A Message from Hiatus Land 👻
Hello everyone ☺️Not sure if you still remember me since I ghosted you since February, but I still wanted to explain my sudden trip into the unexplained hiatus land.
Warning, the following is an unstructured rant of mine:
All jokes aside, I haven’t been feeling well this year and it probably started around the time I disappeared from tumblr (probs an unconscious move on my part). I haven’t been diagosed with anything yet, but I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I haven’t said anything until now because firstly, it was incredibly hard for me to accept it since I’m usually an optimistic person and two, because I’m a rather private person. (In a way, I didn’t notice my own emotions and distress. Super self-oblivious in that regard!) It was more important for me to keep my blog free from personal stress and issues, sort of like an island of positivity and happiness (for myself and others), than to talk about it.
I have a therapist now and that really helps a lot. So if you’re stuggeling with these things yourself, I can recommend seeing one whole-heartedly.
Of course, my hiatus had other reasons too like losing interest (mainly in Fairy Tail, haven’t even finished it) and feeling pressured by the fandom to deliver colourings on demand. Instead of nice comments, I only recieved more requests and people demanding I do something for them. (There were exceptions of course!! And I know they didn’t mean any harm by it!) It robbed me of the fun I used to have. Especially when I felt like I couldn’t do what I wanted anymore. Pressure from others and my own drive to be as good as I can sort of ruined tumblr for me. It stessed me out like so many other things, like it was a job I had to do. Not to mention people who stole my works on instagram and other sites, claimed them as their own and got angry at me for reporting them. I was just so fed up.
So I left and turned into Ghost-Ellie. Much spooky, very incognito. (who basically just browsed the tags and liked stuff left and right)
Recently, I’ve been thinking about returning to my blog. This used to be fun to me, so it might be fun again? I’m not sure yet. It might take me a while to pick up colouring again, and I’ve taken up creative writing instead to balance formal university essays (back to the roots lmao). I miss posting random rants and reblogging the things I love, so I’ll probably doing that.
Quite honestly, I’m still stuggeling with myself. It got better in the last few weeks and now the feeling and not-feeling is worse again. It comes in waves. So I can’t promise to keep my blog running on a daily basis, but I’ll try to do what I can.
Thanks to all my mutuals and people who send me sweet messages. To those who have been wondering where I’ve been and whether I’m okay. To the 17.5k people who still follow me (or forgot to unfollow me lol) during the last year.
Love all of you! ❤️
(PS: While I was incognito on tumblr, I fell in love with Todoroki from BNHA and many other characters from the series. In fact, the few series that actually keep my interest right now are BNHA, Bungou Stray Dogs, Persona 5 and Mystic Messenger (still wishing Saeyoung was real). I watch and read other series, but those four are my favs at the moment. Anyhow, bye~)
