#the lesson

[girlidksigh]

i love it when he makes these kinds of faces idk how to describe it

[dollinscent]

hey i saw that you write for other joe keery’s other characters too, so i was wondering what it’d be like to date kurt kunkle since he’s a sociopath (if we can call him that)…??? maybe if he was kinda fixable

BOYFRIEND KURT

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pairing: bf!kurt x gf!reader

summary: just headcanons

warnings: MDNI, mention of sex, edging kink, oral (kurt!receiving and reader!receiving), suffocation kink (?), attachment issues, pregnancy, parenting

a/n: so… you mean how it would be to date him if fixing him was an option? love it

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BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP

to start, kurt is the type to admire women from afar. this man has no experience at all. but you walked into his life at the perfect time and made him feel loved, and now you're dating!

one glance and a smile was all that took you to have kurt wrapped around your finger. this man is EASY

at the real beginning he tries to act confident around you, though he fails miserably. normally, he wants to be cool and non-chalant, but that's not the person he truly is

you're very gentle with him since you know he doesn't even know where to put his hands on you. he's awkard in general

after a month or so, he's finally getting used to the idea of having a girl, so he starts to make you part of the things he likes the most — his collection of vapes, his collection of cool decks, his collection of empty energy drinks' cans... once he's easied up, he talks a lot. and stutters a lot too

he wants you to play video games with him and he absolutely hates when he loses because he knows you've just watched him fail

you come first in everything. kurt is a very insecure boy, so if it's not the validation from his followers, it's the validation from you

SEX WITH KURT

you meet kurt when he's a virgin. does he know how sex works because of porn? yes. does he actually try to imitate what he's seen? hell no. he's too nervous!

kurt is for both giving and receiving pleasure. he can't decide which one he prefers the most. he loves it when you jerk him off or suck his dick, but at the same time, he loves to hear how he's doing a good job while he's eating you out

his favorite position is cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. he absolutely yearns for you to ride him and take control

kurt is LOUD. whimpers, whines, moans... all the pack. and so you've grown this kink for edging him, since you love seeing him almost cry as he begs

he's completely and utterly at your mercy. another thing he loves is when you're sitting on his face and he can barely breathe

this man lasts 2 minutes. and can’t even control the landing of his spurt

AFTER A FEW YEARS (skip this part if you don't wants kids like me)

kurt is not the type to have children. but that's mainly because HE IS the child in question

once you tell him that you're pregnant, he's on the floor unconscious

at the beginning of your pregnancy, he has no idea how to act. he's still hesitant, but once he finally realizes that it's serious and you're carrying his baby, he's super caring. too much caring

he speaks to your belly ALL THE TIME. and sometimes he even wakes you up because he talks to your baby while you're asleep too

after you give birth and he sees it's a boy, he's the happiest man on earth. it's not that he didn't want a girl, it's just that kurt's very boyish, so he wanted to have a son to teach him all the things his dad never taught him

when your son becomes a toddler, kurt's constantly there to play with him. he spends a lot of time with your baby, and he's actually a really good father

he is NOT strict. he's too kind and gentle when your son does something he's not supposed to do, and you're always the one that have to give a lecture to both. most of the times, kurt takes part in your son's mischief

[dingoislame]

cant wait to tune in for #thelesson live stream later today

[esotericclinomaniac]

omg the delete ya demo is all i ever think about joe keery please come home i cannot

[djosdarling]

kurt kunkle #headcanons

18+ !!!

authors note: guys I have a couple #unpopular opinions… don’t hate me.. also this is pre #thelesson kurt… also sorry this is kinda all over the place kurt is just unpredictable sometimes 🤗 enjoy divas !! (also happy spree day!!)

𖦹 right off the bat I’m gonna say my unpopular opinion.. YOU ALL CAN DISAGREE WITH ME BUT IM BREAKING MY SILENCE… I think kurt is a secret freak… you look at him and you’re like “oh he’s def a bottom” and I agree.. kinda.. I think he’s a bottom at times when he feels.. vulnerable.. but I think most of the time hes a… TOP so he’s a switch.. that’s just my personal opinion though.. more details later…

𖦹 he’s def the type of guy to get you to suck his dick while he played a game he’s HEAVILY into that… he occasionally will look down and see how pretty you look on your knees for him

𖦹 he definitely has a pair of handcuffs but he’s only used them on you once.. the other times he’s asked you to use them on him cause… he enjoys it.. a little too much…

𖦹 another unpopular opinion he HATESS getting edged…I just get those vibes from him like he wants to finish.. fully.. but he’s definitely into edging you.. cause it gives him a little power yk…

𖦹 he lovessss choking… his big hand wrapped around your neck… bye…. also it’s not enough to actually hurt.. but it’s enough to remind you he wants to be in control…

𖦹 he definitely calls you “babe” and “my girl”

𖦹 he didn’t know how to give you a hickey at first.. I get the vibe he would try and fail which is surprising cause… he’s a FREAAKKK but eventually you would teach him and he’d get the hang of it.. he wouldn’t go for your neck though… he’s marking up your thighs most definitely or your tits.. but mainly thighs..

𖦹 he’s definitely a #loser but you love him for it around people he’s very awkward… and slightly offputting but when he gets comfortable he looses some of that awkward energy

𖦹 not a freaky headcanon but i feel like he really cares about you like he’s genuinely a sweetiepie and he’s always scared he’s gonna loose you

𖦹 he’s protective asf hand around your waist at all times out in public or holding you in some way..

𖦹 he’s a big fan of car sex…

𖦹 he definitely whines and whimpers… I also see him as someone who cries a little during sex.. cause he feels so good…

𖦹 bottom!kurt loves when you grab his face and force him to look up at you.. he’ll literally cum on the spot

𖦹 top!kurt loves spitting in your mouth..

anyways.. that’s all for now.. lmk if you want.. a part 2 🤗

[lofi-fics]

Spree 2.0

#000

It's been 6 years since the infamous "Spree Rideshare Killings" of Kurt Kunkle. His death was never actually confirmed, and the Internet was divided on his current status - many assumed that comedian Jessie Adams succeeded in killing him, but there was a significant following in the darker corners of the Internet that thought he might still be alive...

And you are his biggest fan.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI; reader is a psychopath; graphic violence, dark themes, serial killers, etc.; strong/foul/offensive language; graphic sexual content, disturbing sexual content; this gets really dark, friends. ✌︎︎

"Hey everyone! It's ya girl, coming at you with another installment of The Lesson. Now, tonight I took over for a driver named Adam. Tall guy, kinda cute, great hair. But the point is, he looks absolutely nothing like me! But just you wait - I'm gonna pick up his next ride and they're not gonna bat an eye. Know why? Cause people don't wanna rock the boat anymore! We're all just seeking comfort, stability, as little social interaction as we can manage. They might think in their heads "Hmmm, this chick certainly doesn't look like an Adam," but they're not going to stick up for themselves! It's really, like, honestly super sad, guys."

You pull up to the customer waiting eagerly at the curb. It's cold out tonight, so they clutch their jacket close to their neck and hop slightly from one foot to the other to chase any warmth they can manage.

The back door opens.

"Oh, thank goodness! I was freezing my ass off out there."

"Hey, Greg! I'm gonna be your driver tonight! Get on in here, you'll catch your death out there." You wink at the webcam in front of you at the virtual audience. "I see you're heading to Marcus Plaza?"

"Yep."

"Awesome sauce."

The person huffs under their breath at your outdated expression. Your face hardens ever so slightly, grip on the steering wheel tightening as you start the journey.

After several minutes pass in silence, you glance back in your rearview at the passenger. It's an older guy, maybe late 40s, with a patchy beard and a crooked nose. His eyes looked watery as he scrolled his phone, exhaling through his nose every now and then at something funny he read.

"Watcha watching?" You ask sweetly.

"Huh? Oh, just some Insta reels."

"Ooooh, I love Instagram. But I like X a lot better, you can get away with posting some crazy stuff on there."

He huffs a laugh. "Yeah. I've run across some shocking things on there."

You raise your eyebrows, intrigued. "Oh yeah? What's the craziest thing you've seen? I bet I can top it."

A devilish glint twinkles in his sad, beady eyes. He's trying to seem like a badass, but he just looks constipated.

"Hmm. Well, one time I saw some dude put a little firecracker between his ass cheeks."

You giggle brightly, he seems pleased with himself.

"Boys are so silly sometimes." You flip your hair over your shoulder and feel his gaze linger at your exposed shoulder. Boys are so silly sometimes. Too easy. "Wanna know something I saw on there?"

He nods, fully engrossed in this conversation now. He leans forward against the back of the passenger seat to watch your tits bounce, although he would say it was just to see your face while you spoke.

"I saw this girl take a dull butterknife and hack pieces off of some guy's lips and face for awhile before she jammed it straight through the soft part of his jaw. Right under here." You pushed on the soft, fleshy underside of your mandible.

The passenger's face twisted and he leaned back in his seat.

"Oh, man, that's...that's fucking disgusting."

"Yeah, pretty gross. The gurgling sounds really stick with ya. But I think my favorite ones were clips from those Spree killings? You remember those, down in Azusa a few years ago?"

He furrows his brow, thinking, and begins to nod slowly.

"Y-yeah. I think I do. That guy, um, I can't think of his name...started with a C or something."

"A K. Double K! Kurt Kunkle. Yeah, a lot of his stuff gets posted on there, it's definitely not all the goriest, but the lessons he had for all of us, just... chef's kiss."

You look out at nothing in particular admiringly, thinking of all the clips of Kurt putting his rig together, making the poisoned water bottles, even just tasting vapes. God, you wish you could be one of those Pineapple vape pens.

"Huh. Yeah, that, uh. That rings a bell. I remember hearing about that awhile back. He died, right?"

You exaggeratedly shrug your shoulders and smile cheekily. Like you know something he doesn't. He shifts in his seat and clears his throat. A few more heavy moments of silence pass. He doesn't scroll his phone anymore. After a beat, you chime in again.

"Hey, d'you think Adam's okay?"

He looks confused. "Who the hell is Adam?"

"Oh, your driver for tonight. You didn't check the picture on the app, did you?"

It's dark, but you know the color is draining from his stupid face.

"Wh-why wouldn't he be--"

"Well, when I stole his car he put up a hell of a fight, but I managed to get him weighted down and sunk him in the quarry before I came to get you today! I doubt he's alright, I waited around for like half and hour and the bubbles stopped coming up long before he ever did. But still, you know that saying, no body, no crime? Well, sometimes I'm like, no body, no dead? Haha. I dunno. I'm still workshopping it."

You hear the squeaking of the leather seats as his endless uncomfortable squirming never stops. Your irritation is mounting as your adrenaline begins to surge.

"You um...can you just let me out here?"

"Ummm can you say please at least, asshole?"

"P-please. Please let me out."

"That's better, Greggy. But no, I'm not letting you out."

He suddenly lunges to the front to try and take the wheel from your hands. He didn't see the knife you had tucked away between your thighs. You brought it up once, quickly, sticking it straight into the side of his neck.

His eyes bulged, brain not quite registering what happened right away. He thought maybe you just hit him really hard. That is, until you pulled the blade back out. The serrated edge tore through his flesh and blood sprayed from the wound.

Like, sprayed. You squealed as it pulsed into your face, on the windshield, over the camera lens, every surface it could reach.

He sputtered beside you, clutching at his throat, but his fumbling fingers couldn't find enough purchase to stop the cascade. He grew weaker, quieter. The spray became a dull throb, and then he was dead, slumped over the center console.

You breathed heavily in the driver's seat, eyes closed, letting the rush of endorphins race through your body. You needed to get home, fast. The killing was nice, but it was just a prelude to your favorite part of the night - the Big Finish.

"Hoo boy. I'm a mess, guys. That was a good one, though! He was...juicy. Let's take care of the mess here and head home, I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats." You wink at the camera and pause the stream.

When it resumes you're standing in your bathroom naked, still covered in Greg's blood. The shower is running and steam gathers at the periphery of your lens.

"Holy shit guys, that guy took for-fucking-ever to clean up! Thanks for hanging in there, for me. You're all so good to me, it... It honestly makes me super hard. You wanna check out my b-boner?"

You pan the lens downward slowly and reveal a thick, pink dildo in your hands.

"Aaaahaha! Gotcha! Classic. We love you, Kurt. So much. This one's for you." You give a playful little wink before moving into the shower and slamming the suction cup end of the dildo on the wall directly behind you.

You let some of the hot water cascade down your body, streams slicing through the blood stains on your skin. After lathering, rinsing, and repeating, the waiting became too much.

Your fingers left your hair and trailed down the column of your throat, past your collarbone, over the mound of one breast and over the stiff, peaked nipple. You palmed it, kneading it and whimpering at the touch.

Sinking your hand lower you find your core slick and sensitive. You suck in a breath through your teeth as you run tiny circles in just the right place. Pressure builds in your thighs and belly, but before it can release you stop and glance at the camera.

17.k viewers, holding steady.

"Not bad." You smirk. "But we can do better."

You position yourself in front of the dildo on the wall, hands gripping the edge of the tub and the tip of it nudging against your ass.

You look into the camera again, but your eyes are not seeing that anymore. You picture him standing there before you, chest heaving, hair falling into his eyes.

Your eyes roll back as you push back onto the pink silicone, hitting a spot deep inside you that had been aching for attention. You imagine it's his thick cock, swollen and throbbing, his big hands grabbing your hips and holding you steady.

"Kurt..." His name escapes your lips as you begin pumping yourself backwards, fucking the wall. Even over the running shower the sounds of your arousal are obscene.

Your breasts sway, your muscles tense, and when you add the sensation of circling your clit like before it all culminates into a blinding orgasm. You cry out for him again, desperate to believe, and disappointed when reality comes crashing back down around you. This is who the show is really for, after all.

You slide off and peek at the stream.

25.9k viewers. Better.

"Thanks for coming with, babes. Signing off for the night. And Kurt, if you're watching... Miss you." You kiss two fingers and hold up a peace sign.

The stream ends. The buzzing and excitement of the night immediately sours into one of bitter reality and emptiness. You throw on a big T-shirt and some briefs and head to bed.

If only you knew that one of those 25.9k people was the exact one you were reaching out too - and he was your biggest fan.

A/N: Dark romance lovers, are you seated? The Lesson's back in session!

ttyl brb lol ily ✌︎︎

[basicallydjo]

Can I request a fluffy Kurt Kunkle x fem! reader long oneshot where Kurt takes reader out and their laying on a blanket stargazing, and reader notices that Kurt keeps staring at her instead of the stars, and he tells her how beautiful she is and he starts talking about how he believes it was truly fate that he ended up being her Spree driver, and that she truly changed him for the better, and then he pulls a velvet box out of his pocket and asks reader to marry him?

Hiii! I missed you lol 🤣 I love Kurt sm, my baby 💔

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UNDER THE STARS

Pairings: Kurt Kunkle x Fem!reader Summary: ^^^ Warnings: established relationship, Kurt Kunkle. Mention of a proposal, theft.

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Navigation │ Asks

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The night was cold under the stars, the breeze sending shivers down your spine.

Kurt lay beside you, shoulder to shoulder on the blanket he had laid out.

"Don't want bugs biting you" He had said with a shrug, placing the plaid picnic blanket down on the grass.

The stars twinkled brightly above you, gathered together and spread out across the sky.

Kurt was insistent on bringing you out tonight, dragging you in his car and driving off.

He had tried to blind fold you, to which you had made it abundantly clear that you would not do that.

The drive was quite long, which you didn't mind, although, you did question the destination until he rambled about how romantic and special it would be.

You had been dating for no more than 10 months, meeting on a fateful night out.

You were tispy, waiting outside a shitty bar for your spree to arrive, when you realised you forgot your jacket inside.

Apparently, your driver had come and waited ages for you before cancelling, driving off, leaving you to order another one.

Kurt had gotten there in less than 5 minutes, car illuminating a pretty magenta colour that made him look like an angel in your drunken eyes.

He was jittery and awkward in the cutest way as you climbed in the front seat, shifting.

He had driven you around aimlessly until you remembered your address, almost all the way across the part of town he was in.

But he didn't mind at all.

And still, now, after all these months, he doesn't mind driving you around.

Oddly, it was like one of his love languages, that and physical touch.

You smiled as his hand slipped into yours, interlocking fingers.

You shifted, your leg kicking the takeout containers abandoned by your feet as you leaned close to his side.

You loved watching the stars, always going on about how light pollution ruins how the natural night sky looks.

While he couldn't take you out into the wilderness, he had driven far enough from the city where street lights were uncommon, letting stars paint the sky more than you've ever seen.

You turned your head, meeting his eyes that were already on you.

You smiled, watching the way his eyes drifted down.

"Thank you, Kurt, really...this is... amazing" You spoke in awe, wrapping your free hand around his bicep as you placed a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

Despite the chilly air, Kurt remained warm, his body heat doing a lot to ease the goosebumps in your skin.

"I know It's not the milky way...but I promise I'll take you to see them one day" He swore, his eyes never leaving yours before you shook your head.

"I don't need to see the milky way, Kurt...this is more than enough...I love it" you assured him sincerely, giving his hand a squeeze before turning your head to look back up.

The night buzzed with the hum of crickets in the distance as you observed the sight before you.

"I'm glad- I really hoped you'd like it"

"I do, Kurt...I love it, it's beautiful"

He hummed, watching as you pulled out your phone, pointing it up.

You fiddled with the settings of the camera, fixing up the lighting and contrast, switching to night mode and turning down the shutter, wanting to capture the sky just how you saw it.

You grinned happily after a few shots, letting the phone fall between your bodies as you focused on the night with your own eyes.

You craned your neck, gasping as your hand shot up, pointing at the zooming star passing by.

"Kurt! Look! It's a shooting star! make a wish, make a wish"

You swiftly closed your eyes, biting your lip as you thought of a wish, rolling the idea around your head for a moment before opening them, seeing it on the other side of the sky before disappearing just beyond your sight, beyond the horizon.

You sighed in amazement as you turned back to him.

"Did you see it? did you make a wish?" you wondered hopefully, your smile turning lazy as he continued to stare at you.

His eyes were wide, soft but heavy, carrying a certain tone that made your stomach flutter.

He blinked slowly, lashes fluttering against his cheeks as a furrow etched on his busy brows.

You thoughts died on your tongue as he reached his free hand up, fingers finding your jaw, tracing up to your cheekbone to tuck fallen hair behind your ear.

You felt your face flush as he grinned, flashing his teeth in a loving smile.

"You're like- the most beautiful g-woman...ever" he confessed, words having a tone of awe that made you giggle.

"Thank you, Kurtie..."

"-No, like- I mean it...you're a beautiful specimen, sometimes I think you aren't from this planet"

You stifled a laugh, digging your lower head into his shoulder, batting your lashes at him as he went on.

"I feel so...lucky to have you, and you know how I feel about the world and...I don't know- sometimes I think it was fate that brought us together...like we were meant to be together"

You frowned gently, listening carefully at his admissions

"I really try- to be the best for you, I mean...and I want you to know that i appreciate you- what you've done for me, because I don't deserve you, at all...it's like...streaming and- and I only have one viewer, but I'm happy cause that one viewer is you..."

You nodded along, understanding what he's trying to say in his own interpretation.

"Don't you wanna be famous?" You questioned lightly.

"Yeah- I- yeah, but...maybe I used the wrong metaphor...I just meant that I want you by my side for everything...you're my biggest supporter and I want to be yours"

You smiled brightly, binding a leg to wrap around one of his, your heard skipping a beat at his words.

He worded things oddly.

Putting his own Kurt twist on them.

But you understood him completely- thanks to your experience in trying so hard to comprehend what he was saying.

"I love you too, Kurt"

His face turned a darker shade in the night, he was blushing, you could tell, his ears turning pink and twitching, something he could only do when really happy.

A smile broke out on his face, taking over every feautre.

Smile lines creasing his cheeks, eyes crinkling, almost shining as he took his hand away from your cheek.

You watched his face as you felt him dig into his pocket.

You heard the jingle of his keys before he took his hand out, his hand around a box.

"I love you too...that's why I wanted to ask you something!"

You felt your heart skip a beat, the air being stolen from your lungs as you watched him open the box.

It was dark, but the ring still shone in the night, twinkling like a star.

You gaped, staring down at the jewel, the offering, his proposal.

"I'm so glad that I met you...that I was lucky enough to be your Spree that night...I think it was meant to be"

You met his eyes again, feeling yourself sit up- abruptly, if anything.

"Kurt..." you started, watching a frown paint his face before he swallowed it down.

He sat up, leaning on one hand as he met you sitting up now.

"I don't want to be with anyone else...I wanna be with you...forever, so..." he smiled tightly, lifting the ring up "Will you marry me?"

It was silent for a beat, feeling tears prickle in your eyes as you looked up.

-Just as another shooting star shot through the sky, bigger, brighter than before.

You beamed, looking back down at him before crushing him into a hug, making him fall onto his back again, chuckling nervously as you peppered his cheeks with kisses.

"Yes. Kurt, yes, yes, yes!"

He let out a sigh, almost whining as you kissed his lips.

When you pulled away, he took the ring out from the box, bringing it delicately as he brought it to your hand

He was glad you didn't ask him how on earth he could afford such a ring, especially of that size.

Because how could he explain that he stole it from a poor passenger a month ago?

He couldn't.

Not under the stars.

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