Once he got back to my place, we didn't even say much to each other. I pulled him inside, we went to my room, and then we spent the rest of the night laughing at old episodes of Great Taste. There was really no need for more words, I just wanted to be in his arms. We even fell asleep with me still in them. His company had brought me peace in my waking hours, but it seemed that something had done the opposite for my slumber. I could only remember some of one dream, and it was a borderline nightmare. I had never been one to just brush off my dreams. To me, they all meant something.
When I woke up, I rolled over to see if he was awake and he was staring pensively at the ceiling.
“Morning, babe,” he said, after turning his attention to me.
“Hey.”
“You sleep ok? You tossed and turned almost all night.”
“I didn’t. My dreams were weird.”
“You eat something crazy before I got here?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Well, what you dream about?”
“Honestly… it was that you were on a date with some girl who wasn't me.”
“What?”
The expression that suddenly appeared on his face didn’t put me at ease. He looked deeply confused. Like I had been speaking in another language or something. I mean, it wasn't that hard of a concept to grasp.
“So, are you seeing somebody else?”
“Never. I love you.”
I turned and backed away from his advances as he attempted to change the subject with a kiss, his signature move. “Mm mm.” With a shake of my head, I put my hand out toward him. I was so used to it by now that I could prepare my rejection early.
“What now?”
“Eli, you know how I feel about my dreams. My ancestors might be trying to tell me something.”
He just looked at me, mouth slightly agape. He couldn't still be confused, because this was not new information for him. “…I swear, it’s always something with you. Be for real, Ju.”
“And you know I'm not playing.”
“What do you not understand about the words ‘I love you’?”
“I underst—”
“They mean that I don’t wanna be with anybody else,” he damn near scolded, blatantly interrupting me, “that I’m happy being with just you, and that I would not cheat on you.”
“Ok, Elijah. Ok.” I threw my hands up in surrender. I didn't have time for this. “I was just asking.” I lifted the covers, turning to my back and away from him.
“Ok, then. Are you cheating on me?”
My face whipped in his direction. The nerve of this man. “…You serious?”
“I am.”
“See, now you just being petty.”
“Nah. Answer the question.”
“You know what? What time is it?” I picked up my phone to see for myself. “You can leave. My tutor is coming in like thirty minutes anyway.”
“Answer the question, July!”
“First of all, don't be yelling at me, because you know I don't take too kindly to that shit. And, since you so mad, go on and head back to your spot. You don't have to be here.”
“Keep on putting me out and I’ma stop comin’ up in here!”
“Do what you gotta do then.” I slid to the foot of the bed, ready to start my day and ready for him to go home.
“Stop fucking frontin’!”
That was the one that got me. “Frontin’?! For who, for what, why?!”
And, all of sudden, he wanted to check his tone. “If I really stopped coming around your ass, you would be in your feelings. Don't play with me.”
“Baby, don't flatter yourself. I been told you, I ain't ever tryna keep nobody who ain't tryna be kept. You free to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Yeah, whatever. Try me.”
“You know what, July? Fuck you.”
“Nigga, fuck you. And get out while you at it.”
He went around me and I stepped closer to him, pointing toward the door, reminding him which way he needed to go in case he had forgotten. I watched his jaw tense as he looked over at the wall. He closed his eyes and drew in a long breath. I just rolled my eyes, done ignoring my bladder for the sake of this stupid conversation. I had started to walk away when he grabbed me and pushed me into the wall. I screamed, mostly out of shock, but I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt.
“Stop fucking talking to me like that!”
“Oh, I know you don’ lost your mind!” I tried to force myself out of his grasp, but he had to have found some untapped strength because I barely left the wall. I tried again with the same result. After the third attempt, I started to panic. My back made contact with the barrier and I stared into his wild eyes, chest heaving. I had never seen him so angry. “Elijah… let me go.”
He just squeezed my arms harder. “Talk all that shit now, you bad!”
“Eli, owww!” The pain was so much worse and it was starting to show on my face. “Let me…”
“Huh?” he asked, bringing his ear up to my tensed mouth. “What was that?”
I didn’t say anything else. In all the time I’d known him, he had never scared me; until today.
“You need to learn how to calm the fuck down. You see what that mouth makes me do to you?”
That question broke something in me. How was his lack of self-control my fault? I started to cry. I did not like this. I had sworn that if any nigga ever got buck with me, I’d try to beat his ass. Even though I never actually thought that type of situation would ever arise for me. But, now that it was happening, I couldn’t move. I couldn't even think straight.
“July…” His face softened and he released my arms, but it didn't stop my tears. I felt so stupid. “Baby, I’m-I’m sorry,” he said, wrapping me in a hug.
“No! Get off me!”
“I'm sorry. Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
“Let me GO, ELIJAH!” I demanded, digging my nails into his bare back.
“Aaaah!”
He went for my hands and it gave me just enough room to gain use of my reach. I immediately began blindly swinging my fists through the air and trying my best to knock his ass out.
“July!”
Other than a couple of grazes, he somehow managed to dodge all of my attempts. Not only that, he had gotten his hands around each of my wrists. I’d been grossly underestimating this man’s strength. He threw his arms around me, but I pulled mine out of his way before I could be fully subdued again.
“Get off me!” I had pushed him so many times that I’d lost count, but then it dawned on me that the lower half of my body was also capable. Without a second thought, I kneed him right in the dick. He cowered as the ugliest noise came out of him, finally granting me my personal space. We were right next to the bathroom, so I went in and locked the door. I did it hard, too, making sure he could hear the latch.
I stayed there for a while hoping he would continue with the odd behavior and take his ass back home. But I knew he wouldn’t. He would stand out there all day waiting for the chance to try and clean up his mess.
Sure enough, he was still in the same spot, looking stupid, when I came out. And I stepped right past him. I heard him call my name as I left the room, but I ignored him. He tried again and was met with the same response. I’d never intended on answering him. Then I felt him grab my arm. My entire body froze. I wasn't even breathing as his stride ended in front of me. He instantly closed in on the space between us without any of my assistance. I followed him closely with my eyes, expecting the worst, almost dreading his next move. His hands crept to the small of my back as he inched closer to my face. I couldn't believe he was doing this again.
“Elijah, no.” I jerked away, pushing my hand firmly against his chest. “You can’t just make this all better with a kiss.” Surprisingly, his embrace fell away and I continued past him. “I can’t fucking believe you.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” he said, still trailing me. “I don’t know what the hell came over me.”
I stopped in the living room, but I didn’t want to look at him. “And who’s to say it won’t just ‘come over’ you again?!”
“It won’t, I swear! That was the first and the last time. I promise you, baby.”
I shook my head at that weak ass reply. “…I can’t handle this shit.”
He came up and wrapped me in his arms, his solid body pressed against the softness of my back. “I love you, ok? I won't let it happen again. I promise, Ju. On everything!”
I pushed his hands down and away from me. “I want you to leave. Like, I need you to.”
“Baby.”
“Eli, I’m serious.”
New tears rolled from my eyes and I made the probably silly decision to turn and show him. I couldn't even believe I was crying at all, let alone for a second time. I was upset with myself for it, and also for the part of me that wanted to welcome his embrace and give him his way.
“Can I come back later?” he asked, just above a whisper.
“I don't think so.”
He reached up and used his thumb to wipe away some of my tears. “…I’m sorry.”
“Elijah…” I dropped my head after he had repeated those words for the umpteenth time, sighing frustratedly. Only for him to lift my chin and steal a peck from my lips.
“I love you, Ju.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but I heard the front door open first. I hurried to rid my face of the remaining tears before Rocky could see. My friend was very much off the chain and would fight Eli’s ass. I peeked over his shoulder and she was walking in with Erik in tow, towering over her five-foot-nothing frame. Damn, I had forgotten all about him.
“Ju Ju, Erik is here,” she said, and I looked up at him and smiled. But, of course, there wasn’t one returned.
“Hey, Erik.”
“Hey.”
“Baby, this is Erik. He’s gonna be tutoring me in Pre-Calc.” I prayed hard that Eli wouldn’t say anything crazy. He could be kinda mean to people sometimes.
“Oh, ok. What’s up, man? I’m Elijah, the boyfriend.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Yeah. Same here.”
“Ok, babe. Bye.” I placed my hands on Eli’s back and started to walk, forcing his ass toward the door. “We gotta get to work.”
“Aight. I should probably be studying something myself.”
“Yep.”
He left my preferred path and turned to face me. “Aight, I’m gone. I’ma call you later, though.”
I just nodded, so over our whole interaction. Then he said the rest of his goodbyes and left. Finally. After he shut the door, I turned back to Rocky and Erik with another crafted smile. “Alright.”
“What’s with yall?” Rocky asked with a slightly furrowed brow, gesturing toward me and where Eli had just stood.
“Oh, nothing.”
“Mhm. We’ll talk later.” She walked past me and I could feel the shame tingling through my core. I was so sure that the mess had been under wraps.
“…Ok, Rocky.” But I just let it go. I didn't wanna go into it with Erik standing right there, anyway. I was already embarrassed enough.
“Yep. Well, y’all have fun. I’ma holla at y'all later.” She was headed for the door and it hit me that she was wearing a cute ass dress and sandals that I hadn't seen her in before.
“Um, you look bomb. Where you goin’? I thought we were hanging out today.”
“Thanks, boo. And, nope, you had your chance,” she said, keeping her eyes and her tread forward. “Now I’m off to handle some grown folks business.”
I cackled. “Aight, mama. Be safe.”
“You know it.”
I turned back to Erik, laughter lingering, ready to get started. “Ok. Now we got the place to ourselves.”
“Ok.”
He followed me to the couch, but, before we could sit, the mirror gave me a humiliating reminder that I had failed to properly start my day. I was still in my pajamas. I hadn't even washed my face yet. On top of that, there wasn't one school supply in sight. “Oh my god.” Since I couldn't hide, I opted to close my own eyes.
“What?”
“I’m so sorry. Would you mind if I went and washed up?” I asked him, filled with remorse, but still bracing for a possible denial.
“No, I don't mind.”
Thankful, I breathed a sigh of relief. “It’ll only be like five minutes. I am so sorry. I totally lost track of time.”
“It’s ok.”
“Ok, here’s the remote.” I gave it to him and he glanced down at it in his hand. “There’s some juice and stuff in the refrigerator if you want any. Plastic cups are in the pantry. And the snacks on the top three shelves are mine; get whatever you want. I’ll be right back.”
Not even ten minutes in and she was already proving me right, exceedingly so. I’d never had to wait for someone before. I didn’t even have to be here. I mean, she knew I was coming at two. I could specifically remember asking her if that was ok. And I could also remember her saying that it was perfect. But, at the purported ‘perfect’ time, she was standing in her living room kissing her boyfriend instead of being prepared to correct her faults. The ones I could help with anyway. I should've gone with my first mind to reserve a study room in the library and have her come to me. The one time I deviate from the model and it backfires. Lesson learned.
Her boyfriend was probably the reason she couldn't uphold her grades. He didn't look like the brightest crayon in the box. Academics aside, however, they seemed to fit well together. One meeting was all it had taken for me to see that his priorities were just as skewed as hers.
What I didn't expect was the familiarity that accompanied the absolute denseness in that mug of his. I’d certainly seen him somewhere outside of campus, but I couldn't quite place him. And he was such an easy read that I knew he’d recognized me, too. For a second he appeared to be afraid, and I wasn't the least bit frightening. It was confusing. Even more, it made me wish I could remember where I’d seen him. But things never evaded my mind for too long so I was sure it would come to me eventually. At the present moment, nothing could supersede my hopes for this girl to hurry up.
