So way back when the 4x08 script was released, I thought of something that I canāt seem to let goā¦
On screen, the crew leaves Murphy tied up to the rocket and he screams out in agony.
In the original script, the crew does the same, and Murphyā¦. weeps.Ā
Murphy wasĀ supposed to break down inĀ tears and weep at the realization that heās just lost Emori.
And now Iām starting to wonderā¦ When have we ever seen John Murphy break down and cry on this show?
Seriously. We have never seen him shed more than a few tears at once. Heās never had a moment where he utterly let go, lost it, cried out every pain and suffering heās ever been through.Ā
Some may argue that this is a sign of strength, that it shows how heāsĀ ānot emotional or weak and doesnāt let life get to himā but I have to disagree because firstly thats toxic masculinity get it away from meĀ if anything, it shows how heās internalized.Ā
Remember in 3x13 when Pike tore him and his family apart in the Earth Skills class but Murphy just sat there and took it? Even with everyone watching? Even when he physically attacked him? He didnāt do anything. He wasnāt about to lash out at Pike and spill out his whole life story. John didnāt want everyone knowing the real him. He didnāt trust them with it.Ā
And yes, Murphy wanted the whole ātough guyā persona and for people to fear him way back when, but that was only because at least I think he didnāt dare burden someone with his problems, his life, the real emotions he felt, the real person he wanted to be.Ā
He just let everything build up.Ā
And then he meets Emori, the one person on the planet who finally fucking understands him and has been through the same and who he can actually be himself around and its like holy shit, its you. ItāsĀ the person heāsĀ been waiting for. Someone he can finally allow to get close to him instead of pushing them away. And you can bet everything youāve got that heās gonna do everything in his power to keep her here, and keep thinking that she was too good to be true.Ā
Until he realized she was.Ā
When you look back at it, many people on the show have broke down crying. Clarke when she lost Lexa, Octavia when she lost Lincoln, Raven when she lost Finn, Bellamy when he thought he lost Octavia, Monty when he lost Jasperā¦ just to name a few. Itās a fairly common sight, and almost all of them pertain to the loss of a loved one. Never Murphy, though. Heās been through hell, but none of these events happened on screen, so I suppose it makes sense that weāve never seen it. again with the internalizing though
Now heās loosing her. The only person heās ever wanted, and heās loosing her. He did everything he could on this godforsaken earth to protect her, and he failed. Sheās the only person whoās ever stayed, and now sheās gone. And they donāt care.Ā
Murphy looks at her, hollow. Destroyed.Ā
I just have to argue that Murphy crying here would have, in a way, been a more upfront way of expressing the severity of this loss. Both would have been even better but we didnāt focus enough time on him. AfterĀ his past losses, he only felt anger, only saw the world in red, killed the hurt. But Emori found the sorrow in him. She showed him where his heart was, and for the first time in his life he acts not on his instinct to survive, but on his heart to live. With Emori, Murphy lived.Ā
With Emori, Murphy found his heart- and now itās breaking.
She was here. She was real. She is dead.
