Dec 4, 2020
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Audio Description: A clip from The Adventure Zone: Balance.
Transcript:
Griffin: His- his whispers are actually filling the room. They’re- they’re really loud.
Travis: Cool.
Red Robe: Are you afraid?
Taako: No!
Magnus: I mean, sometimes.
Taako: Yeah, I think we all are, it’s natural--
Magnus: Y’know, you get lonely and you’re like ‘what if I never meet the right person’ and oof, there’s a lot to worry about, y’know what I mean?
Red Robe: You do not know how to be afraid.
Merle: Well, probably not.
Magnus: Oh.
Merle: If it’s a smartness thing, no, uh-uh.
Griffin: It uh, it extends a sleeve of its robe and displays-
Travis: --And hands you ‘Being Afraid for Dummies’.
Griffin: [laughs] It says ‘How to be Afraid’.
Griffin: No, he actually kind of projects this almost holographic representation of a series of familiar faces, and, uh, it says:
Red Robe: Gundren Rockseeker. Magic Brian. Jenkins. Sloane. Captain Bane.
(And as it says these names, their faces sort of appear in the palm of its hand. And it says:)
Red Robe: This is the true nature of man. The want, the hunger, it consumes everything it touches, it can’t be stopped or changed. It’s the end of everything.
(And then it says:)
Red Robe: This is your first lesson.
(And disappears in a spout of flame.)
Audio Description: A clip from The Adventure Zone: Balance. The Red Robe speaks in an altered, raspy whisper.
Transcript:
Griffin: You hear a voice from behind you say,
Red Robe: What’s bigger than this?
Travis: “I turn around!” No! Magnus turns around! Which one am I?
Griffin: Um. As you-
Travis: I’m lost within myself!
Justin: I don’t know, nobody does character voices except me, so it’s hard to say.
Magnus: I turn around!
Justin: That’s fucking, that doesn’t make any sense! Why would he say that right now?
Clint: [high pitched voice] I turn around too!
Justin: “I’m turning around. We’re all turning!”
Griffin: Uhm, as you all say that you’re turning around, as you turn around--
Justin: Out loud.
Griffin: --out loud, you see, a floating figure in a bright red robe.
Travis: I attack it!
Justin: Yeah, I blast it with magic missile.
Griffin: Okay. Magnus roll your dice.
Travis: Fifteen plus seven, twenty-two!
Griffin: Okay, he’s incorporeal and your axe passes right through him.
Travis: I attack again, I get two attacks per turn. [background laughter] Fourteen plus seven, Twenty-one!
Griffin: Your second attack hits! It’s a crit!
Travis: What!
Griffin: No, it doesn’t, [Travis: Fuck] he’s incorporeal, it passes right through him. Uh, and Taako,
Travis: But does he seem miffed?
Griffin: Uh-nope! Taako, you’re magic missiling him?
Justin: No, I, well I mean, it depends, did I know he was incorporeal before, or did I watch him, Travis, attack first? If I watch Magnus attack first, I probably didn’t blast it with Magic Missile.
Griffin: Okay, uh then-
Travis: I step- Magnus steps into the place that he is, and kind of blends in with him and goes
Magnus: Oh, Ho Ho, I’m in a red robe!
Griffin: He phases, he phases-
Justin: Okay, now I do use magic missile.
Griffin: He uh, he phases sort of upwards so he’s floating above you.
Red Robe: Okay, excuse me…
Magnus: Uh-huh!
Red Robe: Uh… ‘sup?
Griffin: No, uh-
Travis: A/S/L.
Justin: ASMR.
Red Robe: I spoke to you about the hunger of all living things.
Magnus: When?
Merle: Well, when was that?
Griffin: The last time he fucking saw you. Remember a thing! Remember-
Travis: No that was in character, Griffin. That was Magnus.
Griffin: Oh.
Red Robe: The last, when - in the office building.
Magnus: In the-? Oh. Oh! With Bane Bane. With Captain Captain Bane.
Red Robe: Yeah, he tried to poison you. But I st-
Magnus: He tried to poison us!?
Red Robe: Okay, so a lot of things went unnoticed.
Merle: I’m not remembering, that one is by me.
Red Robe: Well, take it on credit. I warned you about the hunger of all living things.
Magnus: Mmhmm.
Griffin: He motions to all the different planes, and he says:
Red Robe: This is the power it seeks. The power of creation itself.
Magnus: Got it.
Red Robe: A billion billion lives have been devoured by this hunger in pursuit of its power.
Magnus: A billion billion?
Red Robe: Yes.
Magnus: That’s a lot!
Red Robe: It sure is.
Griffin: He waves a hand and uh, there is a crate sort of in the back of the room by the lectern. It actually kind of looks like a, kind of like a trash bin? And as he motions towards it, it tips over and some small gemstone disks crash out of it. One of them, you can see, is a very dark disk kind of like black. But you can see definitely like flecks of red and green and blue color in this black disk. This disk, this disk begins to shake and this horrifying black cloud sort of emerges out of it and it slowly creeps towards these disks that are floating in the room, and one by one, just consumes them. As each disk is consumed you hear like, screaming voices coming from it.
Travis: Woah, hey.
Griffin: It is an absolutely terrifying scene. It consumes the prime material plane, and you feel kind of sick watching it. After it has consumed all of them, this red robed figure snaps his fingers [snaps] and the cloud disappears. This vision kind of leaves you. And he says-
Red Robe: There is no more running, there is no escape. This world is life’s last chance.
Magnus: Who are you?
Red Robe: It's not time for me to tell you that yet.
Magnus: What time will you tell me?
Red Robe: In like, ten episodes.
Magnus: Okay, I'll put it in my calendar.
Griffin: He says, uh
Red Robe: You three are the on– Taako? Taako, where did you find that umbrella?
Taako: Yeah, I took it off this uhh, I took it off this dead thug with a red robe. This dead guy, he had a red robe.
Red Robe: You f- you, you-
Magnus: He was totes dead!
Taako: He was dead though I didn’t [cross talk]
Merle: You just killed-Did we kill him or?
Taako: No.
Merle: No. Okay, we would have!
Magnus: He was long dead.
Taako: No problem, no problem here.
Griffin: This, this, he’s starting to shudder. There’s red electricity kind of crackling through him. He says-
Red Robe: Wha- What? Where di-? What did you? You found her?
Travis: I’m gonna step a little bit away from Taako.
Merle: It was a lady?
Griffin: As he shouts that he bursts into flames and disappears.
Justin: Dag.
Clint: Wow.
Griffin: And the lights turn back on and Lucas says-
Lucas: —What’s bigger than this?
Audio description: A clip from The Adventure Zone: Balance.
Transcript:
Griffin: Okay, you take turns slapping Avi-
Magnus: [interrupting] Anybody want a free shot on Avi?
Griffin: He doesn’t move because he is literally paralyzed, and you realize he’s outlined in red light. And from behind him, you actually see sort of apparate behind him the red-robed figure that you've encountered a few times now. [creepy music begins] And it really quickly holds a finger to its lips, and then waves its hand in a circle, and your stones of Far Speech, they go dim, they go dark. And the red-robed figure says:
Red Robe: Did you retrieve the cup?
Magnus: Yes.
Red Robe: What did you change?
Magnus, Taako: Nothing.
Magnus: No, we didn't do anything with it.
Red Robe: You didn't use the cup?
Magnus: Nope, we all three said no, right?
Taako: Yeah, we didn't use it.
Red Robe: I'm really proud of you. I thought there was a chance that maybe this would be the one to end your adventure.
Magnus: Wait- you're proud of- wait hold on, you're the Red Robe, right? You're one of the bad guys.
Red Robe: Who told you that?
Merle, Taako: Everybody.
Magnus: Yeah, everybody. The Bureau. The, whats-her-face, the Director.
Merle: TMZ…
Red Robe: I need to know - do you trust me?
Magnus: Wait.
[All three say “No!” and “Hell no!” a bunch of times]
Merle: Not just no, but HELL NO!
Taako: You're fucking popping up in a red robe like Satan, you're speaking Parseltongue, you’re like, do we tr- NO we don't trust you. What kind of question is that?
Griffin: As you say that, that you don't trust him, it, it - this apparition, this basically red-robed ghost - or, it's a lich - floating in front of you - it starts to lose its composure. It starts to lose… And I mean that literally, like, the spectral form starts to jerk violently, and a bolt of energy kind of like, whips off of it. And actually, Merle, make a Dex save.
[Dice rolling]
Clint: [crosstalk] Nat 20!
Griffin: That’s a.. That’s a nat 20. You dodge out of the way, actually, as a bolt of red energy whips off of this Red Robe and sort of moves past you.
And this red robed figure falls to its knees, and he's muttering to himself, like he's trying to calm himself down, and it doesn't sound like it sounds every other time he's spoken to you. It sounds like a guy's voice.
And he says to himself:
[without warped voice]
Red Robe: Lup, they don't trust me. I can't do it anymore, Lup. I'm sorry.
Griffin: And he calms down, and the sort of distortion that was happening to him kind of fades, and he stands back up and says:
[with warped voice again]
Red Robe: The next time we meet, I will need you to trust me completely and absolutely. Otherwise, all of this will have been for nothing. The Hunger is almost here. And when it arrives, this world will be lost.
Griffin: And he disappears.