Not That Kind of Person
I got this quote in my email this morning via Gretchen Rubin’s daily Moment of Happiness.
“We are so accustomed to disguising our true nature from others, that we end up disguising it from ourselves.” – La Rochefoucauld
I don’t remember exactly when it was, but someone I know, who I’m not at all close with but was in my social group in college, announced their sobriety. They shared their deeply personal struggle for all to see. At the time, I felt pity for them and convinced myself that I wasn’t that kind of person. But I know, deep down inside, I was stifling the truth. I was, and am, that kind of person. A person who abuses alcohol.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot for the past two or three years. Even more so recently, within the past year of my life. I began to accept that I was seriously hurting my body and my mind. It literally felt like my soul hurt; like my bones ached and like I had sharp needles stabbing me all over my body. Drinking wine was helping to numb that pain and aided in forgetting about what I was doing to myself and that I was avoiding being honest with the things that I struggle with: feeling intense amounts of social anxiety, the trauma of my dad’s tragic car accident, never fully healing from past relationships, etc. etc. etc. I’ve been sober for 22 days as of today, and the physical pains are subsiding.
That’s all I’ll say for today. I have a lot of thoughts and now, at the age of 30 and 12 years of drinking behind me, I’m ready to speak up and start healing myself.
Hip Sobriety School begins this week, and it’s all I’ve been thinking about. I started Annie Grace’s book, The Naked Mind, yesterday and I’m happy that it’s the first tool I’ve given myself on this adventure. I’m already nearly halfway through and so grateful she put the work into giving us this book.
Here’s a little nugget I found from a review on Annie’s book:
“If I told you, "Hey guys! I quit smoking crack." What would you say? Likely, "Great job!!! You can do it!" Now if I say, "Hey guys! I quit drinking alcohol." What do most people say? Likely, "Why?" Just think about that the next time a family member, coworker or friend quits drinking. Try to support their decision, let them fight their dragons and try not to sabotage. I know you'll miss your drinking buddy but you can still do something else besides drinking!“
