‘ you are the one i’d do anything for. ’
How mind does run rampage with that thought, in shattered ideas, smashed bits and pieces of memories crawling along the inside of his mind, etching closer to the surface wanting to be caught, put back in place ( it’s a puzzle, piece it together ! ), yet each and every moment, just fluttering past and out of his grasp to being lost amongst the many little shards ready to slash and tear and rip…a p a r t…
He could have laughed about it.
If every breath taken wouldn’t leave in trembling, ragged little reminders of feelings long buried in being torn apart from one and from the other side ( two halves to make one whole, was it not t h a t— ? ). Cradling them close in shaking hands to keep together bits of sanity in trying to regain vision he’s once, he’s now lost. Hating this moment, oh, the apostle to find himself ravenously close in smashing the surrounding upon any outburst of destructive power, for how else to show what can be spoken not, even if voice so softly would ring out to him—
—how long had the Noah sat there like this?
Time and minutes, construction of the ark, it meant nothing in this surrounding draining perception that was already warped, holding itself so c l o s e - closer still, to all and everything kept dear in his mind ( there was something drifting away right now. where did it g o—? ) with every inch of skin to mend back in place. Searing, burning scars humming with painful excess—
Had Road not spoken to that drunken mind of his in figuring ( figuring, thinking, that everlasting voice inside his mind, so white as the absence of light ) out how to make it simply…. s t o p….? Stop by the merest and only way possible, reachable, with hands sunken deeply in inkspill of hair to drag and draw and find some holding - pain for pain, it worked so well.
Who had ever thought the third would just, know what it meant as it was ( did he now ? a humming thought, soothing nearly )?
‘ you are the one i’d do anything for. ’
And s i l e n t does he remain past heaviness of breath that still held no normalcy in the usual smooth concentration of a calm and cool mind ( funny, so funny, how that war inside of him was quite invisible ). He should surely laugh about it. But perhaps, anything—
—truly just - there was a wish.
“Make the ache stop, R o a d…”