Discover Top Posts Tagged with #teamchuffy

TeamChuffy Fan Site

All your Chuffy related fan fics, videos, fan art, or general chat will be posted here.

If you have anything you'd like adding here, just send it via an inbox.

Enjoy Chuffy 🧓🏻❤👱🏻‍♀️ fans! 😍

#TeamChuffy #chuffy fic #chuffy #bbc casualty #charlie fairhead #lisa duffin

|| Try - Chuffy Fic ||

Submitted by @boakleesk via inbox.

------------------------------------------------

She sits alone listening to a song on the radio – not a Christmas song, that would be too much, but she needed something to break the silence.

And you know I got to try

Even though my heart is on the line

Even if I'm broken on the inside

There's nothing I won't do to make it right

You know, you know I got to try

Listening as tears roll down her face she picks up a pen and begins to write.

December 25th 2018

I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to start this letter to you, I don’t know how to change things but I’ve got to try, if I don’t try then we have nothing and I cannot accept that, I won’t accept that – I just can’t.

Oh, Charlie, what have I done? What have I done to you? To us? To me? I do understand how you are feeling, I understand that right now you cannot bear to see me, touch me, be near me. I understand that I have caused all of this pain that you are going through but please try to understand what I’m going through too.

I’m not well Charlie, I haven’t been well for a while. When I said that I’ve got a fight on my hands I didn’t mean about him, about getting over him (he means nothing to me, he never did mean anything to me – I cannot stress that enough to you, but that’s up to you to believe me or not). I meant that I have a fight on my hands to get well, to see a way through.

You are going to read this and shake your head in that way you do, I can see you now rubbing the back of your neck with your hand, wincing slightly. I am sorry I haven’t told you this, I couldn’t. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t find the words. I thought that if I said them out-loud then it would be true, that my world would come crashing down around me, but it already has and I didn’t say anything. I’ve lost you already – what more can I lose? You are my world Charlie Fairhead and I’ve lost you so it can’t really get any worse.

She takes a deep breath, wipes away the tears that just will not stop and continues…

I went to the doctors a while ago now, he prescribed me anti-depressants – I was feeling so down, as if I just couldn’t go on any more. You were working so much, we were working different shifts, we had become strangers, nothing more than work colleagues who saw each other from time to time to say hello to – we weren’t us any more. Please don’t think that I am making excuses for my behaviour, I’m not – really I’m not, I just want, need, you to understand how I’m feeling, how I’ve been feeling for a long time.

She pauses, puts the pen down and reads what she has written, shaking her head she wipes new tears away wondering if what she has written is too much, if it looks like she is blaming him for what happened. She tunes back into the music playing in the background…

Even if I'm stopped at every turn

Even if I lose it, crash and burn

I won't quit until your love I've earned

You know, you know I got to try

The song resonates so clearly in her head – it means so much, he means so much. Picking up her pen, she continues to write, knowing this may be the last chance she has to explain herself before she leaves for good, before she picks up her already packed bags and … well, she doesn’t know, but she does know she cannot stay here, not without him loving her, not without him being there by her side. She just cannot do it.

This isn’t sounding how I wanted it to, I don’t want you to think that I’m blaming you in any way. This is all my fault, I have accepted that, I accepted it at the time it happened. So, please, don’t think that I am writing this to blame you. I just need to explain.

It all started months ago. I’ve spent a lot of time looking back on my life since then, trying to understand where I’ve gone wrong, where it all went wrong. In doing that, I’ve started having flashbacks. Flashbacks of different parts of my life – never the good parts though, always the bad parts and there are so many to choose from! The main one seems to be to when I was raped. I’ve r-lived that night so many times over the past few months, I constantly find myself asking myself why I didn’t go to the Police at the time. Alicia was so much braver than I was when the same thing happened to her. She faced him in court. I didn’t. That is something I have always regretted. I have lived with that regret for decades, how could I have let that man get away with it? How many more women could he have raped because of me not having the courage to tell? I live with that guilt on a daily basis. You and Megan were so kind to me, you honoured my decision and looked after me, I could not have asked for anything more, but it haunts me all the time. Things are different now – counselling is offered to victims of such crimes, but it wasn’t available then. I do wonder how differently I might feel had I have been offered something like that back then.

Then the panic attacks started. Every day I have at least one – it is so frightening, I don’t feel like me anymore. I was so happy and confident when I came back from New Zealand having left Ryan, I had finally done something for me – not for him, not for the boys, but for me. I had a bad one when I nearly gave that young woman the wrong medication, after you shouted at me. What would have happened if you hadn’t seen me doesn’t bear thinking about. The panic attacks have got worse since I started taking the tablets, I thought they were meant to improve things but they haven’t – if anything I’ve got worse.

When Jan brought me into the ED that time when I had fallen I lied Charlie, I lied. I have fallen before, more than once, more than twice, too many times for it to be “just be an accident”. Previously, I have managed to sort myself out but this time I actually hurt myself badly – I wanted it to be you that came home, you that saw me there on the floor and you that sorted everything out…but you sent Jan.

I black out, I stumble, I trip, I lose my balance and when I come too (yes, I do lose consciousness) I don’t know what has happened and why I am lying on the floor.

It’s not just that though Charlie, I’m depressed all the time, I feel so down and fed up with everything. I am tired all the time, I cannot sleep at night which makes me even more tired, I try to sleep but I just can’t. I am so lonely in the house when you are at work. I just rattle around on my own willing sleep to come, then, I get up in the morning and go to work so tired I am irritable and agitated all the time.

I don’t know for definite what is wrong with me Charlie, but I’ve got a good idea. I am slowly losing my mind, I’m forgetting things, losing things, I put things down and I can’t remember what I’ve done with them. What I do know is that I cannot deal with this on my own – I need you to fight with me, to fight for me when I can no longer fight for myself.

Once again, she stops to wipe the tears away. How can she send this to him? Make these demands on him after everything that has happened, after everything she has done. Perhaps leaving without sending it is the better option, running away has worked in the past – how many times she has run away instead of confronting her fears, her feelings, her life? Too many to count really, too many to think about now. The song has changed; she listens to the lyrics, losing herself in the words.

Feels like I've been up for days

I've been in a purple haze

Round and round and round I go

Can't we start again and just take it slow

I know you're hurt, you're hurting bad

And you got every reason to be mad

But I know you wanna be with me

Well this is crazy

I know we're better, better, together, together

Oh, what a mess we made

I know we're better, better, together, together

We may never be the same

Picking up her pen one final time she finishes her letter to the man she loves with all her heart, who has been there through everything, who was, is and always will be her best friend.

I know I don’t have the right to ask anything from you (not after what I have done to you, to us), but I cannot do it alone Charlie, you are my best friend, the man I love more than anything in the world.

I love you my dear, sweet Charlie

Forever yours

Duffy

Xxx

She folds the letter up, puts it in an envelope and picking up her bag walks out of the door to her room at the B & B, closing it quietly behind her. Walking slowly out of the building she looks up at the sky and smiles faintly at the stars that twinkle above her, tears still streaming down her face she turns left down the street she has come to call home towards his house, their house.

Darkness shrouds what was once her home, clearly there isn’t anyone in, assuming he is at work she lifts the latch on the gate and slowly walks up the path and posts the letter through the letterbox.

“That’s it,” she whispers to the door, “the end, goodbye my Charlie, I love you, I will always love you.”

#chuffy #charlie and duffy #teamchuffy #duffy and charlie #chuffy fic

Really sorry for the crap quality, definitely looked better on my computer. I haven't done a video for years but the song wouldn't leave me