Trent shouldn’t be here. He absolutely, 100%, shouldn’t have been where he was but he was on the precipice and just trying to figure out if he was going to throw himself off or not. It would only take a couple steps and he’d be in the bar and then the decision would be made because who went to a bar without getting a drink? But as long as he didn’t go inside, then he hadn’t yet made the decision, and therein lay the problem. He really wanted to go in, he could practically taste it, throat dry and parched and knowing that the relief for it, for really everything he was feeling, was just behind that door. Other people went in and out easily, by themselves or with friends, completely unbothered by the simple act of stepping into the place. They clearly didn’t have the same problem Trent did but then Trent tended to assume he was more fucked up than most people, at least at this point in his life.
The temptation was intense, but thinking about Olivia held him just back from the edge of that particular chasm which was why he was a few feet from the door but hadn’t actually gone in yet. Trent was barely keeping his shit together but if he fell into this particular black hole again, it would be so much worse. Trent knew it would be more than just a crutch, that it was a full blown problem, but as much as he longed for the support and the freedom the alcohol gave him, he was equally if not more so afraid of how it would affect Olivia if he started drinking and didn’t stop.
All that meant that Trent stood in front of a bar called Paxton’s in fucking Chicago and could neither make himself walk through the door or leave completely. So he leaned against the wall of the building, staring at the door as if he wanted to burn a hole in it, and wondering which shitty consequence he was going to fall into. Arms crossed over his chest, jaw clenched, he was stunned when someone actually approached him instead of just walking by to head into the bar. “I’m waiting for someone.” He blurted, suddenly, not knowing what else to say and not about to explain his dilemma. Trent realised a moment later that she hadn’t actually said anything to him and he probably looked like an idiot. Great.
