#the faechild shitpost

[ominous-faechild]

me, killing lynels again and having a blast: I wonder when the next blood moon is :>

[ominous-faechild]

SEMICORRECT QUOTES:

GOD OF THE FAEWILDES

(aka... the Existential of Magic)

God: “Ah, yes, I've heard of the issue you common folk of 'the Real World' often have when you meet me.”

God: “You're unable to truly gaze upon me; I appear distorted, or elongated, or 'just plain wrong'.”

God: (cheerfully) “Well, I have news for you: it's not just that your eyes are deceiving you!” [tilts their head to the side, fluttering their hand in circles dramatically and rolling their eyes behind their mask] “Or, well, yes, it seems you 'Real folk' see me differently, but—”

God: [warps their mask to open up the bottom half of their face and flash their sharp-toothed grin. At the same time, bends in half to stop their face barely an inch away from the person they're talking to—even magically blocking the other from moving if they attempt to]

God: (deviously and cheerfully) “—point is... it's not that I'm not 'wrong', or 'gross', or 'deceptively-shaped'. I am all of those things—very inhuman and disturbing, if I do say so myself!”

God: [sighs overdramatically, jerkily unfurling to stand up straight, bringing their hands together, and reforming their mask as they instead pace circles around the person]

God: (ominously and amusedly) “No, it just comes down to a sad fact: that I am apparently so great—so mythical and magical—that you all are just incapable of seeing me As I Truly Am.”

God: [flips on their heel to face them head-on; a devious grin hidden underneath their mask]

God: (suspensefully) “In other words...”

God: [takes slow yet long, dramatic steps toward them, once again magically stopping them from escaping if they attempt to]

God: (likewise drawing out their words, speaking slowly and gleefully) “I believe you have what they used to call in the Old World...”

God: [once again stops to lower their face to barely an inch away from the other person's. Clears the bottom half of their mask to show a wide, ominous smile with FAR too large and sharp teeth]

God: (overdramatically finishes) “A skill issue.”

Istg, God REALLY needs to learn how to get to the point... 🤣😭

Worldbuilding taglist: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @paeliae-occasionally @pluppsauthor @thelovelymachinery @rae-butter

(listen, I know this is partially a shitpost, lol, BUT THIS IS ACTUALLY 100% CANON INFORMATION LMAO)

Divider by @saradika

[ominous-faechild]

i just want to make this clear: I do NOT have a favorite between the human and faerie casts of faerie's dawn. it is but a simple COINCIDENCE that i already have 7 chapters written for the faeries and less than 3 of the humans'.

understand?

good.

[nods to self, then goes back to writing the faerie content]

[ominous-faechild]

Humanity: "god, this faerie shit is ridiculous. Even the MIST could be dangerous! A PUDDLE! Or, god, that plant!? COULD BE A MONSTER!?!?! HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THIS!?!?!"

Sky and Cloud, watching the Faewildes Itself literally crumble around them, going on the offensive against them:

[ominous-faechild]

what if—and hear me out here—the reason so many of my characters are neurodivergent/on the spectrum...

is because i am!?!?!!

.... NAHHHHHHHHH

[ominous-faechild]

BONUS SNIPPET:

RISING FROM THE ASHES

The following is a canon scene between: ✦ Kieran Caron ✦ and an unnamed noble

and is shortly after a meeting between Caron and the local nobility, where Noble waited for all other conversations to end—and everyone else to leave—before they approached him...

Noble: (tentatively) “So, I've been meaning to ask...”

Caron: [turns to them with his arms crossed, quirking an eyebrow]

Caron: [loosening his crossed arms, evenly) “Yes?”

Noble: (still tentatively) “Your son—”

Caron: [face quickly empties, his eyes subtly narrowing on them]

Noble: “—Sebastián, was it?”

Caron: [arms dropping from their crossed position, instead puts his knuckles on his hips as he watches them carefully]

Caron: [grudgingly] “... that is one of them, yes.”

Noble: [taking the hint, awkwardly) “Right, sorry, I didn't mean anything about your other son. I just meant—he, Sebastián, graduated from your school, right?”

Caron: [watching them carefully, voice even) “Correct.”

Caron: [would say more, but—]

Noble: [interrupts, faux-pleasantly) “That's what I thought! But, you know, I never heard if he swore himself into a knightage. Did he?”

Caron: [restraining his anger, instead offers the slightest of bitter, smug smiles]

Caron: (a hint of amusement slipping into his voice) “No. If I recall correctly, he thought himself better than that, and didn't wish to, I believe, 'sell out' to anyone who might 'waste his talents'.”

Noble: [stunned speechless—]

Noble: [struggling for words, especially because they aren't sure whether or not they can bash Tián for his 'arrogance and selfishness']

Caron: [lip twitching slightly as he fights a smug grin, quirks an eyebrow at Noble]

Caron: (a hint of his amusement in his voice; matter-of-factly) “I think he's right.”

Noble:

Noble: [stunned, blurts) “I'm... sorry?”

Caron: (without hesitation, matter-of-factly) “I said 'I think he's right'. He's much too good to waste his time attending to other, selfish nobles who think they're worthy of an ounce of his attention. Don't you agree?”

Caron: [can't help the slight, dark smile as he meets their eyes]

Noble: [stunned silent again]

Noble: [... but quickly forces a pained laugh and smile]

Noble: (awkwardly) “Of course. I'm sure your son is one of the greatest to come out of your school, Sir.”

Caron: [dark smile growing a bit wider, but nods solemnly]

Caron: (unable to keep his amusement from his voice) “Yes, Tián is one of the best. In every way. But of course I'd think that...” [pointedly quirks his eyebrows] “I'm his father.”

Caron: [face emptying, steps forward as though to walk past them] “Regardless.”

Caron: [pauses walking to place his hand on Noble's shoulder, meeting their eyes with his eyebrows quirked]

Caron: (matter-of-factly) “Good talk.”

Caron: [doesn't wait for a response. Drops his hand from their shoulder and moves past to leave]

Caron: [not bothering to look at them until he reaches the door; speaking generously all the while) “Have a good one. Good luck in your endeavor finding a knight.”

Caron: [pauses, looking back to them and giving a fraction of a second for a response—]

Noble: [too stunned—]

Caron: [and out!]

Noble: [passes out]

@honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @leahnardo-da-veggie @world-of-iridensia

Banners from @saradika

[ominous-faechild]

BONUS EXCERPT:

THE EXISTENTIAL OF MAGIC TROLLS

(but what else is new? Lmao)

Redacted: [depressedly laying on the cold, hard floor in a mess of ruin and rubble. Arm over his face, eyes closed, and struggling not to sleep]

Magic: [warps into the room!]

Redacted: [just sighs heavily, wincing slightly]

Magic: [kicking a rock, cheerfully) "so! Come here often?" >;D

Redacted:

Redacted: (emotionlessly) "what do you want, Magic?"

Magic: (peppily) "it's {Magic}! I already told you, you can call me by name!" ;3

Magic: [and, as she spoke, removed his mask, prancing about the room around the rubble]

Redacted:

Redacted: [slowly lets out a breath, then, tiredly) "sure, {Magic}. What do you want."

Magic: [hops to Redacted's side, finally stopping to lean over him with a grin]

Magic: (playfully) "aren't you going to look at me?" ;D

Redacted:

Redacted: [sighing once again, removes his arm from his eyes to blearily look up at Magic]

Redacted: [struggling to have his eyes adjust to the very low amount of light, but extra struggling considering it's Magic he's looking at]

Redacted: (tiredly and defeatedly) "I'm sure I don't have to tell you it's hard to look at you."

Magic: [grinned brightly at first, but face twists for a moment—]

Magic: [sighs slightly, but smiles amusedly as they draw back. Finally, bends her knees and leans down to extend a hand out to Redacted]

Magic: [at the same time even as he smiles, mournfully) "I had hoped, since you're {chaos-aligned}, you'd be able to see me better."

Redacted: [taking a deep breath, takes Magic's hand and—]

Magic: [makes sure her form is solid enough to keep his grip smiles as she helps him stand]

Redacted: (tiredly) "I don't know. Why would you think that?"

Magic: [once he's up, dusts the soot off his hands and onto his pants. Peppily) "well! Because Magic's—I'm—very Chaotic myself! So I thought we might have a good bit in common!" 😉

Redacted: [slouches, hands in his pockets, as he watches Magic exhaustedly]

Magic: [collects his long mane of hair into a bunch, keeping it out of their face as they grin at Redacted]

Magic: (amusedly) "and I was right! We do!"

Magic: [brings a finger to the side of their lips as they look away 'thoughtfully']

Magic: [sighing slightly; eyes dart to his with a smirk as they finish dramatically) "well! Except for all that depression!"

This was for you, Existential of Magic lovers.

(No, I'm serious though. This outline is MONTHS old lmao)

The Existential of Magic Fanclub: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @rae-butter @thelovelymachinery @mysticstarlightduck @paeliae-occasionally

@teamarine777 @caffeinated-starsailor

(ask and ye shall be added to any taglist lol)

Divider by @drinkthesky

[ominous-faechild]

SEMICORRECT QUOTES:

HIDDEN WIP

Veritheya: (mournfully) “On that day, 500 years ago, I lost my sweetest daughter, Eve, to those savage, heartless faeries...”

Achilles: (from afar) “QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I'M DEAD!”

Veritheya: “Sometimes... I almost think I hear her voice.”

Achilles: “AND STOP CALLING ME A FUCKING WOMAN!”

Veritheya: (slightly more aggressively and pointedly) “Then I realize there's no way she'd say any of those things, and that she never sounded anything like that, anyway.”

Achilles: (irritably, to himself) “And this bitch wonders why I disowned her and sold my soul to {Magic} for safekeeping.”

Marri: (aghast) “Wait, she does?”

Achilles: (exasperatedly) “Yep. SOMEHOW!”

Veritheya: (a bit more loudly) “And that, my flock, is why you can never trust the fae, or fae-touched.”

Achilles: (under his breath) “Seriously, I don't know how so few people see through that garbage...”

Everything taglist: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @rae-butter

Divider by @saradika