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13 & Ahuska: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 (exes or other partners hehehe), 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Hahahaha, finally finished this set of ask for these two, who probably have one of the most complicated relationships out there. They deserve a kinder galaxy to be together in, and yet in a kinder galaxy they probably never would have crossed paths.

1. Do they actually love love each other? Has it changed over time?

I think I can only speak fully from Ahuska's side here, since 13 is cagey as hell about the subject and sometimes his writer is even worse hahaha. Ahuska definitely loves him, quite deeply, both as a bothan and a wolf, and yearns to know what they could truly be together if they fought for it. Circumstance comes between them again and again, and Ahuska finds herself falling for himself more and more every time they cross paths, while Thirteen seems to find himself more urgently needing to push her away the more his own fondness grows- possibly because he can't see any way that she could be an open part of his future without clashing violently with Five.

It's not an unreasonable concern to have, maybe, but if he just talked to her...

2. Is their relationship toxic or unhealthy in any way?

Ahuska's strength and sensitivity with the Force, and her rather acute ability to form bonds with others, means that it is very easy for her to unwittingly influence Thirteen's feelings and thoughts, and vice versa. This has lead to some very unwelcome situations that aren't good for either of them, especially since she is currently in a position where she has to lean on him quite heavily through the bond they share in order not to succumb to her werewolf rage. It's a truly unfair situation, and prompts no small amount of jealousy on Ahuska's part, when she so hopelessly craves the love and affection that Thirteen is able to give her (yet draws away from), while able to go find it for himself from multiple other sources. Every time she dares to try open up a little further, they wind up stumbling over the tangle of what feelings belong to who, what is genuine, what is borne of need-- it's messy, and the tendency they both have to just cut and run when it gets too uncomfortable and uncertain doesn't help things, either.

3. In what ways are they good and bad for each other?

This one is answered here!

4. Is there someone else who would be a better partner for either of them?

Daaammmnnn what a loaded question. In a more just world, they'd be incredible for one another. As they are currently, though, they're each so volatile and unstable in their own ways (between Ahuska's struggle to control her rapidly growing prowess in the Force while dealing with the aching loneliness and violence of her past, and Thirteen's totally unresolved traumas and helpless uncertainty about his career) that they could probably both do with someone calm, cantered, and grounding by their sides.

It breaks my heart a little bit that Ahuska is more likely to find that someone in the form of a Jedi tutor than what she truly wants, which is simply someone capable of saying 'I love you'.

5. Is the relationship living up to their initial expectations?

Their 'relationship' has blown up their initial expectations and sent the pieces spiralling off into orbit hahaha.

Considering their initial expectations were... well. Ahuska was probably more the object of Thirteen's pity than anything else, and the few kind gestures he made for her during her captivity with Five softened her toward him more than she should have allowed. But as desperately lonely as she was, those moments shone like beacons to her during an otherwise miserable time, beaten, broken and betrayed.

I think both of them would have laughed their asses off if someone tried to tell them they'd wind up so intimately entwined a year or two later.

6. What made them become a couple? What keeps them together?

Short answer: Ulfran.

Long answer? Thirteen was actually the first to clue into the fact that Ahuska must be Force Sensitive, though I think it might have been Crow that suggested linking up with Ulfran to get a little training under her belt, specifically to help her solve the pressing problem of fox-Blakk being cut off from and devoid of a presence in the Force. Ulfran soon realised that she needed more than he could give, so he took her to his former people; the Jedi on Tython. She was taken in cautiously and assigned a couple of early mentors to help assess her and begin working on her various issues, but not before her most terrible and worrying problem got the better of one of their younglings. Ahuska was trained, as a wolf, to seek out and annihilate Force Sensitives. It's an automatic, deeply conditioned response triggered by her body being between shapes in close proximity to a Force user, and despite all precautions, a young girl was killed, and the reality of Ahuska as an Imperial weapon had to be acknowledged.

Another desperate plea was made to Ulfran; could he take her again, was there anything he might be able to try to crack through her conditioning, to render her safe enough to return to Tython? Feeling the weight of responsibility, Ulfran reluctantly agreed. He had, at one point, been able to stabilise Ahuska's raging wolf-self by linking her to Blakk's fox shape, and though that avenue was rendered impossible by his severance from the Force, he decided to bring a freshly suspended-from-duty Thirteen along to the frigid wastes of Ilum to try with instead.

And it worked, a little better than he'd bargained for.

Ulfran effectively manipulated them into Force bonding with one another (not too difficult, considering Ahuska's predisposition to forming a pack, and Thirteen's charm and common wildness), and through that bond had the means to push Ahuska through her blind werewolf rage and quite literally stabilise her body against Thirteen's hawkbat form. But it was hard, stressful, painful, and left Thirteen reeling against feeling absolutely used, while Ahuska was having old wounds torn open repeatedly while shapeshifting, worn out and horribly guilty about everything. Thirteen finally decided enough was enough, told Ulfran in no uncertain terms that they were not going to do anything more until Ahuska had a chance to rest, heal, and get them both into a better headspace.

Thus, a trip to a luxury resort on Zeltros happened, and while Ulfran was pointedly shut out and ignored, Thirteen treated Ahuska to all the finer things he revelled in but she had never in her life experienced the likes of.

One thing led to another and...

Well. A pair of Force-bonded beings indulging in pleasure and pampering, far from everyone and everything that had hurt them or been hurt by them? They swept one another away. They succumbed to utter bliss, and nurtured a fantasy of them and only them that proved very, very difficult to step away from.

The passage of time has pulled them apart again; crudely, without a goodbye, Ahuska back on Tython and stoically keeping her walls up to avoid slipping and compromising Thirteen as he returns to Intelligence duties. But the bond is still there, and they each have fresh new stresses that they've encountered on their respective paths. It's inevitable that they're going to cry out to one another again through the Force, and open up worlds of passion and heartache all over again.

7. Is there anything that could have kept them from ending up together?

Anything going right for Ahuska ever might have prevented her from falling for the henchman/lover/partner/Cipher of the single cruellest and most damaging person she's ever known in her life hahahaha.

Though if Ahuska believed that Five and Thirteen weren't in an open relationship, she very probably would have held back from acting on her rapidly developing crush no matter how much it twisted her up inside. As sour as her feelings are for Five, and as fabulous as the fantasy of running away with Thirteen might be, she has no interest in actually being the one who breaks up a relationship, or the 'secret girl' on the side.

Similarly, if Blakk hadn't had his connection to the Force severed, rendering him silent, permanently fox-shaped, increasingly distant and impossible for Ahuska to reach, speak with, even feel in the Force... well, she likely wouldn't have wound up so lonely and vulnerable as she did.

But Ahuska and Thirteen have been circling one another for quite some time now, almost like the Force itself has an interest in what sort of force of reckoning they can prove to be together.

8. What would it take for them to break up?

A third party forcibly severing their bond, perhaps? >.>

There's certainly no plans for that to happen in the not too distant future, oh noo <.<

Maybe one or the other getting stuck in carbonite for five years, that might put a damper on everything they might have been...

But the truth is, their wild weeks of infatuation were always going to be temporary, and they both knew it as they fell into it, even if it wound up being absolutely wretched to have to go their separate ways. There will always be something between them, whether they acknowledge it or not, even if nothing 'official' is ever proclaimed. I think even in death Ahuska's spirit would be drawn to Thirteen's glow.

9. How do they feel about each other’s exes and people who flirt with them? Is jealousy an issue in general?

Jealousy might be more of an issue if they were a 'real' couple, but it certainly does come up, especially with how prone to jealousy Ahuska can be. When it comes to strangers flirting while they're out and about on Zeltros, Thirteen likely encourages Ahuska to enjoy it more, while Ahuska prefers to smother him possessively and snarl at people who try to get a little too friendly. Which Thirteen probably enjoys as well, haha.

A little more seriously, Ahuska is quite savagely jealous of the fact that Thirteen has a loving family and squad that he can always go back to, though that's more about the circumstance than the people themselves, and about the attention and loyalty Thirteen has for them. She's largely at peace with the fact that she walked away from pursuing a relationship with Crow, even if she does feel wistful about it at times, though funnily enough Thirteen himself doesn't seem to especially enjoy when she brings up that history.

Thirteen certainly isn't jealous of Blakk; in his mind Ahuska and the werefox were meant to be together and maybe if they actually were, maybe if Blakk wasn't stuck in a tiny voiceless shape Ahuska wouldn't feel so alone, and maybe Thirteen wouldn't be pestered by that bothersome thing called guilt...

11. Have they ever hurt each other, be it physically or emotionally, intentionally or accidentally?

Another one that was answered here - and yes, they have, a lot hahaha.

12. Do they argue often? About what?

Oh, yeah. Their circumstances are messy enough that there's plenty of arguments to be had, and even though they try to avoid certain topics (coughFivecough), Thirteen has a certain way of feeling eternally the victim that makes Ahuska feel as though he completely undermines the absolute hell she herself has been through, through no fault or choice of her own.

The fact that he has been brought along specifically to help her lends itself to a certain imbalance that can give even minor disagreements or misunderstandings a very bitter, loaded edge.

A constant point of contention is Ahuska's vision of the future, where she can't see herself ever wanting to lose contact with him, and Thirteen repeatedly insisting that it's necessary.

13. Are there any regrets or unresolved issues between them?

I can't speak too much for Thirteen here, but Ahuska has deep, deep regrets about the way they parted to go their own ways after Ilum.

While trying to make the most out of every last moment they had together, Ahuska let a little too much of her emotion slip through their bond. Thirteen found himself overcome with Ahuska's poignant sadness without realising that the feelings were coming directly from her- he got up and abruptly vanished, with the intention of 'getting a hold of himself' before sharing the remainder of the night more joyfully with her, leaving her feeling bewildered and abandoned and afraid to reach out to him again.

She left before he returned, deciding it was better to just cut and run rather than face yet another outright rejection when he would surely, inevitably tell her that she'd have to learn to make it on her own.

They parted without a goodbye, without expressing themselves properly, with Ahuska certain that he hates the fact that they're still bonded to one another and so terrified of making contact with him through it again, and Thirteen trying to convince himself that it's all for the best and yet wondering if their time together actually meant anything to her at all.

14. What’s an opinion they’ll never agree on? How do they deal with that?

Hummm, is Thirteen ever going to stop hero-worshipping the Sith? Is Thirteen ever going to acknowledge that perhaps Ulfran has crossed a certain line and has rendered himself irredeemable, dangerous, a threat to everyone they know and love...?

Ahuska does not trust Ulfran any more, not for a moment. She doesn't remotely understand how Thirteen still does. They deal with this by Ahuska voicing her opinion loudly and repeatedly, and Thirteen ignoring her wholeheartedly.

15. Do they have doubts about each other? Are those doubts well-founded or exaggerated?

Thirteen seems to be fairly confident that Ahuska would still rip out Five's throat if she ever had the opportunity. It's a pretty reasonable doubt to have, all things considered, pretty sensible of him to not want to invite that particular circumstance into his life...

But also, he could probably just talk to her and get a whole lot of insight and reassurance on the subject.

Ahuska is riddled with doubts, projected from her own insecurities and terrible self-image. That it was all just an act, from him. That nothing was real. That he's an Imperial agent and of course he's well trained at playing a role, at being whatever his superiors need him to be, and in this case Ulfran simply needed him to be someone Ahuska could connect to and lean on. It's also not entirely unfounded, Thirteen being who and what he is and lies being a second language to every spy in the galaxy. But if she could ever learn to fully trust what she senses through their bond, understand the difference between the words he says and the real feelings in his heart, maybe she wouldn't doubt nearly so much.

16. How much do they actually trust each other? Was their trust ever broken? Can it be mended?

In every way that truly matters, Ahuska trusts Thirteen completely. Utterly. With her life, her heart, and her soul. She sees something wholly brilliant, valiant, generous and loving in him, and wishes she could peel away all the confounding pieces that get in the way of him truly shining. As firmly as doubt might grip her during her low moments, in her heart of hearts she believes that he would never betray her and would be there for her if she had genuine need.

Does Thirteen trust Ahuska? He should, certainly, but he also sees their bond as a liability and perhaps doesn't trust it at all.

That is going to change, though, and Ulfran's hand in eventually severing their bond will make sure that trust between them is likewise severed as he allows each to believe it was the other who broke their tight, brilliant connection through the Force. It's going to hurt, and it's going to take a lot for them to dare to even skirt around the subject again, let alone realise that neither of them had actually wanted to be cut off from the other.

17. Is there a secret that they don’t dare tell the other? Why? Will they ever say it?

And this one was also answered here. Thirteen, I think there's a bit of a recurring theme about you and your unwillingness to admit certain emotions. To anyone.

18. What was the lowest point for them as a couple?

Oof. I mean their current parting is definitely a pretty emotionally low point, and there are some crushing moments yet to come... but in terms of things that have been explored/written out in full...

Things got pretty dire when Ahuska was working with Ulfran and Thirteen on Ilum, and they were trying to work out a method through which she could practice pushing through her Imperial conditioning (ie, to not obey the 'seek and destroy the source of pain' response drilled violently into her and instead either distance herself from the source of pain, or push her body into a stable, pain-free form and give herself the chance to clear her mind of the all-consuming animal rage) without impacting Thirteen's well being. Ahuska's desire to protect Thirteen had proven pivotal in breaking through her conditioning once already, but she was loathe to repeatedly, intentionally place him in dangerous circumstances just for her to be able to practice. So, they opted to use Ulfran's memory altering powers, where she allowed him to craft the memory of repeated sessions in her mind, day after day, with the hope that they would build a very real trust in her ability to defy her conditioning, strong enough for her to keep her head even without a genuine threat over Thirteen's head to compel her.

On the surface it worked- Thirteen never had to be exposed to actual threats to his life, and Ahuska received a form of training that was ostensibly 'safe' for all concerned. And yet, in practice, it was an emotional trainwreck, as she struggled to find the lines between real and invented threats, was hopelessly guilty about things that never happened, and Thirteen didn't know how to deal with the fact that in Ahuska's memories she was in fact still willing to, among other things, leave him chained up out in the ice at risk of hypothermia. It was a very fraught period of time, awkward, uncomfortable, persisted with because of the belief it was necessary- and made all the worse with the liberties Ulfran quietly took with Ahuska's memories due to his growing fear of her considerable power, slowly twisting her to trust and accept his authority.

Thirteen took a huge risk in calling Ulfran out and breaking Ahuska away from his influence.

19. What’s something they can’t stand about each other?

Ahuska absolutely can not bear the fact that Thirteen is so willing to give Ulfran another chance. For all that Thirteen fusses over Ahuska's history with Five, he fails to see that Ahuska has come to a lot of peace regarding Five and is able to accept that he is in fact devoted to Thirteen's well being, while Ulfran has hurt and used them both and utterly eroded Ahuska's trust. The fact that Thirteen not only seems willing to still trust him, but expects Ahuska to be polite and generous toward him is confounding and infuriating.

Thirteen, meanwhile, has absolutely no tolerance for the discomfort that was literally built and conditioned into her body as an Imperial weapon. Her effectiveness as a Jedi-killer comes from the fact that the low-level discordant hum of her body while in the process of changing between forms turns into absolute mind-numbing pain in the presence of a Force sensitive, which are all sensations Thirteen became privy to after they bonded. And he cannot bear even the mildest version of it, which is a huge source of guilt and pressure on Ahuska; instead of having someone sympathetic to help her shoulder the pain, she instead lives in constant fear of slipping up and exposing him to it again.

20. What’s something they’d change about their partner?

Well, Thirteen has in fact succeeded in changing Ahuska, not only being the first one to identify her as Force sensitive, but also coaxing, encouraging, whispering and almost downright seducing her into actually wholeheartedly embracing use of the Force. She doesn't fear it the way she initially did, and actually looks forward to what she might be able to do with it, and that is entirely because of Thirteen's influence.

Ahuska, meanwhile, wishes she could take the weight of the world off Thirteen's shoulders. She knows that his lighthearted, cavalier attitude hides someone who feels so burdened and lost, someone who searches so hard for meaning and validation from other people because he can't seem to find it in himself, and she just... wishes she could let him see his strength and beauty and value of its own, independent merit rather than constantly in relation to his use to other people. She wants him to feel as incredible as he has made her feel.

#character asks #non wholesome ask meme #ask game #mojo dojo dream house #ahuska #thirteen #cipher thirteen #saving the BEST FOR LAST 8)#these two though #ugh #UGH they are everything #they are a mess #they could be so so brilliant if we let them #if they let themselves >.>