#this fucking toe

[transcardial]

Whenever I'm injured but it doesn't actually hurt much, I get yelled at bc apparently I look like I'm trying to hide that I'm in pain But when I'm actually in pain and speak out about it, no one takes me seriously

[rashiira]

I've never gone through so much pain in 12 hours.

It took me an hour both around 5:15AM this morning and 10:15AM, to drain this infection. Bit but fucking agonizing bit. And that was after a FAILED attempt around 11PM and application of an oatmeal poultice.

I feel absolutely horrible. My meds make me feel dizzy and extremely moody, I can hardly eat anything because I constantly feel sick to my stomach, painkillers aren't doing their job, I'm still upset about a falling out a few days ago, and I'm barely able to catch a blink of sleep here and there (and then have to look forward to another hour session with my fucking toe when I get up).

At this rate, I don't even know if they can do the operation on Thursday. The infection isn't gone. It's nowhere near gone. And I don't fucking know what to do.

I literally sobbed my eyes out downstairs this morning when I was going at it, just from the pain, frustration, and how bloody awful I feel. This should have been over five months ago before it fucking started.

I just want it gone. PLEASE.

(Unrelated, I got the drive last night at least to do some of the request sketches. I don't know if I'll be doing any more than those 4-5 at this rate. I just feel like crap. Sorry if I don't get to/do yours.)

P.S. I'm sorry if you're sick of me talking/complaining about this, but this is a personal blog. And I have a number of tags you can block if you're not interested in seeing these posts. I need this outlet to cope. Please understand.