would you like to talk any more about what 'i've always felt like this' might mean?
Ooooh this is a good one because I get to talk about myself, LOL, which will make it pretty easy to write about. Thank you!
I am transmasculine. I have not always been trans, in fact I used to identify as female, but have always felt "like this", where "like this" means "not at home in my skin".
I used to think of myself as a female person with gender issues. I didn't like my chest or my birthname. I pretended to be a boy during sex. I didn't like being described as a woman or a lady, which for a while I thought might have to do with internalized misogyny.
For the most part, I didn't think of myself as trans, or as "a boy in a girl's body". Sure, my chest made me uncomfortable, but maybe that was partially because female chests are so often the focus of unwanted sexual attention or something, it didn't necessarily mean I wasn't a girl.
As a kid I was very proud to be the first girl in the history of my school to join the rocketry club. I didn't understand why other girls didn't join, rockets are awesome! The next year, two other girls joined. It didn't occur to me until much much later that the reason no girls joined was because there were no girls already there. It looked exclusive and unwelcoming. It took someone doing it for other people to do it. My point is that at least at that time, I was totally fine with identifying as a girl, and simultaneously I spent a lot of my time associating with boys.
I was almost thirty before I started transitioning. It wasn't so much that my feelings about my body had changed. It was more that my identity had shifted from "female with gender issues" to "probably not actually female at all". I still didn't like my chest, I was still indecisive about haircuts, and I was still fine with my face. The bits of dysphoria I had always had about my body were pretty much the same as ever, even as my identity changed.
Coach Beiste says in 6x03: "Kiddo, I know this may seen sudden to you, but it doesn't to me. I've felt like this my whole life. Growing up, I was really confused. I thought I was just a tomboy. So I got into sports... No matter what I did, I never felt at home in my own skin. I never felt like my body fit who I was on the inside. I don't hate being a woman, and I don't regret the things I've been though."
This sounds a lot like me, spending my whole life not liking my body but mostly being fine with being female, until I decided I was actually trans.