ok but specifically in the Sohr and Cessation dynamic where even as they grew to love each other, there was this gap in completion between them, the lingering fear of the other. The fear of another holding your heart, gently, but still in grasp. At the beginning, both convinced the other could take away Seft. Cess seeing Sohr as an arbiter of ‘parenthood’, Sohr seeing Cess as the arbiter of ‘phantomhood’, both certain the other knew secret rules and necessities and customs that meant Seft belonged to the other. That Seft would prefer the other.
The thing being, that fear didn’t stop as they grew closer, began to care for one another. They understood each other better, which meant they understood the threat better. Cessation learning more on Sohr’s philosophies of parenthood, while growing increasingly radicalized into a familial anarchist/youth liberation advocate. Some unknown flaw within themselves, that they could not hope to succeed against unfamiliar qualitative measures. They felt to be floundering to meet expectations they not only just learned of, but in some instances morally opposed. Particularly with that children’s book they found, about how Elytrians give and take away children. The more and closer they love Sohr, the more likely she is to realize they are a failure.
And Sohr learning how deeply wired Cessation’s anxieties were, and their tendencies towards flight and isolation. Sohr fearing Cessation planned to run away to Reverie and take Seft with them to a place she couldn’t not reach, scarcely understood. Some unknown flaw within herself, that she couldn’t make her Seft and her Cess feel safe. That she couldn’t make them understand that Díi was not the grand threat they imagined. The failure in communication gnawing at her. Sohr did so much to protect them and they didn’t seem to see it, always flinched at the idea of being a family.
I don’t know if Sohr stopped feeling that anxiety, I’m not in ccSohr’s head. But I know that Cess didn’t. That Cess wasn’t allowed to resolve that fear. It was too…useful.
