at Dad.
"We love you, little one" He stroked my hair but I didn’t even flinch. I couldn’t feel anything, at least not emotionally. "I'm going to get a nurse." He touched Mom's shoulders and left the room.
"You're going to get well, my love." Now it was her that touched me.
I no longer wanted to be well. I didn’t want to go any further. I had seen the love of my life die. I hated me. I hated being here.
"Is Jeff ...?"
I still wanted to believe that it was a nightmare and that he was in another room being attended to, that his heart was still beating, that his condition was serious but would improve. He still breathing. That soon we would be together again and in the autumn we would leave here to start a new life.
"I'm sorry, baby"
I looked again at the ceiling for a few seconds, the infernal machine made an even more annoying sound, my heartbeat had accelerated. Mom was alarmed, she called me, but I was already lost and I burst into tears.
Masterlist
