Accidentally wrote the most in-character scene of ~2005 era Tech Diff, bon appetit @thatimageoftomscott
As per usual, the rest of DougSoc fled the scene at 10pm and left the three committee members to hide the crumbs. The fresher had made a valiant effort at offering to help, but had crumpled with one ‘nah, it’s alright, we’ve got it’.
“Wait,” Gary said, “Did any of us catch his name?”
“Matt,” Tom replied from under a table.
“Thank you Tom, we’ll send you salmon fishing forthwith.”
“No thank you.” Tom shoved an offending chocolate wrapper into his back pocket. “If I never accidentally hit on an 18-year-old again, I’ll be happy.”
“Ah, you’re alright,” Chris said with a wave of his hand. “He looks like he’s got an early birthday.”
“Yeah, or he went on a gap yah,” Gary added.
Chris snorted. “I don’t think blokes who wear hoodies and jeans so big you can drown in ‘em go on gap yahs.”
Tom whipped around. “Oh, fuck you very much!”
“You don’t count,” Gary said. He shoved the last custard cream in his gob before anyone could stop him.
“It’s the hair,” Chris explained, “It overrides the clothes.”
Tom looked as offended as it was possible to look for a nerd in bottle-thick glasses.
“Do you want to be seen as a bloke who didn’t go on a gap yah?” Gary asked.
“I want to be seen as a bloke!”
“Rofl, in fact,” Gary said.
Tom crossed his arms and pouted. “This all feels very gay bashy but I can’t define why.”
Gary cleared his throat and put on his RP voice. “Couldn’t possibly be because you are a homosexual?”
“Oh, homosexuals can be blokes, believe you me.”
Chris tipped his head to the side. “Really?”
“Oh yeah, the Arms’ full of them.”
“Huh.” Chris stroked his beard.
“Careful, Toast,” Gary stage whispered, “The gay agenda could seduce you yet.”
“If you want me,” Chris said whilst pulling his fists up in front of him, “Come and claim me.” The ensuing giggle fit lasted until they’d locked up and got turned out into the cold October night.
“No, but I’ve worked it out,” Chris said, once Gary could breathe, “He means the lesbians.”
“The blokes in the Arms, they’re the lesbians.”
Gary snorted and hiccuped.
Tom nodded sagely. “True.”
Gary raised his eyebrows. “Have you been picked up by a lesbian, Tom?”
Tom’s shoulders slumped, but the corners of his mouth twitched up into a curly bracket of a smirk. “Which time?”
