Tips for Keeping Your Plants Alive & Healthy
Start off with plants that are living. This seems like a no-brainer, but humor me
If there’s no way you can get living plants, then read @hgk477‘s guide for How to Bring Someone Back From the Dead and do #45 twice
Place your plant in the brightest spot in your house, but not in direct sunlight. I’ll explain why later.
Go to the plant store and get new potting soil specific for your plant.
On your way back, grab a 24-pack of bottled water and ingredients to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Once you’re home turn on your favorite album, plants love music.
If you can’t think of anything your plant might like, play Mort Garson’s Mother Earth’s Plantasia or Stevie Wonder’s The Secret Life of Plants.
Turn your phone off. It’s going to ring and you don’t want to talk to who calls.
At this point you’ll be exhausted and won’t know why. Go ahead and take a nap.
When you wake up you will have slept much longer than expected and it will be the next day. Don’t beat yourself up.
Take two bottles of water out and go to the room where your plant is.
Drink one of the bottles of water yourself and sit directly in the sunlight while you repot your plant.
I know you turned your phone on even though I didn’t say do that. That’s okay.
They’ve either called or text you by now and that’s where this gets tricky.
Getting this plant into a new pot is going to be difficult but you must stay focused.
Do not, under any circumstances, respond to their calls or texts.
If the urge to reply is too strong, instead of texting, say everything you want to send out loud to your plant.
Give the plant a name that is simple and not tied to anyone you know.
Keep talking to your plant, they love hearing your voice.
Don’t worry if you start to cry, that’s normal.
Make sure your tears land in the new soil. This is more for you than the plant but do it anyway.
Take a breath to let the soil settle.
Remember those peanut butter and jelly supplies you got? Make one sandwich because you’ve probably forgotten to eat or not had an appetite.
You may still be sad, but your body will thank you for having eaten.
Make another if you feel so inclined.
Go back to your plant and water it from the other bottle you took out this morning.
Make sure your plant is still in the brightest room of the house, but not in direct sunlight.
That spot is yours.
Repeat these steps everyday and keep a close eye on the plant’s growth and your feelings.
By now you have a healthy habit of getting out of bed, getting some sunlight and food, talking and light physical activity.
The grays and you might not even know it or why, but these are all the things you’ll need to do to get through them.
Keep a close eye on the plant’s growth and your feelings.
When you’re able to water and check your plant without crying or fumbling your words THEN you can reply to their texts.
Say to them what you’ve been practicing and be clear about your boundaries.
Take a picture of your plant.
Post it to instagram.
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