#that night

[swan2swan]

"He's gone!"

[inchidentally]

thinking about how Nicole said Oscar doesn’t show it on his face or in his voice even when his heart rate goes crazy with anxiety/fear and how Oscar saw Lando go off in Vegas but remained calm when asked about it (also his race engineer didn’t tell him any more until after Oscar’s post race interviews) but then spent at least part of the night with Lando and then spent the whole of the night into early morning liking and replying and RTing content about Lando’s crash and Lando being okay and like the manifestation of his fear being held at bay to do his job until he could let go and actually touch base with Lando and process the crash properly <3

[roseraintears]

We talk about who should have had a crashout in Season five but Lucas defenetly had a mental break down at the end of Season four when he was told Max was in a coma

[crmsnmth]

v. After the Door Closed

After the door closed nothing looked broken that was the worst part

The world kept its shape traffic still moved neon still flickered Vex still laughed somewhere in rooms I stopped going to

But inside everything was misaligned

I started measuring time in before you and after you like the night you met me cut my life clean in two and left me standing on the wrong side of it

Your name became something I avoided out loud but repeated in my head like a bad prayer

I tried to replace you new faces new voices new nights that looked the same but felt hollowed out

Because none of them knew the version of me you left behind

The one that stayed up too late re-reading old messages like they might change the one that memorized absence like it was something sacred the one that kept expecting a return that never came

Sleep got strange

Dreams became cruel you showing up like nothing ever ended like I hadn't learned how to live without you

And waking up felt like losing you twice

I stopped going places that echoed too loud corners where you stood streets that still carried the shape of your laughter

Even the air felt different there like it remembered you better than I did

And I kept asking myself the same quiet question

when did it stop being ours and start being just mine

Because that's what it became this one-sided haunting this weight you don't carry but I still do

People say it fades

Maybe it does

But not all at once not clean

It erodes slow, uneven taking parts of me with it I didn't realize were yours until they were gone

And even now after all this distance after all this time

there are moments that pull me straight back to that first night

dim lights cheap drinks Vex somewhere in the background and you

standing there with those ocean blue eyes like something I'd survive

I didn't

not completely

Some part of me is still there stuck in that moment before I knew what losing you would turn me into

[lukatchm]

Hold me. Console me.

[donniethewretch]

"They say every man goes blind in his heart

They say everybody steals somebody's heart away

And I've been wondering why you let me down

And I've been taking it all for granted"

-Mazzy Star, Flowers in December

[sammyartcherub]

Completed!

What I learnt :

I want to play ouija

I'll never drink

Being charming doesn't mean that the person is good

There needs to be a lotttt of LGBTQ awareness and people NEED to accept it and normalise it