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consider: roach reincarnation au

so when geralt makes that last wish with the djinn he just wishes that he’ll never lose those he loves

bc he looks at yennefer and is terrified that after that day they’ll go their seperate ways and never see each other again, so the djinn makes sure they KEEP crossing paths

he looks at jaskier and he knows that the fragile human bard is going to grow old and die, so the djinn makes him immortal

and he looks at roach and, well, he knows its fairly unlikely he’ll be without a horse for any extended period of time, but it won’t be the same, it wont be roach.

so the djinn makes sure that it is roach. every time geralt gets a new horse its a grumpy brown one who recognises him and already responds to her name, and thats why every horse he’s ever had is named roach.

(it totally fucks with jaskiers mind when he first sees her reincarnation. geralt mentions roach and jaskier thinks, wow i can’t believe that horse is still alive, until he sees her and its a different - wait no, its the same - what the fuck? he cant blame that on his skincare routine, thats just weird)

#idk how horses work and idk how djinns work thank u for listening #the witcher #geralt of rivia #roach #roach the horse #reincarnation au #immortal jaskier #immortal jaskier au #jaskier #yennefer of vengerberg #yennefer #the djinn wish #the witcher 1x05

The Witcher episode 5:

Oh yay! A young man with a collection of body parts! There's no way this can go horribly wrong.

"The White Flame made me who I am." That sounds like some bad news.

Doppler is now Mousesack. And Mousesack is... dead?

"You don't know what she is." That was the question at the end of last episode too.

Yennefer goes to see a man with a million hourglasses. He wants more money from her, so she sets up a shingle in town. This angers some dude.

Ciri is a girl with the powers of a weapon. Like when she uses scream power? Huh. She did open a whole chasm in the earth that one time.

"The sword of destiny has two edges." Is one of them serrated? That way you can cut bread.

"What is time, anyway?" My thoughts exactly, Jaskier. I so desperately want to Google "Witcher timeline" but I will be SO spoiled if I do that.

Geralt can't sleep. He wants a djinn.

Geralt says Jaskier's singing is like a fillingless pie. Oh, it's not that bad!

They try to free a djinn from a bottle so Geralt can sleep. Jaskier immediately starts wishing for ridiculous things but before he can get a third wish out he stops being able to breathe. Uh oh.

Jaskier coughs and vomits blood. That's not good! They take him to an elf doctor.

His throat was attacked? But he needs his throat for the singing! Noooo!

The elf says there is one (1) mage in town, and that mage is imprisoned in the mayor's house. There's no way this can go horribly wrong.

Yennefer wants a cure... For what? Her infertility? I don't think that one's coming back dude. Your uterus was yeeterus.

Teal Witch, who is still wearing teal, offers Yennefer a teaching position to shape the next generation. She is not interested.

Dude at the mayor's house says "money opens all doors," so Geralt hits him in the face with his money bag and is like "yes it does." Lol

There's an orgy happening in the mayor's house! But like there's fog everywhere, so I have no idea if any of these people are real. Yennefer is real, though. They meet at last!

Poor Jaskier can't even enjoy the orgy, he's barely breathing.

"Just a friend, I hope?" Are you asking if they're dating? Yennefer, are you hitting on Geralt?

Geralt offers to indulge her curiosity all night long, as long as they can help Jaskier, like, now. It's kind of urgent.

Yennefer says the safeword that ends the orgy, and everyone looks embarrassed and leaves. Hee. She helps Jaskier and tells Geralt he stinks and needs a bath.

"Go ahead, ask about them. Everyone does." Meaning his scars. "Everyone else is boring." She decides to get naked and join the bath instead.

Geralt guesses that Yennefer had some "ailment" before and that her childhood was miserable.

"Do you doubt my capabilities?" "No, just your intentions." He is correct to doubt them.

Now Geralt is getting distracted by the smell of lilacs and gooseberries. And Yennefer is kissing on him. He sleeps! Well, I guess that's the nap he's been wanting. It's also apparently a trap.

When he wakes up, Elf Doctor tells him he's been on a rampage, doing Yennefer's bidding. Elf Doctor tried to stop him but they assumed he was there to help, I guess because of anti-elf racism?

"I just remembered, I left my... cat... on the... stove..." Hee hee hee.

"Toss a coin to your Witcher, oh valley of PENIS" This episode has some great lines.

Geralt wishes that the dude torturing him would burst, and he does. He's the one with the wishes!

"She wants to be the vessel." Well, in a manner of speaking. She wants a babby. It's interesting that the amphora she draws on herself looks a lot like a uterus.

"Dammit Yennefer, tell me what you want!" "I WANT EVERYTHING!" I think there's a loophole there where you can't wish for "everything."

Geralt wishes for something, and we aren't allowed to hear what it is. The whole damn roof collapses. Yennefer portals them out of there.

"This can't be happening." By Talos?

Elf Doctor is a bit in love with Yennefer. Because she's a quarter elf?

"When did you last feel happy when you felt trapped?" He has a good point.

They kiss. There is jaunty music of sexy shenanigans.

Jaskier wonders what to do with his life. He's planning to write the BEST song about it, but then Elf Doctor spies on their sexy times. "They're alive!" "Bollocks."

"My plan worked," Geralt says. Yennefer asks, "What did you wish for?" I still don't understand what his FIRST wish - oh, he wished for Jaskier to shut up. I get it now. (I SOMETIMES FIGURE THINGS OUT ALL BY MYSELF WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK KATE)

Fake Mousesack has come for Princess Cici, years in the future.

MAKE HIM DRINK FROM THE WATERS GUYS. Doooo it. Come on come on come on.

The leader of the dryads tells Ciri to be vigilant and ask the right questions. I'm like, yes, be vigilant RIGHT NOW! Dammit.

episode 1 - episode 2 - episode 3 - episode 4 - episode 5 - episode 6 - episode 7

#i have to go now because my grandmother is on fire #the witcher #the witcher 1x05 #i'm slow