#the internalized misogyny....the insecurity...the alienation...girl...

[m1zisu4]

utte, idolization, and misogyny in alien stage: girl as a paragon of love

** please note that this analysis will center mizi as an object of idolization; i am not discussing ivantill in this particular analysis, as this piece primarily has to do with misogyny. let's go in with the knowledge that mizi = till's conscious mind, and ivan = till's unconscious mind.

as our introduction to till, "unknown till the end" lays the groundwork for his character, establishing the following: the commodification of till's rebellion, his use of violence as a means to exert control, and his crush on mizi as an escapist fantasy.

till's love songs, utte and mi vida loca, use mizi as a vehicle to externalize his desire for intimacy, affection, and closeness, without endangering himself by cultivating these things through intentional action. mizi's static image as an unattainable paragon of love makes her an eternal fount of inspiration, and an ostensibly unchanging foundation on which to ground himself. her disappearance at the conclusion of round 5 violently destablizies him, as the cornerstone of his mental stability and the conduit for his creative expression is seemingly destroyed. a dreamy, conjured mizi, the comfort of his conscious mind, reaches out to him in his delirium, while ivan, the steady presence in his subconscious, physically comforts him through it. he fails to truly see them because of his fears.

till laments the paralyzing effect of his self-hatred and fear of abandonment when he highlights the distance he places between himself and the object of his affections ("i feel so pathetic / whenever i stand in front of you. i can't say a word, i turn back around everyday"). still, till understands, albeit subconsciously, that this distance permits his fantasies to exist and these fantasies fuel his music, which in turn secures his continued survival ("my light is born from you").

till maintains distance from mizi and sua while modeling his idea of love after theirs. this distance is illustrated through outdoors/indoors imagery, with mizisua freely expressing themselves to one another in the sunlit garden while till conceals himself in a dim corridor. mizi's success is shared with her partner. till's success is solitary, and shared with noone.

till's idolization of mizi fundamentally denies her interiority: her personality, desires, insecurities—even her aspirations to reciprocate his friendship. his idolization is a solitary act with a single beneficiary: till. his confession to her secures his victory in round 2, as till humiliates both his competitor (acorn) and his segyein subjugater (urak) by betraying the agreement to duet.

till's treatment of acorn mirrors his attitude toward mizi in that he disregards them as individuals to ensure his own survival, not with malicious intent, but with an egocentric need for control (after being victimized by urak for so long) that produces violence by virtue of living in a power hierarchy. he denies acorn the victory by taking away his chance to perform, to speak. he takes away mizi's ability to really talk and connect with him by maintaining distance (he is always quiet and red-faced when they're together, and struggles to ask her even one question). in utte, he makes her "audience" to his on-stage confession rather than disclose his feelings in a personal and honest way. importantly, she cannot respond. upon literal threat of death, till professes his feelings to a bereaved mizi whose internal world has been upended with the fulfillment of sua's wish. his survival in the power hierarchy is reliant on abstracting mizi into a fantasy that cannot leave or hurt him, a static image that does not act autonomously, which he can always draw upon.

on a meta level, i dislike the idea that till's love for mizi is far less complex than his love for ivan, as they are both intensely compelling relationships with the latter being explicitly romantic. till's crush was shallow, naive, and self-serving, but certainly not simple. discussions that neglect mizi as an object of idolization who wanted to build a familial relationship with till (a desire post-karma till can finally reciprocate), threatens to reinforce the misogny alien stage criticizes.

[ziusura]

Hi im obsessed with your a/b/o thoughts please keep them coming

Ty ty

Most of my thoughts are to make it as weird or sad or alien as possible.

I’m gonna use some gendered language during this. I’m talking sex not gender.

General omegaverse thoughts

I actually don’t care at all about the pregnancy or mpreg of it all but if there’s a female alpha impregnating her omega boyfriend I am Locked In.

Speaking of lady alphas I feel like their uteruses are almost vestigial. Like sure there’s ovaries in there but the cocktail of hormones they have as like capital A alphas keeps them from truly ovulating. Depending on the time you headcanon presentation vs puberty this could be interesting. Like they have periods for a bit? Maybe some pseudo menses. But then it stops when alpha floods their system and they’ve got a dick. Not to get too heavy into genital talk anyway but Internal testes implications is so interesting too. The gender of it all is so beautiful. Like are they considered women? Do they go on beta blockers until their alpha presentation to avoid menstruation? Are there cultures built around making sure an alpha girl child is pregnant before she presents/stops presentation? Are they ostracized as both women and alphas?

I love weird alien biology with it. Like I know knots and slick and like scents/biting are standard with the package. But also where’s the weird genitals? Can we give them cock sheaths like wolves? Hyena long vulvas? I saw in a fic once where alphas would start drooling like dogs when turned on and I’ve just accepted this into my canon now. There’s also this one concept of like guy omegas going through a “slitting” during their second puberty where the perineum splits and reveals a vulva. That’s fun. I love cloaca asses bc I can use “shit babies” but also I don’t write mpreg so who cares! More fun hermaphroditic concepts!!!!

Maybe it’s bc my first experiences with omegaverse was during my teen wolf years, but there is a DEARTH of things exploring the instinctual parts besides nesting, possessiveness, and the other pregnancy aspects. Predator/prey play. Breeding runs. Piss. And ones where the dynamics are flipped and played with like alphas needing to be leashed bc of their instincts and inability to control themselves, instead of repackaged misogyny.

I wish I had more opinions on betas. I like them when I get to see their relationships explored in non traditional ways, like a/b and b/o and a/b/o toxic triads. I think they have scents and instincts and might lean one way or the other genetically, but they’re not nearly as strong. Sometimes I see fun ones where they can be pushed towards a different dynamic which is fun from a gender perspective but uninteresting to me for a sexy way.

Heated rivalry a/b/o thoughts

I’m a big lover of a/a Shane and Ilya. It’s so gay. It’s so much more gay.

Shane who in a way actually has permission to fuck men in a sort of heterosexual way, if he actually liked omegas. So he’s got these big I AM BIG TOUGH MASCULINE thing feelings but they’re all aimed towards other alphas. I feel like he’s always had such a tight control over himself that he hates his instincts bc they’re all consuming and they are Not Normal. I think he turns into an absolute “alpha male” when lost in rut bc he locks them down in every other time (this does not necessarily mean topping, but I’m a contrarian and I love that too). Like pushing Ilya down. Marking him up. Controlling him. Jizzing all over to claim him. Biting at the drop of a hat bc he’s possessive. Plus the aspect that people can maybe smell his feelings? That’s his worst nightmare. The panic is contained INSIDE why can people smell it.

I think Ilya as an alpha is a caring type. He wants to make sure his partners are well cared for. “Look I can bring food” “look let me hold you til we sleep” and Ilya has such an insecure attachment type that the physical reminders of someone choosing him (biting/claiming/ etc) must be so damn heady. Also he’s a scrappy bitch and he’ll get into shitty fights that Shane’s really attracted to.

This is outside of my a/a love bc I don’t actually enjoy a/o hollanov (it feels like mulan at best and heterosexual-lite at worst) but I also enjoy omega Ilya. The ~implications~ you see. Russian doping? His sadness? Plus I love the dynamic of a Shane that has cut out everything of himself that doesn’t make a good hockey player, and Ilya’s done the same with his omega designation until he’s chemically fucked. And then them healing with their new realities when Shane doesn’t have hockey anymore and Ilya’s body is so very fucked.

I think ppl smell like what they love. So Shane smells like hockey which is…unfortunate. (Bad. It’s yucky.). Ilya at least can smell like fast cars and leather and hockey. I think rose also has a yucky smell.

I think Hayden is a beta and Jackie an omega. This gets Hayden rep with guys in the locker room even though even his kids think he’s a push over

Yuna alpha and beta David!!!! As I mentioned in an earlier post. Like the difficulty of her getting pregnant and carrying Shane but being willing to do it. To change her body for it. To suffer for it. Then for that to extend in her relationship with her son as she worries in what other ways have I messed up my son. Is it her fault as an alpha woman that he’s gay? Did she put too much pressure on him? And then the intersection of being Asian on top of it. GOD. I think David’s here for a good time and loves everyone genuinely. What a great beta quality.

Rose I have no “canon” designation for bc I do what I want. I think she’s stinky and self conscious about it and also terrified of “true mates” and fate. I like the implication of her having an alpha dick and Shane being like “oh good I can ask to be penetrated and it won’t be weird” except it’s women he’s not into. I like the implication of her being omega and woman (typecast in her kidnapped movies) and she is everything Shane is not attracted to but he loves her. Just not sexually. Not romantically.

Okay I’ve been typing this for like an hr. I hope this is what you want. I have so many thoughts but none are directed 😂

[staggedbeetles]

I guess it’s disappointing to me how defensive people get when the idea that a lot of the very online feminist “personalities” were probably the rich/skinny/pretty/neurotypical/het/acceptably feminine girls in high school, or more specifically that the common reflex to attack someone’s looks/makeup/eyebrows/hair/whatever as a funny comeback to people you disagree with just feels like an extension of that bullying retinue into adulthood. Like the response is often bluntly, “get over it, that period of our lives is over so--” or, faux-empathetically, “but she’s changed,” or, if they want to end the conversation immediately, ascribe it to some “internalized misogyny” you need to do some introspection on, goodbye.

Firstly I find it funny that there’s this sort of anger/anxiety/insecurity about not having the “authenticity” or “experience of oppression” of being a bullied child in this sort of “intersectional” clout politicking. Sorry I couldn’t give that to you. ha ha.

But I also think it’s a shame that the popular girls’ unwillingness to address this prevents us from really talking about how the shame and exclusion we experienced for being “weird,” “ugly,” “fat,” “clumsy,” “uncool” -- all the forms of other kids smelling on you that you’re not straight, not acceptably gender conforming, not neurotypical, not “normal” or even aspiring to be normal before you even come to terms with these elements within yourself -- was a real hurt that primarily injured our ability to see other women as potential friends rather than potential pain and betrayal. I feel alienated by a feminism that both big ups an abstract idea of extroverted “sisterhood” but whose concerns remain primarily in the realm of the normative, rich (or aspirationally rich) girl problems.

[closet-keys]

non-wlw don’t touch this post 

as a young person, before I knew a lot of other LGBT folks, I definitely used to project my own insecurities onto other people, and imagine my own feelings of isolation, exclusion, loneliness, and inauthenticity were coming from the LGBT folks around me. 

And not to minimize my experiences either-- cause I definitely had experiences with people invalidating my identity as a lesbian by insisting I must be bi, or laughing at me for identifying as butch before I had figured my style out and felt safe enough to wear it, or viewing me with suspicion for preferring suits to dresses and assuming it must be based in some sort of misogyny instead of just how I felt comfortable-- and those things stung. 

But, at the end of the day, most of my experiences feeling like I didn’t “fit in” or belong in LGBT spaces came from internalized homophobia and trying to make sense of my identity and loneliness without all the tools I needed to do so. When one girl wasn’t into me but dated a butch a while later, I was convinced at the time it was a judgement on my “not being butch enough” or something, but like in retrospect she just wasn't into me, and her dating life literally was not about me at all. 

Whenever I see think pieces like the one going around about the queer woman who wears long nails and feels alienated because she perceives others as expecting her to be butch and excluding her because she isn’t-- all I can think is she’s probably a baby queer and is projecting her own insecurities of what if I’m not queer enough? onto other women, and assuming the frustration she feels with herself for being lonely is coming from women who aren’t dating her, when really it’s probably coming from herself. 

Plenty of femmes and feminine wlw in the comments have responded at this point being like “yeah you can totally just use cotton-balls and latex gloves” or “you could just go down on them or use dildos” or “you could just be a stone bottom, it’s not a big deal” and that’s the thing-- there’s been feminine wlw for like ever, and if the author of that article reached out with vulnerability instead of aggression, probably everyone would be feeling better. It could be like “hey, I really like long nails, but I also want to have sex with women, and some of my partners are nervous about that, any tips?” and she’d get support and wouldn't be perpetuating stereotypes about butches. 

 I’m hopeful that most of the women writing think-pieces like that will grow out of that behavior when they start feeling more comfortable with themselves and viewing other wlw as their allies with shared experience instead of the guardians of a Cool Kids Club they want to join. 

[llycaons]

asuka's crush on kaji is unfortunately very real