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Ant-Man

A joint review...

The Shared Brain was clearly working on overdrive last night because we have written essentially the same (like near word for word in parts) notes for Ant-Man, so there shall be no fighting today. Well maybe a little, but that's neither here nor there.

We both reet enjoyed this film, including the most stupid thing we've ever heard Cass say. But that is a treat for the end, suffice to say that she got distracted by a pretty face - no thoughts, just eyelashes...

1989, the year Becks was born, and Michael Douglas looked like Emilio Estévez (which Becks has just had to check the spelling of, because she didn't have Cass' bony finger jabbing at it from across the sofa... Can you tell we're gearing up for Civil War?) Cass got confused by Howard Stark and made mean comments about Peggy's hair. Her hair was very big, yes you're right, but then she went on a diatribe about Peggy and Steve and then said some very mean things, and then we got into talk about fiddling and Bucky Barnes, neither of which appear in this film so we're going to stop now. What we do both agree on is how impressive that punch to the face was, there are numerous punches in this film, and all of them are good. It then leads us to the best burn we've ever encountered in the MCU, 'How's your face?'. It felt quite northern, so we both approved of it.

There are some proper good uses of music in this film. We liked the party vibe, the cheerful latin party vibe. We are here for it. Yes.

Becks: Who should we discuss first?

Cass: *no hesitation* SAM

Becks: [wheezes] Who got his arse handed to him by a mini man?

Cass: But looked fabulous whilst doing so.

Becks: Anything else you'd like to add about Sam Wilson?

Cass: He's just lovely. (sighs dreamily)

Becks: I'm not putting that...

Now that we are done discussing the star of the show we shall move on to the supporting actors, who were also very good.

Scott Lang

We like Scott, he's a good egg. Perhaps one day Becks will get drunk and tell him so too, and I bet he'd get back to me. Cass has just called him a decent sort of chap, and we both had a small breakdown, but she's not wrong. He seems kind, with good morals but not self-righteous (like some people), smart, but not too smart (like some people), funny, but not irritating (LIKE SOME PEOPLE**), and secret abs, which took both of us and Hope by surprise, but as they remain secret most of the time it lets people concentrate which we are thankful for. He's a skilled burglar...

Becks: Do you know who else is a burglar?

Cass: Oh no...

But actually that wasn't where I was going, I was going with Bilbo. Bilbo is in the Hobbit, and do you know who has read the Hobbit? Everyone present.

What we didn't get on board for was that he put on the suit he nicked. That was kinda weird. Cass thinks the helmet looks a bit like a gas mask, and we all know her feelings on the war. Unfavourable. We enjoy his commitment to being a good dad, a rare sight in the MCU. This is quite the film for good dads, Hank Pym has his moments, and even stupid Paxton does what is right for his stepdaughter at the end. We do plan on rating all the MCU Dads at one point, so stay tunes for that Daddy Post (which given that title will not be what anyone expects it to be, or even expects from us given some of our questionable comments from other reviews...). We then had a discussion about him being a good friend, which thinking about it we don't really have proof for, it’s more just a feeling, and we can't just start writing untruths that we have no proof for on that internet - that would be insanity. We did approve of his kiss with Hope at the end, and the silliness that followed. Unlike Gamora, we can see what Hope sees in him.

** I have edited out the bubbling tension that was had over the phone during these moments.

Hope Pym

Ah, the mean pretty lady. Here's a fact, she's very good undercover, although you can see in her eyes how much she wants to twat that baldy man in the face, and who can blame her. We wish she'd had the opportunity, because we saw her swing and it was good. We were worried that she seemed to have ants in her car, but I reckon if you spend any time near Hank Pym you're gonna get ants in something. ANTS.

Hope is also the only point of contention we have in our entire notes. Her hair to be exact. Cass thinks is very Pulp Fiction chic, whilst Becks gets am dram Cabaret. We haven't been able to put aside our disagreement, so we shall simply gloss over it and carry on. We enjoyed that she taught Scott the thighs round the neck move that he then used on Sam, and I suggested to Cass she might also like to use it on Sam and she ignored me (she says she didn't ignore me she just can't think about it too hard...). Hope did look pretty cool in the training montage, and as we said before we respect her cool punches. We're glad she made up with her dad and that she got her suit in the end. We bet she'll be reet good in it. Although Cass is basing this on the fact she has seen Ant-Man and the Wasp, and so knows she will. Becks is confused if she actually has seen Ant-Man and the Wasp, but what's new there?

Hank Pym

Well, there is only one place to start with Hank Pym, and that is that he has filled his very nice house with ANTS, like a maniac. He really loves ants. Cass can't think about his obsession with ants for too long without verging into hysteria. ANTS. He really has got them doing everything, yet seemed quite taken aback by the thought of using them to help in the heist. His reasoning for not doing it was, 'They're ants Scott!' which he didn't really seem to mind when they're fetching him sugar. Becks wished there had been a version of the film with Ant Commentary over the top, because they must have been right fucked off when they brought the sugar and then were dismissed. It’s not easy moving sugar cubes, and we should know we've eaten enough. Hank Pym did some questionable dad things, but got his shit together and said sorry, which was good to see and we liked it. Were there moments of manipulation? Yes, but we shall gloss over that. Let us have one good dad, please.

Outside of the film, his role in the trailer was honestly the one of the best things we've ever seen. Best trailer ever. Perfectly captured his ant obsession, and our near hysteria. We imagine it is what being inside Hank Pym's head is like. ANTS.

Hank also uses the phrase sub atomic quite a lot, which also sends Cass. And to be fair, the Quantum Realm was a horrible place, so you wouldn't want to go sub atomic, but the way he said it was very ominous. (Becks forgot the word for ominous and had to act out what she meant using noises, and Cass had to work out the word I was trying to use. It did work though, the perks of the Shared Brain.)

What army of creatures would you like to command?

Cass: Bats. That was my instant thought because it would be well goth and I’d look fucking cool. Like in Dracula Untold. My only gripe is that there is already a bat superhero, but not in this universe so I’m gonna say it’s fine.

Becks: Dogs. All the dogs. An army of dogs. And they would call me The Bitch!

Anthony - R.I.P

The ant had our hearts and when that bastard shot him, and the single wing fell we were FURIOUS, and saddened. We're glad he got stuck in the bug zapper. We hope it hurt, A LOT. Bastard baldy man.

Baldy Man (Darren Cross)

The most basic of villains Marvel has ever shown us. Bald, evil, walks like a cunt, bald, wore a leather coat AND leather driving gloves, bald, had a gold chopper, and did we mention bald? SO bald. He was awful. Now we usually can get behind a villain, but it was a hard pass for us. All he wanted to do was shrink things and fight people. And he killed that lamb and turned it to jam, (oooh a poem) and we hated it.

His origin story just seemed to be that he was pushed away by Hank Pym, and honestly bro just take rejection better. You were clearly bordering on madness, and just need to calm your tits. Baldies Gone Batshit, a new show in the style of Girls Gone Wild but it’s just rejected men fighting out their inadequacies cos they can’t deal with their feelings, probably outside a pub.

Also we discussed it, and you should have put your security team in tactical gear and not suits. Moron.

However, speaking of SCIENCE. Becks is currently doing science herself (what would Cap say?!) as the wick in her Sea Salt Pumpkin candle is slight askew and hasn't burnt the full candle down. Whacked a bit of tin foil round it and waiting for it to melt down to match the rest. Cass is waiting for Steve Rogers to burst in at any moment and slap it out of Becks' hands, thereby haplessly setting the whole house ablaze. Becks would like that...

Back to Cross. A direct quote from Cass when we find him in Hank's house, and he says that the doors were unlocked:

"Why are you rattling the handles, baldy boy?"

We have no respect for this man, and as a villain you should have respect, because otherwise you're just a little cross feeble minded man. THE END.

We did however love the train fight between him and Scott, and the fight in the briefcase.

Film chat with Becks and Cass.

Becks: Mini people on mini things look like normal people on normal things.

Cass: Perspective innit?

It was good though. Very actiony but also fun to watch when the camera zoomed out to see the ridiculousness of it all. There was a moment earlier on in the film where Becks remembered about Thomas the Tank growing ginormous, and was very scared of what was to come, but in the end it wasn't as creepy as she recalled.

His death by shrinkage was quite pleasing. He deserved it after jamming those lambs and that one man. We're glad he's dead.

Our Favourite Gang in the Whole World

Luis

What a story teller. The whole film is good, but the stories might even be our favourite bits. They're excellent. His cultured lifestyle, wine tasting and art galleries, juxtaposed with the moments of nothing behind the eyes, 10/10. We would have enjoyed watching the whole film told in this style. Perhaps we should have done the whole review like it - DAMN OUR EYES FOR NOT THINKING OF IT SOONER. He's also good at the punches. Knocking people out left right and centre. And he looked pretty swish in that suit he nicked.

Kurt

The man we're all VERY jealous of (please refer to What If?… Zombies and see if you can fathom why) but also love for his instant supernatural explanations. It’s very us, we often turn to Baba Yaga in a pinch. He has good hair, and was good on the computers, and made sure that Scott wasn't sliced to death in that tube thing with the lasers. SCIENCE.

Dave

Excellent getaway driver. Can drive backwards in a straight line, which Becks admires a lot. Loved how he averted disaster by stealing that car when Hank nearly got caught. 10/10.

As a team - perfection. Well done boys. Very funny, but also in the end very capable. Not bad for a gang of wombats.

Cassie

"He's so ugly. I love him!"

We loved Cassie. Sometimes kids in films are really annoying, but she wasn't. She was sassy and really loved her dad, which was sort of cute.

Paxton

Was a bit useless as a police man, but did a good dad thing at the end, so that turned us around slightly. That is all.

We loved the film ending on one of Luis' stories. The most fitting way for it to have finished. We really enjoyed the whole film in general. It’s just good fun, and if it’s ever on tv we'd be happy to settle down to watch it (we understand that you don’t have to do this in the streaming age but we are old and still think in terms of live television programming). It was a glorious moment of peace for both of us, before what is to come next week. And just in the MCU in general, it is a palette cleanser, a well deserved comic break. It’s nice not to have to think of anything distressing or have to pick a side. Also who doesn't love a heist film, especially one that involves ANTS.

Now for the bit that you've all been waiting for: Cass' stupid statement. In the second end credit scene we get a taste of what is to come in the next film (because obvs we both haven't seen it a million times - well one of us hasn't, one of us has maybe watched it a million times just this past year) and we both had a reaction, as you could imagine, but only one of us was so thrown by two of the sweet boys on screen (it’s fine Becks and Steve are busy burning shit...) that they forgot how to use their brain. We always ring each other for a debrief after the film, and there was a genuine puzzlement in Cass' voice when she asked, 'I wonder who this guy is that Sam knows?' Becks nearly lost her mind. You know those moments when you can't tell if someone is joking? Cass was most definitely not joking. It still sends Becks a bit giggly thinking about it. Who is this guy?! AAAAAHHHHHH. When Becks had managed to recover herself enough to speak she screeched 'Ant-Man you dick!' and then reminded Cass of the entire plot of the film she had just spent all evening enjoying. We're wondering when an intervention might need to be staged. Can you loose brain cells over looking at handsome people too much? Apparently yes, yes you can.

See you next week when we see if Cass can keep her mind on the job. Spoiler alert, it’s not looking promising. A quick disclaimer, next week is going to be something. We've just thought about it and both our finances and our mental stability aren't looking good. Get help.

[181202]’FOREVER WITH BABYZ’ EU tour at the Bataclan in Paris (FR) |X|

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