Our Son, The Pox, Chapter 25.
Two nights before Brian's surgery Willie came down with chicken pox. He had been cranky during the day and while Jamie was bathing him that evening he noticed spots covering his back and arms. I was in the hospital meeting with Brian's surgeon. I had left my phone on silence and by the time I got a chance to glance at it, I noticed 6 missed calls from Jamie. I nearly had heart failure myself wondering what the hell could be wrong that he needed to phone me 6 times.
After it rang once on my end, Jamie answered breathlessly "Claire, where have ya been? I have been ringing and ringing, Willie has a rash...I rang the GP and I am gonna bring him in...."
"What do you mean a rash?" I asked.
"He is covered in spots and I think he has a fever" Jamie answered impatiently. "Will ye just come home and look yerself." I could tell by his testy response that Jamie was panicking.
I headed straight for the cottage, stopping once at a local pharmacy to pick up calamine lotion and children’s paracetamol.
I arrived at the cottage to find a completely wound up Jamie clutching a clammy and bemused Willie to his chest pacing up and down the kitchen floor.
"Christ there ye are, I thought Christmas would be here first!"
I merely rolled my eyes and disentangled Willie from his breast,
I lay him on the couch to examine him and take his temperature, which confirmed what I had believed when Jamie described his symptoms, Willie had chicken pox. I dosed him with the paracetamol and covered his little body with the soothing lotion.
We propped him up on the couch with cushions and his duvet, to watch a movie. It was late but he would likely need a distraction to stop the itching. Once his temperature reduced, Jamie remembered to breath and I could see the tension leave his body. I snuggled in to his side on the couch and whispered "you know he will be fine, it’s good for him to get them out of the way at his age, he will recover quicker."
A sigh "aye I ken, I am sorry I just hate when he is ill", he smiled wryly "The first summer I had him, he got an ear infection and I wouldna let anyone near him, no even mam..."
I remembered, Jenny had rang me in hushed tones saying Jamie was being a nightmare and would I speak to him. "I rang you remember?" I asked. "hmm, Aye, as soon as I heard your voice I felt better" he snorted and fidgeted with his hands. "ya ken I only truly trust you when it comes to him." I nodded because I was the same with Jamie, "as broken as our relationship was I never worried about Willie once he was with Jamie, his instinct was always spot on when it came to him and we always deferred to the other on his welfare, an unspoken language we shared when it came to Willie. “You’re the best daddy Jamie, never doubt it”. He put his arm around my shoulder and held me tighter.
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Jamie was gone at the crack of dawn the next morning and by the time evening was drawing in, I came to the gradual realisation that I too had chicken pox, hive like spots appearing across my cheeks, forehead, back and arms. I doused myself in calamine lotion, scaring myself by looking in the mirror. I hopped into bed beside Willie looking like Frankenstein’s bride and hoping Jamie wouldn’t come looking for me.
I must have dozed off because I woke a time later to hear Jamie's hushed tones whispering through the door.
"Sassenach, i canna open the door what’s going on is Willie ok?"
"hmm..oh ya..he is fine", I replied groggily "I am going to sleep with him tonight".
"Well open the door I wanna see him" Jamie persisted his voice rising above a whisper.
"No!" I was awake now, not a chance Jamie was seeing me like this. "You can't come in, he is contagious...so no you can't" I finished lamely.
"I ken he is contagious, he was contagious last night and ye know I had them before so what are ye at?" Jamie's voice was exasperated.
"He is asleep you will disturb him!"
a pause while Jamie considered his options. "ok then” he said pausing “you come out here, I willna disturb him"
"No!" I pleaded, "I can't I...I am not coming out"
"Sassenach what the hell has gotten into ye? Will you come out here now?"
"Jamie please go away." It came out as a sigh.
"I willna go away and I will break down this bloody door if ye dinna appear out here now!"
"I have the chicken pox" I sobbed through the door "And I am not having you ...you see me like this...so go away!"
"Claire, dinna be daft come out...please?" his voice was softer now, although I could still hear traces of amusement in it.
"No, I look like a cross between a Dalmatian and that guy from Sesame Street"
"or maybe Ernie, I’m not sure and I am not coming out in any case"
"Claire, I canna believe ye wouldn't let me see ye...yer being silly"
"I am not silly, I am a masacre" I sniffed.
"Come out mo ghraidh...please, I willna sleep until I see yer face or what’s left of it" I could hear him stifling the laughter. Bastard.
I knew it was futile, I slid off the end of the bed trying not to jar willie and opened the door a crack, peeking out at him.
"Come here." he ordered and pulled me though the door shutting it softly behind me.
"Ach ye poor thing, he was looking me over carefully, taking in each blemish on my skin, “are ya scratchy?"
"Yes very" I admitted sheepishly
"Right, well then lets run ye a bath and put more of the lotion on ye"
"Jamie I am fine...you don't need to..."
His hand was up halting any more protestations. "I don't need to but I can and I will...aye?"
I nodded like a child and let him guide me by the hand towards the bathroom.
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Jamie ran an enormous bath, pointed at it and said "in."
Once I was settled he handed me a large tumbler full of whiskey and said "medicinal."
I lay soaking, enjoying the warmth of both bath and whiskey, silently contemplating how happy and content I was here, it wasn’t just Lallybroch, it was just being with Jamie. I looked forward to him coming home each evening, just his being near him lifted my heart, never mind his ever attentive presence in bed.
I had thought long and hard in the past few weeks on Jamie asking me to stay and although he had never asked since the night of Jenny's wedding I hoped that if one day I could make it work, the offer would still stand.
The practical issue for me was work. My options for work as a surgeon would be limited, the hospital near Lallybroch was small and surgeon posts did not arise every day, I had specialised in pediatric surgery back in Boston, I could practice general surgery again but it probably wouldn't make it any easier to redeploy myself in Scotland.
Then there was the usual stuff, our home, friends, Willie's playschool, Lamb etc. None of it was impossible and it could be done, I was scared of it but mostly I was afraid to give up everything to find out Jamie and I wouldn't work or something would go wrong. Never mind the pressure Jamie might feel in reality having us here, when so much would have been sacrificed for it to happen.
All that said the more time I spent here the harder I was going to find, leaving Jamie. Which I would have to do at some point regardless, it could take a year or more for me to find a suitable job.
Breaking me from my thoughts Jamie returned, towel wrapped around his toned torso and a bottle of calamine lotion in hand. "Scoot up Sassenach, I’m getting in"
"Jamie I am covered in hives! You can't be serious"
"Aye well asides from the fact that yer the bonniest wee thing when ye have the pox or no, I am get'n in and rubbing some of this into yer spots, aye?" He dropped the towel leaving me no doubt he was coming in whether I moved or not.
Once he was wrapped around my back, I lay into him resting the back of my head on his chest and luxuriated in the feel of him against my sore body. "I was just thinking how much I love this, being here with you" I said stroking his thigh under the water
I could feel him smile against my cheek as he rested his chin on my shoulder.
"its funny, if ye had told me this would happen a month ago I would have said ye were mad, when Jenny told me ye would be staying for a while over the wedding I didna ken how it would be between us but I didna think we would end up like this" he spoke softly into my ear.
"god no, I knew I wanted ye badly but I never thought I would want ye badly enough to share a bath with ye while ye look like chucky's kid"
I slapped him under the water, splashing both of us.
"Och I am only joking...”
We grew quiet again, contemplating the change we had seen in just a month.
Eventually Jamie cleared his throat and said, “I was serious Claire when I can't believe ye are here like this", he ran a hand up my stomach and cupped my breast to illustrate. He sighed contently and continued "I was fairly sure ye hated me enough to politely ignore me most of the week",
"you are hard to ignore" I replied taking his hand up to my mouth and kissing the back of it.
"That first evening ye arrived, I… well ye were there with yer hair all curly around yer face, god I wanted to do nothing more than kiss the breath out of ye...but I dinna think ye...or Willie would appreciate it much…”
"oh I don't know...I probably would have appreciated it, can't speak for our son though! I added smiling.
"Then” he sighed theatrically and ran his hand down my thigh “when I brought ye up to the house foundations and had ye ride with me...Jesus Claire ...yer round arse stuck between my thighs...I was as hard as a rock the whole way over the heather..."
"hmm you hid it well" I said laughing
"Maybe, it was no comfortable though" he replied contemplatively
Jamie’s hands ran up the expanse of my tummy and were now busily cupping and massaging my breasts, which were weightless in the water.
"Then that night in Inverness...when I came to apologies for my behavior with Forbes...God when I pulled ye down on my lap in yer wee bathrobe" His index finger was idly rotating around my nipple, I could feel the length of him pressed against my back and I was throbbing at the memory of that kiss alone. "It took all my strength to get through dinner in the hope that ye would come to bed with me after"
"Sure of yourself I would say, there was little doubt I was going to your bed and you knew it"
He hummed into my ear in mirth.
"Aye well I dinna think I have ever wanted anything so bad in my life Sassenach"
Silence overcame us as we no doubt replayed that night in our minds, both of us remembering the bone deep need of being with each other, sharing our bodies again.
Eventually I turned to him "Jamie, do you remember the night of Jenny’s wedding and you said you wished I could stay?”
“How could I not?” he replied sheepishly “I dinna exactly think it through…what I was asking of ye”
“No maybe not” I agreed “was it more a post coital impulse? … I mean have you really thought about it? For all you know you would grow really sick of me? This is the longest time we have spent together?”
“Claire” it came out as a breath and he tilted my chin so I could look up at him. “I would never grow sick of ye, we just fit? Hmm you and I?” I have known it since the first day I ever set eyes on ye, you belong with me… … we’re meant to be together, so no I will never grow tired of ye!
We grew silent again until I felt Jamie’s chest vibrate behind me “asides I leave ye in bed hungrier than when I first came to ye, I want ye all the time Sassenach, that willna change I can promise that.”
I swallowed before I drew courage to make my next declaration.
“Jamie…I think maybe…that I will try and move…I mean it could take some time, months maybe a year until I get work…but I think I would like to try living here.” I eventually stammered out.
There was a sudden splash behind me, Jamie lifted me as if I weighed nothing at all and had me fully facing him, sitting on his lap now.
He pulled me into a long kiss, the kind that would leave my lips and mouth bruised for a long time after. “I hope ye are not raving from the pox” he said laughing and crushing his lips to mine again.
