Scenario, offense merc’s take their so to a bar. S/o gets wasted and can’t recognize their Merc to where they get approached and the s/o goes, “Back off! have a boyfriend!” Who’s offended and who’s having fun?
I hope I did your idea justice! I was kinda confused on how to make this work at first, but it turned out super cute imo!!! Thanks for requesting!! :3
Warnings: MDNI, reader gets super drunk, fluff and comedy, all pronouns for Pyro, GN reader
🍻 The Offense Class with an S/O That Gets Too Drunk! 🍻
The night had gone amazing so far! You and your mercenary boyfriend had gone out for a good ol' bar hopping run late one night, ignoring your responsibilities for the time being. As the night went on, however, you definitely were downing much more alcohol than your partner, and much more than one should intake in one sitting. After you had just polished off your latest of many shots at the bartop, your boyfriend rushes up beside you to show you something...
Scout:
- He was freaking out. In a good way! This place has freakin' Tom Jones on the jukebox! He absolutely needed to show you, and maybe show off some of his totally awesome and definitely not inebriated dance moves.
- When he sped over to your wobbling form beside the bar, he grabbed your shoulder and spun you around with a huge grin.
- "Babe! You gotta check this out, they have the best freakin' songs on the-"
- He was interrupted by your flailing arm shoving him off you. Your slurred speech is just barely understandable as you scowled at him, unable to process who you're even looking at.
- "Back off, buster! I-I have... a boyfriend!"
- "Y-yeah! I'm right here!"
- "And he's like.... WAY hotter than you, so... Don't even try!"
- "Hey! I am too hotter than- Wait- Wait a minute-"
- Since he's had a drink himself, both of you are blundering this interaction wildly. Scout doesn't know whether to be offended or proud, but he knows you've definitely had one too many. Maybe the music can wait for another day.
- "Yeah, alright hot stuff, I'm cutting you off."
- He ignores your complaints against taking you away from your precious bar tender and decides the night is over. He's a little offended you couldn't recognize him, but he's dealt with drunks before. The worst that happens is he's pouty the next morning despite you not remembering a single thing.
- Absolutely holds it over your head in the most "woe is me" fashion ever. It's all in good fun, though.
- Yall were probably both hung over the next day, but he did his best to take care of you 😭 which wasn't amazing, but its the thought that counts, right?
Soldier:
- You just HAVE to see the quality of the toilets in this place. By god, they're better than prison!
- While he did have a few beers that night, this guy is such a heavyweight that it barely even touched him. He's practically stone cold sober.
- Just as you get down your shot, managing to only spill a little on yourself, he grabs you by the shoulders and hauls you off the barstool you'd been sitting on. You latch onto his arms for support, very nearly face planting.
- "Private, I've just been to the bathrooms and I can proudly report that they're some of the finest porcelain I've ever seen. I insist we-"
- You try to shove him off, but unfortunately your man has the grip of Hercules.
- "Get off'a me! I-I got a boyfriend, and he like... Will totally kick your ass!" You splutter, pointing an accusing finger into his chest.
- "Dear God... I've become what I despise the most... A home wrecker! You're right cupcake! I should kick my own ass!"
- This is definitely a situation to be in.
- Soldier solemnly takes off his helmet and holds it to his chest, about to pledge his promise to kick his own ass for bothering you.
- Fortunately for the two of you, you have the best third wheel ever! Demoman!
- He takes it from here, laughing his ass off as he corrects the two of you and takes you home. There can only be one alcoholic on the team at a time, dammit!
- Very funny the morning after, with a comically sorrowful Soldier. You gotta remind him he's not a home wrecker 💔
Pyro:
- They don't drink, due to the mask, but they're having fun anyway!
- She zoomed over to you in a bout of giggles, wanting to show you how easy it was to make improvised molotov cocktails with the bottles she'd snatched when the bar tender wasn't watching.
- They tap you on the shoulder and you whirl around, blearily blinking at them like a frog.
- They gently place their hands on either sides of your arms as they excitedly mumbled to you about their great idea, but you pull back with a look of sleepy irritation.
- "Uh, I literally gave a partner..? Like, buzz off!" You blabber, holding onto the bar counter for support.
- Immediately he is mortified. You have AMNESIA!!!
- They nearly drop to their knees in a panic, hugging you tight to try and get you to remember them! Remember the good ol' days! I know you're still in there, somewhere!
- They're like a mother hen immediatly, trying to physically pick you up and run to the pay phone outside to call Medic. It's a huge mess.
- At some point you probably realize its your partner, laughing about it and totally back to normal, but they're still worried.
- Definitely the last time you get hammered with them without another party present, poor thing.
- She forces you to promise to never forget her again!!! You scared her!!! But you can make it up to her with cuddles ❤
