#these exiled years

[clatterbane]

I still need to apply for citizenship here (should be eligible now), so it would be quite a while before I needed to commit myself. Not at all unusual for decisions to take multiple years, either--even before these most recent ongoing "reforms" deliberately slowing things down further and complicating the process with extra bullshit bureaucratic hoop-jumping.

But, when/IF I do finally obtain Swedish citizenship? I really am strongly considering giving it up in the US.

I mean, I may be stubborn as hell--not least because a decent contingent of my folks have been in what eventually became the US since well before some collection of ill-behaved guest workers decided to set up their own state at all.

I would also kinda like to have the option of going back to MY OWN HOME if I want to, one of these days. (Hell, if it's even feasible or worth going back to within my lifetime. 😵) The idea of letting some more recent jumped-up little parasites run me away for good really does NOT spark joy. To put it mildly.

I do feel strong connections to the actual land that these folks could never understand if they even wanted to consider it. Even though my life has gotten better on some practical levels while I've been gone, I miss it every day.

There are reasons that the folk music where I'm from features a whole genre of songs like "Beautiful Hills"--including from people of stronger settler backgrounds. (Idk about old Hasil there, not that it matters so much from here.)

I wandered away, so far away…and I hope some day to be returned.

(Would that be in a box? It can go either way in these songs, and the narrator is not always clear themself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

But anyway, I am still strongly considering doing the thing for other practical reasons. Not least getting away from the massive assache of "US Person" financial reporting regulations forever and no matter where in the world. That is the major reason I've been having such banking difficulties here with the severely limited account and all, because foreign banks will only grudgingly touch us if they pretty much have to.

The freaking FATCA requirements have only intensified since I got UK accounts set up over 20 years back. And Swedish banks seem to have a particularly bad reputation for jerking even non-"US Persons" from other EU countries around to begin with. And this will never stop complicating my daily life as long as the US government still has any legal claim on me.

Currently thinking more about it again, with the prospect coming up of maybe making a few kronor off of hobby shit. And, besides the dual tax reporting requirements for even that unless you can somehow get paid totally under the table? (Impossible in this case.) Which is a PITA but totally expected? I am not even entirely sure that I can get set up to receive any eventual fund transfers into said severely limited account, when it has absolutely NO access to online banking--which is where they expect you to manage everything.

I can't even connect PayPal to it, do any regular repeating payments or subscriptions without asking my partner to set it up through his account--or check my balance and transactions. It is basically like being stuck with a kids' account. Part of that is the whole disabled person "no independent earnings" factor, but the lion's share does seem to be the Foreign Devil Penalty: "We have to jump through ridiculous IRS hoops, and it's all because of YOU!" edition.

Shit gets old pretty fast. That really is the major reason I am strongly considering a divorce so that controlling POS no longer gets any say in my finances, or general life.

[pariahfox]

Finally going to try to embark on a new study plan, of slightly more structured DIY SFI.

Svenska för invandrare, SFI - The Newbie Guide to Sweden

SFI - Swedish for immigrants is the most common way to start learning Swedish. It is free, and there are many center nationwide to go

The actual classes are free--but logistics, neurospiciness, and rolling burnout have been getting in the way of enrolling in any. Even what distance options I was finding for our area. But yeah, that is at least intended to help get immigrants up and at least semi-functional in daily Swedish ASAP.

As befits my nerdy, "unusual relationship to language in general" ass, I am currently all over the map in terms of skills here. Deciphering some written Icelandic and spotting German cognates, sure! Scanning "normal" written material, and at least getting the gist of maybe 50%-90% depending on subject matter? Usually yes, by this point. Formulate a halfway comprehensible e-mail with some vocabulary help from a dictionary? It'll take at least 3x longer than in English, but I can mostly manage. Just don't ask me to carry on a basic conversation, or do much more than (badly) order some coffee.

The osmosis approach really hasn't been helping so much with this. Neither has the fact that I haven't been able to get out and interact with people even anywhere near as much as my awkwardness could handle otherwise. Honestly haven't had the best luck trying to figure out how exactly to remedy any of this either.

So, my idea to get my ass in gear now is to pick up the appropriate textbooks (likely through less-than-official means) and follow along with at least one of the frequently recommended folks like Peter SFI covering this shit less officially online.

Also, suck it up and practice on the household captive native speaker more than I have been up to this point. If anybody is used to ridiculousness coming out of my mouth, it would be him. It just feels harder when it is someone that you do care what they think of you, who was also at near-native level in your primary language when you met them over 20 years ago. 😬

There are obviously the executive function pitfalls to keep in mind, but yeah. Trying to get more organized on my own is probably a better approach than doing much on a more formal basis. So, we'll have to see how putting an hour or two a day into this semi-structured approach might go.

My brain is pretty fried tonight, so I intend to start into that tomorrow. (Cue "Jane Says"... 🙄)

[windandwater]

Walk away, watch me as I wave One foot here, But sure the other's in the grave.

-Flogging Molly, “These Exiled Years”

[clatterbane]

I probably ought to go ahead and acquire some more grey market antihistamines off eBay. The stockpile is starting to run lowish, and you can't get anything but the 24-hour nondrowsy types here. Nothing fast acting for more acute allergic reactions and skin reactions.

Apparently there is one liquid form of diphenhydramine/Benadryl available by prescription here. Specified as salty licorice and anise flavored, and anise-flavored medicine has actually made me puke before. Also, good luck getting that prescribed, I'm guessing especially as an adult with "just" generally bitchy allergies to basically everything.

Also (in translation): Cases of abuse have been reported in connection with the use of the active substance diphenhydramin. The risk of addiction is greater in patients who have previously had drug abuse.

Which I have not notably--though very possibly by their standards, because I have tried me a few actually illicit drugs over the years! It just never stuck. But yeah, we're talking about liquid Benadryl. They acted goofy enough about the stuff in the UK, but it's all zero tolerance BS all the way down here. And Benadryl is apparently addictive now. Who knew?!

(Pretty sure I have heard of it sometimes getting used to cut heroin or something? That could apply to about anything, though.)

Yeah, eBay is looking damned good.

[clatterbane]

One good thing that came out of today's early morning trip out for more bullshit bloodwork: I found some promising-looking vegetables, which are pretty exotic by local standards but remind me of home! One of the benefits of living in an immigrant-heavy neighborhood. (Doesn't really matter where from IME, just as long as it's got longer warmer growing seasons there.) Hasty lap shot of today's haul when I was about to head home.

Much better view after getting home! Some nice young examples of one common Middle Eastern variety of summer squash, along with some okra. Which was borderline overgrown by my standards, but it didn't feel like it was going all tough and dried out yet--and it's the nicest fresh okra my admittedly near-hermit ass has spotted in years.

On the way home this morning, I got Mr. C to drop me at the nearby shopping center, so I could pick up an Instabox package (shoes) and enjoy the weather and a little exercise while "strolling" the rest of the way.

It was still early enough that at least half the businesses weren't even open yet, but that also meant that things were enough less busy that I felt like I could get in more easily for a better look at a couple of stores I'd wanted to check out more. One of them a halal butcher shop with attached fruit and vegetable shop just across from there, obviously run by the same people. Both are usually mobbed enough that I haven't felt like shoving myself in--especially with the chair.

The butcher side was still not looking so accessible, even with only a couple of other customers in there, plus a few workers finishing getting things set up for the day. I also figured that I didn't really need to go on an early-morning meat buying spree in hot weather--much less when my backpack was already completely full of shoebox, and carrying capacity was already pretty limited. So, no meat for me.

The other side did, however, lure me over with some gorgeous plums. Which sadly turned out to still be so hard that I noped away from those. Yes, I am that produce prodder, and I can be particular. Was hoping they would have some nice leafy greens out front today, but no such luck.

But, then I did spot the okra and then the squash.

I didn't grab much today, since I am the only one in the house who really likes either thing. Plus the okra was running the equivalent of US$7.69/kg, or roughly $3.50/lb. 😓 Squash was $2.90/ or $1.30/lb by comparison. I got away at about $2.50 for both of them together, which really wasn't at all bad by local standards. I am also cheap as hell sometimes and also still mentally comparing with prices on locally grown squash and okra in a much more rural area 15-20 years ago when I was last buying anything back home.

I am also now lowkey pining for some Floyd County peaches, and J. Random Farmer's cantaloupes that he's selling off his truck by the road. Then there's the fresh just-picked regional variety corn. 🙄

If that okra is any good and I see more there in nearly as good a shape, I may have to pick up enough more to try pickling a few jars of it. That's one thing that I do miss sometimes, and I don't really want to try with the frozen stuff--which is usually better for cooking than what I see fresh anymore.

The produce side also carries a bunch of dried fruits and nuts, and some other loose bulk goods including some interesting-looking Afghan brown sugar in like fist-sized chunks which I'd never seen before, but made me think of panela or jaggery. May need to try me some of that.

Also looks like the place to go if you want a sack of pumpkin seeds or similar at reasonable prices! Today I did not, and also did not particularly want to carry that home in my lap because that would have been the only place for it.

Their produce is all out front, but I did go ahead and bull my way back through the rest of the store to get a good look at the dry goods. Needed to shove a couple of obstructions out of the way in the narrow aisles, but I was the only customer in there at that point and idgaf. It was well worth a look around. May need to go back another morning after a few things that looked good.

There is also a spice shop a couple of doors down, which always smells heavenly to go past but is usually so packed that even Mr. C hesitates to peruse it on foot. There were few enough people in there too that I had to roll through and case the joint. Did look and smell like some quality stuff at decent prices. Also some pretty good looking bulk bin dried fruits and nuts and other snack items, and some assorted Middle Eastern sweets. I didn't buy anything there either today, but will probably need to make a morning raid on that too before too long.

But yeah, the day was not all bad. I also got to see a delightful young Boxer out for a walk on the way home.

[clatterbane]

Whenever I try to speak German

The struggle is real, y'all.

Meanwhile, I'm over here:

(As compared to Germany's 56%, specifically excluding American military personnel. Most of that roughly 10% of people here who don't really speak English to some level that's often embarrassing by comparison are either 70+, or other immigrants who didn't go through school in Sweden.)

This was one of the first videos I happened across from her, and ended up following before too long because some things really were so relatable.

Only yeah, in this case I am indeed a native English speaker myself, while she is not.

Perfect opportunity to bring this one back.

[clatterbane]

Who'd have thought. I just deliberately added some of the mushy-cooking orange sweet potatoes to a grocery order basket. 🥴

Eating them as a vegetable honestly makes me kind of sick, and usually orange sweet potatoes are one of my few hard food NOPEs. Taste and texture both. But, they are actually usable for making pie/baked puddings and the like. Mash that shit up and pretend it's pumpkin puree, basically. And those are much more readily and cheaply available here than suitable squash.

One of these days I will psych myself up to trying to make one kind of Korean sesame-encrusted basically mochi flour doughnut with Chief Gross Vegetable in the dough, but that's more work and I'm kinda craving something more typically seasonal in my neck of the woods.

I resorted to this a time or two in the UK as well. (Hell, the frozen premashed was a decent option there to avoid having to work with the things nearly as much.) These are apparently the depths I will plunge to for sweet baked goods, on occasion.

[clatterbane]

Feeling like some kind of creepy eavesdropper again right now! And I can't help it.

This time, Mr. C is video chatting with somebody again. And of course Language Learning Brain keeps focusing in and trying to decipher his end of things. (More successfully all the time, at least...)

Not nearly as bad as when it homes in on random people's conversations out in public. Or at least as well as the shitty hearing and auditory processing will allow. (And catching myself trying to mouth along after them, sometimes.) At least in this situation I am way less likely to come across as some kind of nosy weirdo.

Still strikes me as crap funny every time, though. 🥴