As I sit at the cafe down the street on a Saturday night, I can’t help but recognize how content I feel just doing my thing.
Let’s face it, we all sometimes feel that FOMO or pressure to “show face” when we really just want to curl up on the couch with a good book or watch a movie. Right? Throughout my transition from post college life to adult life, such as working full-time start-up hours with little down time, I’ve learned to really value my weekends and time to myself. I no longer care to give up my Saturday morning to being stuck in bed all day with a hangover – I’ve moved way past that.
Additionally, I remember a point where all I wanted was to be an adult; I wanted to be a yuppie and work a real job in downtown San Francisco. I wanted to be like those women who walked down the street of the Financial District with their pencil skirts and Jimmy Choo’s looking like they’re going somewhere very important. Well let me tell you, I’ve gotten over that “idea” of what I should be doing and how I should look. I’ve had enough jobs that made me feel like I was sitting at a desk wasting away my twenties, to learn I’d rather follow my dreams than do that for ever.
That said, today I’m more curious about my time on earth, driven to follow my passion and determined to succeed. I just do what makes me happy because I’m following my own path -- guess what, there’s no “right” path to choose. This reminds me of one of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes,
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
At almost 26, I’m out of the post college life and transitioning into my adult life. I’m still on an exciting path of personal exploration, but fuck, some days it feels like there’s a never-ending horizon of just the same shit, what else is going to happen?
1) College Life: We all know what college is like, party, class, party, study, gym, party, maybe intern or work, or not at all. Then re-do it all over again. Oh the good ol’ days of little obligations. Maybe there were some blacked out mistakes made or "learning experiences” as I call them. I don’t know if I’d even call this time “data collection” it’s more like steamrolling through blacked out nights and foggy classes. It’s a necessary time for self-development and experimentation. But overall college life is, for the most part, universally the same for most Americans.
2) Post-College: Maybe you move back home into your parent’s house, nanny for a little bit or work a part-time job waiting until something better comes along. Sometimes these people go straight to grad school because they don’t know what else to do (no judgies, grad school is no joke). Or, you went home and played “summer break” for a little too long but when you started to feel like a complete piece of lazy shit, you planned a euro trip with your best friends all paid for by mom and dad.
Or you’re one of those kids who worked your tail off in college, knew what you wanted and jumped right into a full-time job. What ever your path was, those first 3-6 months after college were a critical time in your young adult life to live it up a little bit or to begin making steps forward in your early career.
Weather you knew it then or not, the choices you made right after college probably did affect the trajectory of your early to mid twenties.
One piece of advice post-college: travel when you graduate because it only gets harder later. People told me that, but I would say “well I’ll have a ton of money so I can travel whenever I want.” That’s horseshit. Money comes, but time flies when you only have two weeks vacation, you’re in credit card debt and you live paycheck to paycheck because rent is so damn high and you have expensive taste.
3) Being A Yuppie: Then after the euro trip is over or you move to a new city to “start your life,” you get a sexy job at Google or a hot start-up and for the first time, you’re actually making real money. You make a whole new group of friends, “work friends” and these friends party hard – happy hours becomes like a second job. This is where you start to feel like an adult and you couldn’t be happier.
But, then all of a sudden there are student loans to pay off, and you have to pay your own rent because you’re not in college anymore. All of a sudden the “real job” you always wanted has extremely high demands and long hours. So all you want to do after work is have a stiff drink. And since you’re working hard you’re spending more money on things like designer shoes and fancy gym memberships. You’re now opting for gel manicures, expensive dinners, and taking a Lyft rather than the bus.
Then, before you know it, all of your friends are in relationships and you’re beginning to be the 3rd or 5th wheel, or you don’t get invited to dinners at all, because it’s “couples only.” The best part of your week was when you literally shrieked with excitement when your girl friend told you she broke up with her boyfriend. This means you now have a single friend to hang out with when the couples are being all coupley. Then you’re a bridesmaid and you have 5 weddings lined up next summer and before you know it, you’re actually living the rom-com, 27 Dresses.
Fuck it, sometimes I wish I could just rent a weekend boyfriend so I’m not always the only single one. Then once the week starts, return him. Okay, that’s a joke. I love to see my friends in love and having these healthy relationships round me, only gives me good examples of what a happy, healthy and in love relationship would be.
Whichever way your path takes you as a twenty something, just know that it’s never too late to deviate away from the course you’re on. You can always "begin again."
With that, let me get back to my original question. What next? What’s after being a yuppie? I don’t know but I can’t wait! It’s not about having a white picket fence and making a ton of babies anymore; it doesn’t have to be marriage right away if you don’t want it to be. That’s not how our generation works and that’s definitely not how I work. There’s so much more to experience on this earth, more cities to explore, more relationships to be had, and more people to meet!
Clearly, Shosh is on an “I’m doing me” kick and a part of that is taking a much-needed break from dating. The fact is, dating takes up a lot of mental and emotional time, especially since I was dating multiple people at once (thanks Tinder & Hinge)! That's not to say I wont date, I'm just not making myself overly available.
The way I see it, right now is a time for saving for that trip I’ve always wanted to take, continuing to develop on my passions, focusing on my career path, making my health and wellness a priority, and harnessing my relationships with friends and family. But if a cute boy comes along, well duh! Life is about balance, isn't it?
There you have it – that’s what Shosh has been thinking about lately.
As a Product Manager in training and avid dater, the email I just got from Tinder made my eyes light up!
Did I mention I love taking surveys? Especially Likert scale ones, NPS surveys are alright too but not my fave. You might think, "wtf that's a weird thing to say." It's because I love feedback, both receiving and giving. Any time there's room for improvement or an opportunity to iterate, I'll take it, both personally and professionally. I also usually have a tone to say, so when there's another medium to share my thoughts, I'm all over it.
Shosh's brain when seeing the Tinder email: "Yes, Tinder I'll take a potential new feature survey for you, I'll take the shit outta your survey. And the timing couldn't be any better." I don't just get hot and bothered for surveys, but this one hits home more than others; at work, I market our new features, in my personal life, I market myself and all my personal features, inside and out (oooh, I feel a metaphor coming on!) Anyway, I've never been more excited to fill out a survey in my life! And I'm sharing it with you all too.
Take the Tinder Survey!
Note: proving the survey link may or may not fuck up their results, because you should be a Tinder user to provide effective feedback. So please don't fill it out unless you have at least one Tinder experience. Although, it's Survey Monkey, they should enable a login lightbox so the survey taker has to log into the apps account before taking the survey to ensure proper results. That's their bad... #newfeatureidea.
While you're just about to get your long weekend started, just know that Shosh has your sexy-time playlist covered! (In hopes that everyone has some sexy-time). For those going away with friends or significant others, or even those who are keeping it local and hot, these are for you!
I'm really into the below songs right now: from the '80 post disco, synth pop, and funk of Cherub to the blended electronics and indie guitar beats of Glass Animals, you really cannot go wrong with this weeks Top 10. I even threw in some sensual songs for those who appreciate the sultry vibes of pop-R&B.
The ACE Hotel Palm Springs is like Vegas for hipsters.
Last weekend a group of close friends and I all came together to celebrate the birthday of one of my best friend’s from college. We booked a weekend getaway at the ACE hotel in Palm Springs, a place I've been dying to see. We were all thrilled to be together again, and after a cold SF Spring we were all ready for some Vitamin D.
Other than being with friends, I just loved people watching, the historic architecture was inspiring and the timelessness of the place was ideal for the setting. I kept thinking all weekend, "I'm never going to Vegas again (unless I'm getting treated like a fucking Princess or it's my girls Bachelorette party)." The ACE was the perfect mixture of Vegas pool party (without the Guido’s) meets desert relaxation.
A short history lesson: The ACE is nested close by some funky fresh places, namely Joshua Tree, the Salton Sean and Salvation Mountain.
“Palm Springs' evolution into a desert resort town began in the early 1900s. By the '30s it had become catalyst for the desert modern style of architecture and design that proliferated throughout the West, but perhaps nowhere as much as in Palm Springs.”
“Our own home was built in the mid-60s as a desert modern extension of the Westward Ho chain and later lived as a Howard Johnson with an on-site Denny's. It's always been a family-friendly and fun place, inspired equally by its unchanging environmental surroundings and the ebb and flow of design and creative movements.”
I could only imagine what it was like in the 60's with an on-site Denny's and Hollywood types running that place. Oh sometimes I wish I was around in those days.
When San Francisco techy kids meet the ACE: We arrived late Friday night but that didn’t stop us from a late night pool party and hot tubing. Saturday consisted of following the Bday girl to the pool at 6:30am to claim our lounge chairs and sofa. Don’t blame her, she was on London time. The boys met us for breakfast and morning cocktails, might I add they’re called “Desert Facials,” and a few buckets o’ beer shortly followed. Throughout the day there was a plethora of activities and endless boozing. From games of ping-pong, a few sun-drenched interactions with new friends, to floating around on blow up toys shaped as Hello Kitty, we were having quiet a blast in the heat. Might I add, it was also Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year.
In looking back on a weekend of fun, there were definitely some things I learned about how to have an amazing time at a desert hotel like the ACE.
1. Do: Wear sunscreen and keep applying, even when you know you need some color. Red skin doesn’t look good on anyone, honey.
2. Don’t: Order a beer at the bar for $8 when you have two 30 packs in the hotel room.
3. Do: Bring your most crazy and fun Coachella-inspired retro summer duds and you’ll feel like you’ve time traveled to the 60’s.
4. Don’t: Wear anything from Gap, Old Navy or something basic. No fucking Marina girls/boys allowed for heavens-sake.
5. Do: Bring your own snacks, water, and booze. That hotel shit ain’t cheap.
6. Don’t: Try to sneak beer into the pool parties through the front gate.
7. Do: Get creative and sneak it around the back.
8. Don’t: Go barefoot on the hot pavement. You’ll get a damn foot burn!
9. Do: Make out under the starts at midnight.
10. Don’t: Wear neon hats and a matching neon bikini with 10 other girls for a bachelorette party because that shit is for Vegas, and it’s annoying. #basicbitches.
11. Do: Make friends with others at the hotel because maybe you’ll run into artist, musicians or creative alike. Or you realize they just look cool, but aren’t at all.
12. Don’t: Expect the poolside DJ to actually be good.
13. Do: Make sure your friends all use Venmo (duh, this is just a life lesson). And ditch the ones who still write checks. Unless they’re vintage like that and can pull it off.
14. Don’t: Expect a speedy breakfast. And when it finally comes over an hour later, don’t expect much more than a “We’re sorry and here’s a free coffee.”
15. Do: Water aerobics is a must on Sunday morning.
16. Don’t: Order two $60 margaritas, they taste like shit.
17. Do: Bring flotation devices, bubbles, and temporary tattoos.
18. Don’t: Order too many “Desert Facials” – it’s a cocktail.
19. Do: Pool by day, the perverted Amigo Room by night.
20. Don't: Be consumed by technology while on vacation.
The ACE Palm Springs is an otherworldly place and a heaven for misfits and visionaries from around the world.
Incase you missed it....here it is! "An Evening Of Passion," By Rakesh Sharma
As a Passion Co. Graduate and Ambassador, I can wholeheartedly say that these bad ass ladies really know what they're doing when it comes to passion. It was an experience I will never forget, and I couldn’t have done it without the structure, inspiration, and loving support that the Passion Co. and friends provide.
LINGERIE: The ladies love it and so do their men. I’m a big fan of sensual silks and handcrafted lace fabrics, so when dMondaine approached me to be featured as one of their ladies on “Tastemakers Tuesdays,” I knew I had to get my paws all over their silky garbs!
One of my favorite questions from the dMondaine Q&A was the question,“Why do you love your shape?” I answered:
“Because I’m bite sized. Jokes! I love my shape most when I feel strong and toned. Strong, healthy looking women are the ‘new skinny.’ Runway model skinny is so out!”
As we all know, our bodies start to change as we age and before we know it our boobs are down to the floor. Of course cosmetic surgery is an option to help some of these “imperfections.” Aside from this, I come from the school of thought that teaches us to treat our bodies like a temple because it’s the only one we’ve got. I prefer to love the skin I’m in today and give it the nutrients and vitality it needs to be strong and healthy, which can only prolong the aging effects that are so inevitable.
When I answered the question about my shape, it was a no brainer. It’s not about having the most perfect body in the world - or socially prescribed beliefs of what’s perfect due to the media’s portrayal of “beauty.” I don’t believe there is one body type that is perfect. But it’s about loving yourself. When did you ever feel worse after a workout? I love myself most when I feel mentally and physically challenged, when I’m giving back and making a differences in others lives, and when I feel strong all over.
Here’s another sneak peek at one of the questions from the dMondaine interview:
dMondaine: What's your motto?
Answer: "Trust life: I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. When I listen to my heart and follow my purpose in life, everything else will come later with patience, gratitude, and lots of smiles.”
San Francisco is a wonderful place to live; the culture, the arts, the food, and even the weather isn't too shabby either. But let’s be real - most people here aren't the most fashion conscious. I’m going to just say it: if you’re in fashion in SF, it's child’s play compared to the inspiring style that comes out of NYC and LA. Even ask San Francisco’s most chic author, Danielle Steel. In a May 2011 interview with Refinery29, Steel comments on Bay Area style:
"There's no style, nobody dresses up—you can't be chic there. It's all shorts and hiking books and Tevas—it's as if everyone is dressed to go on a camping trip. I don't think people really care how they look there; and I look like a mess when I'm there, too.”
I wholeheartedly agree with Steele’s comments about the lack of San Francisco style. It’s important to give a fuck sometimes ladies and gents. Yep, I said it, San Francisco!
Ladies, it's okay to style a fully put together outfit in the morning. It's okay to blow dry your hair sometimes or change up your usual do. It's okay to wear lipstick and high heels on a random Wednesday. And it's okay to follow trends you like. Don’t be afraid to mix and match high-end with low-end, vintage inspired outfits with a modern touch or even mix classic with rocker if you want. Just do something interesting. Inspire us!
For you men out there, it's okay to wear a belt and a collard shirt some days too, you know. It’s okay to brush your hair and trim your nose hair. It’s okay to have your own style. Buy some nice straight leg Selvedge denim and long lasting leather shoes. I’m not saying don’t be yourself, I’m just saying to give it some effort (and there are plenty of ways in SF to do this without breaking the bank). Read a fashion blog once in your life, for heavens sake! Every person should know The Sartorialist. Why not put some effort into your style? The Real Shosh does, and it feels so good to love what’s in my closet:
The Beyonce booty shorts (yet to be worn)
I’m not scared to be fashionably honest with my friends, the guys I date, and most importantly, myself. I know people in the Financial District look at me funny when I wear pink flower pants, a leather jacket and topknot. I know I sometimes sound like a ditz when I get excited about clothes, or anything fort hat matter.
I also know people roll their eyes at me when I talk about my dating escapades. Boys may be turned off by my vulgar mouth and sexual innuendoes. But I don’t really give a fuck most of the time.
Let's also take a look at Zosia Mamet’s bold real life style. Was it a fashionable accident Zosia was cast to play Shoshanna? I definitely don’t think so! Both Zosia and her character Shoshanna know how to make a statement with unique outfits and hairstyles because both are willing to be themselves in all things they do.
Shoshanna is not scared to rock a wacky side braid or a doughnut on the top of her head if she feels like it. And Zosia chopped off her long luscious locks on a whim, and looks great. Shoshanna does a preppy style most days but her hair poses a nice contradiction to her East Coast preppy floral skirts and pink Polos. Zosia is pretty confident and likes to take fashion risks; her style is definitely one of the more bold and inspirational styles out of all the actresses on the show. She has a pretty complex style and pulls off many trends well, such as bright colored bell-bottoms, bold reds and cut outs, leather, tomboy hipster-chic, and paisley pants.
Here are some of my favorite Shoshanna hairstyles and Zosia fashion statements:
"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with." - Carrie Bradshaw
Say it, sista!
The above quote from Carrie is a reminder for me that no matter how long I will be single for or how many relationships I have in my lifetime, that I must always check in with myself and make sure I'm following my dreams and living the life that I choose to live. And that my time is precious -- so is yours, so is his and so is hers. Furthermore, I'm also consciously practicing to "date with intention," which means to be mindful of the people I choose to surround myself with and let into my life.
Lastly, I've always been skeptical of people who are relationship jumpers, meaning they've spent more time in longterm relationships than being independent and alone. I personally think some people don't give themselves enough alone time to reflect on their experiences. I prefer to take the mistakes and lessons I learned and use those experiences to transform myself into a better me for future relationships. Having “me time” in between relationships is also a great reminder that I don't need another person to survive and I can make it just fine on my own. Most importantly, I’ve learned to always follow my truth, my heart, and my instincts, because when someone really special comes along, I’ll truly know it.
