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i feel i cant tell this to anybody. not even my own partner. whatever if the fucking nsa is listening. but i fucking regret giving whatever is left of my life to this country despite all the luxury ive been given as a reward. the money isnt worth your fucking health especially considering you are considered a fucking extremist for loving the idea of this country.
Day 23 of my Brain Tumor treatment
I am slowly starting to realize how alone I am. My ex wife got a DUI and apparently it's all my fault. She wants to accept no responsibility in her life. I had to remind the therapist that she was brutality raped and beaten; that might be the reason she acts the way she's acting when ive done nothing but help her. But no. She wanted to blame everything on me. It wasnt my fault she didn't pay the morgage, the utility bill, Netflix, food, etc. and apparently It's my fault she spent 5,000$ on leggings that are fuck ugly. Now i have to drive her every single place, my sons appointments and squeeze my health into the schedule. The girl Ive been in love with for 2 years; the one I had to leave to be a dad; is just basically ignoring me. Guess I really fuckin meant nothing to you huh? I really need to get my own place that way any mistake Trista makes is her fault. I'm so goddamn tired of everything being my fault. I left my life completely to be a father and people are turning their backs on me. People Ive given so much for when they needed me. I'd rather live on my own and watch all those selfish people burn while I sip on Jack Daniels on my balcony
Why?
Why are we so glued to these things between our hands? These electronic devices? Why have they become our gods? Think about it?
We have wired our brains to need these electronic devices. Not in a good way either. The relationship I had with my rifle 6 years ago and it becoming an extentions of myself was healthier than the relationship we have with our cellphones.
Where do we stand with the social fabric of society? I try to think about who I am, Francisco Jose Ruiz, and then I realize its more important to keep my phone charged. Have I been possesed by my phone or am I my pink iPhone 7 watching the human shell of a person that I use to sustain myself through eating, charging my phone, and processing smiles and sentences to maintain the facade that I am still human being.......... i think its time that I regain and remind myself who I am. Something very sinister is happening with all of us. If you dont see it, then put down your phone, recite your name, who you think you are, and where you are going to next, and the purpose of it. If you cant find your purpose past the next day without having to pick up your phone to be used as some sort of reminder, then you are still human...... if you have to use your phone, what are you?
Brain-Tumor Free for almost year now.
My body feels so weird because its going back to normal, but ive had the tumor for so long apparently that I forgot what normal is supposed to feel like. I eat 3x a day again, sex is a night and day difference, ive gained 30lbs of muscle barely lifting a finger, and my color is more even. Ill upload a photo later but before I moved my eyes were really sunk in, my skin pasty white, and I just looked really sickly.
Im like in a decent mood all the time now (: and its great. I really wish how I can put in words how great this is because I honestly feel like ive had Brain Cancer for years when I start comparing the last time I felt like this.
What kind of scares me the most is I am not sure all the things I said and did that made no sense at all and day by day Im sort of finding out.
Your Pituitary Gland controls nearly all the hormones in your body, and I had a piece of cancerous material the size of a grape on it. That tiny little bit of organic material put my life in danger and was slowly ruining my health. Because its so hard to catch until its doing some serious damage , I honestly thing Ive had this thing since early 2012. I just noticed that year my behaviour changed the most, I feel like I almost became a different person and I really dont know why either. I kinda became a mean person.......... I guess I know why now :/.
Apocalypse: NO?
I love how tumblr threatened to delete a whole bunch of pornblogs and it just got a superficial warning. Well tAts good.
Ive notived less followings from the robot porn blogs that just follow anything that moves. .
Anyways i can still read alot of my favoeite blogs wich rulez!
Bucket List
I have never sent an unsolicited dick pic to anyone and Ive always wanted to post one on the internet. I have nothing to be ashamed of size wise but I dont want to be a douche either. I have 3 days to decide before the tumblr gestapo takes over tumblr.
👀👀
Its been a week since my wallet got stolen. My birthday is tomorrow....... cmon, gimme a break already?
I gave someone CPR Today
And saved his life.
He litteraly stopped breathing....
It was the first time i ever put my lips on another man.
Im thoroughly sure im heterosexual now. Thank God i learned tho fuck. Its been 3 years since i learned, i should probably take a refresher course.
